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LadiesBladewing -> RE: master getting married (11/23/2005 4:18:06 AM)
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Have you had any interaction with the person he is getting married to? If not, this may be a good time to ask him how he sees his impending marriage affecting the relationship you have with one another.
Talking things through and putting them out on the table is a really critical first step. Poly isn't an easy lifestyle choice, and it requires some finesse between the people involved to figure out the best way to fit into one another's lives and have it be a positive experience.
What are the rules, with this new person coming into the household? How will it affect your service? What is this person's relationship to you -- will you answer to her? Will she be D/s neutral? (yes, they do exist, and I've lived in an intense D/s relationship with one partner who was not involved in the dynamic and it was interesting but worked surprisingly well!) What will your responsibilities be in terms of helping with communal time management?
Right now, it's mostly about "feeling out" how things work best. The early stages of a poly relationship, especially as part of an established couple, and as the submissive partner in a D/s dynamic, are often about figuring out how to flow in the relationship, and how to adjust to the changes that having a partner who isn't familiar with the established "flow" brings. Sometimes, for a while, it feels like a huge rock thrown right into the middle of a stream. It diverts things, and changes the dynamic, and stuff gets a little bumpy as the flow re-directs.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give is to believe in one another. New relationships often take the lion's share of energy, as we work to get them settled into their new place, but that energy is repaid as time goes on, with an amazing, powerful, and beautiful dynamic developing in its place. It's a lot of work, but so is a gorgeous garden, a really kick-ass piece of poetry, or a well-planned dinner party.
Lady Zephyr
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