LadiesBladewing
Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
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I need to comment, and to mention that you make some generalizations about relationships between owners and owned, and between owned individuals within a household. While the patterns that you describe are certainly effective for your situation, they are not general to poly households and, in fact, may not be the pattern in -every- poly D/s home or even -most- poly D/s homes.
You also comment from an owned individual's perspective in relation to both of the women that the original author mentions. While they may have both been submissive to the Owner, that wasn't the impression that I'd gotten. I'd gotten the impression from the author's original post that the wife was not necessarily owned, and that there was -also- an alpha slave--a separate entity and a position that typically designates a position of instruction and leadership among the slaves.
Just to show how experiences may vary and may profoundly affect the situation for a newcomer submissive--in our household, there are both male and female dominants. There are also both male and female servants. So just because a newcomer sees a female, that doesn't necessarily mean that every female that she encounters will be another servant. In fact, our household is matriarchal. I am the spiritual leader, and my mate (also female) is the secular leader of our household. Different aspects of the household may be overseen by another dominant of -either- gender, and, in fact, leadership may change over a period of time so that our current matriarchal status changes, as we are, in general, gender-neutral within the framework that shapes our collective. So seeing a man doesn't necessarily imply that the person that one is seeing is dominant--in fact, he may be one of the most yielding of our acolytes. By the same token, treating me as if I were a servant, just because I am female, would certainly not earn a newcomer a single point--and might easily start him or her out with a negative "brownie point balance".
Also different for us is how the level at which a newcomer participates in our enclave is decided, and who an individual answers to. We -do- give all of our members, both dominant and servant, an opportunity to offer their thoughts and opinions on prospective members. Any discomfort that cannot be worked out through intervention by our arbiters (specially trained priests (male and female) of our spiritual order, dedicated to restoring balance through finding common ground and resolving conflict) means a poor fit, and the individual will not be invited to continue beyond the level of intimacy that he or she is at.
As far as whom to answer to, our servants -do- have to answer to our alphas and to their own trainer. Alphas and trainers, in our collective, are given responsibility commensurate with their capacities--and they are given a certain measure of autonomy in order to be able to be effective in their work. To give them a title but no autonomy basically cuts the legs out from under them, crippling them from being able to be effective in the responsibilities to which they have been assigned. They have earned our trust, and with that comes the autonomy to enforce the rules made by the leadership within the circle of influence that we have allowed them. In addition, for our newcomers, -any- servant with more experience than them would be considered a resource--and also someone to listen to and obey. To have it otherwise would completely discount the reality that experience provides a resource that can be ignored only to ones own folly.
So...briefly... in our case, an alpha -would- have to agree to a newcomer's continued involvement; as I've previously stated, a newcomer would -not- be guaranteed any particular alone time (instruction has, for centuries, been handled quite effectively in group settings, and, in fact, group training of a newcomer often yields more effective, efficient results--even for us, where each individual has a customized curriculum based on his or her talents and interests); and a newcomer -would- be expected to answer to other servants who have more experience within our collective than they do.
As in all things, each of our mileage may vary (but hopefully, considering the current state of gas prices, all of your mileage is on the high side of average or better!)
Lady Zephyr
quote:
ORIGINAL: handfullscherry
she is new to collarme, so please forgive her for jumping in here. she is and has been in poly relationship for three years. she is Alpha slave to Master, and has seen beta's come an go, most of which are pretty new to the lifestyle itself. One of the most important things that is stressed in O/our relationship is that Master is the Master, He is the one that makes the decisions. she teaches, assists and helps the one's that Master brings into His home. As the alpha, its still not her place to "agree" to or "approve" requests from the others, it's Masters, whether she likes it or not.
Also, one of the things that has been drilled into her by Master is that someone that is "new" to the family, let alone the lifestyle, will require more time and alot of one on one time as well. Some of that one on one is with her as she teaches ettiquite and manners and protocal to all that are new to His home. Though that one on one time has to be there with Master as well to learn about Him and for Him to learn about them.
So, in short, she doesn't believe that your request was wrong, bad, or done wrong. your not there to "answer to the slaves", your there to answer to the Master. Period. If that isn't the case, then your choice to move on is probably best.
miss_cherry, proud alpha slave to Master Handfull
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RE: in need of experienced opinions - 
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