Regarding Emails and Courtesy (Full Version)

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DocHolliday -> Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 1:36:53 AM)

Greetings to all,
I have been wondering something for quite sometime now and thought I would ask your collective thoughts on the subject.
When I am emailed from someone, I read the email and take a moment out of My time to answer back. It only takes a second, and its no big deal.
Why is it that so many people on sites like this one either neglect to reply at all, or simply discard your email without bothering to read it?
I mean, we came here, and filled out profiles because we wanted to get to know some more people, right? Is it not poor manners to blow people off? Am I wrong?
Thanks in advance for any insight you can give on this.
Sincerely,
Doc



SherriA -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 7:09:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday
Why is it that so many people on sites like this one either neglect to reply at all, or simply discard your email without bothering to read it?
I mean, we came here, and filled out profiles because we wanted to get to know some more people, right? Is it not poor manners to blow people off? Am I wrong?


There are a lot of reasons why I don't respond to some emails.

First of all, if someone has obviously not read my profile which clearly states some basic parameters for my intereactions, I don't think I owe them the courtely of a reply. People who send out generic emails to every female in a specific area, for example, aren't interested in getting to know *me*, they're just looking for a life support system to satisfy their kink.

Sometimes I read the email and the person is very obviously not compatible, for a variety of reasons. When I've sent replies indicating this, I've gotten nasty responses more often than not, so now I generally don't bother.

Sometimes I'm simply too busy, my inbox has been flooded, and things get lots in the chaos. It happens. I read something, think to myself that I'll respond later, then forget or don't get around to it.

Sometimes the email is so offensive that it doesn't deserve a response.

Oh, and if the profile has a picture of the individual's genitals front and center I'm usually not going to respond either. Anyone who thinks that's their best feature isn't someone that I'm interested in interacting with and not worth my effort to respond to.

I'm sure there are others, but those are a few off the top of my head.

-- Sherri



DaddisGrl -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 8:07:05 AM)

I agree completely SherriA.



Erusvi -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 9:42:11 AM)

I know exactly what you mean, Sherri. I do, however, have to agree that deleting mail having never read it is a bit rude. I try to put some thought into the emails I send out. I've not had it happen, but I'd be a bit miffed to find that they weren't even given the benefit of a once-over.



litaTshai -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 10:49:26 AM)

greetigns to All,

this one is enw to this forum. she has tried to fill in her profile as best she can, but she still gets e-mails from people half-way across the country, peoples whose tastes are owhere close to hers, people who seem to expect her to drop everything and go clear acorss the country to move in with them without knowing them at all.

and many of these e-mails she simply does not know how to respond to, in all honesty, so she doesn't.

some of the responses that come to mind are inappropriate for a Gorean slave. sometimes she is just at a loss for words.

it seems odd to say it, but the harsh world of Gor has been much kinder and gentler than the suppsosedly less harsh world of BDSM, D/s. *chuckle* at least as far as e-mails are concerned.

some of the e-mails she has gotten, no one who hasn't had a frontal lobotomy would respond to.

she wishes All here well, enough, and great joy.

respectfully submitted,

lita {Tshai}



DocHolliday -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 10:57:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA
First of all, if someone has obviously not read my profile which clearly states some basic parameters for my intereactions, I don't think I owe them the courtely of a reply.


I totally understand that part. They who do not respect you enough to read a little about you first do not deserve a reply
quote:

People who send out generic emails to every female in a specific area, for example, aren't interested in getting to know *me*, they're just looking for a life support system to satisfy their kink.

Again, I couldnt agree more. People who seem to cut copy and paste the same email to like 400 people oughta have a boot rush outta their screen and firmly implant itself up their asses. I have even had men email ME seeking gay sex...and theres NOTHING in My profile to lead them to think I would be remotely interested. So, yes I can respect how that would piss someone off.

quote:

Sometimes I read the email and the person is very obviously not compatible, for a variety of reasons. When I've sent replies indicating this, I've gotten nasty responses more often than not, so now I generally don't bother.


So youre saying even a well-written, respectable email such as the ones we have sent to girls deserves the same treatment simply because there are some jerk-offs out there? That's hardly fair.

quote:

Sometimes the email is so offensive that it doesn't deserve a response.

Yes I have heard of those "doms" who send out "kneel and worship, bitch" emails and demand undeserved respect...those too are worthy of an ass kicking. They have no couth, nor any idea of the basis of the lifestyle. However, My southern raising has taught Me to respect ALL women...and I would never send any such email.

quote:

Oh, and if the profile has a picture of the individual's genitals front and center I'm usually not going to respond either. Anyone who thinks that's their best feature isn't someone that I'm interested in interacting with and not worth my effort to respond to.


I don't recall ever having shown My genitals to anyone outside of VERY close friends of ours, and would certainly never offer it up to show off online to everyone....seems just a little not-My-style. Fine for others, not for Me. I beleive a persons greatest sex organ is their brain.

So please understand girls...I am not guilty of any of those aforementioned treasons. Some of the emails I send have NOTHING to do with getting with someone. Some merely compliment a picture, or remark in agreement about something their profiles say...yet no polite reply, and some are even deleted unread.

Erusvi said:
quote:

I do, however, have to agree that deleting mail having never read it is a bit rude. I try to put some thought into the emails I send out. I've not had it happen, but I'd be a bit miffed to find that they weren't even given the benefit of a once-over.


Thank You Erusvi, for agreeing with Me on that. I appreciate it.



SherriA -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 12:13:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday

So youre saying even a well-written, respectable email such as the ones we have sent to girls deserves the same treatment simply because there are some jerk-offs out there? That's hardly fair.


Maybe it's not fair, however when the initial email is well written and respectful, but the response to a polite reply stating that i don't see the person as compatible is met with defensiveness, rudeness, and hostility more often than not, I guess I just get tired of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I get responses like "who the hell do you think you are to reject me?" and "you're nothing but a fake anyway" and "fuck you, you're nobody" when i send polite replies to people I think are not compatible with me. Most of the rest of them try to engage me in discourse to prove that we ARE compatible, and that's just as annoying. Very few of them can take a polite "no" and be done with it.

So, you get caught in the crossfire Doc, and you're probably right about it not being fair. But ultimately, I'm not going to expend my energy on someone who I think is incompatible. I've been burned too many times by trying to be nice. Now I just don't respond, more often than not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday
So please understand girls...I am not guilty of any of those aforementioned treasons. Some of the emails I send have NOTHING to do with getting with someone. Some merely compliment a picture, or remark in agreement about something their profiles say...yet no polite reply, and some are even deleted unread.



I pretty much always respond to those sorts of emails, even if it's only just a simple "thank you".

quote:

ORIGINAL: Erusvi
I do, however, have to agree that deleting mail having never read it is a bit rude. I try to put some thought into the emails I send out. I've not had it happen, but I'd be a bit miffed to find that they weren't even given the benefit of a once-over.


I only delete emails unread if they're from someone i've had previous interactions with, either via email or in the chatroom. If that person has been rude or offensive, I don't bother to read the email. I don't need that crap in my reality.

It sucks, but I can only hit someone upside the head with a clue by four so many times before the law of diminishing returns kicks in.

-- Sherri



Estring -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 2:58:01 PM)

I think one thing to keep in mind is that the females on this site will usually receive a hell of alot more emails than us men will. I can understand how even someone as polite and respectful as Sherri would get tired of dealing with the many jerks posing as Doms that are on here. And unfortunately, some of us considerate men are affected as well by this. It is unfortunate, but understandable. I have received a few responses, and have scratched my head in bewilderment at why they emailed me. So, multiply that by many more, and I can see how that can become a chore to deal with.



SherriA -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 4:26:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I think one thing to keep in mind is that the females on this site will usually receive a hell of alot more emails than us men will. I can understand how even someone as polite and respectful as Sherri would get tired of dealing with the many jerks posing as Doms that are on here.


Actually, imx, the submissive men are even worse. They get all bent out of shape when they're not exactly what i'm looking for, and can get quite nasty in their responses, or they simply refuse to disengage and continue to send email after email trying to convince me otherwise.

-- Sherri



DocHolliday -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 7:09:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

I can understand how even someone as polite and respectful as Sherri would get tired of dealing with the many jerks posing as Doms that are on here. And unfortunately, some of us considerate men are affected as well by this.

So perhaps the problem should land directly in the laps of Site Administration, should it not? I mean, if there were "an asshole" rule stating any abusive email would be met with sure and severe consequences. Perhaps a method of banning an abuser's isp number would be a deterrent to the problem makers. If something stinks, One removes the source of the odor, right?
So, Site Admin, what are your thoughts on this?



SherriA -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/20/2004 7:43:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday

So perhaps the problem should land directly in the laps of Site Administration, should it not? I mean, if there were "an asshole" rule stating any abusive email would be met with sure and severe consequences.


I don't have any issue with reporting abusive users.

However, the bulk of the annoying email I get isn't abusive, at least by my standards. It's simply clueless, annoying, and occasionally offensive. I don't think we can expect collarme to ban folks simply because they're idiots.

-- Sherri



DocHolliday -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/21/2004 12:42:28 AM)

so you're just as rude as they are then? Makes a lot of sense to Me. Damn, no wonder I never really got into this whole internet meeting thing.



SherriA -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/21/2004 12:50:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday

so you're just as rude as they are then? Makes a lot of sense to Me. Damn, no wonder I never really got into this whole internet meeting thing.


Excuse me? Where did I say I was rude? I think I pretty clearly stated that I respond politely, but when the subsequent replies are offensive I simply disengage.

You and I obviously define rude differently.

-- Sherri



ShadowHwk -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/21/2004 5:22:59 AM)

As Estring mentioned, women get at least triple the email that men do. That being said, my time, online here, is extremely limited. Do I spend that time reading boards and posting, or should I spend it wading through a bunch of email that is as SherriA pointed out, obviously some one trolling for masturbation material? I respond to most, not all email. Not because of a lack of courtesy, but because of a lack of time. I often finish an introductory email (which is usually more than just a line or two – I like to hear my self talk – go figure) with a statement such as:

The courtesy of a reply is expected, even if to simply indicate disinterest.

This simple statement, while not 100% effective, does help. That being said, when someone does email back indicating disinterest – I never respond in an inflammatory way – just the opposite, I wish them well on their search.

ShadowHwk



Estring -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/22/2004 11:34:52 PM)

I think there are many on here who think they are God's gift to subs or Doms as the case may be. When they are told that the person they contacted isn't interested, their fantasy world crumbles, and they lash out at that person. I have emailed a couple of subs that didn't respond back. I took this to mean they were not interested. That's all. I will live. Lol.



Voltare -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/23/2004 1:26:17 AM)

Just a brief thought...

Those who would stoop to writing an offensive email in search of masterbatory material, probably arne't likely to go dragging a net through the message boards looking for someone to say they are wrong.

As an expression of frustration, I wholly concur - my personal email pet peeve is an email from a person with no profile, writing just "Hi"

I don't write back.

As a means of improving the overall community? It's like with manners, if you didn't learn it by seven years old, odds are you'll never learn it.

Just my thoughts.

Stephan



realophelia -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/23/2004 7:27:44 AM)

Hi :) I don't answer all my emails. Sometimes for the reasons others have listed but mostly just because I'm having a bad week time-wise. It would be nice if collarme had an auto reply feature to help us all through those busy times.

Yours truly,
ophelia



hack -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (1/26/2004 4:35:39 AM)

[8|] just to let u know you cannot ban any member from the site because there ip will change at most logins. the only banning you can do is ban isp that would be tragic for some people.

i only read profiles and what they are into well before sending a email.

you can ban members from the site by there email address and name but again that can all be changed.

all you can really do is ban the user form your profile.
but that dosent stop them from crating a new one.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (2/2/2004 7:34:46 PM)

hahahahahahaha[:'(][:-]hack................cute name



alyra -> RE: Regarding Emails and Courtesy (2/7/2004 10:22:58 AM)

I am frequently emailed by many Doms, some of whom have clearly not taken the time to read my profile--or have, but think that if they beg and plead enough, they will somehow be the "exception to the rule" of what I am seeking.

If I do not respond--which rarely happens, usually I am polite enough to give a very blunt, yet diplomatic reason as to why I am not interested--it is because for some reason, they have offended me. Either that or my life's demands have kept me away from the computer.

I do my best to answer all of my email, but sometimes I do get a freaky email and find it best to just let it go and not respond.


Be well,
-A



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