RE: The your not my Dom syndrome

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 12:08:20 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 157
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

This is the point I was trying to get across.....it would seem that some are thinking that by calling someone by their given station gives this person rights to have them serve them in anyway....this isnt true...if I met you in my club and I knew you were submissive would you think that im so ambigious that I could make you serve me?Probably not and I wouldnt expect it either....see we are going to a place here that just because your a submissive that you have to serve everyone that wears the title Dominant...this isnt true....again each serves in his/her own way to whomever.........this dosent imply that you have to serve everyone......this is about manners...........and respect........petwolf read my post again I think you missed something in it............maybe you guys will figure this out.....

What you are referring to is not about manners, nor about service. It's about protocols. Protocols are only appropriate between/among those who agree to them.

If you are Gorean, you agree to use a particular set of protocols with other Goreans. If you are part of a relationship, you agree to use particular protocols between you. If you attend a party, you agree to abide by that party's protocols. Etc. Protocols are agreed upon.

The disconnect is, your protocols and my protocols do not agree. I would never agree to yours, and you would never agree to mine.

And that's fine.

But it doesn't mean that one of us is less polite in our protocols. Just different.

What *is* impolite is insistence upon one's own protocols when they have not been mutually agreed upon.

(in reply to SirSix72)

Post #: 221

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 12:10:19 PM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 71
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I do find it interesting that at times when im in a chatroom that people call me Six......lmfao

Not "Six72". It's for brevity. Calling you "Sir" would be confusing (as it's a pronoun), and calling you "72" would be just odd.

quote:

this is just a screen name.....some folks tend to take this a bit far that they wont even call me by my screen name.........now why is that? because it has Sir in it....really I find this funny.........does my screenname give ownership to these persons?

Beacuse it's long to type and potentially pretentious. Though I personally would not omit merely the "Sir". I'd either type your full screen-name (SirSix72), or the abbriviation (SS72) or the most useful part to ID you (Six).

quote:

I really dont care how I maybe addressed by others when im in the real world

A sentiment contraindicated by your creation of this thread.

quote:

so someone tell me how come that if some man or woman has Mistress so in so or Master so and so for thier screenname you cant type Mistress so in so or Master so in so

Annoyance at pretention / attraction to brevity. In my case more of the latter.

Of course, wacko that I am, I like people calling me "Jerry" (perhaps you should call me "Mr.Love") rather than by a screen-name. (where I can, I use my name as my screen-name).

I'm curious: Is this your actual complaint? Should I ignore your original post and read your question as "why do people not use my full handle when referring to me, using a part of my screen name is abbriviating, and I consider it rude; much like if my name were Robert and people just chose to call me "bob""?

If so: I'd imainge it is, as I pointed out, one of simple convention. In a conversation like this, it's not hard to type out your full name; but in a chat it's a 5 extra keystrokes.

Jerry

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

Post #: 222

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 12:34:49 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 157
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72
We DO NOT DEFINE EACH OTHER....to be submissive or Dominant is a trait...this is called human behaviour

One cannot be dominant or submissive in a vacuum. Dominance, or submission, is *always* defined by interaction with others.

The "human behavior" you are talking about is situational dominance, and is based on *many* factors. You may encounter Mr. X, and be in a situationally dominant position. Then you may encounter him at another time, and he may be situationally dominant to you. Too many factors to compute.

This really has little to do with the world of d/s relationships. It's an entirely seperate entity.

You, preferring the d position in your interpersonal relationships, will never have a relationship with someone who also prefers to be dominant in theirs. That's great - it's how you prefer things to be. BUT that doesn't mean you are universally "dominant". You are dominant to those who agree that you are.

Reverse that for bella - and the same applies.

I can be fulfilled in either the d position or the s position. That's great, too - it simply means I am capable of being fulfilled in relationships with people I agree are dominant or submissive to me.

But in the grand scheme of human interactions, that means nothing.

It doesn't mean that you are dominant to me, or the reverse. We are two humans. We are socially equal until we mutually decide otherwise.

quote:

maybe when you read this you can look past that there are others out there that dont deserve either station

I actually don't put much stock in whether I think anyone "deserves" to be called dominant or submissive. If they are fulfilled as such in their interpersonal relationships, and at least one other agrees - then that's what they are. It's really that simple. They don't have to live up to my litmus test - I simply don't have to interact with them.

quote:

but everyone whom states thier station should be addressed in a proper manner...this is called being polite...I know if im polite and cordial then I tend to get alot further with people

I'll refer to my last post re: station and politeness.

(in reply to SirSix72)

Post #: 223

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 12:39:00 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 157
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

An aside -

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx

It is a lot like what is happening to the Wiccans and Pagans. It’s become a cool fad. There are tons of what I call Buffy Wiccans. It’s Goddess this and Goddess that. But do any of them know one thing about the Consort? Nope. They saw it on Buffy, thought Willow was cool and now are Wiccan.

I agree that *some* of this has occurred - but there *are* factions of Wicca that don't recognize the masculine as deity. This has nothing to do with how serious or studious or whatever they are - just a reflection of different beliefs.

(in reply to Phoenxx)

Post #: 224

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 3:38:40 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx

There is a very wise and powerful saying that goes:
What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you are saying.

It is a lot like what is happening to the Wiccans and Pagans. It’s become a cool fad. There are tons of what I call Buffy Wiccans. It’s Goddess this and Goddess that. But do any of them know one thing about the Consort? Nope. They saw it on Buffy, thought Willow was cool and now are Wiccan. Sort of like a Master/Mistress that watched CSI and thought COOL, I like leather… now I am a Mistress, pay me to worship me.

Tony

G'day Tony and Merry Meet,

Praise be to the Ancient Ones that I have seen some one post anywhere the very thing i have been saying for so long. These "Buffy Wiccans" usually read a couple of popular books which are mostly bad rewrites of source material and think they know it all and lo and behold they form a group which tends to remain as ignorant is they are. So many are not interesting seeking out people who have done the hard yards and have the practical experience and proven track record to learn from. Naaaa they want the easy way out and wonder why they eventually get hurt. Ok, Ok its a sore point with me, but hey! This sounds like some lifestyle wannabes who demand that all sub/slaves kneel and bow to them and call them by some title.

Most people on the internal messager usually call be "Bear" , "IB" or Mate and the same goes for those I talk to on YM, I'm not fancy and I'm not cheap and is a sub/slave chooses to add Sir/Master to my name It just makes the glow I have from talking to him/her even warmer. If he/she is Gorean then Master is appropriate but if ommited I know that he/she doesn't recognise me as Gorean and so the conversations stay as a lighter level with out my nose getting out of joint).

Blessed Be & Merry Part

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/31/2005 6:36:51 PM >

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to Phoenxx)

Post #: 225

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 5:58:44 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

i saw a story on the History Channel about Pagans and the origins of Halloween. i had no idea Wiccans were presecuted by the Cathoic Church to such a degree; i had forgotten St Joan was burned at the stake as a witch. (BTW, i have always wondered why God cared about the outcome of the conflict btw England and France; and why St. Joan was later canonized after being burned.)

There's a tremendous draw to the notion that there are gods in waterfalls and woods, and that they can aid us here on earth. i find the whole Pagan history fascinating.

But just like becoming a Catholic; if one joins people in worshiping they have some obligation to treat the matter with the respect its observers feel.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/31/2005 6:01:00 PM >

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 226

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 6:24:18 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 279
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Interesting initial post and replies. I would have to question what the comment was that resulted in someone saying "You are not my Dom." I do not tolerate disrespect from my sub to another human and visa versa.

In my experience, a person who needs to demand respect, rarely has the capability to earn it. In that situation the word respect generally means you don't know how important I think I am. I know how important I am, and to whom. If someone snapped back at me "You are not my Dom" my initial reaction would be to determine what had caused the reaction.

Of course many, many people address me as Mistress. I do not bother to correct most, but then I do not bother to correspond with most.If we reach a point where we are in discussion, then we decide what is most appropriate to call me. Rarely, is it Mistress, having said that, never is it by my first name. There are many titles of respect that apply to many situations. I suppose, if in doubt, the best course of action would be to check with the person you ultimately answer to.

Be Well,

~Cloudz

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 227

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/31/2005 6:47:39 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

Interesting initial post and replies. I would have to question what the comment was that resulted in someone saying "You are not my Dom." I do not tolerate disrespect from my sub to another human and visa versa.

In my experience, a person who needs to demand respect, rarely has the capability to earn it. In that situation the word respect generally means you don't know how important I think I am. I know how important I am, and to whom. If someone snapped back at me "You are not my Dom" my initial reaction would be to determine what had caused the reaction.

Be Well,

~Cloudz

On one of the rare occasions, I did overhear one person who I believe was either a complete newby or a wannabe trying out his Domly status on some one who is owned by an associate of mine. The girl was polite when she refused to kneel and said (again politely) "You are not my Dom. Only he may command me". My thoughts on that situation were to congratulate her Master for a well trained girl. I would expect no less than that from any kajira in my House or Personal Collar with the exception of other knopwn Goreans where she mill kneel and call them Master or Mistress but she will refuse to obey commands without my permission if I am there.

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 228

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/1/2005 8:00:49 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 157
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i saw a story on the History Channel about Pagans and the origins of Halloween. i had no idea Wiccans were presecuted by the Cathoic Church to such a degree; i had forgotten St Joan was burned at the stake as a witch.

"Wiccans" weren't, actually. Wicca is a relatively new religion, based on the traditions of many pre-Christian practices from all over the world. Wicca itself is less than 100 years old...

But, people (especially women) thought of as witches were absolutely that persecuted. And most of those "witches" were simply women with some (social) power, some money, or those whose opinions didn't fit the political climate. Some were traditional healers, but the minority of those accused of witchcraft were those who actually believed in traditional spirituality.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 229

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/1/2005 8:33:30 AM

Belladonna82

Posts: 130
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Even though this is off the topic of the OP....a wiccan is a pagan....but a pagan doesnt have to be wiccan...lol Master and i are both Pagan... :) but.....that neither here nor there...back to the OP

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

Post #: 230

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/1/2005 8:38:17 AM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I hope you both had a happy Samhuin

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 231

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/1/2005 8:40:24 AM

Belladonna82

Posts: 130
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

ahh that we did Master Iron Bear....it was eventful..... :) has Master told you yet....He is now the Manager of a Swingers club here in New Orleans..hehe i get to be his sexatary :)

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 232

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/7/2005 7:55:06 PM

MasterEsqMDsgirl

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

The term MASTER should be reserved for ones Master not for just anyone who THINKS he is a Master by self anointment...which is usually the case for those who insist on utilizing the term arbitrarily. To me, it cheapens the meaning when not used in the proper context. With that said, there are those i have known over the years who were not my Master but out of respect for their status (which they have earned) in the r/l community, i feel more then comfortable referring to them as Master as a title of respect...of course with permission.

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

(in reply to SirSix72)

Post #: 233

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/7/2005 9:05:13 PM

SirSix72

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

The word Master dosent imply Ownership....The word Owner implies ownership....if bella calls another Master,Sir,Dom this dosent imply in any ciontext that they are her Owners....for I own her......there is a difference within the context of a sentance....to reply to another as Master/Mistress/Dom/Sir/Ma'am is proper protocol........I expect that she addresses the free as this whether in r/t or not.......

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to MasterEsqMDsgirl)

Post #: 234

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/7/2005 10:11:13 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.
Perhaps an alternative method of looking at this could be to say:
"Whilst you are in Dominant Mode; you are Dominant at that time, and whilst you are in Submissive Mode; you are Submissive at that time."?

I would disagree with the light switch on or off finality of this statement that is all too prevalent in this community. I can be Domme or sub in the same conversation or even in the same day depending on who the interaction is with. The one that I subbed to actually encouraged my Domme personality as long as it was kept in check with him & only him. My job at the time required me to keep 50 men organized, on track & following all the rules...not a challenge for the faint or sub of heart. Through my life experiences at this time in my life and having the balance of sub to one that guided and Top to those that worked for me (this occasionally involved making rather large scary men cry when necessary) taught me a lot. I was able to mediate situations with confidence that would have normally been frightening and realize that being firm did not mean losing compassion. I think the idea that a switch MUST choose one or the other at any given time is too limiting to what they are in their heart. I was sub to one but any Dom expecting me to bow to him just because he said so would have been in for a RUDE awakening that my one would have fully supported. More than once when he was looked to as hey buddy reign her in, he would laugh at the people saying, "hey you know her well enough to realize THAT was going to be a bad move". Just my .02 on the topic of switches not necessary to Iron bear (luv ya you furry teddy) I chose to bow to one alpha that posessed my heart and guided me to be the person that I am today. Just because I was sub to him doesn't make just any old Domly Dom on a power trip man enough to posess my heart...let alone demand that I bow to him.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 11/7/2005 10:24:20 PM >

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 235

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/7/2005 10:53:49 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Gives you a huge Bear Hug

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 236

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/8/2005 2:49:57 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 654
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

First off , i must say mosy times i do call people Sir or Ma'am. But... of all people to demand respect , lol . You emailed me telling, yet demanding that i wasn't a slave, how might that deserve my respect. You of course are lucky i wasn't owned at the time or my Master might have been sending you a love note. Simple advice....for life and here, you get what you give.

(in reply to SirSix72)

Post #: 237

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/8/2005 3:12:43 AM

sunshine333

Posts: 173
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

this may be a bit out of line for me to say ... but ...

if Six were to say (at the very least) "I agree to disagree" at this point ... might he earn at least a smidgen of respect from everyone here stating an opposing point of view of his ... rather than continuing to tell everyone that they're not understanding?

understanding does not always equate to agreeing. and respect demanded is not respect earned.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 238

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/8/2005 6:24:02 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ponygirlzira: Here's what I do. I ask what people prefer to be addressed as, and I call them that until the time comes when they prove themselves to be unworthy of my conversation, and then I simply walk away. I find that many Dominants wish to be called by their first name. Many feel very uncomfortable having subs/slaves call them Master or Sir when they aren't Their property. Some just prefer to be called Sir all the time. I really don't let things like this bother me, how about to each their own?

Cheers! This is by far one of the more intelligent, diplomatic replies. I agree with it. Some of us enjoy protocal and honorifics, some don't. When on a list or with a group of people who expect honorifics, I am only too pleased to follow suit. I enjoy the discipline and formality of using honorifics. When using this forum and other "mainstream" BDSM message boards, I'm inclined to let the honorifics slide. It's simply not expected and the majority don't see the point. I've nothing to prove to anyone nor do I see any reason to argue it. At one time this mattered as I saw honorifics as simply a courtesy -- as good manners. At this point, I could care less. I'll behave as I prefer on this issue until I'm instructed otherwise by my (hopefully :) future owner.

(in reply to ponygirlzira)

Post #: 239

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/8/2005 6:46:08 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 279
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Bear,

We are in complete agreement. At all times a sub should behave with the Owner/Master's wishes in mind. I would have congratulated the girl on her perfect behavior in an imperfect situation.

~Cloudz

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 240

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