Is it just me or is this strange? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles



Message


needingMaster -> Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 9:43:05 AM)

Does anyone else find this situation odd?

i was approached on this site by a sub who said she has been with her Master for 6 or 8 yrs (can't remember which) and who is looking for another sub/slave to join their home. Trying to be a responsible and informed person and sub, i tried to get the lay of the land in regard to the relationship i might potentially be entering with them. After talking with her several times in emails and on messenger, i asked if she wore her Master's collar or marking, she evaded answering the question and indicated her Master does offer a diamond collar to submissives and that he also had the same philosophy as i that a Master marks their lifelong sub with a permanent marking. Something about this sub/woman struck me as strange, almost too eager, and i asked again if she wore her Master's collar or marking. She again evaded answering, which i found strange. i was only trying to understand whether she and her Master were at this level or not, after 6-8 yrs, as i have sadly lost my Master and want to fully understand any relationship that i might join at this point.

When i asked if i might talk with her Master online for a bit, just to see what connection we might have in talking there before i met with her in person, she became very defensive and actually rude or mad acting. As i said, she seemed almost too eager when we talked that i did not want to hurt her feelings at some later time if i met her Master and we had no real connection. When i mentioned again my desire to talk for a brief bit with her Master to maybe establish a basis to continue and for she and i to meet in person, she cut me off immediately and said i had to meet her first before i could even "speak" to Him online!

i have since found out that, even after 6-8 yrs she indicated she has been with her Master, the Master whom gives collars and markings, she has no collar or marking from her Master. i have to actually wonder what type of relationship they really have, in that case. And, why was she unwilling to explain the relationship to me so i could determine whether or not it was a good match for what type of family i would like to join?

Was i out of line to ask to speak with her Master online for a brief bit before actually meeting her in person? And, was i wrong to wonder about a relationship that has gone on for that long where the sub won't answer questions to another sub she is eagerly pursuing to join them? i have been in a poly family before, and loved it and miss it terribly, but i was the first sub that my Master had and i was a part of the process of meeting and selecting a sister sub to join us. i would never have found those questions odd at all.

Your thoughts?




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 9:49:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needingMaster
Does anyone else find this situation odd?

This is online, what situation ISN'T odd?

quote:

i have since found out that, even after 6-8 yrs she indicated she has been with her Master, the Master whom gives collars and markings, she has no collar or marking from her Master. i have to actually wonder what type of relationship they really have, in that case. And, why was she unwilling to explain the relationship to me so i could determine whether or not it was a good match for what type of family i would like to join?

This is pure speculation and with only your side of things I could be completely wrong. My guess is that she's avoiding actually having other people in the relationship by being like this, but still able to tell her master she's "looking."

As far as markings and whatnot, that's really no issue, whatever arrangement they have between them is what matters to them. Obviously you would want to get to know the reasonings before you got involved with them, but at a passing glance it doesn't really matter.

quote:


Was i out of line to ask to speak with her Master online for a brief bit before actually meeting her in person?

It's your relationship, you need to do what is best for you. I certainly thing it makes sense to communicate with both before meeting. And if they don't, that's fine. It means you're not a good match for eachother.

quote:

And, was i wrong to wonder about a relationship that has gone on for that long where the sub won't answer questions to another sub she is eagerly pursuing to join them?

It's not WRONG to wonder about it, but it would be bad to deeply speculate or be catty about it.

quote:


i have been in a poly family before, and loved it and miss it terribly, but i was the first sub that my Master had and i was a part of the process of meeting and selecting a sister sub to join us. i would never have found those questions odd at all.

Your thoughts?

We all just have to find what works for us. If people go whack on you, just be glad they did it right off and gave you notice.




HeavenlyCeleste -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 9:55:22 AM)

You are quite wise in asking questions. Any time a red flag goes up in your mind (heart, soul, anywhere!) pay attention to it. You may be a submissive, but you are not a doormat! You have teh right to have EVERY single question you have answered...completly! Always trust those instincts. The whole situation you describe sounds a bit bizarre with me. Relationships need to be based in trust and understanding. Keep up the good work!




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 10:36:02 AM)

first you are always odd, if you are known, as "DESPERATE"....
2 - i'm, not sure how initial communication was established.
3- diamond-collar should ring a bell;it may be your first ,and, last very precious gift,before you end ,up ,for dinner ,or slaving ,in their house ,for indigent-minded relatives.
3rd; subs (i avoid like the plague)are always anxious ,to do ,or solicit, for their excellent-tops.
subs ,and, bottoms will always be there screening you!!! .
they are no different ,than the hollywood OBNOXIUOS secretaries,at the door,that will stop you everytime,from seeing the "stars"-CREAM'EM,OR STEAM'EM,AND,LEAVE.
FANS ARE WORSE ,IF YOU HAVE ,TO DEAL, WITH A DOMS ',OR SLAVES', OR KINKYCOUPLES' FAN'S- POOR YOU!-
i learned,if someone's, not powerful, enuff ,to ,overlook protocol ,and ,come see ME(SLAVE) or have ME(SLAVE) see them directly, by arrangement ,then ;
WE HAVE A PROBLEM ;HOUSTON...
I'M ,NOT EXPERIENCED, WITH FAMILYS ;
IN RESEARCH: PEDERANT FAMILYS ,THAT TALK ,OVER YOUR HEAD
HAVE ONE GOAL ,TO TARGET YOU ,AND ,THEY ARE, TOGETHER, FOR THE one PURPOSE ,OF THieVARY ,BUT,
I SERVED MANY DOMS ,BECAUSE ,A DOM HAS FRIENDS, AND ,THEY HAVE FAMILYS.
you're ,not wrong ,to wonder, about their "relationship" ,but, keep it, to yourself, and ,show interest ,in her first ,and ,obviously him individually,or you can't infiltrate ,or intergrate, with them,or any ,of their couple pals, either.you don't enter a secret-tribe asking who you can lay ,or exspect, to join them,by acting like a curious tourist.you must blend....,not stick, out like: i heard some slave's asking ,'bout you two ....she ,may be a best- friend ,of the professionally employed couple screening their personals, for them
REMEMBER :,if you don't get, in smooth ;
you won't get, out smooth,either,
and ,you may have to,
just say: i'm odd cause i'm desperate ,for, now....don't burn your bridges, by ,not giving ,in first.





needingMaster -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 2:13:49 PM)

i did want to add that i am very aware that all M/s relationships have their own set of dynamics. But, i would not find it strange if someone i was "courting" as a new sister sub to join my Master and i asked questions to understand what the dynamics were that they would be entering. her profile indicates she is serving her lifelong Master, although she also indicates he marks his lifelong submissives with a permanent marking (which He has not done to her at t his point), so i kept feeling like i was getting subliminal messages or something.

Maybe what i should also be asking is what IS appropriate to expect to be shared with you when you are being "interviewed" by another submissive for her Master? And, is it out of line that i would want to speak with the Master before agreeing to meet his submissive? Whereas the Master is the head of the household and all submissives serve him, at his will and desire, isn't it important to make sure He has spoken with (and maybe even met) the submissive and has an interest in her before spending more time on it? Living a happy poly life is very important to me, and it is imperative that myself and other sister subs get along well, but aren't we all really there because of our desire to serve our Master? To me, my relationship with my Master would be the most important part, so that is the relationship that i feel is primary before finding out if i enjoy His submissives. Am i going about this wrong???




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 3:52:44 PM)

You get to have whatever ideas and rituals and comfort levels that you want before you meet or get involved with someone. Kooky or not.

So do they.

If their methods don't work for you, then you just don't go down that path.




amazonlea -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 4:18:13 PM)

Personally I see red flags all over the place. And it sounds like you do too. If you are uncomfortable, heed that.
B




candigirlll -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 6:22:11 PM)

i was raised in a poly house hold and have been in two long lasting poly house holds as an adult.. and i can just tell you this from just one persons expiernce.. over many years smiles...it is MUCH different than a one on one TPE relationship or a one on one D/s or M/s relationship.... it is JUST as important that the sisters not only like each other but that they care for each other as they care for their Master... not always in a sexual way... but in a lovin way... a poly house hold is a family of people working for the better of that family... and everyone carries a roll... and they are all different rolls but none more important than they other... your Master is only one man... there are MANY times you will need your sisters that he will not be avaiable for you... there are nights one will get wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more attention than they others... because he feels that is needed.. and in those times you will need your sisters...and when you are in a house hold where you dont know or like your sisters... that lifestyle can become a very lonely one *smiles* so you have every right to ask what you wish of whom ever you wish that is going to be a part of your life with them... and if you are restricted to just talking to certain people or asking questions of certain people.. that is forsure a major red flag... and the question you need to ask yourself is why.... everything should be open for you... anyway just my two cents smiles...just one thing you have to keep in mind always.. is... just because someone loves someone else... does not mean they love you less smiles... good luck on your path smiles..




wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/14/2005 7:57:57 PM)

quote:

And, is it out of line that i would want to speak with the Master before agreeing to meet his submissive?



Don't second guess yourself. If it is something that you feel is necessary that is all that matters.




OsideGirl -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 7:23:31 AM)

My view is that a submissive literally puts their life into the hands of a Dominant when they submit. Let's face it, it would be easy to do permanent harm or death to someone who is bound and gagged. In any potential relationship my first concern is for my safety, so therefore I think it's foolish for initial contact to be with the existing submissive only.

Submissives have a tendency to look at their Dominant through rose colored glasses, so I'd prefer to make my own decisions regarding the Dominant. I know this from personal experience. I had a female sub trying to recruit me for her Dominant. Turned out he was a serial rapist who was out on prison on parole. He put her in the hospital (52 stitches inside and out), raped 8 women in 6 months, and is now in prison for life on his third strike.

So, no, I don't think you were out of line at all for wanting to meet the Dominant. Personally, talking to him would be a priority.




stormsfate -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 3:32:55 PM)

Just my own personal quirk, but if I were unable to get to know *all* parties in the relationship from the get go, then I would move along. There are a gazillion people out there looking for a third, fourth or whatever. You can afford to take your time and find the situation that best suits your needs. My philosophy is, if you have to post asking if something seems weird, it likely *is* <grin>.

Good luck!

best regards,
fate

*Edited for typo




1CHRONDOM -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 3:44:54 PM)

Greetings all,
In my opinion, you are right in wanting to speak with the Master. I'm sure someone said it already but it is HE that you are submitting to in the first place right? Right. Yes you must be able to get along with any other subs but the Master is the main focus in the relationship..at least thats my understanding. Now the fact that she doesn't have the collar that she spoke of makes me wonder or rather would make me wonder why she doesn't have one. 6-8 years is quite a long time but there may very well be valid reasons why she doesn't have one. Maybe they were off and on for that many years..I don't know and its pointless to guess. Now the fact she wouldn't let you talk to the Dom could mean anything too. I don't think it should have been a problem. I'm surprized she didn't offer you the chance..They both should be in on the "courting". If I were you I'd ask again to speak with him...If she refused then I'd move on. There's got to be a reason she did this and is it really worth your time to find out? I think not..but again just my opinion.




Jacques1000 -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 3:49:46 PM)

It soundsa little peculiar, but the truth is often stranger than fiction, as LP mentioned...this is cyberspace...




MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 4:46:31 PM)

quote:

Was i out of line to ask to speak with her Master online for a brief bit before actually meeting her in person?

Some Masters/Dominants actually have their submissives meet with a potential before they do. In this way, the submissive can "weed out" someone that does not really fit in with the family. This is of course assuming that the submissive is accepting of a poly-lifestyle. This is also not saying that you were wrong in anyway, she might just be doing what she's been told.
quote:

i have since found out that, even after 6-8 yrs she indicated she has been with her Master, the Master whom gives collars and markings, she has no collar or marking from her Master. i have to actually wonder what type of relationship they really have, in that case.

Not everyone uses a symbol of ownership. Maybe this girl has not earned the collar. Some may have no need of it. I personally won't give a collar to just anyone that passes by. For me, there is a time constraint as well as a ritual of asking for the collar before I will consider giving it. But that is how I run my house.

What I'm trying to say is that there is no right or wrong in my opinion. You just didn't fit with this house and the way it is run. No harm, no foul.





elleRT -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/15/2005 9:50:22 PM)

You were within your rights to ask questions. It is rather odd when people seemed to be in a poly relationships but then they act so "territorial" about the whole thing. Any Dom worth his salt, does not let his sub make his deals, or screen potential applicants for a possible merging into the family. Yes although the potential slave must get a long with his existing girl, what really matters is to connect with the Master first, as HE is the one that will ask for your service or submission.

I am glad you listened to your gut feelings. Most often is right.

ellert




needingMaster -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/16/2005 4:54:15 AM)

Thank you all for your advice and support! If i got nothing else out of this experience, i will definitely follow my gut instinct about what i feel is appropriate to ask and when. Several subs have contacted me, making first contact for their poly family, and i just don't see myself starting a "relationship" with them before talking to their Master. As many of you have pointed out, the primary relationship and connection must be with the Master, as everything centers around Him. i understand the importance of getting along well with a sister sub, absolutely important, but if there is no real connection with the Master, then it is irrelevant whether or not she and i like each other. So, i will follow my head and ask what i feel is necessary. This experience, including having my profile here at all, has really pointed out the differences in each individual relationship that a Master has with His submissive and how they interact with others. i won't attempt to fit this square peg in a round hole anymore! Meeting someone online is hard enough, you cannot SEE the red flags and you just have to FEEL them. Again, thank you all for your support. What is supposed to happen for me will happen, that's the way life is!

Oh, and a footnote to this whole experience. I got an email from the submissive i wrote about in the first place, again on this site, not my regular email. she hoped all was well and wondered if i wanted to keep in touch. Now that signifies that she is a nice person (doesn't it?) but i also had to wonder why, if she was so rude and cut off communictaion with me before, that she would think i was "worthy" of talking to again. If i wasn't good enough to pass along to ask her Master to speak to with me in the beginning, why does she feel i'm good enough to stay in contact with? Maybe her methods of search are not going too well????? i don't know, but i found it rather strange. i wished her well in her search and did not comment on the continued communication. i, personally, have no interest in it now.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/16/2005 5:54:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needingMaster
As many of you have pointed out, the primary relationship and connection must be with the Master, as everything centers around Him.

Actually I disagree with this idea AND feel that this mindset is the downfall of MANY triad poly relationships. If you put one relationship AHEAD of the other, it means you aren't seeing everyone as essential TO the relationship...which in a closed poly simply won't work.

Relationships need to be as connective and reinforcing on one side as they are on the other. You leave one side weak, the whole thing falls down. This doesn't mean all relationships are the SAME, obviously not. But that you all consider eachother as important to the overall functioning of the relationship as the other.

Anything else leads to what we so often see- fighting for position, minimizing the others feelings, lack of communication and misunderstandings galore.




MasterGraywolfe -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/16/2005 8:17:43 AM)

quote:

Actually I disagree with this idea AND feel that this mindset is the downfall of MANY triad poly relationships. If you put one relationship AHEAD of the other, it means you aren't seeing everyone as essential TO the relationship...which in a closed poly simply won't work



I agree whole heartedly with this. All is equal or it will not work.




m141r142 -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/16/2005 8:34:13 AM)

I agree...it is definately strange that you didn't get answers...where was the master in all of this...




SirSix72 -> RE: Is it just me or is this strange? (11/16/2005 9:52:21 AM)

Well I have read most of this thread and thought I would add my two cents in. I would have to agree with most of the posters that all should meet and not just the two submissives/slaves. To be in a poly family all must direclty communicate wants and desires openly. There should never be a closed door to any opportunity within the family.I believe that there are alot of people out there that use BDSM and the Gorean lifestyle to fulfill thier kink of a threesome and then they are done with the experience at the cost of the extra sub/slave emotions and physical well being. I just have ran across this very situation with the new slave I have under consideration. There was a problem within the couple that brought her in and several times she had been called to the carpet many times over petty things. Needless to say I had seen them use this as an opportunity to release this slave into a city where she knows noone and has nothing. I stepped up to the plate bought her a plane ticket to me this morning and she is on her way here to Myself and bella. Folks if you want poly be sure about the things you desire and take sometime for introspection on your life together before you involve someone outside of the relationship and always,ALWAYS, remember that you are taking their lives in your hands...remind yourself of the questions about the ethics of taking responsibility for another human beings emotional and physical well being. Masters like me too many times are left to pick up the pieces that you have strewn throughout this lifestyle. Many of you that follow my posts may think me to be an overbearing and uncaring individual but im really not. I instill rules in my relationships so that all may be satisfied without feeling neglected.


Master Six




Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0390625