puella
Posts: 2
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Dear Master King of Trio,
I have been reading the poly forums here, and elsewhere, to try to gain some personal clarity and guidance into poly (and all that entails), and have found that the words of many, if not necessarily changing who I feel I am, in terms of poly or bi… have certainly helped me to find more of an understanding of others ideas. Empathy can be a very helpful tool for a slave trying to find beauty in things she struggles with.
I am monogamous and I am heterosexual…choice (d), I believe, one we have not really heard much about in terms of this particular thread.
I am also owned by one who is poly and, naturally, pursues that. His other girl is also poly and is bisexual, so in this, I can only try to speak from my perspective within this triad.
I think a lot of people, and even myself at one very dark point, will have trouble understanding how that can possibly work out...for it does not mean that, due to my sexual orientation, she will only serve him (in terms of sexual service), and I will only serve him (in terms of sexual service), and that we will not be ‘required’ to also be intimate together for his pleasure. In fact, that is quite simply 'just understood' in the nature of who we are and our relationship to him.
I think the thing to remember here, is that before I identify myself as anything else, I identify myself as his. I am his property. I am his slave, and that to me comes before anything else. That was my choice, or as I frequently refer to it, my ‘final choice.’
This might sound terribly glib and idealistic and oh so easy, slipping off my tongue… But there has passed a long night of the soul for me to get here, just to this point, and even in that, I still have much further yet to go.
"Can a slave be both monogamous and heterosexual and still be in a non-asexual (in terms of the two women) poly relationship?"
I would have to say, yes.
The crux of that question, for me, is the word slave; and with that one word, the question itself will have become rather moot, for it is only in a non M/s situation where free will is present enough to really allow for the question to even exist. As one who is owned, I ask, “How can she NOT if she is truly enslaved? When did those choices of self return to her?” They can only return in the return of the collar, both literally and figuratively speaking. A slave can and will be what it pleases her master for her to be. If she has made her last choice wisely (though I would debate whether even in that, it is a choice so much as an awakening, and a recognition of self, of who and what you really are and were always meant to be, and to whom…perhaps the meat for another post for debate somewhere...), then she has nothing to fear from where he will guide her, though surely the road will be rocky and not without its pains and struggles.
If she can be and is truly owned, right down to the last bit of her, to a degree where it becomes the focal point of her being… then for her, it is not what or who she is in regards to her sexual orientation or personal wishes, but rather, what her Master desires… for what ever reasons or pleasures he may wish to pursue. You, as slave, may well desire for things to be a specific way in your heart, ways which may or may not always coincide with the way you are being lead by him. That is human nature. But for she who is honestly and totally surrendered, there is no choice that will bring you any peace, but to bring him pleasure. There is no hope, but to love him, fully, openly and completely. There is no other way, but the one which he leads you down, twists, turns, rocks, bumps and all. For really, what’s worth remembering of that journey, is only that he led you through it. And so in all of it, be it an ease or struggle (as, for certain some of the paths he will take you down will be easy and some very difficult), she will find rest in knowing that he is with her and guiding her, and will know that it she is truly lucky for that… especially for that.
Perhaps this ramble this might shed some light for those pondering option (d).
Very thankfully his,
puella
< Message edited by puella -- 6/14/2005 9:36:24 AM >
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