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Playing it safe or afraid of real life...?


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Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:24:27 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		i have been on CM for a long, long time and i've come to a crossroads in my life here.

i know alot of my attitude here has been mostly negative and such, maybe i'm not so sure of myself or my life in general. maybe not...maybe i'm just too opinionated to be a submissive.

maybe i'm playing it safe by being to honest and opened about my feelings regarding various things here and should keep my opinions to myself...or, maybe i'm just afraid of actually finding someone here that could actually lead me further down the path i have chosen. maybe i'm just not ready.

maybe i should play it safe and leave things to online and return to IRC, where i belong. **shrugs**

maybe, it's just me...maybe it has always been me.

i know, it's not about me...it should be about the Dominants here. but, in light of not HAVING a Dominant to take me under their wing and guide me into the light, show me what i am missing and what i truly have to offer and learn.

i'm still waiting to see if all of this pain and suffering on CM is worth the effort i have attempted to put into my journey.

and maybe, just maybe...i'm not worthy

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:32:37 PM   
angelic


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Michael, where in the world did you get the idea you were unworthy? you let an o/l site decide for you your worth? you have worth... you just have to find it within yourself to believe it. That has to come from you though... just because you don't get the ONE e-mail you want doesn't/shouldn't decide for you your value to Oothers in r/l... you have value and worth... it comes from you though not from others.

just my opinion.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:41:07 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		i just feel like i'm wasting away here and my submission is incomplete. i only feel worth a damn when i am doing for others, it makes me happy and complete to be of service to someone else. alone, i am nothing, i care more for others than myself and it's getting harder and harder to maintain my worth.

i know, alot of people will say that i have to be happy with myself, before making someone else happy. but, for me, i am the most happiest when giving myself to others. i truly live to serve.

without serving, there's nothing for left for me on this plain of existance. yet, nobody will ever know my true worth or the worth of my submission. nobody wants to risk it.

and maybe, it's because my submission is not sexually based. just because i am not seeking sexual submission, does that make me less of a sub?

< Message edited by michaelGA -- 3/5/2006 9:42:39 PM >

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:47:03 PM   
angelic


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		then with all sincerity... serve... go to a soup kitchen and serve the needy... volunteer and help others... you will be serving... and you might even be proud of yourself afterwards.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:53:13 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		next suggestion? something more lifestyle-based.

< Message edited by michaelGA -- 3/5/2006 9:55:38 PM >

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 9:58:06 PM   
angelic


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i wasn't trying to be flippant or rude... you said you had a need to serve... you said you weren't complete without doing so...my apologizies...

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:00:21 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		that's ok, if that's all it took, why would i even bother with CM? not like i need this suggestion from a D/s site. i could get that advice anywhere.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:03:01 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 688
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm, someone took the time to offer you a heartfelt suggestion of how you can fill a void of serving until you meet the Dominant in your life that you can explore your submission with. i thought it was a rather sweet suggestion myself. Often what attracts Dom/mes to us is what we are doing with our lives while waiting for said Dom/me.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:05:41 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		yes, i suppose it was a sweet suggestion, but i have hit on this subject before in another thread, and i don't think anyone else wants to hear it again, so i was trying to get passed that in a hurry. guess it was too much to expect

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:14:08 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I don't know you. I've read a few posts that state your time here has been mostly negative - or whiny or whatever other adjectives they chose to use. And I've read you stating the same thing or agreeing.

I will say that - not everyone views things as it not being about the submissive and only about the dominant. I think that there ARE elements of that mentality that seems to be a natural part of submitting and submission. I would NOT agree that it is ALL that way.

IMO, the best dominants know that sometimes, *gasp* it IS about the submissive. Aftercare is one of those things that I see as being mainly about the submissive - though yes there are elements and times when it is also about the dominant.

Making sure their submissive is healthy - that's about the submissive. Yes one can spin it so that it is turned into the it's all about the dominant for if they are sick how can they serve me as I expect - and I am sure there are those for who that IS the case. But I think most of them actually CARE about their submissive and WANT them to be healthy for the submissive's sake and care of the submissive is about the submissive, andnot only about taking care of their property.

And for the record - some folks like me - aren't looking for sex with their BDSM. Granted we aren't all over the place, but we DO exist.

But also you need to be happy and healthy OUTSIDE of BDSM as well as inside of it I think.

I will never go back to vanilla. I'd never be happy that way. But I *can* wait for that right person - and while I'm doing that work on myself as best as I can so that I have something of worth and value to bring to the table so that the *right* person will have something to be interested in.

I think for me, since sex isn't something I'm seeking from a submissive - that I put a LOT more focus into who they are as people than I might otherwise. I'm curious what makes them tick. What things do they enjoy? What can we do together OUTSIDE of BDSM? Are they pleasant and fun to be around? Are they light and happy or dark and depressed? Are they self-motivating or are they a lump sitting there waiting for the command to breathe? What are their goals in their life? What makes them sing with passion and joy outside of serving? Do they have hobbies? Do they have things that they work on to improve like skills or a talent or something - anything?

I can only speak for myself - but I get a LOT of guys and a smattering of females that approach me as if they require a dominant to give them meaning in their lives or a purpose. That for me, bothers me. I don't *want* to be the only focus a human has on this planet. I'd like to be a focus certainly, and even a big focus and maybe a primary focus, but the only focus? Egads no that would suck the very life out of me.

That is wanting far more of myself than I think I could ever give someone else. I'm more about sharing the time I have on this planet - sharing being the operative word. Meaning that the person has their own lives and interests some that I share and some that I do not and that we can enjoy the things we share and maye just maybe introduce the other to things we hadn't run across.

YOU are worthy. YOU have worth. But YOU have to SEE that. No one can make you see it. No one can rescue you from yourself. Only you can do that.

You are a unique person and you have something - and I have no idea whatthat might be because I don't know you at ALL - but everyone has something special in them to share with someone else and even the world. But only they can choose to do that - or not.

It is my opinion that BDSM is like everything else - it is a two way street. To expect that one day a dominant will apear and walk the entire distance to you seems pure folly to wait for to me. Now meeting them halfway by being an engaging, stable, and interesting person - in your OWN right , all by yourself - is meeting them halfway. But to expect them to make you that for you - I think is asking a bit much and is likely to meet with failure.

I might have misread you - so maybe I'm talking out my butt LOL.

But seriously I often tell submissives - and I say this from first hand experience - most of the time the submissive themself is their only and biggest obstacle to meeting that domiant of their dreams.

And also that the dream dominant will NEVER measure up in entirely to the one you imagined - because we are human and we have flaws and we aren't a creation of the submissives mind. The the other hurdle I see submissives seem to make for themselves.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:25:44 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

yes, i suppose it was a sweet suggestion, but i have hit on this subject before in another thread, and i don't think anyone else wants to hear it again, so i was trying to get passed that in a hurry. guess it was too much to expect


Angelic gave you a perfectly valid suggestion, and she did it in an effort to try to help you feel some sense of "worth," which you claim is missing in your life. Yet, you took that suggestion and made her feel bad about even making it. That's where your problem is. That's why you're not getting any dominant's attention. No one wants a negative person in their life. If you cannot be happy with yourself, how are you going to make someone else happy? If you believe yourself to be unworthy, how is someone else ever going to see your worth?

It has nothing to do with your submission not being sexually based. There are a lot of people seeking service submissives. Master and I are two of those people. But before someone is going to be willing to take you on, you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get your butt out there and MAKE IT HAPPEN! Don't hide behind a keyboard and expect Mistresses to come to you. Get out and make yourself known. Go to a munch. Talk to some people in the real world, face to face. And for God's sake, don't throw attitude at people who are trying to make you feel better!

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:25:58 PM   
angelic


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i guess that's the true difference between us, Michael... i am not here to find One... i am here to learn and ask questions... occassionally yes i whine... but mostly i am here because of the Ppeople... you asked for suggestions... (you even said no sex)... i offered my sincere suggestions... they weren't to your liking... that's ok. But the true need to serve comes from within and it means i get joy out of serving... even if it means i pour soup into a bowl for Ssomeone else, i am serving.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 10:27:22 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		this is alot to respond to, took me awhile to read it.

yes, i have interests outside of the lifestyle and things that do make me happy...on ocassion, when i actually have a chance and means to do them. high on that list is karaokee, i live for it, but my current location does not have viable transportational resourse (meaning: buses stop runing long before karaokee begins and cabs are too expensive).

there's just so much to respond to here. if they were in smaller posts, it would have been easier to reply to them all.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 11:23:01 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I think it is probably *quite* safe to say that I will never ever be accused of being concise. LOL.



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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 11:25:41 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		fair enough...i also think it's safe to say, i'll never be spanked either...LOL

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/5/2006 11:48:28 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 493
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Hollywood, CA
Status: offline
quote:

i know alot of my attitude here has been mostly negative and such, maybe i'm not so sure of myself or my life in general.

I have found the times i am most uncertain about my life, i tend to be the most defensive...this can be displayed by a pattern of negativity especially towards those who seem to care the most about us. So uncertain i was about my life, i took a year off to do nothing but consider my options...it didn't help. I became a very negative person. Simple questions such as "what are your plans for today" sent my sideways. It became very clear that life can't be put on hold. The only way to discover which direction to take is to pick one...if it works, great. If not, try another.
quote:

maybe not...maybe i'm just too opinionated to be a submissive.
Having opinions are not mutually exclusive to those on the other side of the slash...
quote:

maybe i'm playing it safe by being to honest and opened about my feelings regarding various things here and should keep my opinions to myself...
Question is are you sincerely being honest and open or are you using opinion and negativity to hind behind? It's sometimes easier to disregard something rather than search within ourself for an answer.
quote:

i'm still waiting to see if all of this pain and suffering on CM is worth the effort i have attempted to put into my journey.
CM is one tool that can be used to aid you in finding your Dominant. I surely wouldn't rely on it to be the ONLY tool. Like Evanesce suggested, get out and make yourself known. Mistresses walk amongst those in the vanilla world too.
quote:

know, alot of people will say that i have to be happy with myself, before making someone else happy. but, for me, i am the most happiest when giving myself to others. i truly live to serve.
I feel the same way...i am happiest when giving myself to others. Sad day when i found who very well could have been "my Dom". I realized at that time, i was not the best person i could be and felt it was of disservice to Him to form any type of relationship. Had i not met someone that i was inspired by, i may have settled for someone that fit the person i was then...but doubt it would have been a lasting relationship. I now work everyday on improving "me" to be the best person i can be so should i be lucky enough to have the opportunity arise again, i can in clear conscience, go to him knowing i am giving him the best me possible.

I don't have answers for you. I don't know you that well. IMHO you prefer it that way. I can only relate what you have said to my life. Maybe there is part of us that are much alike...then again, we could be complete opposites...in either case, it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/6/2006 12:04:15 AM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		we are all individuals here and i think, perhaps, i am more unusual than others. if i were completely without purpose, then there would be no reason to exist in the first place.

the sad thing is, nobody will ever know my submission, nor will they even care (even if they say they do). like you said before, you don't know me...nobody does. and, as long as things remain here, hidden behind a computer screen, nobody ever will.

i'm not trying to sound concieted here, but i have so much to offer, even on an occaissional level, yet...i nobody will ever know just what it is i have to offer and words will never surfice to explain these benefits.

online seems to be as far as i'll ever be allowed to go.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/6/2006 12:25:15 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Only because you choose to limit yourself that way.

It's your choice. Saying woe is me and I'll never do this and no one will ever know how awesome I am - well it's kind of depressing. I had a HUGE bout of depression that lasted for years. Pretty severe.

I had NO friends. Never went outside and all I did all day was say poor me - I could BE this if only someone would see how wonderful I am and what I have to give someone else and what I bring to the table but they never will and I'll live alone and lonely until I die. Poor me. And I'd get all worked up in that and drug it around me like a cloak. And then when no one came to see how wonderful I was and take me by the hand and lead me into that wonderful state where I could finally be all that I could be and shine and they would be SO happy that THEY of all who passed over me saw my worth. And on and on.

Thing was - I MADE it so that no one COULD see - all they saw was me moaning and pitying myself and my situation and going on about how wonderful I *could* be ... if only ... if only .... if only someone believed in me or wanted to be my friend or whatever I was chanting that day.

It is a BAD recording. You start BELIEVING that crap. You start being someone that NO one in their right mind wants to approach let alone BE around. If you dwell on negative you will ATTRACT negative. Anything you could be you can be on your own. The only REAL person keeping you back is *you*.

And it is REALLY hard to see that. Especially when all depressed and forlorn and chanting and arguing about how it is "doomed to fail or never be".

Seriously. If that is ALL you heard from someone - honestly - how motivated or interested would you be to spend time with them? If everytime you are around someone all they do is complain about how they will never ever get what they want and they should just stop trying and well there IS a point when that crosses the line of a cry for help and becomes a self-psychosis.

It took me years - to realize what I was doing. In my efforts to encourage someone to know that I wanted a friend or help or someone to love me that I was there and open, and how much I wanted it - I wound up causing them to do the exact opposite. Needy clingy overly doomy people are just not FUN to be around. You can argue that YOU would since you know how it feels and yadayadayada - but that's usually really not true. It's used to deflect the truth and the accountabilty that you have over the situation.

Right now I'd say that you seem to be creating your own obstacle. Until you see that is the case and you stop making it, you will be where you are now most likely.

If you are happy there keep on doing it.

If you aren't happy about it - CHANGE it. Don't focus on what you doin't have - focus on what you have. Getting a dominant isn't going to make it all fixed and happy ever after - it's not that getting a dominant is the goal or destination - so why focus on that?

And yeah I realize that you might not be ready to hear this or see this inside of yourself and that you will likely reject it as a possiblity and say naw that isn't me. But at least it will be in your head ready to take root if you ever want to hear and see it. I know I didn't want to see that I was in a cage and nasty space and that it was all my own doing either. It's not fun to realize you are sabataging yourself. And some folks can never face that about themselves. I hoep that you can though.

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/6/2006 12:34:01 AM   
michaelGA


Posts: 905
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		thank you for your imput. i have heard this psycho-bable all my life, i have tried doing these things...and let's drop the "pity" crap...i am not seeking it. i am merely stating facts here.

i know that nobody wants to hear this any more than i do. i live in depression, nothing can change that, no pills...no therapy...nothing.

let's just close this danged thread, i'm sorry to have interupted everyones' lives here

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RE: Playing it safe or afraid of real life...? - 3/6/2006 5:01:27 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Anything I say, you have heard before from me...covering the same subject I might add. I adore you Michael, you know that...but you need to stop this shit of feeling sorry for yourself. And don't throw that excuse at me about living with depression. Alot of people live with depression, but they CHOOSE NOT to let it rule their lives.

It's all about choices Michael.

That's it. Nothing else.

CHOICES

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