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double standard? - 5/4/2004 1:03:21 AM

MstrMrW

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

It has come to my attention through reading posts, not only here but on various other lifestyle related sites, that if a male dominant has 'Master' or 'Sir' (or almost any word relating to his being a dominant) as part of his screen/nickname/handle he is almost always automatically presumed to be a troll or a HNG or a player. However, the same does not apply when a female dominant has 'Mistess' or some variation thereof as part of her screen/nickname/handle. Why is this? I mean, granted, on the male part it is validated in some (maybe even half of the) cases, but isn't generalizing it to include all male Doms spreading the tar with a rather thick brush? Or are we just helping to perpetuate yet another double standard? Just some random thoughts that go through ones brain at 4 am.

< Message edited by MstrMrW -- 5/4/2004 1:04:45 AM >

_____________________________

It is a tops business to produce intense and specific sensations in their bottoms: the top's pleasure is their own business

Post #: 1

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 3:19:07 AM

GoddessMarissa

Posts: 240
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Las Vegas NV
Status: offline

I dont see it as a double standered, it is the same for Dommes, the only difference is that you are male and we are female. I dont know what kind of females you have been talking to but I personally don't see a difference. Mabey someone has a different opinion?

_____________________________

D/s makes the world go round~~
www.Domina.ms/love

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 2

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 5:24:10 AM

inyouagain

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline

I'd say it's part of a movement, sort of "urbanized BDSM", if you will.

Discounting the use of dominant honorifics by male dominants (by those who are not your Master/Dom), while in the same token advocating/promoting the use of female dominant honorifics (by those who are not your Mistress/Domme), can only be viewed as a quite obvious double-standard. Why this double-standard, and by whom? Female subs/slaves are often heard saying, "Respect is earned and not given!", while many male subs/slaves seem to be desperate (spouting ratios, etc) to the extent of gladly using female honorifics on any female dominant they can get the attention of.

At any rate, the highly controversial subject of female dominant "financial domination" of male subs/slaves (in particular, online financial domination of total strangers) will come into the forray. Would you send your cash if a "Lucy" asked for it, or would you send it more quicky if a "MistressLucy", or "GoddessLucy" was demanding it from you? Whoring and pimping of female subs/slaves by male dominants is surely to be tossed into the double-standard forray, but is totally different from demanded financial domination by an absolute stranger with a fancy name.

It also constitutes a double-standard in common sense. Demanding males not use honorifics as a measure of their genuineness, while the attitude of generously pasting female dominant honorifics onto any female dominant is actually quite absurd, while the similarity to the "velcro collar" concept is rather compelling.

Is "urbanized BDSM" impacting the BDSM Lifestyle? It would appear it's re-defining it in many aspects.

Inyouagain

_____________________________

Careful with that axe, Eugene

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 3

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 7:28:27 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Why this double-standard, and by whom? Female subs/slaves are often heard saying, "Respect is earned and not given!", while many male subs/slaves seem to be desperate (spouting ratios, etc) to the extent of gladly using female honorifics on any female dominant they can get the attention of.

I believe respect and trust and all those other things are earned, not given. I suspect a person who demands others do those sorts of things (trust, respect) either has something to hide or does not feel inside themselves that they are worthy of it.

I tend to dislike being referred to as Sir by anybody who does not know me. I suspect that is just an aspect of my personality. Address me as Master or Lord and I look around to see who you are talking to. Calling me by my name works just fine.

The law of supply and demand may to the difference between the way male subs and female subs address prospective Dominants. I have not done an extensive study, but the few female Dominants I have spoken to have indicated that they are approached constantly by male submissives seeking to be taken in.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to inyouagain)

Post #: 4

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 9:22:07 AM

proudsub

Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I prefer to have titles associated with screen names. It makes it much easier to know if someone is dominant or submissive. I don't feel the titles catagorize them as a troll or player.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 5

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 10:22:58 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Well You see if You are a part of the OLD BDSM
You respect Ones earned name of Master/Mistress
or Lord/Lady and the experiance thats behind it All
however in the NEW BDSM it is tempted to remove
such items that would make One stand out on Their
merits, in other words the New BDSM tries to look
as much as Vanilla as They can so accepted into
mainstream Society by the Masses so as not to be
seen as a F R E A K and W E I R D and I N S A N E.
Of course then they complain when they dont find a
REAL MASTER or a REAL MISTRESS and cannot
figgure out for the life of em why.............~wink~

I always address Those whom wear the name appropreatly
untill They prove Them selfs unworthy of such a name and
also beleive that One chooses what They desire to be called
as well but in My Upbringing and Training in BDSM One earns
the name such as a Dr earns or a PA earns and is worn with
pride showing Ones accomplishments with in their BDSM Group
that has given Them the rights to wear such a name by experiance.
Our secrete Societies keep Our Records of those of Us whom
earn Our Names thru out its Memberships and years but there is
a group of roleplay online folks whom have taken the names in vain
and given them a bad rep however in the long run they will always
show and prove to not have earned it in their work and deeds online.
Most every Master and Mistress I know whom are real Own Thier
Own Public BDSM establishment be it a Munchie or Dungeon or
Adult Store or Club or have chose to become a Pro at Their
Lifestyle or livlihoood and are not quite in Their Lifestyle Choices and
practice so a sign to Me that sumone is simply a Top or Dominant
whom practices bedroom BDSM on the side or uses BDSM online
for roleplay which by the way is quite allright as on here
everyone is in the closet basically and can be who ever and
what ever they want to be with out this ever effecting their
vanilla life which most would state scares the shit outta em
but any how one thing about these types is that they do not
have the understanding and concepts of integrity or honor
that We practice for starters but of course there is always an
exception to the rule but not many. For those whom truly
know ME they also know that I am the same Mistress here on
line and in real life and know where I am located and
My Lifestyle establishments and that would go for any
real practicing 24/7 Lifestyler whom is established. And
thats what makes the differance. The Double Standard is
only for those whom use it to verify their online play plays
however I do not have one nor use one. I use the same
proticals and practices that have been in place longer then
I have been living and expect the same of like, which is a
pretty damn long time. JMO

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 6

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 2:39:02 PM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

In my experience, when a male has Master in their nick, they have been ( with some exceptions ) morons. They expect to be treated as a god as they sit at their pc in their underwear. Women with Mistress in their nicks don't seem to behave in the same manner. With exceptions of course. Could just be the difference between men and women I suppose.

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 7

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 3:07:35 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1641
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As a male sub/ slave / whatever pigeon hole you have perhaps I can tell you why women get away with it.

We let them.

If Mistress or Goddess X e-mails me demanding money I don't get upset I just hit delete. When Master X e-mails a female sub and demands sex they take it a wee bit more personally.

Besides, maybe Mistress X has a good picture on her profile. I doubt female subs are concerned about that.

For the chance of cheap porn I'm more than happy to let them be greedy net chicks.:)

Oh for clarity sake Mistresses Dread, Kiss, Mary GoddessMarissa and several other names I forget have decent women behind them. (Although Dread may insist she is not decent.

) (Please put your clothes on.

)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 8

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 5:37:05 PM

MstrMrW

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

In my experience, when a male has Master in their nick, they have been ( with some exceptions ) morons. They expect to be treated as a god as they sit at their pc in their underwear.

Unfortunately, that has been my experience as well. I guess it is because I am one of the exceptions that I 'took umbrage' if you will. It is just so frustrating to almost always be automatically discounted just because of a facet of my nick.

quote:

Women with Mistress in their nicks don't seem to behave in the same manner.

One might not be able to guess this just from reading some of the profiles of those with Mistress (or variations) in their nick (although, admittedly, it seems to be the younger "send Me money" type of dominas that start their profiles with "Bow down before me wretch")

I will now step down off my soapbox feeling much better for having vented

_____________________________

It is a tops business to produce intense and specific sensations in their bottoms: the top's pleasure is their own business

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 9

RE: double standard? - 5/4/2004 7:00:32 PM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I would say that you do seem to be an exception from what you have posted on here. So many male Doms seem to feel that calling themselves Master makes them one.
Come to think of it, I have noticed many of these " send me money " type female Doms. Maybe because I never have observed them in action, they don't really register with me. But they are equally as ridiculous.

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 10

RE: double standard? - 5/11/2004 11:06:14 PM

HouseOfDragon

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

Hasnt the meaning of the Titles Master and Mistress gotten distorted a bit somewhere along the way? With all due respect I would almost bet that few who slap it on their names in the first place wouldnt know that when you add this to your name you should have a slave/sub (currently) not just say oh I had one ummm long ago. I mean really do some of these people just put on a hat and say its so? I am probably going to catch hell for this but I have looked at a great number of posts today and keep seeing the same number of whines and whiners doing so and see so many Master this and Mistress that then add the other side into it of slave so and so. Really I must ask what happened to the Title being given from One who has so many years in the Lifestyle? Maybe what was passed on to me isnt so bad after all.

Ms A
HoD
"In Keeping with the Old School
that means respect is Earned not Demanded"~

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 11

RE: double standard? - 5/11/2004 11:20:46 PM

Estring

Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

What was passed on to you?

(in reply to HouseOfDragon)

Post #: 12

RE: double standard? - 5/11/2004 11:42:55 PM

HouseOfDragon

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

the qoute lol Respect and Title is Earned not just demanded

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 13

RE: double standard? - 5/12/2004 5:09:16 AM

inyouagain

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline

Your quote does not mention title. When you requote your quote, it does? Is there more in your passed on quote than meets the eye?

IMHO, too many people hold respect and courtesy as being synonymous. If you can't discern the distinction between the two, it really doesn't matter what your origins are.

If the quote you misquoted was passed on to you, then it may very well indeed work for you, but that does not make it a lifestyle norm for all others. You address yourself as Ms A, does that mean you currently own slaves that have been appropriately titled as slaves by your concept of "...the Title being given from One who has so many years in the Lifestyle"? Who bestowed slave on your slaves, and btw, who bestowed Ms A on you? Are these also contradictions to your printed words, as viewed by others?

Additionally, your other thread/poll on a suggested LS retreat refers to lifestylers with 1) - partners (and no place to play), and 2) - lifestylers without partners. Does this mean you will offer slaves for play to strangers, for a fee? Isn't that called prostitution in many countries, or is it simply called "if you pay, you get to play" in your LS world?

IMHO, your thread/poll post creates more questions than it provides answers, but maybe it's just me and my not being overly impressed personally by a quote that changes when requoted.

As far as LS retreats in other countries... many are in existence already, and many are well known. Why would you come here to a bunch of quote: "whiners" to seek interest in a remote based LS retreat you envision as being beneficial to quote: "whiners"? Just a wild guess, but I doubt your motivations have anything to do with them, but possibly the funds they may contribute to your vision of a pay-per-play LS Valhalla?

If your world and ways work for you, best wishes to you. Perhaps you can drum up more support back within your originating clan, than here amidst the LS "whiners" you bestowed with your chosen title. Usually when you refer to your prey in negative terms, it's a sure indicator that your genuine interest lies elsewhere.

Inyouagain

_____________________________

Careful with that axe, Eugene

(in reply to HouseOfDragon)

Post #: 14

RE: double standard? - 5/12/2004 3:53:35 PM

HouseOfDragon

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

See reply under the poll for Lifestyle Retreat please no point in wasting space with to much print.

Ms A,
HoD
"In Keeping with the Old School
that means respect is Earned not Demanded"~

(in reply to inyouagain)

Post #: 15

RE: double standard? - 5/13/2004 2:42:35 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

hahhah to to funny
actually for those
whom know Me
personally also
know that I prefer
to be called DREAD
but because I have
earned My title I
wear it. I wonder
how many Dr.s
go around being called
Just their names even
if They dont like the
Honorfications....
and yes you are correct
House that in order to
be called Master/Mistress
Lord/Lady You should be
in Ownership of a 24/7
slave according to the
rules and regulations and
proticals of the established
BDSM Groups and
Societies I belong to.

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to HouseOfDragon)

Post #: 16

RE: double standard? - 5/13/2004 2:50:51 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

MstrMrW
anytime You
wanna waffle
over what goes
on in Ya brain
at 4 am est Im the
Mistress to waffle
with cause thats
My prime time!!
Come lets chat!!
http://chat.msn.com/chatroom.msnw?rm=%2d%7F%7F%7F%2D&cat=LF&lang=1&codeconduct=on&des=

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to MstrMrW)

Post #: 17

RE: double standard? - 5/20/2004 9:19:35 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Don't really pay much attention to titles myself all I use them for is mostly to see what gender they are indentifying with and possibly one facet of the power spectrum they are currently in tune with. And to be honest not always even that, lol

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 18

RE: double standard? - 5/21/2004 3:14:19 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2326
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

double standards cross many lines
in BDSM that shouldent but as long
as there are those whom choose
to be a part of two sides of a Life
BDSM and Vanilla the double standards
in all their forms will prevail just as
they do in a vanilla society with like
issues not Lifestyle related.

_____________________________

♥I only need 4 kinds of Animals in My life♥
♥A Jaguar in My garage♥ ♥A Mink on My back♥
♥A few Lions in My bed♥ ♥A Jackass to pay for it all♥

♥~smiles evily~♥

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

Post #: 19

RE: double standard? - 5/21/2004 5:18:28 AM

indigo302

Posts: 66
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline

double standards cross many lines
in BDSM that shouldent but as long
as there are those whom choose
to be a part of two sides of a Life
BDSM and Vanilla the double standards
in all their forms will prevail just as
they do in a vanilla society with like
issues not Lifestyle related.
[/quote]

There is always going to be a vanilla life and a bdsm life for those in the lifestyle. We cannot function and thrive, get ahead in life by putting ourselves in a vacuum of BDSM. We still have to work, shop, and speak to those who are not involved in this lifestyle.

I don't think it's so much "vanilla" related as it is people related.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 20

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