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dragonofjapan -> RE: Poly will make him happy..but me insane! (4/29/2005 7:30:10 AM)
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Well I have read through all this. Here is my opinion.
Disclaimer:
When I was a small child I had a vision of a coming new world paradigm, so I think this might put me in the "oh my god not one of those" catagories. ;-)
Over time I have wondered why it is women are so fearful of one another. I have come to feel this is based on the hatred of women in the 3 main world religions, Buddhist, Christian and Muslims all are based on women being unclean, and their sexuality is evil. This hatred is trying lately to be brushed over.
These religions have done this for very good marketing reasons. They are run by men and if women were allowed to have power, these men would lose their power. Let's face it religion is the number one business in both money and power bar none. So this attitude is totally understandable.
I call this paradigm "Not Enough".
Every thing they do is based on making each person know there is not enough for everyone to be happy and each person is not enough to Have What they want!
So when a woman is faced with the fact there is Not Enough Love and They are Not Enough to Keep her man, then every other woman is a threat.
I have found people who accept poly or better still embrace poly, are people who come from an inner sense of abundance and a desire to give.
I have also found when either a man or a woman brings the next lover to the relationship, then there is less of a sense of fear and the partner sees the "new" lover as an extension of their lover.
I come from the point of view that what makes us uniquely human is NOT we are tool makers, but we use sex as a social bonding tool.
As best I can tell, except for a few monkeys on some occasions and dolphins, humans are the only animal where the female is capable of having sex at anytime. Most importantly she has been given a "joy buzzer" to make the act of sex pleasurable.
With religions promoting hatred of women and sexual desire being basically evil, it is hardly surprising the "not enough" and this is Bad has become so prevalent in our societies.
The fact is, as has been so often said, 80 to 90% of sex is between the ears. With this heavy push to think sex is bad and wrong, and women are "sinister" , it is hardly suprising how many people subscribe to the feelings of being "Not Enough" and therefore threatened by your partner having another lover.
I discovered rather early in my life, when my lover was off with a different man, I imagined the beautiful scene, the clothes of course falling off and the violins swell and knew they were not just forking, like she and I do, but they were having some "magical experience".
When I was lying there watching my lover with a different man, I could see the clothes don't come off any more easily, the kissing is sloppy, and the sex is sex, even if it is really great, there were no violins.
Over time I have, through experience, come to a few ideas of what works most, certainly not for all, but do work most.
First, when a woman brings another woman to her man, she is less likely to feel jealous, and her lover is more likely to see that "other woman" as an extension of his lover. I find the opposite works for men as well.
I see one way of having cake, yet having that nuclear coupleness as follows. Imagine, as in the Bob Dylan song, Everybody serves somebody.
A couple would serve One person above them. They would have a partnering couple who would serve the other half of the couple of the person above them. Each person would have two people below them who would serve them.
I do not see this service as merely sexual, but to serve in making their entire life more successful and enjoyable.
Imagine how YOU would feel, if you knew there were two people devoted to making your life work, to handling the things which come up day to day. If you had this, how much easier would it be to give attention to your partner, how much easier would it be for you with your partner to make one other person's life better?
I call this idea " A Circle of Friends".
I think Heaven is on Earth. In fact Heaven and Hell are exactly the same thing, and the difference is the "way you see". Heaven on Earth is Achieved through Service, Healing and Empathy.
I have used the words Heaven on Earth- Service Healing and Empathy for more than 40 years when a woman pointed out to me their anacronyms were HE - SHE.
Brought on by a simple twist of fate.
Just some thoughts for you all to massively discount, since I am after all an idealist who is clearly off his rocker.
Zip
He who rules, truly serves
as
She who serves truly rules
Heaven on Earth
Service, Healing, Empathy
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