master getting married

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master getting married - 11/23/2005 3:57:46 AM

subboi3382

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/4/2005
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Hi, I'm a 24/7 (male) slave whose master just got engaged. I'm new to poly and am wondering if anyone has any tips for us, up to this point it has pretty much just been him and I

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RE: master getting married - 11/23/2005 4:18:06 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
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Have you had any interaction with the person he is getting married to? If not, this may be a good time to ask him how he sees his impending marriage affecting the relationship you have with one another.

Talking things through and putting them out on the table is a really critical first step. Poly isn't an easy lifestyle choice, and it requires some finesse between the people involved to figure out the best way to fit into one another's lives and have it be a positive experience.

What are the rules, with this new person coming into the household? How will it affect your service? What is this person's relationship to you -- will you answer to her? Will she be D/s neutral? (yes, they do exist, and I've lived in an intense D/s relationship with one partner who was not involved in the dynamic and it was interesting but worked surprisingly well!) What will your responsibilities be in terms of helping with communal time management?

Right now, it's mostly about "feeling out" how things work best. The early stages of a poly relationship, especially as part of an established couple, and as the submissive partner in a D/s dynamic, are often about figuring out how to flow in the relationship, and how to adjust to the changes that having a partner who isn't familiar with the established "flow" brings. Sometimes, for a while, it feels like a huge rock thrown right into the middle of a stream. It diverts things, and changes the dynamic, and stuff gets a little bumpy as the flow re-directs.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to believe in one another. New relationships often take the lion's share of energy, as we work to get them settled into their new place, but that energy is repaid as time goes on, with an amazing, powerful, and beautiful dynamic developing in its place. It's a lot of work, but so is a gorgeous garden, a really kick-ass piece of poetry, or a well-planned dinner party.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to subboi3382)

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RE: master getting married - 11/23/2005 6:13:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Yeah I want more details on the situation. How long have you/they been together? Do you live together? Was this an unexpected turn of events? Do you get along with this other person? Will you be expected to be involved with all of them?

My generic advice is the same for all poly relationships- make sure communication and shared goals are strong with everyone.

(in reply to subboi3382)

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RE: master getting married - 11/24/2005 9:22:30 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 422
Joined: 10/21/2005
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GREETINGS SUBY BOY
HAPPY THANKS GIVING
....creeeammmm

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to subboi3382)

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RE: master getting married - 11/24/2005 11:45:06 PM

subboi3382

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/4/2005
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I do know her, they dated for a little while (also dated before he and met but broke up before we met). We havent really talked much about how it would affect my service, but I have servved her to a limited extent and she is sub to him but not a full on slave. I've been 24/7 with him since June 2004 and they have dated since about Feb., so it is not a big surprise

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)

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RE: master getting married - 12/28/2005 12:31:42 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Do you have a slave contract with this Master?
Has He sat the both of you down together and
discussed what this new relationship is going to
be if any for the both of you? You said you served
her so I take it that she is a Alpha sub?
If He has been dating outside the Home ( which
in My eyes is different from aquiring a new sub
or slave for the home ) What has He said this
relationship will do to the home structure?
If the Master has NOT addressed any of these
issues (and that is kind of what Im hearing here.)
Id see a great big red flag up and flyin and My moving
options in place for when the day comes that
the new bride is wisked into the home and your
hide put out it in quick succession. Im sad to
say that the very name you use here with sub
in it says to Me that you do not hold any long
term commitments to this relationship and
just as a sub can by the moment and minute
choose to say no to a relationship, so to can
a Dominant in a D/s relationship or word.
If this Dominant has not addressed
any of the issues above as Ive asked I would
not concider Him a Master in the least. Of course
this is My Opinion based off of My lifestyle experiance
and Honor, Integrity, and Trust and Truthfullness
of any relationship Ive been a part in or seen
rightfull Masters in as well. However He could
be a Onesighted Dom and Assumed that you
all would form a Triad with His married addition.
But the position of a wife in a home is much different
then a slave or a alpha slave in service for that matter.
Or if the woman has choose to not be a sub in the
home but a vanilla wife addition??
Ive never known any Poly relationship to form nor
last with out complete and upfront communication
and planning for A/alls future tho, with A/all
partys present in all discussions. JMO

(in reply to subboi3382)

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RE: master getting married - 12/28/2005 1:09:23 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

Mistress DREAD,

I don't know if it is my computer, but the color of your text is -very- difficult for me to read on the grey background of the website... especially in the cursive font you are using.

If you could darken your color a bit, tired eyes would be most appreciative.

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

Do you have a slave contract with this Master?
Has He sat the both of you down together and
discussed what this new relationship is going to
be if any for

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

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RE: master getting married - 12/28/2005 7:25:24 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
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But its My happy holiday color and font Zephyr

Thinks to My self holding the imaginary scale in MY hand:

Do I continue to use My color My Son picked out to use
thats here on leave from the armed forces and the font
My slaves son chose out because it looked like candy

or do I not use the color and font because Zephyr asked nicely.

Hmmmmmmmm heyyy I should ask the public!!
Is this better?

< Message edited by MistressDREAD -- 12/28/2005 7:45:20 PM >

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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RE: master getting married - 12/28/2005 8:28:35 PM

TropicalPassions

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/31/2004
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< Message edited by TropicalPassions -- 12/28/2005 8:29:55 PM >

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

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RE: master getting married - 12/29/2005 9:07:26 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

I understand the challenge of the choice. I must say that I profoundly appreciate even the one post in the darker color, and the font is gorgeous!

Thank you sincerely for taking the time to respond, even if you choose to return to the holiday color. Holiday greetings to your son, and may his permanent return to a duty station of choice be soon to come (13 years as an Army wife, including through the 1st Gulf War, Bosnia and Honduras, I appreciate his sacrifice.)

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

But its My happy holiday color and font Zephyr

Thinks to My self holding the imaginary scale in MY hand:

Do I continue to use My color My Son picked out to use
thats here on leave from the armed forces and the font
My slaves son chose out because it looked like candy

or do I not use the color and font because Zephyr asked nicely.

Hmmmmmmmm heyyy I should ask the public!!
Is this better?

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

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Post #: 10

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