RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 2:10:30 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Friends
I understand that sharing personal information is vital and I have done so a few times in "regular" personals with success. I guess my whole point is that if someone places a fetish personal, is it only correct to assume that the responses will involve fetishism? If you place an ad saying you want a sub to do xxxx and xxxx but got a response saying I just went on vacation to Italy...have you ever been there, wouldn't that be defeating the point???

Let's look at this vis-a-vis netiquette when placing an ad on a vanilla dating service. When you create that profile, do you:

A) Describe yourself, your background, and an overview of your interests....
~ OR ~
B) Do you post a laundry list of your expectations/hopes for what will happen in the bedroom?

~ Ti ~

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 4:44:01 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2081
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: prettyfellowme
Hi MsSonnett,

I see by your photo that you enjoy being downright gorgous. Let me tell you about this very pretty woman who almost gave me a second look last year.

Or:

Hello MsSonnett,

<snip>

Hey, this isn't so hard. I wonder if it will work?

Considering you misspelled her name twice (one 't', not two), I think you would be getting off to a bad start.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 4:49:28 PM

Friends

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quote:

this is NOT a hobby, it is a way of living, expressing or acting in a relationship and what you are dealing with very much effects the lives of everyone involved.

Exactly my point! It is more than a hobby. I hope everyone understands that when I said model airplane building, I was using that as an example. You could substitute anything in there and still have the basic concept that I am talking about.

I look at it this way, it is no different than meeting someone in person in everyday life situations.....you find a common area and build from that. The same with a femdom looking for a sub....you start with the femdom related interests and work from there.

You are dealing with a living, breathing human being with wants and needs of her own, in ALL apsects of life. I am in NO WAY suggesting that she should be treated as a flogger wity legs! All I am saying is that in the first e-mail or two, you should stick with femdom and then move into other life interests. I am also in no way suggesting that all correspondances and even a first meeting revolve around femdom....that would be ludicrous and besides, they have dommes that do that.....so called professionals, not the ones looking for meaningful relationship!

quote:

Let's look at this vis-a-vis netiquette when placing an ad on a vanilla dating service. When you create that profile, do you:

A) Describe yourself, your background, and an overview of your interests....
~ OR ~
B) Do you post a laundry list of your expectations/hopes for what will happen in the bedroom?

~ Ti ~

I of course use method A but I find that I don't recieve any higher of a reply rate than I do if I included no interests outside of femdom. Even when I exclude those interests, it doesn't read like a laundry list though!

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 4:56:04 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2081
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Friends
The same goes with a fetish personal, you start off using the fetish as a common interest then you move on to other things.

Of course, you are free to use whatever approach you like. Its not our place to say what is right or wrong. But I want to echo Akasha's point. Kink is a very personal thing, unlike say, a model airplane hobby. I think most women want a get some kind of personal connection going before they start talking about their sexuality in any kind of personal way.

Here is a slightly different analogy: a personals site for Roman Catholics. I wouldn't try to begin relationship by talking about the Culture of Death. Surely I would want to make sure that we share views and priorities, but I would save those kind of discussions until I knew we had a mutual interest in each others personal life.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 5:49:49 PM

prettyfellowme

Posts: 110
Joined: 9/15/2005
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Shit, I've haven't even had the chance to introduce myself, and I've already given her reason to tan my ass. I appologize MsSonnet.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 8:02:43 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

I look at it this way, it is no different than meeting someone in person in everyday life situations.....you find a common area and build from that. The same with a femdom looking for a sub....you start with the femdom related interests and work from there.

Ok, I really don't think you are getting my point.... let me try again. In everyday life situations.... Lets say you are at a really nice bar having a beer, you see this woman that you would like to meet sitting at the bar drinking a mixed drink... would your conversation start out with "Hi, my name is _____, so, do you drink often? Do you prefer whiskey over beer? I only drink on occasion, but when I do I prefer _____ but am more then willing to try whatever it is that you are drinking. You catching on here? Obviously she does drink at least on occasion simply because she is there drinking.... that doesn't mean that's the first thing she wants to talk about, or the only thing for that matter. Stop and think about it... A female dominant posts an add here on collarme and states that she is looking for a submissive male.... That's pretty clear... and then, if she has checked off any "interests" then the chances are pretty good that she is kinky, that is also pretty clear, so you already know before even writing to her that if you are a male submissive, and if you have similar "interests" as that particular female dominant then what should follow is to find out if there are OTHER similar interests!! Finding someone with matching kinks is one of the easiest things in the world to do.... finding someone that matches our personalities, someone that can laugh with us, carry on a decent conversation, has similar interests outside of wiitwd.... that is a huge feat. So, plain and simple, I can not stand it when the first thing a submissive asks me is "So what do you do to your slaves?" "How do you punish?" How much clearer would you like me to state it... Yes, I want to know about your dog, I want to hear about your idea of a great vacation... hell, someday I may be the one going on that vacation with you.... I DON'T want to hear about your ideal dungeon scene, you wildest fantasy or your list favorite toys until "I" ask you about it.

I truly hope I made sense here...

Jewel

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/22/2005 10:19:28 PM

prettyfellowme

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Mistress,
You were perfectly clear and concise here, and you made sense. Now go back and read YOUR profile and tell me one thing you wrote in it that tells anyone in here what you like except to hear of the subs fantasy "IN DETAIL". For one, I'm sure as shit not going to ask you how the old man is doing today. Your profile is a dead solid request for what the sub wants in the lifestyle and NOTHING esle. Honey, you talk the taslk with the best of them, but you ain't walkin the walk. Tell us what you like. Then maybe we can tell you what experience we've had with it.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 12:19:13 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 2933
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quote:

You were perfectly clear and concise here, and you made sense. Now go back and read YOUR profile and tell me one thing you wrote in it that tells anyone in here what you like except to hear of the subs fantasy "IN DETAIL".

Were you drunk when you wrote this?
Where in Jewel's profile does it say she want to hear the sub's fantasy in detail? M

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 3:55:38 AM

prettyfellowme

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My sincerest appologies. I misread the profile. The fact remains though that she didn't list a single outside interest, so it would be impossible to open a discussion based on what is listed.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 4:14:14 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
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Just to point out... She does state "Please do not tell me about your fantasy..." in her third paragraph.

I feel that you could probably pick any number of things within her profile to write to her about if you were interested in striking up a conversation and possible relationship with her.

But she also has journal entries. A brief look over the journal entries and I can think of a number of ways to begin a conversation if you were interested in getting to know her better.

"Hi! I liked your profile and I agree or (but I disagree) that CollarMe should have a "no strings yardwork" option because..." This probably works best if the person is agreeing with her on this matter. Obviously she has some sort of a yard to maintain. If someone has knowledge about gardening, landscaping or even just yard service they could offer a few helpful pointers once the ball was rolling - perhaps even offer a suggestion or two about low-maintenance plants that she wouldn't have to tend to as much as whatever she has planted now.

Or if someone interested in her had trouble finding a poly relationship for the reason she's listed they could start something off with, "Hello. I'd just like to say I enjoyed your profile and I can really relate to what you wrote about poly relationships. They're really hard to form with the right individuals... " and then they can expand on why.

It just takes a bit of creativity. Where there is a will there is most often a way.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 4:14:19 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

My sincerest appologies. I misread the profile. The fact remains though that she didn't list a single outside interest, so it would be impossible to open a discussion based on what is listed.

I also don't have a single outside interest listed on my sleeve when I go out yet I manage to meet others and based on a conversation am able to share with them what some of my outside interests are. As my profile states, when someone writes to me and tells me about themselves I will write back and tell them about me.

quote:

Were you drunk when you wrote this?
Where in Jewel's profile does it say she want to hear the sub's fantasy in detail? M

M... thank you, you are such a doll... I swear, I WILL make it to the east coast and meet up with you!!

Jewel

Jewel

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 5:51:44 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 506
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Talbot County, Maryland
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quote:

I have to try this approach. Here goes:

Hi MsSonnett,

I see by your photo that you enjoy being downright gorgous. Let me tell you about this very pretty woman who almost gave me a second look last year.

Or:

Hello MsSonnett,

I see by your profile and your comments here that you are not only beautiful but very articulate. That is truly refreshing. May I tell you about the lady that kept correcting my typos because I was so nervous when writing to her, I couldn't think straight.

Hey, this isn't so hard. I wonder if it will work?

Yep, you managed to spell my name twice incorrectly.

The bigger issue is that your "conversation starters" are based on my profile picture rather than any kind of substance on my profile. I understand you're trying to be sarcastic but I think you truly miss the bigger picture.

If you want a long term relationship...you have GOT to be able to talk about things and have common interests OTHER thank kink, have more in common than both of you liking bondage or spanking or whatever.

Frankly I block anyone who decides by my pic - or even just my profile - that he's willing to drop everything and move cross country to be with me.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 9/23/2005 5:59:38 AM >

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 8:13:29 AM

Oumae

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You can read message boards and take from them what appeals, suits or fits with your thinking.....

Don't be surprised tho' if your ways don't work out for you if you don't "hear" what is being said.

Oumae

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 10:04:37 AM

Friends

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Joined: 7/7/2005
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quote:

I truly hope I made sense here...

Jewel

Hmmmm.....I think I understand now!!!!!!!

Thanks Jewel...and everyone else!

< Message edited by Friends -- 9/23/2005 10:27:02 AM >

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/23/2005 10:18:38 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
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quote:

Hmmmm.....I think I understand now!!!!!!!

Thanks Jewel

Glad I could help... best wishes.

Jewel

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/24/2005 5:42:17 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 254
Joined: 10/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: prettyfellowme
So, why is it that when a sub says no distance is too far, and if we click relocation will be immediate, that they go away? It isn't just the dommes, ladies.

Honestly, if you moved this fast with me, I'd probably bail out as well. Well, I'd tell you that you needed to be patient and we needed to get to know each other much better than just "a click".
I move slowly, that's my pace.

If your only criteria is the "click" of lust, vibes or whatever, that just tells me that you have little interest in what makes Me... ME! My history, my choices, my reasoning, my personality style (which you cannot get a clear picture of with only short-term exposure) is what you need to know, and what I need to know about you. If you were to plan to fly here right away, I'd be put off by the show of control you gave. That puts you in the place of authority over the pace of the relationship.

Part of my control structure is my control over the pace. I do not trust vibes, lust or "clicks". None of them show me any long-term potential. I'm in this and in the relationship for stability. Give me a few months of metting and talking, and a bit longer before planning on cohabitation for me to be comfortable. It is about ME being comfortable after all, isn't it?

(Geesh, this thread has covered a lot of topics throughout it's evolution. Maybe some of these things should be restarted with fresh threads?

)

Meow,
Purr

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/24/2005 6:17:57 PM

prettyfellowme

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Thank you for the reply. I'm not the type that will just say 'Hi, when can you pick me up at the airpot?". I spent ten weeks getting to know one, and three months with the other two. All hinted that THEY wanted to move to the next level, which is a meeting. I have never forced my wanting to meet a woman on her, and I probably never will. I'm sorry you took my comment the wrong way, and I'm sorry I didn't phrase it better.

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/24/2005 10:05:47 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

M... thank you, you are such a doll... I swear, I WILL make it to the east coast and meet up with you!!
Jewel

Saw your story about why you are called "shifted", so just waiting on when you will shift to the east coast maybe.

The feeling is mutual. M

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/25/2005 10:36:27 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 298
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I lucked onto a terriffic sub with whom I have so much in common. We met online through a BDSM chatroom, going on 4 years ago. Everything just clicked, and every communication we had simply felt right.

I wish he were available to wear My collar. Since he is not, I have elected to continue searching for someone who might be compatible for that long term, one on one relationship.

There are so many qualifiers for such an encounter; at least in forums like this one we can hope to meet someone with BDSM as a mutual interest. It goes downhill from there when the 'potential sub' ends up being a vulgar, crass and/or semi psychotic persona. I've had them run the gamut from being insulting, to sarcastic, to wantonly addicted to cam sex or other masturbatory obcessions, to having a history of sexual predation: you name it, I've encountered it. All in all, the undesireables weed themselves out fairly quickly for whatever reason.

I've been pleased to encounter some very real, very sincere male subs at this website and am enjoying getting to know a select few.

Patience and persistence have always paid off for Me. I'm sure the right fellow to wear My collar will one day present himself to Me.

I believe. I believe. I believe.

; )

Texas Maam

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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/25/2005 10:49:47 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
So femdoms --
What was the most common reason you didn't connect with a male sub who approached you?

How long did it take to find the partner you ended up partnering with? Where did you meet your partner?
What about your partner stood out more than the many subs that were competing for your attention?

I know there are a lot of threads about how to meet a partner, tips for subs who are contacting femdoms, etc. But I wanted to focus on the absolute success stories -- these subs that have found a femdom partner, what did they do that made them stand out?

Akasha

The most commone reason I don't even get beyond one mailing is that the mail focuses on sex or a specific sexual act. I mean, really, that person can't know me so what makes him think I'd like an explicit note?

I've met my best partners (I'm poly so its a multiple) via munches and local communities, especially educational events. This is because I'm very much intellectual and mental in my life. Also I'm very out so meeting someone at an event generally means they are more likely to be ok with my being out.

I personally insist on at least 3 to 4 months of serious and formal training after I agree to train someone. Generally it takes a couple of weeks of honest talking and then a formal application before I get to that stage.

Basically I'm looking for someone to join my harem and be part of my family. And that's more than just kinky sex; that's a set of common interests, morals, ethics, background, etc.

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