RE: Longing

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RE: Longing - 2/22/2006 10:11:37 PM

slave4Darby3d

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M

like produces like...maybe not immediately...but it does. Don't get discouraged. The kindness and interest you show to others comes back to you...maybe that someone special is just gathering it up trying to find you...

your results may vary...

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RE: Longing - 2/22/2006 10:13:57 PM

michaelGA

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one could hope

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RE: Longing - 2/22/2006 10:15:43 PM

seaturtle50

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quote:

the jist of it is as follows:

first and foremost is no intercourse and limited sexual contact, as i do not require that kind of relationship.

someone to interact with in the lieftsyle, someone that can "take control" of me regularly (schedule negotiable)

i seek TPE and serving a Mistress in most ways, (subject to negotiation)

my vanilla life does come first and gf will be kept informed of all activities before they occur and any subsequint activities unplanned will be disclosed to her promptly

again, no intercourse

OK - we are a bit closer now, but i still need more info. First of all - the 'T" in TPE stands for Total - so you may want to re-think that. i am not certain that TPE is exactly what you want - if its to be done in "most ways" and if there are "negotiations required." TPE with hard limits is possible, but remember you are then further limiting yourself to only those Domina's <only in your area> who happen to share or are comfortable with those same limits.

Try this - tell me each of the things that you wish to offer HER first. What can you bring to the party? <note - i am not referring to "toys">

OK - i am going for a coffee <be right back> and before i go to bed this evening You shall have a re-worked profile. Are you with me?

st50

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RE: Longing - 2/22/2006 10:45:04 PM

Petruchio

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Go with seaturtle here.

Yeah, ST!

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RE: Longing - 2/22/2006 11:09:16 PM

michaelGA

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those things are currently listed on my profile

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 12:30:39 AM

seaturtle50

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K - i'm off to bed before i get in any more trouble tonight ;-)

michael - if you want to answer the questions i sent you - i will be happy to send you my draft of a profile re-write tomorrow.

Have Fun!

st50

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 5:12:37 AM

michaelGA

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I did answer your question

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 5:52:14 AM

PenelopePitstop

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Michael, you seem awfully defensive...

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 5:56:52 AM

michaelGA

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i'm sorry, i don't mean to be

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:04:45 AM

PenelopePitstop

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nonono that's okay, i didn't mean to get at you in anyway.

But it might be worth exploring for yourself, it's always useful to know why we feel the way we do.

I mean, what would happen if someone came along, who, although you didn't know it yet, was PERFECT for you, but you would be so expectant of them being judgemental/'too good for you'/fake/unable to understand you that you might accidentally even put them off?

That would suck.

It's hard to keep an open mind, especially when discouragement of the past makes you want to protect yourself from future hassle, but it's really important to understand that everyone you meet is an individual with different needs, values and potential - even when everyone seems to act the same.

But I'm a total hypocrite because I hardly ever take my own advice so feel free to disregard.

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:10:11 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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quote:

Try this - tell me each of the things that you wish to offer HER first. What can you bring to the party? <note - i am not referring to "toys">

quote:

those things are currently listed on my profile

Michael,

A list of things that you want to and do not want to do is FAR from a list of what a sub potentially has to offer a domme. It's just an indication of your kink interests. Think seriously about what YOU are willing to do for her. Wash her car? Clean her house? Be a charming escort to dinner or local BDSM events? What skills do you have that she might find valuable?

While skill sets might not be important if you are just looking for bottom/top play, it IS important if you seek more than that, and your stated desire for TPE (total power exchange) indicates that you see yourself as significantly more than a bottom and are looking for something significantly more than a top.

Also, you really need to think about the whole TPE thing. As a domme, if a sub approached me talking about wanting TPE but had a girlfriend and a list a mile long of limits that appears to be centered around his dislikes rather than keeping himself safe....I'd laugh and block, no chance of further discussion. So the question is - what does TPE mean to YOU? How do YOU see that REALISTICALLY working in your life, given you have quite a few factors that are really preventing you from giving yourself "totally"?

I think that you need to be honest with yourself, hang up the fantasy, and start thinking what might work in reality for you.

You can only ask for so much in return when you only have so much to offer.

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:10:56 AM

michaelGA

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i'm no writer, and it's hard to say what i feel or long for...i just don't know

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:24:40 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
Also, you really need to think about the whole TPE thing. As a domme, if a sub approached me talking about wanting TPE but had a girlfriend and a list a mile long of limits that appears to be centered around his dislikes rather than keeping himself safe....I'd laugh and block, no chance of further discussion. So the question is - what does TPE mean to YOU? How do YOU see that REALISTICALLY working in your life, given you have quite a few factors that are really preventing you from giving yourself "totally"?

These were my thoughts exactly.

Someone all ready in a relationship cannot possibly offer me TPE nor frankly would I believe they could be in a Ds relationship with another person who would ""take control" of me regularly" unless the primary partner was part of the negotations and agreed to the contract.

Trust me on this one, its based on years of experience, if the other partner is not completely cool with it and will not agree to unhold your contract or your negotiated Ds relationship one of these relationship is headed toward trouble. By "completely cool with it" I mean you all meet and you all agree to things. You are asking both parties to schedule this regular time and that means they must be consulted.

And giving someone TPE means that they could true around and say "you will end your relationship with your girlfriend now" and you'd have to do it or leave that Ds relationship.

I have a HUGE question for you, Michael: What does your girlfriend think about all of this?

Its something you need to seriously deal with because most tops/doms I've known will ask you this as soon as they learn you have a girlfriend. Best to know now and have an agreement in place with your primary that any Ds relationship can work around and into.

Just my advice, feel free to ignore.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 2/23/2006 6:26:20 AM >

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:27:41 AM

michaelGA

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she is curious about that part of me, in fact she went with me to the munch i attended. it's a learning process

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 6:46:58 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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quote:

she is curious about that part of me, in fact she went with me to the munch i attended. it's a learning process

That's hardly a resounding endorsement.

Back to the original question - how do I deal with the longing when I'm not in a relationship? By getting active. I work on myself. Right now is probably the biggest example of that - I went back to college and I'm busting my hump to get straight A's to make this all worth it. When I graduate and start a new career, I'll be in a much better position, and more importantly mindset, to be in the kind of relationship I want to be in. Meanwhile? I keep studying the things that interest me - the Victorian era, tea service, working with my single tails, going to munches, occasionally going to play parties.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/23/2006 6:51:15 AM >

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 11:37:45 AM

GoddessDustyGold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

Try this - tell me each of the things that you wish to offer HER first. What can you bring to the party? <note - i am not referring to "toys">

quote:

those things are currently listed on my profile

Also, you really need to think about the whole TPE thing. As a domme, if a sub approached me talking about wanting TPE but had a girlfriend and a list a mile long of limits that appears to be centered around his dislikes rather than keeping himself safe....I'd laugh and block, no chance of further discussion. So the question is - what does TPE mean to YOU? How do YOU see that REALISTICALLY working in your life, given you have quite a few factors that are really preventing you from giving yourself "totally"?

I think that you need to be honest with yourself, hang up the fantasy, and start thinking what might work in reality for you.

You can only ask for so much in return when you only have so much to offer.

Thank you for speaking to this. I wanted to address this last night, but I was too tired and could not find the words. (Can you even imagine Me not being able to find the words? *S*)
and TammyJo's additional rresponse:

quote:

Someone all ready in a relationship cannot possibly offer me TPE nor frankly would I believe they could be in a Ds relationship with another person who would ""take control" of me regularly" unless the primary partner was part of the negotations and agreed to the contract.

Trust me on this one, its based on years of experience, if the other partner is not completely cool with it and will not agree to unhold your contract or your negotiated Ds relationship one of these relationship is headed toward trouble. By "completely cool with it" I mean you all meet and you all agree to things. You are asking both parties to schedule this regular time and that means they must be consulted.

And giving someone TPE means that they could true around and say "you will end your relationship with your girlfriend now" and you'd have to do it or leave that Ds relationship.

Frankly, michael, this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks I constantly run into as a Domina. People do attach different definitions to certain things, but there is still a basic and universally understood definition of what constitutes a total power exchange. When a boy comes to Me and wants to serve on Wednesdays (for example) from 2PM til 5PM, I do not consider that a TPE. And most of the Ladies I know would not consider it a TPE. Because I know that as soon as he has left My home, I no longer have any control. I also know that he may or may not be able to make the next training session if something else comes up in his life. I am happy to train for that 3 hours, but if I can't call you at 3AM because I have a flat tire, you are not My submissive or My slave boy. (Please note I am not speaking of temporary LDR's with plans to join in the future. That is another subject, altogether.)
You can call what you want anything you like. But communication is important, and if you say you seek a TPE, but you really can't meet the terms of an understood TPE, it is best to qualify what you can offer, and don't use a label at all. It will save a lot of time and grief. Does this make any sense?
I also would like to know how your girlfriend really feels about all this. Attending a munch shows openess and a certain amount of tolerance toward your interest, but it is far from a ringing endorsement.
*Smiles to michael* We are just trying to guide you a bit here. It will all work out as it should.

*edited for tags

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 2/23/2006 11:42:13 AM >

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 11:53:56 AM

michaelGA

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alright...alright...i retract the TPE thing...

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 12:33:09 PM

seaturtle50

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michael - it is really not just about retracting the TPE or not. Don't retract it if that is what you really seek, do retract of it is not accurate about you. you are at a point in all this where YOU get to decide.

my offer to assist in the re-write stands, but this is my last request for info. i even tried to read through your past posts and still could not pull enough info from them and your current profile to determine what it is that you really seek in real life. i dont need to know anything else regarding your kink interests, just more about the person that you are.

If you care to answer the following questions - i can at lest get a draft to you. The important point is simply to be honest with yourself, about what you seek, and even more importantly - what you have to offer a Domina Who may wish to consider you.

What can you offer? What benefits does she get from your company? i noticed some of your older posts and i see that you are trained in security and tax prep - those are two assets you have to offer Her. What else?

Also - i asked if you were willing to trade services (such as tax prep, security, painting, carpentry, cleaning, etc., etc.,) to a Pro Domme in exchange for Her services. Are you willing to do that? if so, what services.

One other thing i need to know - do you consider yourself a "bottom" <it seems to me you are> - meaning that you want specific "play only" domination on a regular basis from a Domme in your area. This as opposed to a 24/7 or live in set-up. Is this correct?

give me the answers to these basic questions and i'll be happy to wordsmith a draft of a new profile for you. That together with your new picture and new attitude might just help you get what you seek ;-) it will get you at least one step closer to the "having fun" reality that you do seem to desire.

st50

< Message edited by seaturtle50 -- 2/23/2006 12:36:14 PM >

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 12:53:45 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

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quote:

michael - it is really not just about retracting the TPE or not. Don't retract it if that is what you really seek, do retract of it is not accurate about you. you are at a point in all this where YOU get to decide.

Precisely, Sea. Michael, no one is trying to browbeat you out of wanting a TPE relationship, or whatever it is you want.

But here's the thing - you have to know what you want, what you can realistically offer, AND be able to clearly communicate that, or you can't complain about what you get (or don't get).

You need to be clear what you really are available and interested in without retreating behind words that sound really hot and impressive but don't necessarily apply to you and your situation or have no clear meaning. For example, "TPE", "24/7" connote a relationship where the Domme is the one and only and focus, day in, day out. Someone identifying as "slave" doesn't jump in and start dictating that he needs 20 minutes of warm up flogging followed by 10 of the best with a cane followed by a 30 minute massage. A "Dominant" who wants to have a live-in slave isn't living in Great Uncle Joe's basement smoking pot 7 days a week. You get the picture.

What bothers me is that you have spent years fantasizing about all this but you seem to still have trouble articulating what it is you really need and can realistically offer.

I suggest you break it down for yourself.

How much free time do you have on a regular basis (i.e. you can give every other weekend to a Domme, but not holidays)? Write down specific times that you could be available for Her use on a weekly or monthly basis.

Can you host a Domme in your home/can you afford to provide a hotel room? If not, then you have to find someone willing to host you in her home or is willing to pay for space herself, and that's something you should be clear about up front.

After considering what your free time is, and what your capabilities of hosting are, how far are you willing to drive to see someone? My feelings are that no one should expect the other to travel father than they are willing/able to travel.

What chores are you willing to do for this Domme? See above.

Since you're in a relationship already, what is the appropriate timeline for you, your girlfriend, and your potential domme to sit down together and discuss the situation? Is sitting down together someting your other is willing to do?

This is basic stuff that you need to have figured out before you go hunting.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/23/2006 12:56:22 PM >

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RE: Longing - 2/23/2006 1:26:48 PM

michaelGA

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i am looking real life bondage/discipline. it's hard to really say what i am into since all my experience is online. i made a list of things that i am interested in and what i am not on my profile, but will cut and paste them again here:

what i would like to explore:

bondage
blindfolds
gags
spankings
sensory deprivation
servicing FemDoms orally
cuffs
collars
suspension
mummification

what i am NOT into:

men (non-negotiable)
toilet
animals
humiliation
breath control
objectivacation
foot worship
did i mention "NO MEN"
knive or needle play
fire play
tattoos, piercings or ownership markings
Pro-Dommes, please (can't afford you)

i hope that clears it up for everyone.

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