RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one.

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RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one. - 4/11/2005 11:20:45 PM

tianna

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

i have been polyamorous for 5 years. jealousy is very valid, so is anger so is sadness. and as others have posted, there are ways of dealing with it. Most important, of course, is communication and being willing to go to the person that is causing those feelings and saying, "Hey, i'm feeling jealous about <blah>." and then working out how to make you or them not feel jealous.

For myself, i usually felt jealous when my husband at the time would go out and spend several hours with one of his gf's then come home and ignore me. it drove me nuts and he couldn't understand why i was upset. unfortunately, he decided that the reasons i was feeling jealous weren't valid and hence, we aren't married anymore. i tried communicating, he didn't. sometimes there isn't a way to go forward anymore and you just have to stop.

hmm...now i wonder if this is topical...*shrugs*

tianna

(in reply to srahfox)

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RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one. - 4/12/2005 5:43:30 AM

stef

Posts: 1603
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: timorous

I know it might seem like I'm blasting people for having jealousy. I don't mean to. I do want to draw a distinction between jealousy in a vanilla or a D/s or even a M/s relationship and that within a poly relationship.

And what is that distinction? I'm not seeing the difference, aside from the fact that there are more people in the mix.

quote:

I don't believe it has any place in a poly relationship. I know that despite the best intentions it can happen but I think we really need to be committed to the goal of enhancing our Masters' lives and helping them fully realise themselves and be all that they can be. They have taken another to help them do this and it is a matter of duty to support Him in this in what ever way we can.

Funny thing though............ when I was in my last relationship... which was poly...... our Master would sometimes chat and flirt with other women... and my sub-sister and I would be furious... absolutely livid.

That certainly sounds like jealousy to me.

~stef

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Some people are like Slinkies. They have no practical use whatsoever, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

(in reply to timorous)

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RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one. - 4/12/2005 3:03:55 PM

timorous

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline

What do I think the distinction is?

Well.... I think it is that you go into a poly relationship with full knowledge that the other two people in it are going to interact with each other, either with you or without... either in front of you or behind your back.

That fact is understood. You go into it accepting that that will happen from time to time.

It doesn't change how either of them feel about you... you surely know that. Jealousy is when you are upset and resentful... and sometimes feel that your position is threatened. In a healthy poly relationship that is absolutely not the case.

Of course, emotions are seldom logical... I admit that.. and I admit to being awash with contradictions.

Yes, my subsister and I would be pissed off at our Master's womanising outside of the relationship..... We have a right to. Our understanding is that we are in a closed relationship. Being with someone else amounts to cheating.

In fact we were always able to laugh it off BECAUSE we knew it was just flirting and that he wouldn't actually step outside of our relationship.... without there being full consultation.

So I don't accept that it was based on jealousy because there wasn't any particular threat to us..... (just that we despaired of his continued flirting... we found it somewhat childish)

(in reply to stef)

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Post #: 23

RE: There's too many threads. I'd better start a new one. - 4/19/2005 9:49:16 AM

slvruncrn69

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/7/2004
From: slvruncrn69
Status: offline

Very, very well said Jewel. Once you realize the relationship you are having with someone is something you are happy with roll with it. They never belonged to you in the first place but find you interesting to walk the path of life with you (for awhile at least). Should you or they find someone else to walk the path of life with wish them good health and happiness. Life is extremely to short to get all tied up in who is talking to whom and why and whatever other jealous-type thoughts go through a persons head. First of all give the benefit of any doubt.

Lovingly,

slvruncrn69

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