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profiles that are too Dominative. can it be?


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profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/22/2004 7:00:55 PM   
ALEXEI


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just the other day I got down to revamping my profile, so rather than go for the ordinary one i.e. Hi I’m a dominative male of 5 years etc - I decided to write something a little different, more like a story. Anyway its got me thinking now - what if my profile is up its self, you know too much like my altered ego lol. So the question is this, can a Dom have a profile that is just too Dominative?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/22/2004 8:50:31 PM   
confusetheswede


Posts: 48
Joined: 4/5/2004
From: THE DIRTY DIRTY
Status: offline 		there's a difference between being dominant and just being cruel. i have encountered on this site a few elderly geez's with small penis's who feel the need to talk down to everyone and not place them as an equal, even when addressing the public in a profile.

_____________________________

The Scorpio with hazel eyes.

(in reply to ALEXEI)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/22/2004 11:52:54 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		IMHO? Without a doubt.

If a profile states that all submissives are excpected to address him/her as Sir/Ma'am, it is too dominant for me.

If the profile claims that first meetings -must- include play, and a declaration of submission must immediatly be made publically, it is too dominant for me.

If the profile reads as if the person cannot talk to me like a human being, first, and a submissive second,it is too dominant for me.

If the profile writer or the person who contacts me does not resepct that I am someone else's property, and am neither required nor allowed to defer to them or use spesific titles for them, and instead tell me I am poorly trained and lacking in common courtesy because I speak to them as I speak to anyone else, they are too dominant for me.

Key words? For me.

(in reply to ALEXEI)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/23/2004 2:54:17 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 3834
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'd have to disagree with everything you said perverseangelic.
If I read a profile stating all of that. I wouldn't consider them a Dominant
therefore the profile could never be too Dominant. I'd consider them someone who
spends entirely too much time online and not enough in real life.

Anyway, to answer the first question. I don't think a profile can be too Dominant. I mean how can you be Dominant at all in cyberland? We are all created equal here. A little respect goes a long way.

_____________________________

"The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/23/2004 6:53:31 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

f a profile states that all submissives are excpected to address him/her as Sir/Ma'am, it is too dominant for me.


Well, to take a different outlook on this.

A person who DEMANDS or EXPECTS something of somebody they dont know or have just met is extremely disrespectful of and to the other person. They dont know the person demanding it apart from having this person insisting they act submissive.

Hate to say this, but I would die laughing.

For me it is a question of respect, not Dominance or submission. Whether a D/s relationship is the outcome, the person is a human being / member of the same species first so from my perspective I would treat them with respect and courtesy.

My opinion, could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/23/2004 10:11:07 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
I wouldn't consider them a Dominant
therefore the profile could never be too Dominant. I'd consider them someone who
spends entirely too much time online and not enough in real life.



I'm sorry, I should have defined my terms. By "dominant" I meant someone who identifies as dominant on a dating service, or selects dominant as his/her identity when setting up a profile in a place like collarme. I don't consider that person a dominant per ce, at least for me, but they've chosen to present themselves that way.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/24/2004 6:19:48 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		I am going to agree with Sinergy in that it is really about respect. As far as address is concerned, if they will address me as Lady Beckett I am alright with that. I get some that address me as Ma'am, or Mistress, and that is fine also, but the "Hey" and "Sweetie" hits on the wrong side of my nerves. Therefore I address that in my profile. That issue isn't as much about being dominant as it is about basic respect in communication.

Our profiles are a brief introduction of who we are, what we are seeking, etc. The journal is a nice feature to enhance the profile, and allows updates, giving the reader a little more insight into that person's personality (in a less structured format).

quote:

So the question is this, can a Dom have a profile that is just too Dominative?


I suppose that would be the profiles that say "you are a pig, you will be in a cage..." outlining the duties down to the 24 hour chore list, and the detailed orafice worship requirements. That may be just a tad too dominant for a "profile". lol But then again, that is what some people are looking for, so it is hard to say. It just depends on what you seek, and who is seeking you.



_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to ALEXEI)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/24/2004 6:32:49 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If a profile states that all submissives are excpected to address him/her as Sir/Ma'am, it is too dominant for me.


I agree with everything you say, except the quote.

If "Mistress Jane" will delete anything not adressed to "dearest La-La" I want to know that. I've been told I'm disrepectful for not using "Mistress" and I've been told "I'm not your Mistress!!" Any help from her is appreciated.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/24/2004 6:35:17 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

As far as address is concerned, if they will address me as Lady Beckett I am alright with that. I get some that address me as Ma'am, or Mistress, and that is fine also, but the "Hey" and "Sweetie" hits on the wrong side of my nerves.


I guess "toots" and "sugar plum muffin" are OK.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/24/2004 7:43:56 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If "Mistress Jane" will delete anything not adressed to "dearest La-La" I want to know that. I've been told I'm disrepectful for not using "Mistress" and I've been told "I'm not your Mistress!!" Any help from her is appreciated.


In a vanilla setting, does one walk into the room and address women as Mistress or sugar plum or sweet cheeks? Not in my experience. Most people I see meeting somebody new walk in and introduce themselves as "Blah" and ask for the other person's name in a respectful manner. If a person's profile expresses how they wish to be addressed, it is rather impolite to call them something else.

For me, if person B says "I am Mistress Blah D. Blah" than I would call them that. I dont have my ego tied up in whether I will lose My Station as a Dominant In The Lifestyle by referring to another Dominant as Mistress.

But for me, I dont tie up my ego in how I interact with people I do not know. I dont think somebody with a red nametag (submissive) at a party who calls me by my first name (horrified look) is being disrespectul of My Station as Lord Dominant Uber Master Sir Sinergy. There is always time down the road to establish the heirarchical structure of the relationship, and to me I think it would be egotistical of me to attempt to demand it on a first meeting.

In short, why dont you just ask them respectfully how they prefer to be addressed by you, and then address them as that?

Just my opinion (and I dont think it is rocket science) but I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/24/2004 10:29:13 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

I agree with everything you say, except the quote.

If "Mistress Jane" will delete anything not adressed to "dearest La-La" I want to know that. I've been told I'm disrepectful for not using "Mistress" and I've been told "I'm not your Mistress!!" Any help from her is appreciated.


I hear you there. I should have bolded the ALL. That's what bothers me. If someone says that submissives interested in a realtionship should address the person in such a way, that's fine with me. Or that their submisives will be excpected to address all other dominants as such. However, profiles that state (and I have seen them) that ALL submissives regardless of status are required to adress said person as "Sir' come off to me as self-absorbed and dumb.

As do people who give you a lecture on your poor training because you do not address them as "Master" or "Sir" when replying to their e-mails. I, personally, am not allowed to call anyone but my parnter Sir (certain exceptions excluded).

I guess I get upset at accross the board statements of most types.

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/25/2004 8:49:56 AM   
Sundew02


Posts: 458
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline 		When I look at profiles, the comment side I look for a bit about them. Without the restrictions of a click list. I use the comments side to communicate who and what I am. When I have asked what piqued your curiosity to contact me mostly I receive responses such as I like the way you expressed yourself. Or you seemed to have very simular requirements to match my experiences, etc. When I read submissive/slave profiles, I want to see a bit of how they think and what they are looking for on the comments side. I do not read the ones that have written a fanasty, or a recap of past experiences. Dom or sub, I think we all want to create our own future, not rehash an old one, or be the inserted character in someone elses' ideal situation.
As to the sub topic that has cropped up. If I bumped into someone on the street that I didn't know,or if a stranger asked me a question, the automatic response would be to call them Sir or Ma'am. Simple manners, I don't see it as forcing or giving respect that has not been earned. Neither would I call a submissive I am making contact with on this site worm or dirt, rude, and very bad manners. Myself I do not see the terms Sir or Ma'am as demanding respect, now if they turn out to be rude, crude and a domineering wanna be, then I would KNOW that shortly and the Sir/Ma'am would not be used. Heck thats what the ignore button is for, I wouldn't have to address them as anything. When someone emails me or directs a post to me, I look at how they signed it, and use that for my greeting. Of course in posts not always do I use a greeting. The titles that I feel are an unacceptable DEMAND are Master/Mistress, that implies some form of ownership over the person. This of course is my opinion not meant to direct anothers actions. Tess

_____________________________


~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to ALEXEI)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/25/2004 3:11:27 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		In a vanilla setting If a Woman's name is "Jane" and you call her "Jane" and she turns to you icily and says, "That is Ms. Smith, Mr. uncouth-wack job," then she is a jerk.

If the odds are so stacked that she can be a jerk and there are ten guys ready to learn from your mistake, knowing she perfers 'Ms. Smith' helps a lot.

In a D/s setting contacting to MistressJane with "Mistress Jane" is about a 50/50 proposition you did it wrong. ("I'm not your Mistress," she wrote and blocked you.) Contacting to MistressJane with "Jane" is about a 50/50 proposition you did it wrong. ("That is 'Mistress' Jane," she wrote and blocked you.)

If MistressJane says how to address her in the profile it helps a lot.

quote:

In short, why don’t you just ask them respectfully how they prefer to be addressed by you, and then address them as that?
- Sinergy

Nice thought, but you may not get another chance. Even if you do it in the first letter, she may not read past the part that so upsets her.

(Aside to joksters: never, EVER, use humor in your first letter. Women claim to want a man with a sense of humor but they lie. Which has groupies, rock stars or comedians?)

perverseangelic,

Now I agree with you. Typos can mean a lot. (Actually a read-o.)

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 6/26/2004 7:14:53 AM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 6:37:08 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

(Aside to joksters: never, EVER, use humor in your first letter. Women claim to want a man with a sense of humor but they lie. Which has groupies, rock stars or comedians?



Although I am admittedly coming at this from the other side of the world, I find that humor is one of the best ways to get the really exceptional women to respond. (Obviously this may only work with submissives and with nilla girls that I think might have submissive potential. (As proven in another thread, I don't have a clue how to compose a message to Dommes.))

It can't be over the top or jokes, but some well placed irony and sophisticated wit will win a reply more often than not.

And on the point of groupies, would you really want to have a serious relationship wth anyone who was a rock star groupie??? To paraphrase Woody Allen, if I was a rock star, I really don't think I would want to have sex with anyone who was willing to sleep with me...*wink*.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.
http://bdsm.taggard.net

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 9:40:48 AM   
sarbonn


Posts: 193
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Grand Rapids, MI
Status: offline 		As a male submissive that reads specifically Dominant Female ads, I tend to not see a problem with an overly dominant tone of an advertisement. However, I will add that a couple of times I've seen an ad where I just thought to myself "I wouldn't be right for this woman", so I've just avoided it like the plague. I find myself feeling that way more often, but it usually has less to do with how dominant the person acts in the ad she writes than it does in the demeanor she produces in the advertisement she is making.

It can be simple things that show a complete lack of respect for a potential submissive, like "all worms will write me now." Now, that could be someone's fantasy, and I'll for that, but it usually takes little things like this for me to realize that this might not be the person for me, even if I probably wouldn't have a problem in a relationship with a woman who would like to consider me worm-like (well, probably not, but it's negotiable )

The things that push me away from ever even considering wanting to make myself available to a woman are the respect issues, which usually have more to do with what she is seeking and my belief of how clueless she might be in how she is seeking it. If I read an advertisement from a dominant woman saying she is looking for a quality slave who will be at her beck and call, and truly enhance her life by being everything she desires, that ad gets immediately passed up if it also mentions somewhere in there that "I also am looking for financial slaves because that's all you'll ever be worth to me." That's fine. But it's a buzzword phrase that gets me to immediately reconsider ever wanting to be a part of that woman's stable. I just don't see the respect involved there.

I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I've been around the block a few times as a male submissive. I'm very sincere in what I am, and what I have to offer. Unlike a HUGE plethora of submissive men, I'm not seeking immediate sexual gratification or to fulfill some button fantasy that I feel rubbing against a beautiful woman's leg (any beautiful woman's leg) will fulfill. For me, submission means something, and I'm probably one of the few that gets outraged at lying, fakes that pretend to be something they aren't because when they're part of the submissive demographic, they make it so much harder for me to ever be taken seriously, and when it's from a dominant perspective, it means yet another dead end I had to traverse in hopes of finding someone real.

_____________________________

MSN Messenger: [email protected]
http://www.littlesarbonn.com

(in reply to ALEXEI)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 9:44:26 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Taggard on the humor thing. Especially online. In person there may be something (like I have a thing for tall guys) that cause me to look at *him*, but online the thing that attracts me most quickly is a sharp wit and ability to laugh at the ironies in life.

Of course, I am not one that is really into *looks* anyway (like I mentioned, really tall men make me week-kneed but my first husband was only 5 6 and Master is only 5 10), which could be one of the reasons I always have liked meeting people online. It allows me to *see* their mind rather than their physical attributes.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 4:15:03 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		I can appreciate that is absolutely true for you, sarbonn, but the truth is that for sooooo many every little thing has got to be spelled out. In fact, I would go so far as to say that at least a third of them don't even know what submission truly is. They have an idea, or some concept of what they "think" it might be, but they don't know. Therefore when I create my profile, I make every effort to be perfectly clear about what I am seeking, and what I expect.
I do not have a stable, and I most certainly believe in the importance of mutual respect, among other equally important things, for the success of the relationship.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 5:54:15 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The ones I don't write usually say NO MEN and are looking for female subs.

The one exception was a Domme who said she would write guys back asking if they can ##@%in' read. I wrote her and asked for the free humiliation package.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 6:12:45 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 830
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_____________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so that the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: profiles that are too Dominative. can it be? - 6/26/2004 7:22:40 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Nice thought, but you may not get another chance. Even if you do it in the first letter, she may not read past the part that so upsets her.


Hypothetical:

Hello collarme_nickname,

I have read your profile and would like to speak with you further, if you are willing to grant me this honor. I apologize if I have not referred to you in the manner which you wish to be addressed as, and would hope you would forgive me and provide me with the proper form of address.

collarme_sub_nickname.

You are expressing your sense of being troubled by not knowing how to refer to the person you are addressing, and asking them politely how to refer to them.

End:

I suspect part of the problem is the number of mail messages Dommes are deluged with by male submissives, which I know from several close friends who are Dommes or switches. It is an uphill struggle, from what I understand.

Good luck :)

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 20
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