RE: in need of experienced opinions

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RE: in need of experienced opinions - 9/25/2005 4:16:13 AM

Gem

Posts: 58
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

Steel you went back to your family because you did not want your kids to disown you, so you are living in a marriage that you do not want because of church pressure and child pressure....yet are cheating on your husband and your family, and has it ever occured to you what they will do when they discover that you are being unfaithful?

My advice, D/s will not fix your life situation, no matter who you have kinky sex with and who you "submit" too it will not fix the problems that brought you to where you stand now. Seek out help thru a thearpist and even a marriage counsellor, fix what is broken first before putting the D/s duck tape on hoping against hope that it will hold everything together.

You are not being honest with your self let alone your family, and let me tell you in the long run it will mess the kids, husband and you up much more to be cheating and lying then it would if you left. When they discover that not only were you chatting with the heathens but you have participated within a poly family they will be gone before you could say the words But Iwas just........

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to steelsheath)

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Post #: 41

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 9/25/2005 5:08:49 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 1512
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

its too bad there isnt a uniform standard that a new sub can count on.

Wow. To me that's part of the beauty of this lifestyle. Two (or more) in a relationship make it their own, the experience is and should be unique to the relationship.

I do realize that you are trapped in a bad situation. There is life after divorce and children do adjust to situations.

(in reply to LordVinister)

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Post #: 42

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 9/30/2005 5:45:18 AM

elfie

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/9/2005
Status: offline

you were not over stepping your bounds, being the alpha in a almost similar situtation i say you have every right to private time with him. However there are red flags going up in my head because of other things. so my advice, communicate communicate communicate! if you hear alarm bells going off in your head, its time to change things and get yourself out.

(in reply to steelsheath)

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Post #: 43

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 1/2/2006 11:35:55 AM

DaddysSlaveinMs

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/30/2005
Status: offline

Ok I am new to this site, but not to the lifestyle. Right now I am the only slave Master has, but I know He is looking for one more. Although I have never been in a poly relationship before, this type of relationship does not bother me. I do however have a question for the original poster. Why, if you were new to the lifestyle ( 4months) did you choose a poly relationship right off the bat? Sounds to me like you should have gotten your feet wet before plunging in.

(in reply to elfie)

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Post #: 44

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 1/2/2006 11:39:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysSlaveinMs

Ok I am new to this site, but not to the lifestyle. Right now I am the only slave Master has, but I know He is looking for one more. Although I have never been in a poly relationship before, this type of relationship does not bother me. I do however have a question for the original poster. Why, if you were new to the lifestyle ( 4months) did you choose a poly relationship right off the bat? Sounds to me like you should have gotten your feet wet before plunging in.

For some people, poly is simply what calls to them. Not everyone goes from monogamy to poly. Some people are poly and then get into Ds, some people are poly from the start. Some people just find themselves within that situation.

And almost everyone new chooses a relationship that won't work long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

(in reply to DaddysSlaveinMs)

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Post #: 45

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 1/2/2006 3:53:11 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And almost everyone new chooses a relationship that won't work long term.

As hard as this is to say, it tends to be true. Most people get through this during their "dating" years, and manage to figure out what they want and have good relationships as adults... however, the key to figuring out what we -do- want is, at least in part, sorting through what we -don't- want.. and the only way to find out whether something is what we want or not is to give it a try and see whether it's a good fit.

There's nothing wrong with starting out in a poly D/s household, even as a newbie in both poly and D/s... as long as everyone involved realizes that this may be awesome, or it may not work -- and as long as everyone is willing to do the work of figuring out how to fix it if it doesn't work (including the possibility of having to end this configuration of the relationship and have one or more parties move on).

There is this fantasy perpetrated on our young that says that one person is going to come along who will fill all our fantasies and meet all our needs, and we will love that person instantly, and stay with him or her forever... Frankly, that kind of naivete ruins more potentally -good- relationships, because that fantasy has no room for disagreements, compromises, differing opinions, life struggles, etc. It -is- possible to love someone through all of those things, but not if we go into a relationship thinking that it has to be (and -will- be) perfect from the start with no effort on our part. Relationships are a challenge -- they teach us as much about ourselves as they do about the person or people that we are in the relationship with. The fantasy is nice, but life is infinitely more interesting and adventurous than any fantasy could be -- because the fantasy is all mapped out... we all know how it is going to end... but life... life could go any which way at any moment, and we get to hang on for dear life around the curves and dips, and cherish the thrill of the winds of fate -- and the beauty of a relationship is getting to do those things TOGETHER, under the terms that everyone involved has agreed to.

Lady Zephyr

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 1/2/2006 3:54:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 46

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 1/6/2006 10:43:12 PM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 138
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I don't get in the middle of a Master and his slaves life.....however, I will tell my way...every slave that comes into my family gets one on one time with me....it works for us.

(in reply to steelsheath)

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Post #: 47

RE: in need of experienced opinions - 1/7/2006 10:14:17 AM

peppermint379

Posts: 109
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

so dad and all kids came to my house and presented me w/ ultimatums. thru many fights and tears, i have ended up back in the marriage, not willingly. for now, i must live a lie. if i leave their dad again, the kids have said they will disown me, and trust me they arent kidding. i lived thru a taste of it before i consented to return to the home. so here i am, i am a leopard that cannot show her spots. i dont belong in the vanilla world, but yet i cannot find my way to the alt world either.

Now this is an example of communication and honest sharing. Your family basically laid all their cards on the table and gave you a choice. They presented you with their own hard limit and it was your choice to accept that limit or not.

It might not be right/fair that this was the only choice your family presented, however they do have the right to do this. It might not be right/fair that the subs in the Master's household became upset when you wanted to spend one on one time with him. It might not be right/fair that you felt a need to agree to a situation in which you aren't happy (And are still attempting to wiggle within the situation to find a way to eat your cake and have it too)

Life is not always fair. However, choices must be made, and when those choices are made we must do our best to accept that although life is not fair, one needs to do the best they can do after making those choices.

I was in a similar, although not same situation as you. My choice was to remain in the marriage. There were duties i felt i owed to him. He knew about my desire to explore the lifestyle, even gave me permission to do so. However, for me it would not have been right/fair to take this need of mine to real time even though there was little love left between us. Many years went by. Then there came a day of ultimate submission. I remember kneeling at his feet to wash his body. The odor was not pleasant, but as i washed him he leaned over, took a sniff, and said, "that soap smells so good." That was as great a feeling as any "good girl" i could receive. Then i dressed him in clean clothes and called the ambulance. Awhile later i stood at the foot of his bed in the ER. A few years before i had faced a similar situation. I could let him go, or sign papers for surgery that might extend his life. That time i chose life. This time i did as i had promised him and turned to the doctor and said, "Let him go." You see, i stayed in a basically loveless marriage to say those words. He needed me there to say the words. It was my duty as a submissive woman.

Our need to submit can manifest itself in many ways. The typical way is to find a strong Dominant we trust and offer that submission. However, that is not the only way. We can offer personal submission....submission that we offer from our inner self... submission for which we will not receive any appreciation...no pat on the head with the words "good girl"....submission where the words choice, duty, right, communication, honesty, and fair all come into play.

(in reply to steelsheath)

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Post #: 48