Poly and Intimacy

Poly and Intimacy (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles

Message

strikingpeach -> Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 6:17:03 AM)
I have a friend that says he is poly. I have a theory though that he embraces poly as a way to protect himself from getting too involved with any one person. He lessens the chance of getting hurt emotionally if all of his eggs aren't in one basket, so to speak. Any thoughts on this? sp

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 7:54:01 AM)
Well peaches, only your friend can answer that for you. Only you know who you are talking about well enough to make that call. Now, if you're trying to say that ALL people into poly are like that........then no. You wrong. For me, poly is all about intimacy. It's all about getting to know someone on a deeper, emotional level and truely caring about their well being. Intamcy is about caring loving on a deep level. Which can be and is done in poly. Even if the two people are not sexually involved. All three of my girls care for oneanother deeply and look after eachothers well being. They share a kind of intamcy because they share something in common, serving me. It's sappy, I know, but true nontheless. Can it be that some people that are into poly are like this. Yes. Self perservation is a primal instinct that we all practice in some level or another.

MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 8:47:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strikingpeach I have a friend that says he is poly. I have a theory though that he embraces poly as a way to protect himself from getting too involved with any one person. He lessens the chance of getting hurt emotionally if all of his eggs aren't in one basket, so to speak. Any thoughts on this? sp Sounds like the label that really fits him is "player" not poly.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 9:31:00 AM)
Player? Rather a rash judgement for so little information, don't you think? It's never even mentioned in what way he is poly. Just that he says he is. For someone that has poly as one of her loves, I would think you'd want a little more information before "labeling" someone.

Petruchio -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 4:27:14 PM)
peach, in my limited experience, you have a point. I even developed a hypothesis that intimacy and experience can be divided by the number of partners. However, I have seen some exceptions: [&:] A tri-relationship, and one of the two girls was paraplegic. A fascinating story, really, and they've been together years and have children. [&:] Another tri-relationship: Two best friends (female), one of them terminally shy. The two of them picked out the guy (whom they'd known a long time but never dated) and they set up housekeeping. [&:] Another tri-relationship, although it didn't last long: Two sisters, one in a committed relationship and the older sister had left her husband and moved in. The younger sister put her man and older sister together. Eventually older sis moved on to her own man. [&:] Finally, a personal experience that lasted only until I left for grad school: Grandmother, mother, daughter– I was dating the daughter and her mother was young and interested and provided the roof over our heads. The mother was 'lightly' sexually involved (caresses, kisses, flashes, sucks). The grandmother, a widow, was not aware that her daughter was sexual with grandaughter and me, nor had she been sexual with her husband for years, and provided housekeeping and way too much interference and drama. (I can laugh about it now.) Also, the mother pushed way too hard for marriage. I'd say the intimacy was far from perfect, but I can't say it would have been any less than mono with these particular people.

Petruchio -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 4:35:19 PM)
Clarification: I did not intend to suggest încest in the above, rather that that mother's flirting and feels were open before the daughter; in fact, the tree of us would frequently sit down and discuss and especially fantasize. It was ironic, but although the grandmother didn't know the extent of involvement, she suggested more than once that I should marry her daughter rather than the grandaughter.

miticantenslaved -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 5:33:09 PM)
miti thanks You, Petruchio and laffs her arse off. slightly twisted, but WTG! Happy New Year, A/all...skips off, deeply wondering about the grandmother ~miti

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 6:22:44 PM)
I can't speak for why your friend is on this path, but for us, poly increases intimacy, and acknowledges the desire for intimacy in a place where monogamy requires that it be suppressed... because in a monogamous situation, if knowing someone leaves a person getting "attached" to that person -- perhaps even coming to love them -- and the person is -not- the designated mate, there is no option but to suppress the feelings and either push the other person away or be miserable... or to cheat on the promise of monogamy. For us, poly is a way of acknowledging that, should affection or even love develop, the fact that I am already in a relationship with someone will not require that I deny the new person whom I am coming to cherish, nor does it require that I "dispose of" the beloveds I currently -have- in my life. Love, for us, is not a denial, but an acceptance of the bounty of the Universe that we've been blessed to share in. For us, love is logarithmic... the more it is expanded, the faster it grows, and the more glorious our intimate circle becomes. Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: strikingpeach I have a friend that says he is poly. I have a theory though that he embraces poly as a way to protect himself from getting too involved with any one person. He lessens the chance of getting hurt emotionally if all of his eggs aren't in one basket, so to speak. Any thoughts on this? sp

Petruchio -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (12/31/2005 8:37:50 PM)
quote: miti thanks You, Petruchio and laffs her arse off. slightly twisted, but WTG! (bow) Merci, miti, but I worry about thee: Art thou near Columbus? That tis one BDSM city! If thy arse is off and slightly twisted, methinks thy dom spanketh thee off-center.

Sensualips -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/1/2006 12:09:44 PM)
quote: he embraces poly as a way to protect himself from getting too involved with any one person. He lessens the chance of getting hurt emotionally if all of his eggs aren't in one basket, My thought is if this is actually his thought process, he will be very disappointed. Although self protection come in many forms, I don't believe poly relationships are any less intimate as they unfold or any less painful when they end.

KnightofMists -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/1/2006 3:52:59 PM)
it seems rather ridiculous to make thougths or opinions of any relevance one what you share. There is a hundred and one possible theories and none have any more credibility than the other due a complete lack of understanding or perpective of the situation you imply. Secondly, anything you present is only from your perspective... and what you share may or maynot be complete and if could very will be biased depending on your emotional feelings to the situation/person!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/1/2006 5:37:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strikingpeach I have a friend that says he is poly. I have a theory though that he embraces poly as a way to protect himself from getting too involved with any one person. He lessens the chance of getting hurt emotionally if all of his eggs aren't in one basket, so to speak. Any thoughts on this? sp Some people do this, including monogamous people. It's not even necessarily a wrong or bad thing, after all, it's better to have more than one friend and more than one hobby. Diversity is good. Taking solace in knowing that you have other partners in case something goes very wrong is good. As long as you are still being true to yourself and ALL of the commitments.

hellfire00 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/2/2006 10:01:49 AM)
sorry to jump in here, but who are any of us to judge someone else?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/2/2006 10:07:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hellfire00 sorry to jump in here, but who are any of us to judge someone else? We're normal people. Judging is a good thing, it should be expected. One can only hope that we're making the best judgements we can and never expecting others to agree with them.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/2/2006 4:01:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hellfire00 sorry to jump in here, but who are any of us to judge someone else? Everyone judges. Even your statement is a judgement, as ironic as it is -- being judgemental about the judgementalism of others. Judgement isn't a dirty word. It enables us to make (hopefully) good decisions for ourselves. Judgement only becomes an issue when we expect other people to abide by our judgements (opinions) about a given thing. Who am I to judge anyone else? I am an individual, entitled to an opinion, and entitled to make a judgement about how I perceive someone else's life and actions --where those actions are related to how I live -my- life. I can judge whether someone else's behavior is the way that -I- would do things, but I can't decide whether it is the right way for -them- to do things. I can also provide my opinion, in public forum or when asked, about someone else's actions -- what I -can't- do is expect that my opinion will cause that person to -change- his or her actions. I am entitled to judge for myself. By our natures we are judging (reasoning) creatures. I cannot enforce my judgements, and it is ethically questionable to do so, in my opinion, even when given sanction to do so by a community... but that does not hinder my right to think and make judgements as I see fit for myself. Lady Zephyr

Burninglash -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/6/2006 9:26:24 AM)
I was once challenged on this very question by some one who didnt understand poly. In my case I was recently divorced and the assumption was that poly was a way to avoid intimacy. Its not! On the contary, poly entials more intimate relationships between more people, or it breaks down. If your friend is truely poly then he knows this as well. With more relationships to fail you also risk more hurt because there is more to go wrong. On the upside there is also way more loving and intimacy when it works as it should.

SirDarkside357 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/6/2006 10:36:49 PM)
I can't answer for your friend, but it's not a problem with me....truth is I will one day in the not too distant future marry my Love Slave...she already wears my ring as well as my collar.

SirDarkside357 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/6/2006 10:39:09 PM)
The trick is...not to not judge, but to not judge more harshly than we ourselves wish to be judged.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/7/2006 8:06:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDarkside357 The trick is...not to not judge, but to not judge more harshly than we ourselves wish to be judged. Now this is profound. Now, hopefully, people will understand and spread the word.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poly and Intimacy (1/7/2006 8:44:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDarkside357 The trick is...not to not judge, but to not judge more harshly than we ourselves wish to be judged. LOL the problem is that I am probably far too harsh a judge on myself. So others often feel I am being too harsh a judge to them.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition

Terms of Service

3.515625E-02