RE: S&M switch - but not D/s

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 5/28/2005 8:06:19 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

Thanks for your response Lily. I know you and I have had deep conversations about this as well and I appreciate you putting you 2¢ in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
But if you are confident and comfortable in your own skin, what others think really matters not.

You know me well enough to know that I really don't give a rat's ass what other people think :) I was simply putting it out there to see how common what it is that I do is.

Also, I wanted to challenge the term switch as it is most often used in a D/s context.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 21

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/2/2005 9:41:16 PM

LokeanWolfe

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I personally know at least two masochistic Doms... and I myself am a switch, who switches sometimes in the D/s roles, but more often in the S&m roles, and sometimes it is the 'bottom' is directing things... and sometimes I as the 'bottom' direct what I wish to have done... I don't know how common it is... but there are others out there... Smiles...

~Loki

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 22

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/5/2005 5:37:37 PM

strongwill

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I'd guess it's actually not all that unusual. Bottoming in an S&M scene doesn't have to be submitting at all--especially not if you're calling the shots.

Well I know that bottoming in an S&M scene doesn't have to be submitting. That's what I said in my original post.

quote:

I don't know too many doms or dommes who would admit that they enjoy it, but they must be out there.

Admit? What is there to admit? Like it would be a shameful thing for a dominant person to take charge of their sexuality and ensure that they are pleasured in all the possible ways that they can get pleasure? I don't think it's a question of admitting anything.

quote:

For one thing, there are plenty of people who enjoy bottoming in a scene but don't consider themselves submissive OR dominant.

Really? I thought there might be. This is why I started this post. I'd like to know how people live this out. Do you have anything to contribute about that?

quote:

That means you don't have to be wired for d/s in order to be wired for S&M.

Yeah. I got that part. Thanks ;)

But that raises another question… why is it that in collarme profile options, there are the labels Dominant, Submissive, Slave or Switch? And why is switch so often called "the ones in between Dominant & submissive"? If I were to identify as a switch, people would automatically assume that I was a D/s switch and not an S&M switch.

- LA

this is very interesting to me. I am a passive man and Just recently decided I am also sub. [maybe] But this 20 yr long [unfullfilled] desire to top a female partner? I thought that made me a switch.maybe I just want S&M.I have a book SM101 I will read into the motel room in the eveings this week.I will finsh reading this great thread now

< Message edited by strongwill -- 6/5/2005 5:52:34 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 23

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/6/2005 3:25:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongwill
this is very interesting to me. I am a passive man and Just recently decided I am also sub. [maybe] But this 20 yr long [unfullfilled] desire to top a female partner? I thought that made me a switch.maybe I just want S&M.I have a book SM101 I will read into the motel room in the eveings this week.I will finsh reading this great thread now

First of all strongwill, welcome to the boards. I'll tell you right off the bat that most people on these boards are into D/s or M/s and some mix S&M into it. Which is fine. But it makes it difficult sometimes to isolate the S&M issues. Anyhow, I hope the book is helpful to you. I found it very informative.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to strongwill)

Post #: 24

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/9/2005 10:29:17 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I know of a few who do this ... I may ask one of them that I'm friends with if I can share her contact info with you if you are interested (honestly, if I didn't know that you are Canadian, LA, I'd swear that you were her ... especially after reading this thread

).

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 25

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/10/2005 4:19:20 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I know of a few who do this ... I may ask one of them that I'm friends with if I can share her contact info with you if you are interested (honestly, if I didn't know that you are Canadian, LA, I'd swear that you were her ... especially after reading this thread ).

I must have a few twins out there! Of course you can give her my contact info.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 26

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/12/2005 12:19:12 AM

Assertive_Dom

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hi LadyAngelika,

Despite my nickname, I'd have to classify myself as a switch. Having said that, the D/s side of things only holds appeal for me so long as it remains a temporary roleplay. That is, I'll either dominant or be submissive within a scene....but outside of the scene, I'm just me and I DO NOT want a partner to be either dominant or submissive outside of that scene. Prior top realising that I was a switch, I'd only operated as a dominant and realised a certain disallusionment playing with submissives who wanted to ALWAYS be treated as submissive. I've come to realise that when I'm playing the role of Dominant, I seem to particular appreciate submissives who have a firm understanding of their own limits and will make these limits clear. Playing with submissives who do not understand their own limitations (e.g. "You can do whatever you want...your the Dominant and I'm the submissive") is to be lackluster.

Either us switches are all too few, or the sub-culture of S&M play is such that "coming out" as a switch is much harder that professing to be either a Dom/me or submissive.

Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 27

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/12/2005 6:47:53 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

Playing with submissives who do not understand their own limitations (e.g. "You can do whatever you want...your the Dominant and I'm the submissive") is to be lackluster.

I agree. In my mind, there is a difference between someone who wants to submit and someone who is a total doormat. I like a little brain activity in my victims! <weg>

quote:

Either us switches are all too few, or the sub-culture of S&M play is such that "coming out" as a switch is much harder that professing to be either a Dom/me or submissive.

Well to be honest, I think that the BDSM crowd is very D/s centric and as a result, people who are pure S&M, switch or not, find it hard to fit in to this community. I think coming out as a switch in S&M would technically be easier then in D/s. It's coming out as an S&M switch in a D/s world that is probably much harder to do.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to Assertive_Dom)

Post #: 28

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/13/2005 10:01:18 AM

MagicKnots

Posts: 41
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Cleveland, OH
Status: offline

Well, here goes...

I recently had a conversation and was asked if I was a switch. I answered as I normaly do, I am a Dom. I was then asked if I had ever bottomed and I admitted that I do occasionaly enjoy receiving a good flogging. "Doesn't that make you a switch?" Well, no, I don't think it does and here's why...

1. It's only once in a great while that I want to feel pain. (flogging, cropping, spanking, etc.)
2. I will only allow a very few select Dommes to administer that pain to me.
3. I do not "submit" to them or anyone else. (I don't wear a collar, I don't take orders, etc.)
4. I "top from the bottom" during this time (I believe you put it as "co-direct the scene")

So, I can totally understand your point of view on this one and I don't think it's all that rare at all. There are many people who I have met through the local scene that consider themselves as Dom/mes but will occasionally will allow themselves to be "beaten". There are also many (the majority) that will never admit to accepting the lash (even though I think some may have and just don't want to admit it.)

I've also read about another subject that ties into this one. It is on Dom/mes or Tops that want to "learn from experience" on how a toy feels.

Thanks for starting the string, it's a good read.

_____________________________

Just J

quote:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 29

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/13/2005 3:43:23 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

First MagicKnots, thanks so much for your post. And it's nice to *virtually* meet you.

I concur pretty much with everything you wrote. There is one thing however that leaves me a little baffled.

quote:

There are also many (the majority) that will never admit to accepting the lash (even though I think some may have and just don't want to admit it.)

Why do you think it's such a big deal for some people to "admit". I don't feel like this is an admission. I don't see the occasional bottoming in a scene as a sign that I am less Domme. In fact, I don't see how it affects my level of dominance. Even if it did, I really wouldn't care. But I'm curious why there is such a stigma.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to MagicKnots)

Post #: 30

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/14/2005 7:50:34 AM

MagicKnots

Posts: 41
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Cleveland, OH
Status: offline

quote:

I don't see the occasional bottoming in a scene as a sign that I am less Domme. In fact, I don't see how it affects my level of dominance. Even if it did, I really wouldn't care. But I'm curious why there is such a stigma.

Ahhhhh, and there lies the rub!

I think I can best answer this (if this is an answer at all) by recalling something that happened to me at one of the first "play parties" I ever attended. I was talking with a very lovely Domme and we were discussing different styles of rope bondage (I am an enthusiast when it comes to rope) and we were getting along rather nicely. She had a male sub kneeling next to her and he was catering to her needs (holding her ash tray, fetching drinks, etc.) She asked me if I would give a quick demo of my ropework in the play area. So I did. I borrowed a sub from a good friend of mine (Miss Meg) that trusts me and away I went. When I was done I returned the sub to my Miss Meg and thanked her. She was showing a new toy to another person (a new flogger made from elk hide) and I asked her how it felt. She told me to drop my pants and she'd show me. So I did. I was not restrained, I did not kneel or grovel to her, I simply dropped my pants, bent over and allowed her to tan my ass. (It was a very stingy flogger and I enjoyed it a great deal) Well, to make a long story short (too late) when I returned to the bar area, the first Domme I was speaking to did not want to associate with me anymore. I didn't understand until she said in an icy voice, "I don't chit-chat with subs." Now, is this the prevalent feeling among Dom/mes? I don't know but it certainly opened my eyes to how "clique"-ish the scene can be.

Personally my feeling on this subject is simply this, "Don't look down on my kink, and I won't look down on yours."

_____________________________

Just J

quote:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 31

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/14/2005 2:49:07 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

I didn't understand until she said in an icy voice, "I don't chit-chat with subs." Now, is this the prevalent feeling among Dom/mes?

No. That is the prevalent feeling among uppity snot nose bitches ;)

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to MagicKnots)

Post #: 32

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/15/2005 11:00:41 AM

ttoddg

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline

I am very intrigued as my wife is a Domme, but craves being bound and flogged by a Sadistic master. She has been very confused because the D/s people on Collarme have tried to convince her she is really a switch/sub. We have switched for S/M a couple of times with great results.

My question is do you think it possible for a spouse to take his Domme wife to the brink of fear with pain? Can she have a truly terrifying mind screw experience with someone she knows at the bottom of her soul will protect her at all costs?

I am a very strong switch so playing Dom during our S/M play is very easy for me. I have no problem restraining her and giving her a good flogging. But she always has that mental safety net knowing that I will keep her emotionally and physically safe.

Thank you for the posting. You have at least opened my eyes to the difference between D/s and S/M Dom/me Sub relationships.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 33

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/15/2005 11:34:20 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

I didn't understand until she said in an icy voice, "I don't chit-chat with subs." Now, is this the prevalent feeling among Dom/mes?

No. That is the prevalent feeling among uppity snot nose bitches ;)

- LA

Yeah, what LA said ... personally, I think it's admirable for someone to find out what something feels like before trying it out on someone else. Which is why I'm going to get pierced and tatooed before we do either to our boys (*gulp* I really want this tatoo, but I know it's going to hurt like a BITCH!!!)

Most people who have been in the lifestyle for any length of time (that I know of, anyway) would never say such a thing to you, Knots.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 34

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/15/2005 5:36:07 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

(*gulp* I really want this tatoo, but I know it's going to hurt like a BITCH!!!)

Actually getting a tattoo is a fraction of the pain and costs of getting a tattoo removed. Believe me.

- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 35

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/15/2005 5:46:56 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

My question is do you think it possible for a spouse to take his Domme wife to the brink of fear with pain? Can she have a truly terrifying mind screw experience with someone she knows at the bottom of her soul will protect her at all costs?

These are two seperate questions to me.

First, I think that it is absolutely possible for anyone to take anyone to the brink of fear with pain. It all depends what is negotiated. If she is your Domme and she wants you to do this to her, then it is your duty to obey her.

As for if she can have the total mind screw experience has to do with what she allows herself to feel. As for the one who will protect her at all costs, I will tell you that when I play with Rapier, a Sadistic Dom who tops me, I know that he will protect me at all costs. His love for me is amazing. And yet, he can make my mind race like no other. So in essence, it is possible. I have never really let a sub top me. I did let my boy Dom me because he is essentially switch and he wanted to get pointers on how he performed as a Dom. It was hot because I allowed myself to get into the role and have fun with it.

Hope this answers your question somewhat,
- LA

_____________________________

An iron hand in a velvet glove.

(in reply to ttoddg)

Post #: 36

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/15/2005 11:07:13 PM

ttoddg

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline

Thank you, LA, for the reply!

My Domme wife (magiqnapa) never thought of the possibility that she has a mind-block to letting her "feel" me give her a mind screw. When I try to top her, struggle to hold her down and flog her, for instance (when it's what she wants) I do a great job and she LOVES the pain (by the way she loved getting her tattoo, since you were discussing it earlier, a pic is on her profile) and lack of control, but doesn't fear me and doesn't think she CAN fear me. She is pretty much a hellcat too....So, do i find a Mentor to teach me how to bring her to the edge of fear and make her mind race? Or, should she continue to look for a Dom whom she can trust to complete this fantasy/fear for her? Or, does her fantasy just go as un-full filled? Do any other couples that you know of in this life-style have a problem with this, or is it just us?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 37

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/16/2005 8:35:15 AM

MagicKnots

Posts: 41
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Cleveland, OH
Status: offline

quote:

Most people who have been in the lifestyle for any length of time (that I know of, anyway) would never say such a thing to you, Knots.

I found out (much later) that this Domme was like that all the time (always in Domme mode).

That was also the last time I spoke to her. Oh well, her loss.

_____________________________

Just J

quote:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 38

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/16/2005 8:42:31 AM

MagicKnots

Posts: 41
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Cleveland, OH
Status: offline

quote:

... but doesn't fear me and doesn't think she CAN fear me. She is pretty much a hellcat too....So, do i find a Mentor to teach me how to bring her to the edge of fear and make her mind race? Or, should she continue to look for a Dom whom she can trust to complete this fantasy/fear for her? Or, does her fantasy just go as un-full filled? Do any other couples that you know of in this life-style have a problem with this, or is it just us?

I have a friend/sub that I have been playing with for years. We're not a couple, but she trusts me completely and has told me on several occasions that she knows deep down that I could/would never hurt her. She also has a "fear" fantasy. What I did was securely tied her and blindfolded her. Then I told her that I was leaving and letting someone else take over. Then I left the room. In actuality, I never left the room, but instead waited and watched for her reaction in total silence. After about 15 minutes she really started to shake and that's when I STORMED into the room and lashed her ass without mercy. When we were all done and I released her, I told her all about what happened and she couldn't believe it was me that was with her. Her mind MADE her believe I was someone else. Sure, it might sound a little hokey, but it worked for me and who knows, it might work for you as well.

Good luck,

J

_____________________________

Just J

quote:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

(in reply to ttoddg)

Post #: 39

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/17/2005 7:29:55 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I like to feel pain but I do not submit. Just because someone has a masoshistic side dose not mean they have a submissive side. I myself am a little weary of how ppl continue to think that Dom = Sadist and
Sub = Masochist. I remember when the principal use to spank me with a paddle. I'd just keep saying "is that all you got? can't you hit harder than that? make it hurt! make it hurt!" Who's in controll when the massochist demands for the pain to hurt more and the sadist obeys the order?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 40

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