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ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

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What was the most common reason you didn't connect with a male sub who approached you?

The main reason was that they professed undying loyalty to the Female Supremacist view.

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ORIGINAL: GentleLady

Oh shoot !! I was all set to e-mail You when I read the disclaimer.

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What was the most common reason you didn't connect with a male sub who approached you?

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How long did it take to find the partner you ended up partnering with? Where did you meet your partner?
What about your partner stood out more than the many subs that were competing for your attention?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Ironic a little, because I think those subs that look for KINK first, woman second, are the ones griping about money dommes. Of course, the only femdom that is going to put a man's kinky desires at the top of the list and do the pleasing is one that does it for cash.

It seems that subs who really want a femdom relationship have to first accept that it isn't going to happen quickly; don't expect to meet, play, have your mind blown. Instead, expect to talk, date, court, develop a connection and then explore mutual ideas.

It also sounds like subs should focus more on talking about and learning more about things OTHER than kink. This is a huge one for me, and I cannot for the life of me understand why more subs don't do this. Is it so hard to NOT think or talk about your kinky fantasies long enough to know the woman -- more about her? The percentage of males subs that have asked me questions and been sincerely interested in me as a human being -- not as a domina -- is SO tiny. The ones that have, over time, have really become friends. Some became play partners.

I think that's why some femdoms end up with vanilla guys. They don't pressure us to satisfy their kinky desires right out of the gate, or are obviously "waiting" for it. They are more interested in all the things about us -- and kink is just one of them, and not at the TOP of the list. They don't really have a list of their own kinks, so you don't have to worry about them just thinking of their own fetishes and not ours.

These are things submissives can EASILY change in their approach to single femdoms. I can't tell you how much a sub would stand out if he approached a femdom as a woman first and foremost. Subs should consider courting a woman just as he would a vanilla date -- just as he would try to woo a beautiful woman he met at a party or through friends. Not as a kinky goddess who will --- (the sooner the better) -- make all those fantasies come true.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


Exactly! This is why I don't date many self-labelled subs/slaves. They almost always feel like unruly dogs humping my leg, looking for a Mistress to pat them on the head and give them a treat. How annoying is that!

- LA

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Its seems a if the whole process of finding the right sub is no different than finding a mate vanilla style. It has also been stated that, at least so far in this post, the best match was a vanilla that became a sub after a relationship had already been established. These dating procedures seem no different than any other courtship, so at what point does this relationship classify as a dom/sub relationship? And even once the the dom/sub roles have been defined, does this role play out into everyday interaction, or is it limited to "the home"? Im asking for others as well as myself.

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ORIGINAL: Oumae

Another reason I'd add for why I don't connect with some of the subs is they expect the Domme to do all the work... personally I like a man who uses his initiative, for example... suggest a date somewhere, ask if I'd like to go...not sit waiting for me to do it all.

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ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy
I suspect the segment of alleged subs you've been encountering, then, are the ones I've labeled passive and introverted. They're not actually subs. They floundered into BDSM somehow, and think they found their niche, perceiving it as the solution for what they lack in social skills. Accordingly, finding a woman who will take the lead and do stuff "to" them, and make decisions for them, complements the impediment.

~ Ti ~

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smart, witty, service oriented, loving, and gorgeous besides. Are there any male counterparts out there?

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ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

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ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy
I suspect the segment of alleged subs you've been encountering, then, are the ones I've labeled passive and introverted. They're not actually subs. They floundered into BDSM somehow, and think they found their niche, perceiving it as the solution for what they lack in social skills. Accordingly, finding a woman who will take the lead and do stuff "to" them, and make decisions for them, complements the impediment.

~ Ti ~

Lord Amighty, that was a mouthful. A mouthful of obvious truth. The hard truth that too many people choose not to see or say.

This is my response to this thread. I would say that I "find" very few male submissives that are not simply seeking their own pleasure or an enabler for their social and emotional inadequacies. I want the strong one. I want the one that is sure about himself (but not arrogant about it. I want the one who can speak his mind, and know exactly how to phrase it respectfully. They need to be interested in Me, my family, and the community in that order while maintaining their own mental, physical and emotional health. Too many of them verbally crawl around and expect me to do all the work at seducing them into fulfilling their fantasy. A D/s relationship (or any relationship) should not be about me doing all the work in seducing them to serve. Either they've got it or they don't. Until I find that one, I'll keep looking. Grovelling and calling me Mistress in the first email does nothing for me.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'm surprised more subs are not commenting on this. Where are all the ones that complain they can't meet a femdom, that we femdoms are only after money, etc.? Can those that maybe realize they have some challenges now comment on what steps they think they and other subs can take?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Sadly, I think a guy who comes up with a nick like "Tung4URass" actually thinks a woman will read that nick and go "Oh! That's SO hot! I love the fact that he makes it clear right front that he's going to be ALL about licking my ass, what a catch!"
Akasha

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Sometimes it seems like male subs perceive that connecting to a femdom partner is maybe easier than with a vanilla. It's as if they think because single femdoms are "dominant" that means the sub simply must be available and in the right place at the right time, and the femdoms will circle and pounce.

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Yet, some subs don't even date, they are afraid to approach women, they keep waiting for "ms. femdom right" and end up with very insecure dating ability and have no skills when it comes to charm, romance and sophistication.

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I'm surprised more subs are not commenting on this.

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Subs, do you think femdoms are being unreasonable in their expectations?

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do you think femdoms are being unreasonable in their expectations?