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RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms...


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RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/12/2005 6:11:44 PM   
geargirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
I am mongomas and for the life of me i can not understand the polly world. sex to me is a sacred act ment to be shared and not just given as a meaninless act.

Its not us un polly chicks trying to give polly womem a bad name maybe some. It just makes it harder for us. I feel like a dying breed. Diffrent standeres I pride myself with loyalty and honestly. All my energy and goes into one person for the truest devotion
I am in love with a polly man and it kills me.
but we cant pick who we fall in love with.

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/12/2005 8:52:09 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
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How does someone who has love for many people lack loyalty and honesty?

I tell anyone interested in forming a relationship with me that I can and will be involved with many people. There's honesty for you. I also make sure that what I say I will provide for someone I always provide for someone. There's loyalty.

Do mothers feel less than loyal when they love all of their children? Do monogamous people feel guilty when they move on after an ex because they feel as though they aren't being loyal to the memory of their past relationship?

I'm completely up front about what I want out of life.

Or were you talking about the men and women who say they'll settle for one person but later try to sneak in another person? I can see how that may be dishonest.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

(in reply to geargirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/12/2005 11:42:34 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 1062
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

How does someone who has love for many people lack loyalty and honesty?

I tell anyone interested in forming a relationship with me that I can and will be involved with many people. There's honesty for you. I also make sure that what I say I will provide for someone I always provide for someone. There's loyalty.

Do mothers feel less than loyal when they love all of their children? Do monogamous people feel guilty when they move on after an ex because they feel as though they aren't being loyal to the memory of their past relationship?

I'm completely up front about what I want out of life.

*nods vigorously in agreement* yup yup, this is how we feel as well.
quote:


Or were you talking about the men and women who say they'll settle for one person but later try to sneak in another person? I can see how that may be dishonest.

People like this are not poly - they are cheaters if they are sneaking.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/13/2005 5:28:29 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

People like this are not poly - they are cheaters if they are sneaking.

Well a person can be poly AND cheat, but yes, cheating doesn't equate to poly.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/13/2005 9:36:11 AM   
wolfspirits


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Joined: 6/7/2005
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We are a poly couple, loyal and honest with each other and with our friends. people we chose to have sex with we have allowed them to touch our hearts. They become family/friends we will form a bond with them. even when the sex part is over we remain friends as that bond between us is formed. There are many kinds of love and levels of love our friends we choose to be sexual with are special in our hearts. my Master/Husband and I are pagan, it is our belief that being poly (not all pagans are ) is a responcibility and when acting sexual with your partners and friends is a" Sacred Act. " of the earth/god/goddess. so mote it be.
Lady Silver

(in reply to geargirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/14/2005 3:20:15 AM   
strongwill


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

So a new friend of mine and I were talking and we are curious about this phenomenon of monogamous submissives who are seeking their "One and only" attempting to become involved with dominants who are poly.

I'm not seeing anything perplexing here.

A monogamous person can have a perfectly satisfying relationship with a poly person. They can even find their 'one and only' in such a relationship, if they don't go into it thinking that they can change their poly partner into a monogamous one.

~stef

i do this now with my online Mistress i strive to move this[my monogomy -with a poly Mistress) into real lfie- with a near by Mistress ]i wonder if i can?i am so different then when iwas vanilla or befroe i found what i am called /where i fit in life = D/s

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/14/2005 4:11:43 AM   
gentlesurrender


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Joined: 6/21/2005
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my first vanilla marriage was totally mono,

my second marriage to a dom, he portrayed himself as mono, and carried out his poly activities behind my back. Several times i forgave him and said i just want to know whats going on. I couldnt understand why in this lifestyle he felt he had to lie about it.

something i didnt understand within myself at the time was the curiousity, the fascination to want to see if others responded in the same way i did to him.

since our split, i have had two surrogate, mentor doms both with their own slaves, one was totally about control, not play or sex. The second became deeper as our friendship grew and they did invite me to play.

i wonder how i would describe myself now, in the main terms i would like a mono relationship, i guess to be the person the dom relates too primarily, but given the right trust and foundation base with Him, i wouldnt mind poly activities. Does that make sense???

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to strongwill)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/14/2005 4:53:11 AM   
ShiftedJewel


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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

i wonder how i would describe myself now, in the main terms i would like a mono relationship, i guess to be the person the dom relates too primarily, but given the right trust and foundation base with Him, i wouldnt mind poly activities. Does that make sense???


It makes perfect sense... if one can be straight but bi-curious then reason would have it that one can be monogamous but poly-curious. I think it's wonderful that you are open minded about it as well as the fact that you do understand that it has to be based on a good, solid foundation of trust, respect and honesty.

Jewel


_____________________________

ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to gentlesurrender)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/17/2005 8:09:47 PM   
subspecialist


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Joined: 6/21/2005
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i do understand your question, however i have a somewhat different perspective. It truly is a difficult thing to find a good male Dominant. With that in mind, i can understand how a mono submissive could be attracted to the "dominance"/style/character of a good male Dom who just happens to be poly.
Personally, i am not poly, but i have a couple Friends Who are. i have given much thought to this topic to try and understand it better, as well as to evaluate whether i could become a part of such a relationship. It's not necessarily the poly aspect that is attractive & draws a sub in.... it sometimes can just be part of the "package". (Just my two cents...)

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/18/2005 7:22:50 AM   
stormsfate


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I've oftened wondered if the poly curious would be more open to it under the right circumstances. There are so many dynamics that fall under the poly heading. For example...a situation wherein it is a closed triad, where everyone is involved with everyone else, and yet there is fidelity within the triad. There is just such a broad range and I think sometimes people misunderstand and think that everyone always sleeps with everyone they meet who strikes their fancy or something. Not all dynamics are like that.



f

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/18/2005 11:11:55 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 254
Joined: 10/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate
I've oftened wondered if the poly curious would be more open to it under the right circumstances. There are so many dynamics that fall under the poly heading. For example...a situation wherein it is a closed triad, where everyone is involved with everyone else, and yet there is fidelity within the triad.


In our experience... the answer is no. Over many years, we've introduced people to the concept slowly and with lots of information and examples. People (in our case) either believe in strong pseudo-monogamy, or flat out "f**k-em-all" swinging. Very few can grasp polyfidelity. It seems even more difficult than grasping any other form of Polyamory. Personally, I would think it would be easier, and it confuses me every time.

Purr


(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/18/2005 7:20:22 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Since I've known my own personality for so many years now, it's easy for me to understand exactly what I want in life. Then comes my two slaves. The first I married over 20 yrs ago. It began as a D's relationship and grew from there. She knew my taste for others yet I found myself focused on a married D's lifestyle. A little over 7yrs ago while attending a local munch she became involved in a conversation with someone she felt attracted to and wondered if I would consider allowing her to explore this side of her self. I smile as I look back at that moment because I had never considered she had those tendencies. Long story short, this evolved into a very loving and long lasting poly realtionship. This was someone seeking a single Dom/Master. Throughout the years we've grown as any other family. Lifestyle aside it wouldn't have been this way. But I never look back and think there were easy choices for either of them. A willing wife/slave and a partner willing to explore a part she didn't know was there. It's not really hard work, it's just my family.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 3:22:03 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 2933
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate
So a new friend of mine and I were talking and we are curious about this phenomenon of monogamous submissives who are seeking their "One and only" attempting to become involved with dominants who are poly.
fate
My guess is that it's the same mentality that makes a lot of monogamous vanila/lifestyle people not think twice about involving selves with someone they know is already attached... Part disrespect for self and the other person in relationship, part arrogance of thinking she can change him because she's so much more wonderful than the woman he's already with.. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 11:56:20 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 624
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirTIM

That is a very strange phenomena, indeed! Better still, I don't see how doms can have more than 1... at the very most 2 submissives.... and maintain a tight and happy relationship.... for a long time..


Because they are polyarmourous. That's what the word means - polyamourous means, "capable of having a tight and happy relationship with ore than one, at the very most 2, people."


(in reply to SirTIM)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 5:53:16 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 254
Joined: 10/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir
Because they are polyarmourous. That's what the word means - polyamourous means, "capable of having a tight and happy relationship with ore than one, at the very most 2, people."


I've never heard a definition like this before

Here's a few from the web:

* Inclined, capable and desiring of having multiple sexualove partners at the same time.
www.number-one-adult-sexual-health-terms-advisor.com/relationshipstyles.htm

* Polyamory is a neologism, signifying having more than one long term sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Persons who enter into or consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamorous

... and here's a few from this site: http://www.poly-nyc.com/definitions.html

Ravenhearts:
The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

TriStatePoly:
Means many loves, and refers to relationship styles of responsible non-monogamy. We count many different configurations of relationships in polyamory, but they have in common honesty and consensuality. While some polyfolk are straight couples who agree they can have other lovers, we also welcome singles, triads, quads, networks, tribes, bi, gay, and transgendered folk -- whatever works for you, as long as it's not based on lying and cheating.

Polyamory.com:
Means "many loves." Briefly, a polyamorous person is one who feels it is natural to romantically love more than just one person at a time. A polyamorous person may have more than one person that s/he considers to be a "spouse," for example. Polyamory is about love, without constraint by the dictates of society, defined only by the parameters that we, as individuals, impose upon it.

Loving More:
The general term used to describe all forms of multi-partner relating.

alt.polyamory:
Means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn't wear yourself out trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. ,"Polyamorous," is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are involved in less than one.) Some people think the definition is a bit loose, but it's got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide range of poly arrangements out there.

NYC-LGBT-Poly@egroups:
Polyamorists are people who either desire or are involved in multiple committed relationships in an open and honest fashion.

Time.com NOVEMBER 15, 1999 VOL. 154 NO. 20:
Henry & Mary & Janet & ...: Is your marriage a little dull? The "polyamorists" say there's another way BY JOHN CLOUD
"Polyamory": loving more than one person simultaneously

None of these limits the number to one or two. Mostly Poly is about opening your mind, not only to other people and loves, but to awareness that definitions will vary according to the people involved.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 5:57:22 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Deleted

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/19/2005 5:59:17 PM >

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 6:29:25 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 624
Joined: 2/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow


I've never heard a definition like this before

----

None of these limits the number to one or two. Mostly Poly is about opening your mind, not only to other people and loves, but to awareness that definitions will vary according to the people involved.



Try re-reading what I quoted and then my response and see if it makes sense.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... - 7/19/2005 8:17:25 PM   
Lordandmaster


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Joined: 6/22/2004
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It didn't make sense to me either, Faramir, because the way you stated your definition is extremely misleading. I deleted what I wrote when I realized what you meant.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 38
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