RE: is there a always an alpha

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zaynab -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/21/2005 11:29:46 PM)
Hi teapaw... It might be helpful if you don't compare yourself to her at all, and just focus on yourself. Only use your own self to measure how you are doing in your servicing of your Master. The more reliable and efficient you are... the more pride you will have in a job well done and also, your Master will notice that as well. He may not show that he notices how hard you are working to please him, but he does. Even if he gives her latitude for whatever reason, every room you clean, every load of laundry you do, is a sign to him that you are serving him. This will constantly strengthen his bond with you, even if it doesn't show. As for the wife... I would be sympathetic towards her... and see if I could help her in some way....She may really be too tired often or not feeling well.... maybe she's depressed? If nothing like that truly exists, the fact that she does not have the drive to be as good of a homemaker as you are, would be another reason to have sympathy towards her. I hope that the pride you feel, when you look around and see the spotless house, with how neat and orderly it is, brings you that wonderful feeling of satisfaction.

MrThorns -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/22/2005 7:20:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45 YES, YES, and YES. Sociologists call it the "Iron Law of Oligarchy:. Over time, all social groups will find their alphas. Read "Lord of the Flies" for a very good description of how this occurs. Of if you are not into long reads, turn to a discussion of what happens when a disaster strikes a group. The crash of the plane in the 80s, which left dozens of people stranded in the mountains is a good read. The literature is full of examples and there are no exceptions. Even primitive groups that anthropologists had thought had egalitarian values, found their alphas. It is a part of your human existance. Get over it. What you are describing is how social creatures develop some form of heirarchy when faced with traumatic events. There will be people who can stand up and lead under pressure, just as there will be people who will follow that leadership. "Lord of the Flies" depicted a group of kids who were stranded on an island...trauma. Plane crash in the 80s...trauma. Primitive groups faught for their survival virtually every day of their lives....trauma. Poly relationships are developed by choice....not by traumatic events. Not every poly relationship has an Alpha, nor does every poly relationship need one. ~Thorns

zaynab -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/22/2005 9:47:52 AM)
Just wanted to suggest that the wife may want to get her blood sugar checked to see if it is too low, that would cause feeling exhausted all the time and lack of motivation. If someone has energy, it's hard to lay around all the time. Also, energy breeds energy. If she really does want to do things but feels tired, tell her to start moving and before she knows it, she will not only feel great, she will be able to get a ton of things done.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/22/2005 3:26:03 PM)
just wanted to interject a thought here...could it be possibe..the wife didn't want to be in this type living situation...but did so solely for the benifit of her Master....just a thought...

teapaw -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/23/2005 5:01:37 AM)
wow you all have come up with some good ideas and points of view. I have been here several months now. I have become (though I do not want to be) in control of the house. I have found that no matter how much I do or clean or work on the house (paint the walls, fix the plumbing etc..) Master doesnt care. I have asked him and he said things have always been a mess and its ok with him. He is just as Lazy are his wife. There is nothing wrong with her other then a lazy master. So we have all talked and I am looking for a new master. This time I will NOT leap before KNOW how thigns are run and what is expected of me. Thank you all for your time and understanding pamela [:o]

MsPurrmeow -> RE: is there a always an alpha (8/23/2005 10:35:40 AM)
Good job Pamela. It may not seem like the best outcome, but it was a learning experience for you. Every lesson learned makes for a better future. I'm glad you came out of this ok. Best wishes for your search. Purr

0slave -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/3/2005 9:17:03 AM)
Merry Meet also, girl. I am of the Wiccan tradition here in Wales, UK. When I read your article, I actually thought you were refering to someone I knew. ME! I hate housework, am as lazy as they come, etc etc. No I am not proud. Having a second slave however does in fact motivate me, not the other way. However, and this is a possibility that you may want to think about. It sounds to me, that your sister, alpha whatever you want to called it, is actually retreating into her books and pc for a number of reasons. She may not want to play, for a simmilar reason. She may be suffering from depression. and another? She in fact, may not want you there! This sounds harsh, and I do not mean it to sound so badly, but it seriously seems, and from looking at my own experiences that she is suffering from depression. You may not see it, she may not accept it. However, having been there, as someone who suffers badly from depression - which causes lack of self motivation, it is all the same characturistics of a depressive wether she wants to accept them or not. Also, a slave cannot do what her Master doesn't tell her to do. Nor can a Master expect her to do soemthing she won't do. Your Master needs to do something and sort out the chores for u all. That said if he demands something and she wont and refuses it will break the relationship. Just because you have a job, does not mean you cannot do housework. That said, if she hasn't a job, she should. Saying she can't or hasn't been taught to clean is an excuse on her part - anyone can clean to a fashion given time. It is more likely she cant self motivate, because she's depressed. Remember you are there to serve your Master and whatever he demands, wether you do everything from washing to bricklaying if he tells you - you should do it otherwise you will not be true to yourself. Keep in touch - [:D] Merry Meet Elizabeth - The Bee Witch

LadiesBladewing -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/3/2005 3:16:39 PM)
For us, alpha has nothing to do with better treatment--it is a position of increased responsibility. In many ways, our alphas work harder than the servants who answer to them. The alpha is responsible for training, for initial discipline where a servant doesn't seem to understand a required task, for reporting to the Guides about problems or with recommendations for a change in station for a worthy servant-acolyte or servant-dedicant. The alpha assigns individual trainers, inspects the servants and their work, and makes sure that any needs are made known to the Guides. Our alpha is also the one to whom the servants turn when they are struggling with something, feeling homesick, or battling resentment or anger over misunderstandings about treatment. The alpha is the one who provides the collective servant opinions on potential new members of the abbey household. Because of this wide range of responsibilities, our alpha has to have an unusual capacity for initiative, innovativeness, people skills, discretion, integrity, honor, and dedication. The assignment of tasks in our household isn't always equal, and the individuals who serve are not equal either--so at one time or another, one servant might feel 'put out', and another might be bored and feeling 'left out'. These things always balance out over time. This week's bored servant is next week's stress-puppy...and when one servant is done with his or her projects, we -strongly- encourage the communal gift of helping out another person who is overloaded. I can tell you, though, that laziness and carelessness with tasks would not be among the things that would be allowed to slide here. I can understand "lazy". There are some chores that I completely despise, some that SilverRose can't stand and never could, and some chores that we might choose to let slide--but once something is started, it requires full dedication. Neither of us can be satisfied with ourselves if we do a half-assed job...and we have the same expectation of our servants. Nobody is forced to serve. Even for the person who has an abjectly submissive personality, that person still chooses whether or not to exercise that part of him or herself. To say otherwise is to call all submissive individuals "victims", which, in our experience, they are -not-. Most of them are intelligent, thoughtful, dedicated, individuals who fully accept their natures and choose to serve--and choose whom they will serve (something that we, as Guides, keep in mind, ourselves, since we don't just choose our servants--they choose us as well, and we have a responsibility to them, just as they have lifted burdens from our shoulders.) Either an individual loves service enough to -want- to serve to his or her best capacity, or he or she would be better investing valuable time, energy, and dedication to something he or she does love. Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: imtempting I disagree with what the others have said. I feel there is always an alpha female or male. Someone will always get better treatment. By what you said it seems like your the slave only

dognkitten9215 -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/8/2005 6:48:40 PM)
Think I am going to go blind reading tonight. On the alpha slave verses equality of the slaves, In My house there is a "pecking order" and In My humble opinion, there has to be to advoid resentment to the one that is life mate, or first. The duties of the home have to be delegated to the alpha and it is his/her responsibility to make sure that they are carried out by all the others. It will drive a Dom/me "Mad" I tell ya if He/She has to make sure all the business of the house is done. And for emeraldslave, lol it's ok to be a mess, lol as long as ya look good at it.. teapaw, after reading all you went through over the last few weeks, and trying to talk to them about what you felt, and a few cups of coffee I have come to the conclusion, that to much coffee and reading will make ya shake, and that you did all you could to repair the problems. Good for you for the efforts and I wish you blessings on your journey. There are many households that do work in Poly, and do all they can to make the life of each a comfortable celebration of life and love.

Thetaz -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/11/2005 2:32:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teapaw So we have all talked and I am looking for a new master. This time I will NOT leap before KNOW how thigns are run and what is expected of me. Thank you all for your time and understanding pamela [:o] Girl you've come to the understanding that we have, gotta get all the particulars right. Our first foray into poly ended much like yours is now, and we are sure to be more particular with our next one. Still searching for our third. Thetaz

zaynab -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/11/2005 5:37:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury just wanted to interject a thought here...could it be possibe..the wife didn't want to be in this type living situation...but did so solely for the benifit of her Master....just a thought... yes, Master Fury... that could be possible... if that is the case, that would most likely be reflected by her lack of energy or motivation. I believe having a heirarchy of slaves would be the easiest and most effective way to facilitate smooth relationships and responsibilities. For me, I would never want to be an alpha. ~ zay

ChereeAmoor -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/12/2005 5:49:21 AM)
It seems like all I ever do is clean up, and I hate it hate it hate it. I take out a lot of agressions doing heavy housework, though - sometimes I am so steamed at the clutter I lift the end of the couch with one hand, snarl curses as I sweep under it, and immediately feel better.

teapaw -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/18/2005 6:20:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat hello...thank you so much for this thread. i have explored poly-relationships before, always as a beta sub. i have found that there will always be an alpa. There will always be the one submissive who has a deeper/longer/more extablished relationship with the Dom or Master. There will always be the submissive who serves more, who has more time for the relationship. When handled with communication, trust, and honesty, serving as a beta can be just as satisfying, just as fulfilling, and just as much fun. Without those things, there can only be discord, jealousy, and unhappiness. IMHO They have had more time together...he treated me like her and expected me to react the same way...ekkk...no two slaves are alike... Since all the wonderful talking we were doing did not produce results I left and am once again tentatively looking.....No more jumping into things....:) pamela

teapaw -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/18/2005 6:24:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 0slave Merry Meet also, girl. I am of the Wiccan tradition here in Wales, UK. When I read your article, I actually thought you were refering to someone I knew. ME! Keep in touch - [:D] Merry Meet Elizabeth - The Bee Witch Merry Meet Bee Witch, [:D] I have left that relationship. She openly admitted to only wanting to do the bare minimum to keep Master off her ass, she may be depressed but none of that is my problem anymore...YIPPY [:)] PLease feel free to pm me...:) Blessings Pamela

ShiftedJewel -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/18/2005 6:35:39 AM)
quote: I left and am once again tentatively looking.....No more jumping into things....:) pamela I want to wish you the very best of luck pamela.... my advice is to stick to your guns. Don't jump into anything, what may appear to be perfect for everyone involved may soon turn out to be something you would be better off avoiding. Really get to know the people first, spend as much time with them as you can and talk, talk, talk... If it is meant to be, then it will happen... time is not our enemy, in fact, I believe time frequently protects us from ourselves and our spontanious nature. Jewel

teapaw -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/18/2005 6:42:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel I want to wish you the very best of luck pamela.... my advice is to stick to your guns. Don't jump into anything, what may appear to be perfect for everyone involved may soon turn out to be something you would be better off avoiding. Really get to know the people first, spend as much time with them as you can and talk, talk, talk... If it is meant to be, then it will happen... time is not our enemy, in fact, I believe time frequently protects us from ourselves and our spontanious nature. Jewel time does at that.....[:)] thank you :) pamela

elfie -> RE: is there a always an alpha (9/30/2005 6:22:50 AM)
quote: cause damn the tumble weeds of dog hair are driving me nuts eewww ok this is crazy you work you come home and clean and she does nothing and the Master says oh the good of the group. ok well... i think you are being screwed sister. that is just my honest opinion on what i have read. she wont play with you, what else wont she do with you? my sister and i share the house work i cook she does the dishes you get the idea? we each have private time with Master, ok admittedly i end up with more sometimes but thats because i sleep in his bed and am his wife. none of what we have is easy we all work hard for it and have had a rocky road to get where we are now. but my advice, get out,,, while you still have your pride, sanity and health in place....

ArizonaDom66 -> RE: is there a always an alpha (10/13/2005 10:48:52 AM)
teapaw, something bothered Me from the beginning about your situation, I am glad to see that you figured it out...your "master" seemed weak and lazy...how can one respect someone who does not respect himself...the fact that it is okay for him to live in a messy environment and not really dealing with issues that truly were imprtant to you did not bode well for the relationship...as you know, being a Master is a lot of work, in a poly household it requires great management skills...as far as some of the posts on here, just because you are a slave does not mean that you have to shut up and go on feeling the way you were...you obviously valued the relationship and did more than your part to make it work...he was lazy as was his wife and there is no way he can be worthy of respect...good for you...and take your time

JustaTop -> RE: is there a always an alpha (10/13/2005 11:04:15 AM)
Usually, assigning an alpha position seems to be related to giving the first a sense of "job security".Which puts it more on a business footing,which can be hard to deal with in a romantic relationship. The ones I have seen that worked the best, stressed "family",over hierarcies. There were no "newbie trainees"-only people who needed to learn more. None of the bottoms got put over the others,and it knocked the ego problems flat. You were new family-not the "insignificant other".

LadiesBladewing -> RE: is there a always an alpha (10/13/2005 6:07:49 PM)
While I can agree with the idea that newcomers in a healthy poly group won't feel like "insignificant others", I disagree with the idea that family should be stressed over hierarchies (or vice versa). We are a -very- hierarchical group, and newcomers go through graduated stages of development from novitiate through dedicant-servant and bond-servant for our servants. I think that -knowing- which tack a family takes, and having it be one that an individual is comfortable with is the important part. We don't hide from people that we are hierarchical. It isn't business with us -- it is spiritual and communal. Healthy communities are as likely to have structure and hierarchy as they are to be communalist and run by consensus. In a D/s household, it is virtually impossible to have a household without hierarchy--if there is an active dominant, and there are submissives, there is an inherent hierarchy. The only difference in households like ours, is that we delegate responsibility to those who are found to be capable of managing it under our direction. Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Usually, assigning an alpha position seems to be related to giving the first a sense of "job security".Which puts it more on a business footing,which can be hard to deal with in a romantic relationship. The ones I have seen that worked the best, stressed "family",over hierarcies. There were no "newbie trainees"-only people who needed to learn more. None of the bottoms got put over the others,and it knocked the ego problems flat. You were new family-not the "insignificant other".

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