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BobcatsLilMinx -> RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! (5/4/2005 1:35:19 AM)
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I thought for ages that poly was something I could "get used to"... I cared very much for my last Master, and was determined I would do anything to please him. Then he introduces me to this other Mistress he's fallen for... And I did exactly what someone else said, I smiled and gushed on and on about how wonderful it would be to have a Mistress as well, but I didn't see it as deceitful. My reasoning? I thought that I just really did need to get used to it, and had been trained very strictly in the slave attitude of "It's not your will that matters, it's not your pleasure that matters - it's his". I know I am a possessive person, but I had been taught that a slave has no right to be possessive at all, and that is that. So I tried hard to be a "good" slave, a "real" slave. But it burned me up, this horrible feeling that I wasn't enough for him, that I couldn't be everything he needed. When he told me he loved this other woman... Damn, it just about broke my heart, and I begged release. He didn't grant it... he chose to finish with that other woman instead, but I was left forever after with that sense that I just wasn't enough... Especially when later on, I found he had about 5 other slaves online he had never told me about.
My current Master is monogamous, although we have discussed having another Mistress come and play with us sometimes. I realise now I should have got to know that previous Master a lot better before I submitted to him, because I know a lot of girls can identify with that need to please him above all others, including yourself, and I should have waited for a Master I could serve fully, rather than force myself to do my best in a situation I wasn't cut out for. I'm much happier now, being allowed to be myself, and I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore, I really am not cut out for a poly relationship! And I count myself very lucky and very grateful to be the only one who serves my Master. It's a privilidge and an honour that I just don't feel exists in a poly relationship, and I love it.
Minx
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