Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (Full Version)

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stormsfate -> Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/6/2005 8:30:11 PM)

So a new friend of mine and I were talking and we are curious about this phenomenon of monogamous submissives who are seeking their "One and only" attempting to become involved with dominants who are poly.

It is perplexing to me, so I thought I'd toss this out for some insight as to the mentality behind it.


best regards,
fate


*Edited for typo :::sigh:::



quietkitten -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/6/2005 9:08:35 PM)

Honestly... it doesn't make much sense does it?

Perhaps they are of the belief they can change him??? Who knows....



MadameDahlia -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/6/2005 10:56:35 PM)

It drives me crazy!

I've written into my profile that I'm poly. I'm bisexual. And I'm not changing. Yet I still get the "please settle down with only me and I know I can make you happy Mistress" type emails. ARG! I don't get it. Why do they waste their time on people like me? I'm not going to budge just so that they can have some happily-ever-after.

If any of those who enjoy trying to convert poly people are reading this I would LOVE some feedback. Because it really has me stumped beyond all belief. I simply don't understand why someone would want to spend their time talking to someone they won't obtain. In my opinion that's rather like a heterosexual person trying to convince a homosexual, opposite sex person to get involved with them. (or the opposite way around)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 5:41:40 AM)

And they give the rest of us poly chicks a bad name because then everyone assumes we're "dom stealers."

And I think people really DO think that if they are only just "good enough," that this "harem dream" will fade away and they can live as a happy monogamous couple forever and ever.



stormsfate -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 7:27:42 AM)

quote:

And I think people really DO think that if they are only just "good enough," that this "harem dream" will fade away and they can live as a happy monogamous couple forever and ever.


Well this is what my friend thought they think, too. To me, it still doesn't make sense and if that is really the case, then people really are more clueless than I had once thought. I think I could understand that way of thinking more if the dominant were single at the time...but to further muddy the waters...it doesn't seem to matter that he/she may already be involved with one or more others.

I wish one of them would chime in so I could at least try to understand the reasoning behind it.



best regards,
fate



SirTIM -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 7:37:53 AM)

[8D]That is a very strange phenomena, indeed! Better still, I don't see how doms can have more than 1... at the very most 2 submissives.... and maintain a tight and happy relationship.... for a long time.. maybe I'm naive, but, one good submissive is enuf.... and for a submissive to wish to enter a poly dom relatonship is plain... crazy! This is JMHO.



Gemeni -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 7:48:16 AM)

For the same reason they have totally unreasonable expectations of doms and men in general.

They are living in a fantasy world, and totally divorced from reality.



SirTIM -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 7:53:12 AM)

Agreed!

Now! if somebody can tell me how to insert something other than.. VANILLA above my name.. and also how to... insert some cuffs or other objects above my name, also... I'd appreciate your help!!!!!!!



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 7:59:49 AM)

Sigh...

Your icon is dependent upon the number of posts you have made, nothing more or less.

Do a search for the topic, there's a couple threads about it already.



PAINTHORSE -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 9:39:30 AM)

[&o]I have a slightly different orrientation about the monogamous submissive, seeking a dom that is poly.
I truly think that I am monogamous for ME, and it is a gift I share with my dom. My dom was poly before we got together,
he made no bones about it, that he had always been poly. Our relationship grew, even to marriage, I am privleged to serve him,
and he is appreciative of my gifts of total submission. For the most part he has been non poly active for the past 7mo since marriage, but he frankly talks about what he would like to do and probably will. I have not control on his actions, nor would I want to, I get a nuturing
relationship with longterm, plans and securities etc., The control comes from him, it is just a fact of life itself. I know where I am with regards to our relationship, and am secure. He probably will go out and poly-play around. It has absolutly nothing to do with me, or our relationship. painthorse



SirTIM -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 10:11:51 AM)

Thank you, emerald... don't sigh.. many things, we here.. have to learn ..... about posting..*s* All becomes clearer.. in time Thanks, again.... you beautiful submissive one..



stormsfate -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 11:23:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirTIM

[8D]That is a very strange phenomena, indeed! Better still, I don't see how doms can have more than 1... at the very most 2 submissives.... and maintain a tight and happy relationship.... for a long time.. maybe I'm naive, but, one good submissive is enuf.... and for a submissive to wish to enter a poly dom relatonship is plain... crazy! This is JMHO.


I don't see you as naive, but rather someone who has a different mindset than I do. I've been owned for over nine years now, and we have maintained a tight and happy relationship. Yet when vision became a part of our family, she brought with her something very special. Its one more bond between all of us. If I were seeking at this point in my life, I would look for another poly relationship. There really is something magical about it when the fit is good, imo.


best regards,
fate



wolfspirits -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 11:27:17 AM)

Wow! painhorse what a good attitude you have, truly showing your love and submissiveness to your Master. seeing in yourself that you are not poly and accepting your Master for what he is. He probably will at some point perhaps he has waited this long to build up your relationship with him.. your attitude/feelings in knowing your place is secure in his heart is wonderful, I wish you well
Lady Silver, of WolfSpirits.



stef -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 5:01:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

So a new friend of mine and I were talking and we are curious about this phenomenon of monogamous submissives who are seeking their "One and only" attempting to become involved with dominants who are poly.

I'm not seeing anything perplexing here.

A monogamous person can have a perfectly satisfying relationship with a poly person. They can even find their 'one and only' in such a relationship, if they don't go into it thinking that they can change their poly partner into a monogamous one.

~stef



stormsfate -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 5:38:44 PM)

The perplexing part is when they are very clear that they do not wish to share or have a relationship with anyone who is already involved with or may become involved with someone else in addition to them. Under those circumstances, don't you find it a bit odd that they would pursue a relationship with such a person?



best regards,
fate



stef -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 6:08:17 PM)

Under those circumstances, yes, without a doubt.

Your original post made it appear as though you felt a relationship between a poly and a monogamous person couldn't work. Thanks for the clarification.

~stef



stormsfate -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/7/2005 6:33:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl


Your original post made it appear as though you felt a relationship between a poly and a monogamous person couldn't work. Thanks for the clarification.

~stef


Oh no...definately not! I'm not the most articulate person at times...sorry about that. I think a monogamous person absolutely could have a wonderful relationship with a poly person, if, like you mentioned, neither is trying to change the other.



best regards,
fate



JerryInTampa -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/12/2005 8:36:05 AM)

I, for one, am "either or". I've been poly, and I've been monogomous (because I was single and connected with a monogomous girl).

So why?

1. Women think they can change men... heck, they are more attracted to "broken" men who need fixing. I know it's cliche' but it's also often true.

2. People tend to want what they cannot have. The poly guy is unavailable, therefore more attractive. If he's actually attached, that just proves he's desireable (I knew a friend who used to go to parties with his female cousin. They would pretend to be a couple then split up. They both got far more attention from members of the opposite sex that way).

3. Desperation. In one case, I had a girl who wanted the relationship that she saw I had. Another man was just a man, but I was the relationship she saw between me and my submissive. In other cases, the poly guy may just seem "the only hope". Often they try to convince themselves that "poly is OK", even when they are not (my sub has had two girlfriends who got in despite being monogomous by denying it, and suffered for it).



SweetDommes -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/12/2005 9:23:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirTIM

[8D]That is a very strange phenomena, indeed! Better still, I don't see how doms can have more than 1... at the very most 2 submissives.... and maintain a tight and happy relationship.... for a long time.. maybe I'm naive, but, one good submissive is enuf.... and for a submissive to wish to enter a poly dom relatonship is plain... crazy! This is JMHO.


It all depends on the people involved how well it will work. In our case (so far, at least) it is a F/F/m relationship, working towards having another m join us, but our relationship is as "tight and happy" as possible with 3 people interacting, disagreeing, agreeing, loving, fighting, and basically doing all the other 'normal relationship' things that happen at some point in every relationship.

As for your "one good submissive is [enough]" - that is quite closedminded, IMO ... every person is different, every person (submissive or Dominant) has different talents. Perhaps one sub is a fabulous service sub, but not a pain sub - and another is a mediocre service sub, but LOVES S&M play, both qualities a particular Dom/me wants ... if all are agreeable to the arrangement, why shouldn't the Dom/me have both? Both subs serve the Dominant in their own way to make him/her happy, and the Dominant can give both subs what they want/need - each of them gives something to the relationship that the others can't give and I know of relationships like this that have lasted for years ... some with more subs than just two.

------
To the actual topic - I think it's a case of wanting what they know they can't have. And it is not just femsubs trying to change men. We get it from malesubs all the time - which is hysterical because they want to be our only sub (knowing that we have one collared already) but they want both of us to Domme them



MsPurrmeow -> RE: Mono submissives chasing poly doms... (7/12/2005 4:11:11 PM)

This is a dilemma for many poly people, not just lifestyle. Men do it to women, women do it to men, subs do it to Doms and Doms do it to subs. People with ego issues see us as a challenge.

Although I've got over a decade under my belt, I still get the questions. My profiles clearly state that I'm not alone, yet they still try. I have no problem with them being monogamous, but they have to understand that I am married to two men already. They may have a chance at becoming a person that I will be intimate with (I'm not "open" at all, I'm Polyfidelitous), but there's not a chance I'll leave my established family for someone new. After some discussion, they usually fade away. People who approach me as a challenge to mono conversion don't usually have much to back it up with. I think having the history behind me keeps alot of them away, as those people are seen less and less in my life these days.



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