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RE: New to Poly - Need Advice


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RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/17/2005 11:24:27 AM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings tanarria,

I would ill advise the approach your Master is taking but again each of us has our own styles. Mine I prefer to keep all activities as a family atmospere. This greatly reduces the possibility of jealousy. Although it does rear its ugly head a time or two. The most important part for my family is that we all communicate our desires, wants and emotions beofre and after a session togther. We all live together on a full time basis and the girls have lots in common. The bond between them strengthens the experience all the way around. I have found that if the girls do a share a bond together then the experience is a much more tolerable approach. I have two girls and only one has ever experienced Poly and the other had a very bad experience with it. I however have had many poly relationships that lasted for years. I find the approach I take by letting the girls form a bond then include myself after the bond has been established then it goes quite well. I will keep posting on how things are going with these two to possibly shed a little light on our experience for others to take from it and use what works for them.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to tanarria)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/17/2005 12:04:50 PM   
Belladonna82


Posts: 130
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Well said Daddy! We love that comment....oh and by the way this is bella and ophelia(crymzonkajira) the two krazy little slaves that he lives with.......:P Here are "our" views. We share alot...except bras....shoes...and other things that we just are stingy with.We are sisters...with a non-in(est twist. But...in all honesty we are like sisters. We share what we are able to(one has big tits and ass...one has little waist & feet)so obviously sharing all isnt possiable but we arent jealous of the other.......nor kick the other out of the bed *but on a side note ophelia is a bed hog!* :P We wub each other!

< Message edited by Belladonna82 -- 11/17/2005 12:05:31 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/17/2005 12:12:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd also like to point out that you guys have been together less than a week and are still riding high on the frenzy of new relationship energy.

(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/17/2005 12:14:38 PM   
Belladonna82


Posts: 130
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		lol Well.....i dont get a high off of new experiences and neither does she.....we are emotionaly grounded

P.S.
If you do not like the fact we are happy and open.....then dont read what we have to say!

bella and ophelia

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/17/2005 12:18:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82
If you do not like the fact we are happy and open.....then dont read what we have to say!

bella and ophelia

I didn't say I didn't like it, but it's important to keep things in perspective. A week-old poly relationship has immensly different pressures/perspectives/issues/feelings than a decade old or even a year-old poly-relationship. It's exceedingly common for poly triad relationships to crash after a few months due to the loss of NRE.

I'm currently riding a wave of NRE with one of my partners. We've been together since last December but only fell in love about 6 weeks ago. It's been fabulous. But I've been through enough NRE experiences to know what to expect and that eventually the actual chemistry and compatibility and relationship skills are going to have to kick in because we won't have all that fun giggly shiny feelings to run on anymore.


(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/18/2005 7:05:54 AM   
angaothsi


Posts: 45
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Actually LA has a very valid point, it has nothing to do with being emotionally stable. It has to do with, in the begining there is always a "honeymoon" period. And the new poly relationship is less then a week old, from their posts alone it is less then two days. I think the point there was that you can't give advice from a standpoint of years when you have only had limited experiance in this relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/18/2005 9:14:58 AM   
BlueAngelSub


Posts: 42
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think the hardest thing is to fit in a new poly when one has been established because your trying to do that " fit in". There will always be aggressive or needy women, shy or demure women. The fact that he has a desire to be share his company with you means that he has found you attractive and you didn't need to be aggressive. Think of it in this term "Balance".

Blue

< Message edited by BlueAngelSub -- 11/18/2005 9:17:18 AM >

(in reply to tanarria)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/19/2005 3:39:47 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi

Actually LA has a very valid point, it has nothing to do with being emotionally stable. It has to do with, in the begining there is always a "honeymoon" period. And the new poly relationship is less then a week old, from their posts alone it is less then two days. I think the point there was that you can't give advice from a standpoint of years when you have only had limited experiance in this relationship.



Ditto! to angaothsi and LA

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/22/2005 12:21:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

Well said Daddy! We love that comment....oh and by the way this is bella and ophelia(crymzonkajira) the two krazy little slaves that he lives with.......:P Here are "our" views. We share alot...except bras....shoes...and other things that we just are stingy with.We are sisters...with a non-in(est twist. But...in all honesty we are like sisters. We share what we are able to(one has big tits and ass...one has little waist & feet)so obviously sharing all isnt possiable but we arent jealous of the other.......nor kick the other out of the bed *but on a side note ophelia is a bed hog!* :P We wub each other!

Hey guys, sorry to hear things didn't work out. But better that it ended early so you could all seek your bliss in other ways.


(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/22/2005 12:59:46 PM   
realophelia


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Eastern PA
Status: offline
quote:

Is this common practice in poly for the Dominant to separate out the other members into individual "nights"?


My Master divides his time between me and his wife as fairly as he is able. He spends time with her in NJ during the week and usually for one weekend night, and visits with me for the rest of the weekend at my home in PA. I spend my other weekend night with friends and keep in contact with him via phone and messenger during the week. Holidays aren't too much of a problem because they are Jewish and I'm not and we can split some up without too much trouble and are occasionally able to spend others together.

quote:

What about a "family" night where everyone is just together, enjoying everyone else's company?


When I am able I do visit him. We always have a nice time, do things together, sleep in the same bed, etc. We would probably do more of this if it were not for my kids (one knows about our situation, two do not) and my need to be here to spend time with them. I have also gone on vacation with my Master and his wife, which was a lot of fun.

Eventually I hope to be able to level with all of the kids. It would be nice to be able to have his wife here at my home as a guest and because it's something I know I would enjoy. I would never want to give up on my alone time with Master completely, however.

Anyway that's how it works for us. I won't lie, I do get my nose out of joint from time to time but most of the time I am happy with him and the way that we're living.

Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

http://realophelia.com/

(in reply to tanarria)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/22/2005 1:33:32 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings LA,

It was a shame that it didnt work out. But to find bliss with another that dosent have alterior motives will be another story for everyone to follow. You are right in a lot of ways about the approach to poly. I think that many that try to be in a poly situation are faced with the delimma that I just over came here. I would hope that folks will learn from everyones experiences and grow.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 12:00:26 AM   
CrymzonKajira


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		Time has come for the dead to speak....apologies to be made public and open...

I as well am very sorry things did not work out. I finally decided to open up and speak my peace. I still hold them both in very high regard in my heart.

My bond with the Lady Bella will always be a special one even though It was she who got hurt the most in the dramatics and for that I am heartily sorry. It was never my intention to wound nor scar anyone in what happens it -just- happened. I do still care deeply for the one who I actually felt at home with with my background and the experiences I had endured for she shared most and if she did not, she understood them. I will always hold the short time I got to know her and her true heart very close to my own and regret everyday the pain caused her, from my hands. I was childish and have begun to fully find me and yes, she was right...more than she knows. She knew more of me than even I was willing to admit. So, here and now I openly thank her for her guidance, wether she knows it or not. She will always be special to me...

As for Sir, he too, lead me on a journey to self discovery and for than he too garners my thanks. I learned much in my short time within their loving arms and guidance. Much about myself and my selfishness. I was wrong. I openly admit it and through that have finally seen my true nature. My true giving and submissive nature. I have given up my stubborn side and opened my heart to where the truth lies, and given in to the desires held deep within. Thank you Sir, you have made me see the true me and I owe that to you.

To them both, Bella and Sir. thank you so much for your friendship and love, for even in our short time you both have made an impact in my heart and my world and again, openly I apologize and hope that perhaps one day I will be lucky enough to be forgiven and small steps taken to forming at least a friendship again. You both are gems that will be missed in this lost one's world. Thank you again and my deepest and humblest apologies...

Forever In Debt-
CrymzonKajira aka the former Ophelia to her Bella

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 12:26:01 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hello CrymzonKajira,

You have made me proud that you could step up here on the boards to show publicly what the true story is. I always knew you were a gem that just needed to be polished by someone of my nature and understanding. I don't want you to think that you are forgotten by me because you impacted my life as well. You and bella are so much alike that it amazed me that I could find two slaves that were alike in so many ways. I sent you both away for a time so that the both of you could take a self inventory of where you stand with me. We all are only blocks apart now from one another now and I look foward to having the two of you take those small steps to regaining what we all had together. You are welcome for my aiding your self discovery. You know that you will always be welcome in my house and you will always remain in my heart forever. Most think that just because that you place a collar around a slaves neck that you own them. The truth of the matter is that when I place a collar on a slave, it is around her heart. I rule with love, compassion and understanding. None of these make me any less of a Master or weak minded. I think that you saw in me that even faced with a heart wrenching decision that I would hold my head high and make the call so that everyone would know that they are loved by me but not to ever mistake my love, compassion and understanding for weakness.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to CrymzonKajira)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 12:31:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My advice for you all this time is to take your damn time, not get all in a tizzy and broadcast how perfect it all is. Just take it easy and let the relationship grow into itself.

PS do you now no longer feel that Ophelia had "ulterior motives" and was trying to "play games to be something they arent"?

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 11/29/2005 12:34:59 PM >

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 2:19:44 PM   
CrymzonKajira


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

PS do you now no longer feel that Ophelia had "ulterior motives" and was trying to "play games to be something they arent"?



Please allow me to reply on my own behalfs while you wait on Master Six to reply as well.
The trials that Bella, myself and Master had endured were rough, by my own hand. But, yes, his sending us both away did nothing but good for the unit as it stands, if it all. I lost, by my own choices the ulterior motive I had. I was wrong to think to make myself important. I was not a solitary but one of a pair of willing submissives to Master Six. I was wrong to even begin to try to edge her out. It was not that, I intentionally went out to sabotage her relationship with Master, but her own falterings only gave my the reasonings to do it. I was wrong. I again openly admit it.
I myself was still new to the poly lifestyle, even though growing up in it. But I am more open to it, as Bella was not, and my actions only cemeted her fears, and for that I will continue to punish myself for the pain I caused them both.
But as for the motives that were there, NO, they are gone. I have no desire to place myself in a alpha or solitary position. I only wish to serve with her, at his feet. The Master deserves no less than truely comitted and devoted slaves, and in time if the conditions permit. Perhaps the fates shall lad again on the path. Only in everyone's cmfort and allowances. yes, even with Bella as a slave, I still will always honor and respect her thoughts, choices, and wishes, for she is my heart. I do adore the woman I met, faults and all, just as she loved me, same faults and all.

But, no LA, my motives are gone and it took the release for me to see it. To finally know my true slave's heart. To finally know where my place is, at the feet of a loving, but firm Master, to be lovingly guided and molded into his perfect vision of what he sees, to finally give up my shell and become what lies deep within, a perfect slave, at least to Master's eyes, for that is the only person's opinion that matters. Master, he is Word and Law...and I forgot that...and was duly punished for it.

Regret is the only dish I know now, and it is a rather bitter pill, but through this I have only become a better slave...and am finally ready to be claimed. If not by this Master then another who will underastand and forgive this lil one's henious errors.
I was wrong, I admit it.
I am paying for it, but doing it willingly for my actions were wrong, and in this I am once again lost and alone.
But I am also making this public steps to rebuiding a bond tha i allowed to be ripped apart, for all three of us were at fault here, but I am the only one who is taking the blame, I place none on either Master Sir or Bella, they were innocents. I was wrong, but I did NOT enter this with the intention to harm or seperate, it just happened.
Small steps, tiny ones, but every journey begins with a single step..this is mine..
Hate me or respect me, but all I know is that I love me and that is the MY first step...

My invitation was the second, and Master Six knows of what I speak.
I shall await words from both eh and Bella if I am so graced to deserve them.

I still hold them both in my heart, and they shall never leave their place there, they have taken my love and in that it was a willing gift.

So, now I end my rant and hope you all will see that I meant no harm....

CrymzonKajira aka the former Ophelia to her Bella and once willing slave to Master Six ( formerly under consideration)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 3:52:21 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		LA,

you are always trying to poke holes in how everyone has based their lifestyle upon, especially mine. I find it funny that you try and live in the middle of chaos. You seem to find yourself at home in it. I think this is one situation that you will find that you dont belong in. You have always had it out for me here on the public boards trying to prove I am anything but what I claim to be. Maybe between CrymzonKajira, myself and bella you will find out that we are what we claim to be. Not that I WANT or HAVE to impress you. Frankly the childish approach you take to being so all knowing amuzes me. Maybe you might be good at being loyal to only yourself in this life you lead but on this side of the fence things are much different than you can imagine. Life experience rules here and not the fact that you are in a public setting with a local group and have learned many basics from attending the meetings. I have lots of life experience and I usually dont boast about how long I have been in the lifestyle to many people to tear them down unllike your approach of always attacking someone's intelligence because you are soooooooooooo active in your lifestyle group. I suggest that you try and find a little compassion and understanding which is going to take you more time than you had anticipated! Myself, bella and CrymzonKajira all write here on this message board for others to either learn from what has happened or to turn a blind eye. We all arent looking for anyones approval or negativity that you seem to breed here constantly. I think that bella and CrymzonKajira have learned a valuable lesson as have I in this venture. I am always learning and adjusting the things that need to be for everyones emotional security. CrymzonKajira im proud for you to be posting the truth of the matter and not falling into the teenage trap of running with the "in crowd" we are all faced with some days.

Master Six

< Message edited by SirSix72 -- 11/29/2005 3:54:46 PM >

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 4:06:14 PM   
CrymzonKajira


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Master Six,
Your words again touch upon my broken heart. They still make me feel remorse for my actions, but I am Adult enough to admit them, and recieve the chatising that you, me and Bella all seem to endure here. I take it all in stride knowing full well that the truth in OUR words is only meant for the THREE of us to know, grow and learn from. I only write them here, to publically accept the fate which I have been dealt and to learn from it, which I have.

Please do give Bella my love and allow her her time to think on all that has been written here and hopefully her own words will grace this post as well...

LA, this part in truth if for you.
I understand that you do have your own opinions, but I also think you have a personal attack vendetta against Master Six, I have seen you a thousand times, point blank attempting to discredit a man who is so true to his Craft that it probably scares you.
Master Six, is the FIRST REAL Gorean Master I personally have come across, he plays no games, nor holds his tongue or thoughts. Trust in this, for this lil one has felt the sting of his truths and they made her a better person.
Bella is also one who do not need your personal attacks, she IS a lovely, and amazingly beautiful woman, who through the grace of her amazing Master, is made to grow in herself and her opinions. Your fears of her opinions even in her stations is dramatically unnerving, are you so ahamed of yourself that you must hide behind the words here rather than face facts that some realities ARE DIFFERENT than yours. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, and the way, me Bella and Master Six, think meshes well for OUR relationship, be it present or furture.
Granted, you are entitled to your opinion, but perhaps if you staopped bashing and personally attacking, you may just learn something...perhaps about yourself..

Now, this usually quiet and pensive lil one goes back to her solitute to refelct on her traumas and to repair the damages she caused....

I love Bella and Master Six, and they need be the only ones to know and understand it..

Master Six, I apologize if I again overstepped my bounds.
Bella, I again publically apologize to you and send my love and best wishes...

Love, Crymzon
aka Former Ophelia to her Bella

< Message edited by CrymzonKajira -- 11/29/2005 4:13:08 PM >

_____________________________

-=Beauty Slept And Angels Wept For Her Immortal Soul. In This Repose All Angels Choose to Claim Her For Their Very Own=-
-= Join My Group!! =-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMNewOrleans/

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 5:18:27 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 604
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		SirSix, you say the three of you post only so that others might learn from your expereince. I am scratching my head trying to discern what I may glean from this.

Mostly I have learned that there is tension between yourself and LA. While she made some pointed comments, I do not see her "attacking" you or anyone else in this thread. I do see you call her childish, accusing her of enjoying living in chaos, describing her as loyal only to herself, discrediting her due to her youth and ridiculing the her activeness in a community she values.

I assume LA is quite capable of defending herself, if she chooses to do so. Still, I am inclined to comment I have noted the vast majority of her posts to be sincere attempts at helpfulness, positive, or supportive overall.

I'd rather get back on track because after reading all these posts, I damned well do hope to learn something I might eventually apply.

I have learned that after a week or so of new-poly-bliss SOMETHING went wrong. Something that presumably your newest slave was responsible for, although I am not sure. You alluded to her ulterior motives while she states, "for all three of us were at fault here, but I am the only one who is taking the blame, I place none on either Master Sir or Bella, they were innocents." It appears the "new girl" attempted, either overtly or covertly, to "replace" bella by sabatoge or other means. And it appears you handled the situation by releasing Crymzon and removing both slaves from your home. Clearly the situation was very painful for all involved which is always sad at best. Is that summary correct?

If that is the case it seems this is indeed a very common poly-pitfall situation and I would like to see genuine discussion. I see apologies and vague references and affirmations of pride and love, but not much that really looks at the specific situation. Why did it occur, how it could have been avoided (or could it have?), or how it may be salvaged - if at all. I am not talking about pointing fingers, but about reflecting.

What do you think?

Is there anything that could have been done early in the relationship or prior to moving in together that could have helped?

When did the problems or issues begin and how were they addressed? What worked? What didn't?

When things deteriorated, why was the decision made to release Crymzon and/or send both slaves away? What did SirSix hope to accomplish? Did it work?

What happens from here? What would need to occur for Crymzon to be welcomed back -- or is there anything? Is it too soon to say?

Obviously this is a painful situation and I would certainly understand wanting to keep it private. It appears you are possibly willing to forgo that privacy in order to help others learn from the situation?





< Message edited by Sensualips -- 11/29/2005 5:20:25 PM >

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 5:26:15 PM   
CrymzonKajira


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		Very good questions asked, but I will be gracious enough to allow Master Six to reply before me, seeing most of the questions are directed towards him. Although I do not feel a exact detailing of what went on needs to be done here on the boards. I will if Master wishes me to...But I prefer not to, but that is fully not my choice.
He, bella and I know what happened and yes I do admit I am at fault here..

I will reply to any and all questiions directed to me as I am the one at fault here and the regrets I feel are ongoing and helping me in the rediscovery of my true heart..So in all, however painful it was, lessons needed to be learned and I state this now...
IF the time ever came I would adore to be welcomed back into the home of Master and Bella, into their lives and hearts...But yes it will take time and much discussion...

But the fates have plans for us and we are to be unknowing of them until they choose to reveal them..so in time we may all rejoin the Family unit...


Fare Well
CrymzonKajira



_____________________________

-=Beauty Slept And Angels Wept For Her Immortal Soul. In This Repose All Angels Choose to Claim Her For Their Very Own=-
-= Join My Group!! =-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMNewOrleans/

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: New to Poly - Need Advice - 11/29/2005 5:26:19 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		crymzonkajira,

I accept your public apology and send my love to you as well little one. you haven't over stepped your bounds here on this board. You know as well as anyone how highly critical people are of me because I tell the truth no matter how hard it is for others to hear or how hard it is for me to bear the consequences of my own actions. I stick to my word and I always will. I live by honor and I will die by it as well. You know that you will always have a place in my heart and in my home. I think that there is alot for us all to learn. I have never been one to stop learning about myself and others. I, like my slaves are a continual work of art to be perfected by love, consideration and understanding. There will always be adversity from others that refuse to accept that some of us TRULY understand our places with one another. We dont assume roles or define each other. I will always be a Master as you and bella will always be slaves, with or without each other.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to CrymzonKajira)
Profile   Post #: 40
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