RE: Replaced and Released. (Full Version)

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SlaveR1 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (9/30/2005 10:10:13 AM)

This happens all the time in this type of relationship. You need to expect this. It takes a very special person to be able to balence this type of relationship.



Passion357 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/4/2005 5:33:05 PM)


[/quote]
See that kind of attitude is NOT going to be attractive to a possible new person in your relationship, in fact it's quite detracting.

After all, you let them in your house, and probably at some point into your bed and told them sweet lovely things and worked to make it successful. What's to prevent this fate from happening to the next girl? Ex-bashing is never a good sign.
[/quote]


Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/4/2005 7:50:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.


Actually every single poly relationship I've entered into as a slave, I was the "other woman."

In the first one, my dom eventually married the other slave, and we all remain somewhat friends.

In the second, they were already married and we remain good friends.

In the third, they broke up with me saying they didn't have time for me and then later apologized for bad mouthing me to others.

In this one, the owner lives with his primary and they are quite happy.

I actually don't think the majority of "new girls" really ARE trying to edge into the "primary position." I think it's simply the implied threat which scares the heck out of the first/alpha female (who often isn't really poly herself but is just trying to please the dom) and I think it's lack of experience of doms who think that they can just tack on a new girl to a relationship like you add on an order of fries to your Value Meal.

I won't say it ever happen, it does, but I don't think it's the majority. I think us "new girls" take on a lot of social and personal baggage and get very little credit for just how hard it is to be the "new girl" in an established primary relationship.

And what I said still stands- bad mouthing ex's is never an attractive quality in a prospective mate.



RainGod -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/5/2005 3:41:44 AM)

quote:

And what I said still stands- bad mouthing ex's is never an attractive quality in a prospective mate.


I agree, EmeraldSlave. To continue with malice in heart toward and "ex" demonstrates one is not over that situation, and therefore not ready to move on. Moving thusly seems to be more a dash effort to "replace" the ex for spite to show one can, rather than because of intrest in the new person.

When I am talking to a potential mate and hear about "my last Master" over and over, I also feel as if I am bewing compared rto him and held accountable, in a fashion, for his mistakes. Indeed, very unattractive.



MasterRobert1 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/10/2005 11:57:42 AM)

People evolve, change. Sounds like what this man did. He ended up changing his mind. What if it had been you that changed your mind? What if one day you had decided that you didn't want to be poly any more? What could he have said or done? Too many peoplke don't think long range when it comes to relationships. And, all too often, poly is a phase which people go through when they are exploring who they are. All things to be considered and discussed when getting into a relationhip of this nature.



Soulhuntre -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 12:27:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I actually don't think the majority of "new girls" really ARE trying to edge into the "primary position." I think it's simply the implied threat which scares the heck out of the first/alpha female (who often isn't really poly herself but is just trying to please the dom) and I think it's lack of experience of doms who think that they can just tack on a new girl to a relationship like you add on an order of fries to your Value Meal.


Further, I don't really see it as a problem. But thats more a function of how I run my house.

Because my house runs on Estate protocols those terms are most useful here when discussing places or "roles" in my house. Essentially the "first girl" positon is what I call a "queen" and the position is a desirable one for most of those who woudl be considered as good fits in my house. They should aspire to this, they should strive to earn it and they shoul work to be the best person for that task. It isn't a bad goal :)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 12:31:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre
Because my house runs on Estate protocols those terms are most useful here when discussing places or "roles" in my house. Essentially the "first girl" positon is what I call a "queen" and the position is a desirable one for most of those who woudl be considered as good fits in my house. They should aspire to this, they should strive to earn it and they shoul work to be the best person for that task. It isn't a bad goal :)

Yeah but imagine the uproar a dominant would face who did NOT choose their wife or partner of X years to be the queen/alpha/in charge due to seniority alone.

*shudder* I've seen it, it's not pretty.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 5:39:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre

Further, I don't really see it as a problem. But thats more a function of how I run my house.

Because my house runs on Estate protocols those terms are most useful here when discussing places or "roles" in my house. Essentially the "first girl" positon is what I call a "queen" and the position is a desirable one for most of those who woudl be considered as good fits in my house. They should aspire to this, they should strive to earn it and they shoul work to be the best person for that task. It isn't a bad goal :)


When we have one, we call ours the Chatelaine. It isn't always the servant who has been around the longest -- it is the one who has skills like good interpersonal management skills, good organization, etc., since the chatelaine is the one who is in charge of training new servants and managing the household under the direction of the owners.

Lady Zephyr



candigirlll -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 6:56:36 PM)

well i have been in a poly relationship and there were4 of us smiles.. and we never did the whole jockey for position thing... that is why i say over and over again... having a alpha female causes problems... and second.. it is VERY important that the girls love and care for each other as they do their Master... then and only then can everyone live and work as one family unit...

makayla
quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357



See that kind of attitude is NOT going to be attractive to a possible new person in your relationship, in fact it's quite detracting.

After all, you let them in your house, and probably at some point into your bed and told them sweet lovely things and worked to make it successful. What's to prevent this fate from happening to the next girl? Ex-bashing is never a good sign.



Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.




candigirlll -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 7:00:50 PM)

I think alot of people get vanilla swinging confused with a poly lifestyle...
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.


Actually every single poly relationship I've entered into as a slave, I was the "other woman."

In the first one, my dom eventually married the other slave, and we all remain somewhat friends.

In the second, they were already married and we remain good friends.

In the third, they broke up with me saying they didn't have time for me and then later apologized for bad mouthing me to others.

In this one, the owner lives with his primary and they are quite happy.

I actually don't think the majority of "new girls" really ARE trying to edge into the "primary position." I think it's simply the implied threat which scares the heck out of the first/alpha female (who often isn't really poly herself but is just trying to please the dom) and I think it's lack of experience of doms who think that they can just tack on a new girl to a relationship like you add on an order of fries to your Value Meal.

I won't say it ever happen, it does, but I don't think it's the majority. I think us "new girls" take on a lot of social and personal baggage and get very little credit for just how hard it is to be the "new girl" in an established primary relationship.

And what I said still stands- bad mouthing ex's is never an attractive quality in a prospective mate.




JustaTop -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 7:28:37 PM)

I have to jump on the bandwagon and say I have the impression of fickle.

Poly is supposed to be about family,not a rotating smorgasbord.

But in this case,it looks like he got roped in by a "cowgirl"

(The kind who always works to seperate the cowboy from his herd)



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 8:20:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
But in this case,it looks like he got roped in by a "cowgirl"

(The kind who always works to seperate the cowboy from his herd)

Yes it's always the evil NEW woman who seduced him away...whatever happened to HIS responsibility? They were all adults who made adult choices.



JustaTop -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 9:54:18 PM)

Uh huh.

Takes two to tango-but only one to get the dance started.



Soulhuntre -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 9:56:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Yeah but imagine the uproar a dominant would face who did NOT choose their wife or partner of X years to be the queen/alpha/in charge due to seniority alone.

*shudder* I've seen it, it's not pretty.


I have seen it be a problem for some too... but I know of three households that have had alphas who were not the senior person and in none of three (including mine) was an "uproar" tolerated. Were there some hurt feelings? Of course... but in each of these houses the peopel involved know that position is about abilities, not love or seniority. Those peopel who don't understand that don;t last long in houses like ours anyway :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
Poly is supposed to be about family,not a rotating smorgasbord.


For who? By what standard?

polyamorous : "pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships"

I don't see where in that definition it says anything about "family", "monogamy", "exclusivity" and all the rest of the ethical stuff folks try and pile on perfectly good terms. For you it's about family - good, go for it. But that isn't what "poly" is about - it is what poly is about for you, specifically.

There isn't, BTW, anything wrong with a rotating "smorgasbord" of partners, servants or otherwise. You don;t want to participate? good for you, then don't :)




JustaTop -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/12/2005 11:01:40 PM)

Like many things,it's all about sex.

I'll keep my definitons,you keep yours.



sunshine333 -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/13/2005 4:48:13 AM)

vix,
i don't know how often this sort of thing happens ... all i know is that it does happen. when a submissive enters into a poly relationship we place a huge amount of trust in the dominant in hopes that he knows what he's doing. unfortunately, that isn't always the case. i won't make any assumptions or guesses as to why he ended things with you and wouldn't keep you in addition to the new girl. my advise would be to be grateful for the experience and constructively figure out any lessons you can take with you ... and move on. i'm curious as to why, if you're gay, that you don't look for a domme. you might have better luck creating a lasting relationship.

but you're new ... and very young. so just enjoy the process.

~sunshine



storms -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/13/2005 1:21:49 PM)


quote:

He says he not poly anymore. This because he thinks he has found the one. Well, likely you are going to see that the next right one will be along in a bit. He is searching, but cannot stand the thought of being alone while doing that.


Hit the nail on the head!



tpesubms -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/14/2005 7:11:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JerryInTampa

quote:

Does this happen often? I've come to the conclusion that it must. Even in my past "vanilla" relationships, it's been the same. I don't believe in monogamy; I cannot see how anyone can be satisfied with just one love.
I do believe in monogomy. Though to be honest, I've been very successful in the past at setting bounds on my own feelings, and staying within them. I tend to suspect that people who do not have practiced a lack of self-honesty, but I may just be speaking from the limits of my experience.

In the best light, he's persued poly with a sincere, if wrong, belief that it would work, and with teh best of intentions; and he's found that he's lost interest in most of the other partner. While a loss of interest can occur in any relationship, it seems likely that either he made a poor choice originally (going for partners that did not interest him), or he's failed to practice due dillagence in regards to making sure that he gives all of the people he is in a relationship with the attention and effor that he committed to.

By first instinct is to dislike him rather strongly... but I digress.

Yes it happens. Most often, it happens with people who are not suited to a poly lifestyle, or who don't put due dilligence into relationships. I'm sorry for those it happens to, and you have my sympathy.

Jerry

Hi to everyone. I am new to this site but felt the need to add my thoughts, for what they may be worth.
I am about to leave my Master of 2 years. After relocating to be with him i am no longer needed. We both agreed at the outset that monogamy was what we both wanted. However a few months ago this man became obsessed(his word) with another sub. He tells me that he loves me more now than he ever did(maybe he thinks i need to hear that) but if i stay he will destroy me with his needs for another or 3.
Being cruel to be kind ..get over it girl and thank god you have youth on your side. I am having to start my life over at ??.
regards and respect tpesubx



ShadowMster -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/14/2005 5:24:53 PM)

quote:

I've been thinking about your situation since you posted it. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but based on the scenario you outline, it just doesn't make much sense to me that he would release you...unless she was trying to push you out. Obviously, he cared for you....if he is poly, caring for someone else would not lessen the caring. I'm not saying this is what happened, but either a) he isn't poly or b) she wanted to be the only one or c) I can't think of a c.


Or C: Like so many, he likes the idea of being poly, but can't handle the responsibility. In order for a poly to work, all three must be able to interact in a positve way.

Otherwise, you have what you had here. One master in two seperate relationships with two seperate women. This wasn't a poly relationship as much as the master would like to think it was.



MasterRonS -> RE: Replaced and Released. (10/14/2005 7:02:52 PM)

I would say he also has led you astray in the relationship. I do believe that it takes more then one woman to keep some Masters happy and busy to the point that they feel fulfilled. I am one of them I met my 1st sub online 7 years ago, WE/we have been together ever since with no fights, no arguments and she serves me well. WE/we have searched for the 2nd sub since WE/we met. WE/we are in full agreement of wanting another sub in our home I would never want more then two subs as my hands would be quite full. For those who think it is easy to find the second sub it is a horribly long and process. Most subs say one thing and truly mean something totally different. Some feel they want a Master so much that they can make poly work. Wrong it has to be something you want very badly and are willing to work on daily, and sometimes hourly.. WE/we have had only one visitor in the years and she was unable to adapt to the three of US/us/us for many reasons, her family being the main one. Not all Masters are dishonorable but the ones who are shine brighter and are remembered a lot longer then the honorable ones that have subs, slaves and are happy in there Master sub relationships.

Be Well



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