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poly with hetero females? - 3/19/2005 11:48:17 AM

KingofTrio

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/10/2004
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My question involves the percentage of poly-friendly female slaves who are heterosexual.

In surveying the profiles, it becomes clear that most of the ads seeking a second or third partner for a polyfidelitous family are placed by either Masters who own, or slaves who are, bisexual, and the slave they believe would match their situation best would likewise be bisexual. This isn't iron clad, but clearly the 'norm' that I can see.

Are there slaves who are interested in polygyny who are heterosexual? Or slaves who would entertain becoming a member of a poly family if they knew they wouldn't be required to go against their sexual nature/preference?

This isn't just a troll question (though I will be looking at the responses closely), I am curious as to how many of the sub or slave poly folk here are also of the bisexual/heteroflexible camp?

Comments and opinions are welcome, but for those who wish to keep it short and sweet, lets structure the "poll" this way:

A: poly/bi
B: poly/not bi
C: not poly/bi
D: not poly/ not bi
E: hate labels/ hate polls (grin)

Poll results will have a margin of error equal to gin consumption at time of tallying.

Post #: 1

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/19/2005 1:21:18 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The quickest answer to this (and many similar questions) is "If you can imagine it, people out there are living it and very happy doing it."

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 2

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/19/2005 3:24:54 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

"If you can imagine it, people out there are living it and very happy doing it."

Brilliant answer!

- LA

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An iron hand in a velvet glove.

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Post #: 3

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/21/2005 9:25:05 AM

KingofTrio

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

Thank you, EmeraldSlave2 and LadyAngelika for taking the time to reply to this post.

This poll regarding hetero slaves into polygyny has been soundly ignored by the forumites.

Oh, well. I think my attempts at humor led some to believe the poll was a joke. Live and learn.

King

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 4

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/21/2005 11:53:17 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
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I don't think its being ignored...I am just not quite sure what you are asking. If you are asking if it is uncommon to find "V" type relationships, where the focal point is the dominant and the submissives/slaves/girls are not sexually intimate with each other, then from what I have seen it isn't uncommon at all. A lot of people seem to actually prefer this type of arrangement, because its hard enough to find one person to whom you are attracted, but to find a couple, where you are equally attracted to both is more difficult. Even outside the bdsm lifestyle, I've run across many, many more poly v's than any other type of dynamic (which means nothing really...just my own observations).

If you are asking how many slave/submissives/girls would be interested in this...I have no idea. I selected bisexual in my profile because I am involved in a triad with my male owner and another female submissive and we are all involved emotionally and intimately with each other. I have strong heterosexual tendencies, but have found that I'm also flexible....so while I'm not as a rule sexually attracted to women, I don't find being with one abhorrent in the least. That being said....I would not personally be drawn to a "V" type of dynamic for a lot of reasons I won't bother to get into here.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 5

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/22/2005 12:00:09 AM

ravenna

Posts: 121
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Ooh, count me in, i love getting polled! Wait, i think i meant poled, but never mind, i'll play. (And hello KingofTrio, it's so good to run into you here!)

i have just emerged, still tingling, from a very intense, very poly, very bi long weekend, so you'll have to count me as A: poly/bi, and i've always been poly/bi. (Maybe you should count me twice?) i will readily admit that my orientation is predominantly heterosexual, men are my heroes, it's men that ultimately really do it for me, it's men that i pledge allegiance to, and it's probably no coincidence that i'm owned by two men, rather than a woman, or a man and a woman, or three men, two women and six white stallions or something. (Though the stallions wouldn't be totally out of the running...)

And as much as i love being the creamy girly filling sandwiched between two big steaming hunks of manflesh (so sorry, it's late, still a little dizzy), since we're speaking hypothetically i can easily imagine myself serving one master alongside multiple female slaves, whether they were hetero or bi. i would fervently hope that there would be a little (okay, a lot) of sex available for me with either or both my master and my sister slaves. But if all the other girls were hetero, or were required to behave as such, i would be fine with that, and of course, the Master would set his rules and i would follow. (If we're all hetero Master would just have to resign himself to getting all of us slavegirls' sexual vibrations beamed in his direction like little lasers. Tough life being the Master.)

So thank you for polling me, it was my pleasure! And all my best to you and your girl! ravenna

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 6

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/22/2005 10:02:22 AM

KingofTrio

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

Hello stormsfate-

Thanks for your input. I'd have to say the second idea you put forward would more accurately describe what I was attempting to find information about. The idea behind making it a poll was to have a quick and easy way for every poly or poly interested slave who read the post to put their two cents in without having to compose a response.

The ratio between bi and hetero within the subgroup of poly was my main goal.

ravenna! Nice to hear from you. Somehow I get the feeling that every weekend is a special time for you. *grin*
It was a pleasure polling you, even if it wasn't the poling you were expecting.
Seriously, I think that your answer of A)poly/bi is the norm within the slaves perusing this poly area of the forums.

Thanks to you and all the kind folk who have taken the time to answer my query.

King

(in reply to ravenna)

Post #: 7

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/25/2005 5:23:40 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 73
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

KingofTrio,

to answer Your question, i am poly/bi.

This is a really interesting topic. i have always been both poly and bi, before discovering i was submissive, i kept finding myself getting involved with people already involved, it seemed natural for me to lean toward couples. When i met my Master i made it clear from the start that i was poly and very open to the idea of another submissive in the relationship, but my main reason is because i am bisexual and i need sexual contact with other women as much as i do men.

Master on the other hand,had never considered this and was seeking a monogamous relationship. Now, being a typical man, when confronted with the prospect of having two women to enjoy He was delighted and changed His mind. W/we are not seeking another yet, but will one day.

i think the reason heterosexual women shy away from poly relationships is because they know that the Dominant is the one who will control them sexually, and could in all fairness order them to be sexual with another woman. If the idea repulses them, then they will want a relationship that is monogamous to redue the chance of it happening. i have known vanilla poly relationships (called Vee relationships) that have worked.

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 8

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/25/2005 6:54:11 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

My submissive is a male hetero. Scooter may choose a female hetero submissive. To us the sexual orientation of the submissive has nothing to do with it. If they are not bi we simply don't push the issue. I realize that this is or may be different then a lot of other poly "families' so I'm really glad you posted this topic.

quote:

i think the reason heterosexual women shy away from poly relationships is because they know that the Dominant is the one who will control them sexually, and could in all fairness order them to be sexual with another woman.

I think chainedgirl states a very real concern though. That point has to be laid out as a Hard Limit in any negotiations if that is how they feel. And if the owner is a person of honor that limit should never be pushed, slave or not. After all, we're all human first.

Jewel

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ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 9

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/26/2005 11:42:49 AM

KingofTrio

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

Hello chained girl -

I agree that women who do not wish to have sex with other women would most likely refuse to entertain the idea of becoming a slave to a poly owner. This is partly why I have asked this question, as I do not want my slave to go against her natural comfort zone of hetero, and we feel that a heterosexual slave would fit us best. Along with the other attributes mentioned in our profile(s) of course.

The 'norm' in the poly slave happens to be like yourself, which is fine for those who wish this. My post was to try and find out if there were a certain group of poly or open minded to poly slaves who might feel comfortable if they knew their sexuality would not be pushed beyond their limits.

Hello ShiftedJewel -

Glad to have you join the conversation.

"That point (being hetero) has to be laid out as a Hard Limit in any negotiations if that is how they feel. And if the owner is a person of honor that limit should never be pushed, slave or not. After all, we're all human first."

I agree. There is no problem in my mind of bringing a slave up to and slightly past her limits in many areas, and I also feel that as her owner it is entirely up to me what I have her do, but on this issue I feel that it's a hard limit because it reflects my personal take on the situation, or rather it happens to be my personal limit. There is something about the comfort zone of sexuality that either feels good or feels bad to you, and even though I admit that it looks hot I can't see making my slave feel bad for crossing this particular line. Basically, it's not something I would do, so it's not something I would make my slave do, even though this is not a litmus test in other areas.

I'd like to hear from more people in the forum about this.

King

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 10

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 8:14:35 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

There is something about the comfort zone of sexuality that either feels good or feels bad to you, and even though I admit that it looks hot I can't see making my slave feel bad for crossing this particular line. Basically, it's not something I would do, so it's not something I would make my slave do, even though this is not a litmus test in other areas.

I honestly believe that most poly Dominants feel this way, or at least I'm hoping most do. Unfortunately it appears, and please, this is my own point of view, that most submissives don't understand that. Now before I get mobbed here, I'm not saying that submissives are in any way dense or ignorant...ok? What I am saying is that most Dominants do not make themselves completely clear on the subject. IMNSHO, We (Dominants) are wonderfully adept at making others understand that we are Dominant (you know, pounding the chest and that sort of thing), and can easily tell a submissive what we expect from them as far as behavior and service is concerned, yet we lack the ability, effort, desire or something to tell potential submissives what we do NOT expect. Just because my profile says I am bi does NOT mean I expect every submissive that joins our family to also be bisexual.

Personally I list myself as being bisexual because I don't have any problem being served or serviced by a female, I also have no problem scening with a female... What the list of "interests" doesn't give you the option to say is that I am bi.... but have a strong preference for the male body. So before anyone, Dominant or submissive, decides to contact another on this listing solely based on their sexual orientation perhaps you should keep that in mind. Not just about me, I mean in general, the submissive you pass up because they list that they are bisexual and that is not what you are looking for may simply be being totally honest about a past experience yet unable to also state that it isn't on the top of their "things to do list". In the same respect, if you are looking for a bi female submissive, don't take for granted that just because it says straight doesn't always mean that, again, the lack of choices could play a part here. She could be a little curious and in the right setting be willing to try it.

OK, so I tend to ramble... Lets just sum it up like this.... I personally am thrilled that they put this message board on here because there is so much about poly that so many do not understand and this is the greatest opportunity to educate as well as learn. And this thread is a wonderful opportunity to tell others that just because We, as Dominants, do have the power, authority or what ever you wish to call it, to "push" a submissive towards, into or again, whatever you want to call it, a bisexual relatioinship doesn't mean we will. Our desires and needs are NOT any different then a Dominant in a one on one relationship, we just like a larger family.

Jewel

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ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 11

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 8:39:39 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Personally I list myself as being bisexual because I don't have any problem being served or serviced by a female, I also have no problem scening with a female... What the list of "interests" doesn't give you the option to say is that I am bi.... but have a strong preference for the male body.

Exactly! I would never seek out a relationship with a female, leaning strongly towards being heterosexual, but I've found being with at least one woman (vision to be precise) along with my owner, is not in the least bit repulsive to me, and I love the closeness and emotional connection. Its too bad they don't have a heteroflexible option. I really think a large number of people who choose bisexual fall into the flexible category and just don't have a way to clarify that.

best regards,
f

*Edited for typo

< Message edited by stormsfate -- 3/27/2005 8:40:47 AM >

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 12

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 9:02:55 AM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 636
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline

You make an excellent point, Jewel. The majority of the submissive females I know are, at least, selectively bi-sexual. One described herself as not being adverse to playing with another female if the attraction was there, athough her primary preference is for males. I think this is not an uncommon caveat. Women, in general, are wired very differently from men in how they approach sexual attraction, often needing more of an emotional bond with potential partners. I'm certain this is common knowledge to most experienced dominants and submissives.
I find it puzzling that poly-based BDSM is so quickly shunned by those who haven't bothered to do their homework. My own curious nature seldom allows me to categorically rule out something I haven't closely investigated. Perhaps that is the largest difference between those who are open to learning about the poly lifestyle and those who aren't.
I have little or no difficulty explaining who and what I am and what my beliefs and values are. It never crossed my mind that it might be necessary to explain that I will not require those things I don't list as requirements. I can't say that the idea seems logical to me, although I do recognize the validity of your point, especially given the basic assumptions that appear to be shared by many. I would think, however, that it still makes more sense, if a hetero submissive believes poly means every sexual interlude will involve every member of the household, to ask questions rather than base her reactions on uninformed and possibly incorrect stereotypes.
Ultimately, some will judge without a factual basis anyway. Some will judge based on a singular bad experience. A few may take the time to understand what poly can be to those who approach it honestly. In this, I don't see much difference than how many judge BDSM in all it's variations.
I do agree that this forum may be useful in educating those who have something of an open mind. I'm not entirely optimistic, though, that it won't become a place for the willfully ignorant to stop by and slam what they don't understand. I've already seen a couple examples of that in some poly threads. Hopefully, it won't become a trend.
Timothy

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(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 13

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 11:31:15 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

I'm not entirely optimistic, though, that it won't become a place for the willfully ignorant to stop by and slam what they don't understand. I've already seen a couple examples of that in some poly threads. Hopefully, it won't become a trend.

I have to agree with so much of what you said, I just wanted to add to it my own thoughts, those that have done that are more then likely the same ones that tend to "slam" anything and everything that doesn't currently fit into the tight stuctures they have set for themselves and try to set for others as well. Like you, I am hoping that doesn't become the trend and remains the rarity.

Jewel

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ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 14

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 11:33:04 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

Its too bad they don't have a heteroflexible option.

That's a good idea stormsfate, at the very least "curious" could be added, have you thought about posting that on the suggestions forum?

Jewel

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ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 15

RE: poly with hetero females? - 3/27/2005 4:39:19 PM

resademilo

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/27/2005
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I just wanted to respond to this being one of the heterosexual submissives who normally does not deal with poly relationships. I have friends who are poly and i have been in a poly situation as i tried being one of several subs to a Dom. What i found most uncomfortable was competition. Now i know in a healthy poly family competition might not be an issue but when you put say have heterosexual subsmissives being shared if the submissives don't have a sisterly bond established prior or soon there is going to be conflicts. I can't even get into the troubles i faced with jealous girls and it wasn't like i was getting all the attention either.

I believe it can work but the Dominant has to be careful not to let competition sour the harmony of the family because once jealousy sets in it's hard to come back from that. So even now when i know poly doms i get along with but i don't have a very close feel for their subs i don't really like to even consider being with the Dom because i strongly believe to join a family you have to get along with the other subs as well as the Dom. And that doesn't mean you have to be bi curious or bi or whatever. I'm not. Just wanted to speak out on the strictly het female sub view. =)

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 16

RE: poly with hetero females? - 4/7/2005 4:34:37 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

I believe it can work but the Dominant has to be careful not to let competition sour the harmony of the family because once jealousy sets in it's hard to come back from that.

Excellent point resademilo! As you stated, it is most important to avoid the conflicts that competion often brings to the group. As individuals W/we all have our own ways of doing things and understanding things and should be recognized for our individuality. The Dominant that allows competion between submissives/slaves is just asking for trouble. IMNSHO, the Dominants that allow it, or the ones that even go so far as to fuel it are doing it purely for egotistical reasons (ie: "look at how hard they try to impress me... I'm so freakin' special"). I understand that some may not be completely aware of the competion going on around them, but I don't believe it's possible to be totally oblivious to it either. As a Dominant I believe it is my responsiblility to see to the mental, emotional and physical well being of my submissive(s), I do not and will not allow anyone to compete for my attention, adoration or approval. If I can't show each one an equal amount of love and affection then perhaps I have to many.... again, just my not so humble opinion.

Jewel

_____________________________

ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to resademilo)

Post #: 17

RE: poly with hetero females? - 4/12/2005 7:58:47 PM

MistressTrin

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline

Poly relationships interest me a great deal. I am strictly hetro and have no desire whatsoever to be with a woman in any way...I'm afraid I have not an inkling of flexibility, either (despite pondering my sexuality for years, the answer is still the same). *sigh* It makes my options seem limited. As a switch, one option for me would to have a Master and a male slave. Aside from that...One Dominant and multiple submissives seems like a recipe for jealousy and competition as mentioned earlier. The concept is not new, though, and in some historical cultures, worked quite well-still does today! Human dynamics are interesting and discernment is the key to understanding which personalities will fit with the others.

Interesting thread..thanks!
~Peace~

< Message edited by MistressTrin -- 4/12/2005 8:02:03 PM >

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Post #: 18

RE: poly with hetero females? - 4/12/2005 9:20:49 PM

timorous

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline

Well I'm poly/not bi and had a sub-sister.

But it wasn't an issue... I'm a good slave and do what I'm told with pleasure.

You don't need to be bi... you just need to be obedient.

(in reply to KingofTrio)

Post #: 19

RE: poly with hetero females? - 4/22/2005 10:13:39 AM

darlingjade

Posts: 54
Joined: 1/31/2005
Status: offline

'blowing out a long breath then smiling slightly'

In answer to your question, I'm monogamous and straight. Perhaps most of the female submissives in the lifestyle are bi, I truly don't know the answer to that. What I DO know is that most Doms assume that they are. I doubt ya'll would believe the number of Doms I've spoken to where this became a serious issue even AFTER I explained to them that at age seven I was molested by two female relatives and therefore, for my psychological wellbeing, will NEVER be able to be with a woman in that manner. To be honest, it's only been in the last few years that I'd allow a woman(my best friend) to give me a hug.

Sooo I've been called every name in the book and a few that must have been written on bathroom walls somewhere that didn't make it into the book. Whatever. I'm not willing to push the edges of sanity in order to prove how good a submissive I am.

That said, and with the natural assumption that poly Doms would be the same as the others I've spoken with, nope, I've never considered the possibilty that being bi wouldn't be required of me.. After reading some of the boards here, I may be wrong about that, I don't know. Would suspect that it would be like anything else, situation dependent.

(in reply to timorous)

Post #: 20

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