Be careful what you wish for.

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Be careful what you wish for. - 11/18/2005 2:42:50 AM

Karmicjustice

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Because you might just get it....and it is never quite what you thought it was going to be.

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Polyamorous desires (formerly be careful whatr you wish) - 11/18/2005 4:39:19 AM

Jacques1000

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to rescue this topic from oblivion and a poor start...

anyone have any poly desires worth recording ?

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/18/2005 5:46:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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One of the most common causes of poly relationship failures is unrealistic expectations. I went through it myself.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/18/2005 6:05:40 AM

Jacques1000

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and what were your expectations ?

I would think that it would be all the trials and tribulations of a singular relationship writ larger with the various complexities and difficulties to navigate.....

I think many think is just a huge sexfest (and for many this seems fair) but it does take skilful management--but mostly I think the main difficulties are socially embedded----that a dyadic relationship is the only viable social alternative....I think if western cultures were more receptive to triadic + relationships then things would be easier....

afterall, some indigenous peoples have been living the polyamorous life since before Adam.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/18/2005 6:28:04 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

afterall, some indigenous peoples have been living the polyamorous life since before Adam.

The Old Testament references polygamy and households having concubines. So, it's even present in Christian history.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/18/2005 6:30:00 AM

subaltern1

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True, but was it socially acceptable though ?

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/19/2005 6:47:12 AM

MasterGraywolfe

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Who cares if its socially accepted? I live for me.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/19/2005 2:22:18 PM

anopheles

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I think the most common wish is for it to just be one big magic happy family. It's not that easy or simple.

I think that some folks think that being open an poly takes just as much energy, time and care that a monogamous relationship takes. Sadly it's not the case. Each relationship takes just as much care in nurturing as the others do, and there are plenty out there that think they have it figured out, but they don't, and they don't figure that fact out until the crap hits the fan.

--Anopheles

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/19/2005 3:25:08 PM

mnottertail

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People, I think are polyamourous, divorce rates and all the fucking around and such will tell you that. There are few animals that are monogamous, damn few. Everyone, runs around and looks for a One. Many times.......LOL.

Interaction is difficult, in all ways. Wiring and all that aside, we are generally brought up and subscribe to the monogamous mold. Like apes tho, we talk it and then go around behind each others back and live life.

Should I continue? Nah.....

One is hard work, many is many hard work. It is what it is.

Ron

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/19/2005 3:34:44 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

Everyone, runs around and looks for a One. Many times.......LOL.

Okay, I laughed!

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/23/2005 12:35:24 PM

DrkkMaster

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Making a deal with the devil/Getting just what you ASKED FOR, is one of the most popular story vehicles over the last several thousand years for very good reason.

The reason being that most are not honest, or at least not introspective enough to understand that what they are asking for, is not what they really want.
And not being honest with yourself is the fastest way to make sure you fail in any situation.

Consider the young guy who knows he will not be happy unless he has a stunning girl, and why once he has this perfect living doll (and the next one, and the next one) he is always miserable.

He doesn't want a pretty girl. That isn't his actual requirement in his search. What he desires is the envy of those who see what he has, that they don't.
Jealousy and envy are at their core, insecurity, and both feed from a common tainted root. The opinions of those with no investment in you well being will never serve to validate your existence.

I don't have to love somebody to play with them, or to invite them to play with my girl and I. In that kind of situation I don't consider the term poly to apply, instead thinking of it more as slutting around with friends.

If I happen to be so lucky as to love two women and importand decisions are always made on the basis of what is best for the three of us as a whole, then at THAT point, I'd say we where poly.

Most of the time when I see a personal ad looking for a third girl, the ad says poly, but the description most resembles that of a disposable sex toy. Is it any wonder that most ads find so few takers?

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/23/2005 2:21:30 PM

veronicaofML

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I think the most common wish is for it to just be one big magic happy family. It's not that easy or simple.
-------------

biggest chuckle i got here on this on,..is..i am the only slave here and it STILL ain't easy OR simple...and She wants more boys????/ oh my....
if that ever happens? woooo

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/23/2005 5:29:26 PM

Sensualips

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At the moment I am wishing for a fudgy brownie, a holiday bonus, and a foot massage.

I am having trouble seeing a potential down side.

I guess the foot massage could be administered by Jerry Falwell. Eek.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/28/2005 7:02:52 AM

MasterRobert1

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Unrealistic expectations (fantasy on the brain) is the major cause of poly AND D/s failures.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/28/2005 3:40:35 PM

HouseofBear

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Unrealistic expectations and the lack of open, honest communucation are the biggest triggers to a poly relationship failing. They are hard work, for all involved, to develp the relationship and to keep it going. For some the rewards are well worth it, for others it is not. We find that it is. Yes, along the way we have found some who thought they could "do" poly and it did not work out. It is like most other relationships, you are going to "date" several until you find the one you want to commit to and the same in reverse.

Bear and Ursa

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 11/28/2005 4:48:18 PM

MstrHellsFury

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opinions are like...well you know...we all have one...unless you're an alien...is poly hard work?...no harder than any other relationship...why call it hard work?...why call it work at all?...it's three or more people coming together for a common cause...to exist in an environment of their choosing...nothing more...nothing less...if successful...happy happy joy joy...if not...you simply find a way ( and we all do) to move on...the better question is...why does something that can be very simple...always have to be projected as so complicated...

Fury

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 12/23/2005 8:38:09 PM

veronicaofML

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Because you might just get it....and it is never quite what you thought it was going to be.
===========

he he -------chuckling loudly.......

lemme know when someone comes up with about $10k so i can go get a sex change then...

or hell...lemme know when i can get a 2006 van..........

i have yet to see...in my last 42 yrs...ANY time anything i WISHED for ...came into being.

what i have-------i have had to sweat and bleed for........

happy holidays

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drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 12/24/2005 8:22:13 AM

peppermint379

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quote:

One of the most common causes of poly relationship failures is unrealistic expectations. I went through it myself.

Your statement got me to thinking. I feel as if i have few expectations since i've never been involved in something that was anything like poly before. Yet at this time it feels right, and so i will jump in the pool and test out the water. I do know that we all like each other, and hope that our friendships become even deeper....so i suppose that is one expectation. Having the other sub live nearby, but not in the same home as Sir and i should make the adjustment a bit easier i hope. I will have a sense of the monogamy that i am accustomed to, while getting used to the idea of sharing him with another.

To be honest, poly was not something i ever thought about before. It was not an experience i thought i would even want. People and circumstances have changed that. Now i just look forward to seeing where this might lead....knowing it's just another path on the journey.

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 2/15/2006 10:14:39 AM

Dracironsgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmicjustice

Because you might just get it....and it is never quite what you thought it was going to be.

Oh words to come back to haunt me for eternity it's so true ...why didnt i listen ? never wishing again for daymn sure

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RE: Be careful what you wish for. - 2/15/2006 10:21:12 AM

michaelGA

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i wish for a Mistress who lives nearby that would take me under Her guidance and train me "not" to be a brat...well, unless it's cute and fun...