RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family - 12/7/2005 1:58:06 PM

comesoncommand

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

An interesting question...one that my Master and i have discussed before. W/we don't have a third, but would love to in the future. W/we B/both feel one piece of the puzzle has been found, but there is another still out there. W/we joke that when my family is around she will be the "nanny", and when her family is around i will *smile*. i know it isn't a laughing matter to most, but it is interesting to find out how many of you do deal with the double whammy (bdsm AND poly *gasp*) to the vanilla world.

(in reply to phoenixMF)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family - 12/8/2005 10:24:44 PM

Aton

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Oh I just have to ask the hard questions of life... :)

What would be possible for you in your relationship with your family if you were to express yourself rather than presenting a fasade? The person they know you to be, or at least who you think they know you to be, is not who you are. That is an unexpressed lie. Now I'm not saying to rub thier noses in it, but it could be brought up calmly and polietly in a way that say, "Mom and Dad I have people in my life that I love and I want to share them with you." Or how ever you would phrase it.

Through direct communication you will give them a chance to tell you what they think about you and your choises in life. This is a much different place to be in then what you are making up about how they might react. You don't really know until you have that conversation how they will be about this. Parents are full of suprises. And sometimes love trumps a choice they don't approve of. Love can be very accepting.

Above all your parents love you and you love them. Or you wouldn't be worried about their reaction and that is how parents are wired. So use that love to empower your relationship with them. Once the line of open and honest communication is present who knows what you'll find out about your parrents, what you mean for them in their lives, and how much you all really want each other to be happy.

There are many possibilities - create one that gives you power and go forward in life.

Living in fear of them knowing is killing your honesty with them and makes you a smaller person as you try to keep a secret in tact. You fear messing up someday. That secret will hurt them, and there is still the subject of the secret which will hurt them. I'd rather just have the subject rather than the double wammy.

Aton

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Poly and the secrets from extended family - 12/9/2005 1:19:17 AM

LadyAidan

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline

I think I am one of the lucky ones. I have a family that is understanding and supportive. I am a Poly Mistress and have 4 in my life I share with both mentally , sexually and physically. My mother is a Mennonite Minister and she is the most supportive of me and the 4 I have in my life. She has not met them yet, but will do so and will accept them as family and care about them in her own time. My brothers will to.

How did I tell them. I simply said I can love and be in love with one, but love others in many various ways. I should not be limited to one person when I have a big heart and thus I have chosen a more open lifestyle and am poly.

They were quite ok with all of it. I have never been "normal" anyway.

Lady Aidan

_____________________________

It is not enough to Conquer...One must know how to Seduce! ~Voltiare~

(in reply to Aton)

Profile

Post #: 23