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RE: Is it just me or is this strange?


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RE: Is it just me or is this strange? - 11/16/2005 11:13:38 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 417
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
Greetings..~smiles~


I truely don't find any wrong or evil intents based merely on the fact that a slave in an established relationship makes first contact. Everyone in the relationship is going to have to get along and compliment or fill nitches. I do find it very odd that this said sub refused to give information as to actual status in her relationship with her Master, and offer up the information that was wanted in order to talk with the Master as well. The stand offish behavior of the other sub pretty much was self defeating the purpose of contact to begin with, and fairly obvious warning signs.

Best of Luck in your search

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it just me or is this strange? - 11/19/2005 3:57:44 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: needingMaster
As many of you have pointed out, the primary relationship and connection must be with the Master, as everything centers around Him.

Actually I disagree with this idea AND feel that this mindset is the downfall of MANY triad poly relationships. If you put one relationship AHEAD of the other, it means you aren't seeing everyone as essential TO the relationship...which in a closed poly simply won't work.

Relationships need to be as connective and reinforcing on one side as they are on the other. You leave one side weak, the whole thing falls down. This doesn't mean all relationships are the SAME, obviously not. But that you all consider eachother as important to the overall functioning of the relationship as the other.

Anything else leads to what we so often see- fighting for position, minimizing the others feelings, lack of communication and misunderstandings galore.



I have said it before and I will say it again... the poly relationship is only as strong as the weakest relationship within.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is it just me or is this strange? - 11/27/2005 8:21:13 PM   
B1gbear


Posts: 75
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline
First I want to say "Good Job" in staying objective and reading the signs laid out before you. I have read many of the comments to your questions and feel they are mostly all good and support you in making a wise choice in holding to your need to thoroughly research what you are being asked to be part of. There were a couple of things to understand when you are being 'interviewed' for a poly arrangement. First, put yourself in their shoes.....Is Master going to take on a sub he doesn't know from Adam? Not if he's worth a crap as a Dom or actually takes his responsibilities to heart. Second, your instincts were good on the whole collar and mark thing. How many subs or slaves here are not more than eager to talk about your collar or Master's Mark? How many wouldn't volunteer stories or descriptions of such if even slightly prompted? Hands? Anyone? Next....If the sub/slave is interviewing you before you have even spoken to Master online, there is one of two reasons in my mind. 1st) He is sick of having lines run past him and has decided, let a woman's intuition find the real ones from the fakes....or 2nd) He is concerned that his sub/slave will not just accept with open arms anyone he brings in the door and wants to be sure there is a chemistry between subs/slaves before going further. Well then there is 3) He is too lazy to do the leg work himself. That said, if a sub/slave is interviewing you, be tollerant, but not stupid. She is "INTERVIEWING" you. Her concerns are as follows: does she like you, are you going to try and take her Master from her, are you sane, how well does she feel you will fit into "THEIR" dynamic, will you be her best friend and/or lover or just Master's other girl, are you serious or a game player, are you willing to work for it cause God knows she did and spent every minute up until that time earning her spot in Master's collar...why should you be any different, Will Master be proud of her for bringing you to him or will he get frustrated and take the task away from her for failing, has she covered everything Master told her to be sure of, etc, etc....this list goes on all day. If Master was interviewing you it would most often be far simpler......(Does he like you, does he find you someone he wants around regularly, does he want to extend his responsibilities to include you....does he have the what it takes to make you a happy and valued member of his home, will you and his other girl get along? Now please don't think I am belittling or putting down us Doms...we are not that shallow for the most part and we go far deeper into the compatibility, but my point is that the Interviewer retains 90% of their questions and analysis on their own needs. It's human nature. Don't be too hard on a critical sub or slave interviewing you. You don't know how many players she met before you or who they lost money to trying to bring them out to be with them already. Again, in your defense, don't settle and give in without the answers you need either, they may just be testing you to see if you are serious enough to ask the right questions and hold to your guns. Some of us don't want doormats ya know. Hang in there and trust your intuition, but never forget tact and that it is an interviewing process......a difficult one at that for everyone that is serious in the equation.

(in reply to needingMaster)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is it just me or is this strange? - 11/27/2005 8:56:27 PM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 207
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Port Richey, FL
Status: offline
First before I go in depth on a point I will make the easy short ones. First- Of course you are right to ask questions. Two- You asked no wrong questions. Three- If something doesn't make you feel right or raises red flags speculate and consider highly the what if's. Four- Meeting with her in person before you are even allowed to speak to the dom online? Not a chance in my book. If I had a relationship that went poly I wouldn't be against having my sub help look for subs but no way would I place the bulk of deciding on her, and certainly not to meet people in person alone.

Now onto that deeper point-
I look at things, especially potentially problematic/dangerous situations from a tactical standpoint. Obviously meeting someone in person you met online is a potentially hazardous thing. That said my red flags and battle stations were up and going when she got squirrly, rude, and refused to let you speak to her master. When she insisted on meeting her in person before even being able to talk to him launch the torpedo's goes over the loud speaker. This situation sounds fishy. Extremely fishy. To me if I were to put myself into the shoes of someone that wanted to lure a woman into a vulnerable position this is smart. Pose as another sub, tempt with a relationship, offer to meet for coffee but it has to be before you can even talk to the master online. Am I paranoid? Probably. But then again that's just how I am and I am a safe rather then sorry kind of guy who doesn't like walking into potentially bad situations and ignoring warning signs and red flags.

Trust your gut it says danger or fishy don't ignore it and chalk it up to being nervous.

(in reply to B1gbear)
Profile   Post #: 24
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