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RE: a view on poly


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RE: a view on poly - 1/27/2005 12:50:31 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Coming from someone who has never attempted a poly relationship but whose aims are eventually owning a harem I'd say it's a good idea provided one is able to cope with the issues that crop up such as jealousy, he said/she said situations, fights and other emotional outpourings.

Human minds are strange places and things can misunderstood, blown out of proportion and any number of other things can go wrong in day to day life.

Those involved need to know to be adult about problems and talk them out the moment something feels odd or out of place. Sitting on a thorn for a long period of time makes the problem worse in a lot of cases.

So once more... I say go for it! Have fun! Be happy. But always, always, always keep the channels of communication open between you, your sister sub and your Dominant.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: a view on poly - 1/27/2005 12:53:20 AM   
Nuitarisalyssa


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline 		thank You MadameDahlia for Your advice and support. it is very appreciated to one, and she can only hope for the best. she'll be sure to keep this message updated if there is any change

His alyssa

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: a view on poly - 1/27/2005 12:59:09 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		You are very welcome. Congrats in both having found your One and your sister. I wish all three of you the very best, plenty of love, patience and absolute fun!

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: a view on poly - 1/27/2005 4:07:44 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 319
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		i wish you well. You sound happy, be happy. enjoy.

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: a view on poly - 1/28/2005 12:49:43 PM   
DomButNotForgotn


Posts: 101
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		It is certainly harder to maintain equilibrium with 3 personalities versus 2, however it can work, but it takes work - a great deal of communication, lest slights, jealousies, and the natural changes of maturing not be addressed. I wish you the very best.

Mark
Boston, MA

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: a view on poly relationships - 1/28/2005 12:53:56 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Poly really isn't my thing. For those who like it, Whatever floats the boat and is still legal dosen't bother me.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: a view on poly relationships - 1/28/2005 6:18:43 PM   
GrandpaLash


Posts: 132
Joined: 1/8/2005
Status: offline 		I also don't wish to rain on your parade, and I wish you all the best. I have recently had to release a sub from a poly family situation, and it broke both my and my primary's heart to do so. Don't think the other sub was too happy either, but it wasn't working. No matter how hard I tried to keep it balanced, and my primary privately volunteered to step back for a while and allow the other to be centre of attention until she settled down, nevertheless, the second sub continually demanded more attention to the point that I finally decided she is a 'do me' sub who can't help herself topping from the bottom. Perhaps that was not fair, there was a major age difference (60/48/24), and in the end that may have been the main factor.

That said, it worked magnificently for the first three quarters of our time together, and only went sour at the end. So, although we intend to be very careful next time, and make damn sure the dynamic works before we go 24/7 again, we will try it again if a suitable sub comes our way.

Grandpa Lash

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: a view on poly relationships - 1/29/2005 10:38:56 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline
quote:

For a Poly to work, al the parties involved will need to understand what is going on and have an attraction.

Further than that, there is no problems other than jealousy, hurt, and selfishness that need to be contended with.


So true on both counts.

I have to say a little something about the jealousy, hurt and selfishness bits. Most of my relationships have been non-monogamous (which is different then poly, I know).

There are two occasions where I accepted to have an exclusive relationship by my partner's request on the grounds that they said they didn't feel emotionally strong enough to handle non-monogamy. They were the only two who ever manifested signs of jealousy. In fact, both of them accused me on more then one occasion of infidelity and one even had reoccurring dreams of me being fucked by a whole football team. (Funny, so did I!) Truth be told, I never was unfaithful to either one of them.

The point of all that non-monogamy and polygamy do not bring on jealousy, hurt and selfishness. They exist independently. However, non-monogamous and polygamous situations can make us face these issues and work through them if we are with people who have our best interest in mind.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to Darthbetta)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: a view on poly relationships - 1/29/2005 9:09:00 PM   
lookingwithin04


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		it's something new that i'm dealing with and having a hard time with..lots of mixed feelings that have been brought on by my own over analizing...i'll get through it...i like her she's great and i look foreward to being with her more often, it's just the question of what happens when i'm not here that tends to bother me, but i will get through this in time because i really like the new girl that Master has brought in to our world for both of U/us.


(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: a view on poly - 1/30/2005 9:46:58 PM   
PainMaster4358


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		I am the Master in a poly household. I have read all the posts on this topic to make sure that i had a good grasp on the advice given to you. Most are polite, some rude, some ignorant. So be it, we all have our opinions. The main thing you 3 need to concern yourself with is communications and love. What I or anyone else thinks is of little importance. My slaves and i applaud you for your endeavor to be happy. Just always make sure you and your sister slave talk. THAT is the important factor.
We are proud to know that what we are, what we do is making people think, at least that way they aren't out trolling and hurting innocent people. To you and yours congrats and many happy years together. If you need any advice feel free to contact me or my slaves here.

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: a view on poly - 1/31/2005 7:03:54 AM   
stormiKnightBEAR


Posts: 267
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline 		reading your post on this subject is interesting.

looking forward to more down the road....


good luck.


stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

The proudly owned white silk slave of Master KnightStorm Bear ([email protected])

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: a view on poly - 3/17/2005 8:06:00 PM   
MistressMiss


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline 		I could not have said it better myself. I have to agree that trying is fine, but if you are not wired for Poly it just won't work.

I have been married to my husband for almost 12 years. We are both Dominants and sexual play outside of our relationship with females has always been part of that. When we went into the Poly lifestyle we knew a submissive was needed that would be for both of us. Not just 1. Yes it takes a little longer but the one sub that will fill that spot will bring about amazing results in our life.

I wish anyone well in trying a poly lifestyle, but I also have to agree that there should be a trial period and not just move right in. Things happen that are unavoidable sometimes and it's better to move slowly than rush

(in reply to LdyAuburn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: a view on poly relationships - 3/17/2005 8:29:16 PM   
teachmetobeg


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176


quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

OK opening a book on how long it will last, I say 6 months to a year at the most. When alyssa finds Master spending too much time with sister, alyssa gets very mad and runs off with milkman.





Is that cynicism rearing its ugly head or are you speaking from experience? Maybe you're saying that just because poly arrangements have worse odds than nilla marriages. Still, good planning and realistic expectations can go a long way toward making an endeavor less likely to fail.
Timothy


Actually, many people in a poly relationship are just as content (if not more so) as those in nilla marriages. People need to know what they want and expect before entering any relationship. If i can find the article i read about this, i will post it to the site.


_____________________________

There's nothing in a catepillar telling you its going to be a butterfly

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 33
Polyamorous relationships as social constructions - 11/17/2005 4:36:16 AM   
Jacques1000


Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline
essentially, the ideal of a dyad (couple) is a social construction. In many ways, most of us are polyamative in a platonic sense but it is not a huge leap to imagine relationships constructed in different ways. However, the capitalist, patriarchial paradigm has a huge amount invested in the notion of marriage and the nuclear family as is less subversive and supportive of the existing social hierachies. (I have read interesting Marxian critiques of Motherhood that note that the "labour' of childrearing future workers is actually carried out for free' and that in a radical conservative world this to would be commodified. Many would argue that state-sponsored child care does that to some extend. Feminist critiques of marriage, as well as that from queer theorists, raise interesting issues around the decay of the nuclear family and the rise of new social, morphological units. A good place to start is: what impact would sanctioned polygamy and polyandry have on the status quo

(in reply to PainMaster4358)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: a view on poly - 11/17/2005 8:28:47 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 192
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I could not have said it better myself. I have to agree that trying is fine, but if you are not wired for Poly it just won't work.


You might have something here....wired for Poly. I spent years wondering why i could not find happiness in my past monagomous relationships. And then i heard of poly, read as much as i could, talked to others....and came to the conclusion that poly was what i needed in a relationship. In learning more i decided i wanted to join an existing relationship, as a second. Maybe i am just wired for poly.

cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to MistressMiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: a view on poly - 11/17/2005 11:21:37 AM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 387
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		alyssa, congrats to you and your family!

From what you've described, you are all off to a smashing start. It seems your master has started with communication about what he expects from you and the new girl, and I think as long as that continues, things can be great. I'm also of the idea that your relatively short relationship of 7 months may actually reduce the amount of 'seniority' drama that can sometimes occur. Both you and your new 'sister' are in a fairly new relationship with your Master so the hope is that you will all grow together. Keep communication open and honest - don't say/agree to things you don't really mean, don't keep negative feelings bottled up HOPING they will change, and understand that the others are human just as you are; they will make mistakes, they will disappoint you sometimes and they won't always see things your way.


Wishing you and your new family all the best.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: a view on poly - 11/17/2005 12:57:35 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Poly can work - my family is living proof of it.

Holly and I have been a couple for 6 years, living together for 5. Our first boy, rob, moved in 2 years ago and is still with us. Our second boy just moved in 2 months ago, and it's going rather well also.

Yeah, we have fights, yeah, there is some jealousy (mostly on my part ...), but we work through it just like we have for the last few years. We talk about the problems that we have just like any other "couple" that is determined to make it work. No two people can get along all the time without one or both being miserable - put more than 2 living in a house all the time, and the problems seem to increase exponentially. But it is possible. Our 3-some has lasted 2 years already, and looks to last another long while. The fourth is still shakey, but I can see him still being here in another 2, 5, 10, 20 years just like with rob.

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: a view on poly relationships - 11/17/2005 3:59:10 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

OK opening a book on how long it will last, I say 6 months to a year at the most. When alyssa finds Master spending too much time with sister, alyssa gets very mad and runs off with milkman.





Hey....you aren't the same guy over on b.com (forgot the nick he used) who said almost the exact same thing to vision more than a year ago are you? Well actually, he only said the part about betting it wouldn't last more than a month or two.

At any rate...here is an fyi for you. People share their happiness with others because it makes them feel good. When someone responds in the negative (i.e. your relationship won't last), well...that makes people feel bad. The thing is, no one can say whether or not her relationship will or won't work out. Perhaps she will beat the statistics <shrug>.

Good luck, alyssa and boo Paulnz for being such a party pooper


best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to Paulnz)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: a view on poly - 11/17/2005 5:12:56 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		all I'm gonna do is look on with great interest and just smile...congrats..

Fury

(in reply to Nuitarisalyssa)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: a view on poly relationships - 11/18/2005 4:28:34 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulnz

In theory it can work. Problem is there is a big gap between theory and real life.


With the right people, it works in more than theory, and works -well-. It's just a lot more effort than most people are willing to put into their relationships or their lives.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to Paulnz)
Profile   Post #: 40
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