Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play

Join Our Community

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Event Calendars Search

Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:23:29 AM

OHFiremaster

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

hello, any thoughts?

< Message edited by OHFiremaster -- 9/25/2005 10:25:58 AM >

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:28:53 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Why should a random submissive even be interested in poly?

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:36:44 AM

OHFiremaster

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

I am not refering to a random sub. Every sub I have had, have been the kind that want their life mate in a dom. I want to get into poly play. I want to know why most of the subs I have had, I can get them interested. But they wait until their next dom to play with it. I am begining to feel it is me. Oh I was successful once, but she turned out to be a person playing sub and then encounter was not the best.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:37:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Poly is less normal than kink -- this is what a professional sociologist who studies this tells me (she works at my university and she has panels of folks with X sexuality to her class; she's done this for years).

The best time to talk about poly then would be before you even start a Ds or BDSM relatinoship. The "normal' expectation is that it will be monogamous. Once one is emotionally involved, imagine then how hard it is to heard 'let's see others'.

I'm always upfront about the poly aspect of my life. It has saved me a lot of emotional energy and I think the folks I'm honest with, even if they disagree with being poly, at least know I cared enough to let them know what they might be in for down the line.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:41:24 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, putting the best possible face on this subject.....

Assume you are president of the united states.....

Scenario goes like this:

Ok, we are all gonna go over HERE...........
(four people out of 220 million (thats what it was when i was in school) come over to your side.

you keep a dignified demeanor
You say, I don't believe you heard me;
WE ARE GOING OVER HERE!!!!!!!
(another four people)

In your mind you are thinking; this is so vivid, so real......
You just can't think about how it could not work, when it is crystal clear in your mind..........

I was gonna write more but this is enough.......

Kinda like that is why

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 10:42:41 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 417
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Just out of curiosity

What exactly do you mean by "poly play", and what are you hoping to get and share with a poly-family Sir?

starshine
Happy slave of MasterD

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 11:36:42 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes, it's you. You can't go around collecting mono subs and wonder why they don't want to get into poly.

And if they get into poly with their NEXT dom, then you're definitely doing something wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OHFiremaster

Every sub I have had, have been the kind that want their life mate in a dom. I want to get into poly play. I want to know why most of the subs I have had, I can get them interested. But they wait until their next dom to play with it. I am begining to feel it is me.

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 11:43:58 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I could make a list of why poly is unappealing to me.

Bringing in another for play; not so unappealing, dealing with a second sub as part of my primary relationship - long list.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 12:34:37 PM

OHFiremaster

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

That definately makes since. Thanks for picking up my spirits tammyjo

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 12:36:25 PM

OHFiremaster

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

You can't be friends with everybody. Very good point mnottertail.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 12:44:04 PM

OHFiremaster

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

In general I refer to poly play as a dom having more than once sub and playing with both at the same time. Most subs I have met want their dom as their life mate. As far as a poly family, that gets more complicated. First my children will have nothing to do with or any knowledge of the lifestyle until they become adults and decide to explore it. As I did not have a choice with my first experience I will make sure they get to chose if they chose. Now for the complicated. I am dominant and I live with a closeted dominant woman who calls herself submissive. My dream is to live my live as codoms bringing in subs to play with. I hope this has answered your question star.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 4:21:23 PM

DrkAngl

Posts: 141
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: First my children will have nothing to do with or any knowledge of the lifestyle until they become adults and decide to explore it.

Hmm..ok, I'm guessing here that if you're in a poly lifestyle that the other person will be living with you? I could be wrong. Won't the children start asking questions as to why dad now has two women in the household instead of just one?

If this other person was living with you, it would be a little difficult to keep it totally from the children. Only so many excuses one can make, even if they aren't living with you. Just a thought.

< Message edited by DrkAngl -- 9/25/2005 4:24:19 PM >

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 4:29:48 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OHFiremaster

In general I refer to poly play as a dom having more than once sub and playing with both at the same time. Most subs I have met want their dom as their life mate. As far as a poly family, that gets more complicated. First my children will have nothing to do with or any knowledge of the lifestyle until they become adults and decide to explore it. As I did not have a choice with my first experience I will make sure they get to chose if they chose. Now for the complicated. I am dominant and I live with a closeted dominant woman who calls herself submissive. My dream is to live my live as codoms bringing in subs to play with. I hope this has answered your question star.

Personally I think the fact that you honestly have to ask this question shows a lack of comprehension of exactly what poly is and what the situation involved would be.

For starters, look at your own situation and ask yourself how many people would not only find that specific situation appealing, but so appealing that they would work through all the difficulties to have it?

Secondly, have you really worked out HOW this will go? Why on earth would a person submit to you and some other person who doesn't even identify as a dominant? You need to work THAT out long before you even think of bringing another person into the situation. How will that person feel cherished and growing when their own existence can't be recognized by family? I'm not saying that the sub has to be introduced to the kids as "hey this is our sex slave" but if you want to make her part of the family, it means recognizing her as a real part of things, whether it's "this is our close friend who spends time with us" or something else.

The generic reasons are that it's hard is because most people WANT poly but have NO experience, understandings, realistic expectations of what poly really is. We aren't taught how to have a poly relationship as we grow up and we're not encouraged to experiement with them during our experimenting stages. We barely get any of that when it comes to monogamy to begin with.

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 4:30:57 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 220
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

most people want poly?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 4:39:10 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

well, most people want....

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to petwolf22)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 5:02:02 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 220
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

just wondering what emeraldslave meant when she stated that most people want poly....

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 5:20:56 PM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OHFiremaster

I am not refering to a random sub. Every sub I have had, have been the kind that want their life mate in a dom. I want to get into poly play. I want to know why most of the subs I have had, I can get them interested. But they wait until their next dom to play with it. I am begining to feel it is me. Oh I was successful once, but she turned out to be a person playing sub and then encounter was not the best.

quote:

I am begining to feel it is me.

If you think it's you, it probably is?

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to OHFiremaster)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 5:46:23 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 220
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

imho there are more people (dom, sub, and otherwise) who are used to the idea of monogamy than polygamy(not to argue which one is right). i'm sure there are the submissives out there who have been exposed to it and know it is the right kind of life for them, or they are openminded enough about it to be willing to explore it. they might be fewer in number, but i'm sure they are out there.

(in reply to fastlane)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 5:51:59 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Hear! I think petwolf22 is astute. People have been fashioned only from their birth, we lived poly society in times unremembered. What social impitus changed that? Are we growing? Are we lagging?

Ron

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

(in reply to petwolf22)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Why is it so hard to introduce a sub into poly play - 9/25/2005 6:06:39 PM

petwolf22

Posts: 220
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

of course there are some people who would think the idea of polygamy abhorrent (i know its not for me, for one...but i don't judge those who have found it works for them--just the people who indoctrinate children into this kind of thing. That, however, is another topic).

societal upbringing im sure is only part of the factors that go into a person's perceptions of polygamy

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 20