RE: The Question of Written Contracts

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 6/22/2005 7:57:31 AM

LordOmy

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DominaBea wrote:

Sure, there are other ways of doing this, in personal declaration and stuff, but making a contractual response to each other really is saying a lot to each other, that it is more than just desires and hidden away beliefs and is something you are willing to make legally binding.. a strong and legitmate foundation.

Any contract one signs about the lifestyle is not legally binding. It will carry zero weight in a court of law. As an example you can say that you sign over all your worldly belongings to Master of the Universe. That you agree to be treated and punished as a slave. In court the judge is gonna chuckle and toss the paper aside.

Contracts work for some people. For some they don't. For others they don't want to sign it cause their name is attached to it and are scared of what will happen if it gets into the wrong hands...or are of questionable honor and integrity and as long as nothing is in writing, they can do as they please.

For those that it does work for, it provides a vehicle of detailed discussion. A foundation and list of expectations for BOTH parties (one sided contracts fail). The process of drawing up the contract is actually more benifical then the actual signing. Why? You have to really think about what you want and don't want. Where you want the relationship to go. You have to express your thoughts and desires very clearly.

Be well,

Omy
Owner of sultry spirit

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 6/22/2005 6:41:44 PM

domtimothy46176

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Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Central Indiana
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We don't have a contract, per se, but a list of exclusions. When we first negotiated (and there is really no better term for that type of discussion, IMO), I created a text file of all those things, such as her nicotine intake, that she excluded from my authority. Our understanding is that anything not excluded lies within the scope of my authority. Being polyfidelitous doesn't really impact our agreement. My dynamic with toy is exclusive to her, just as an agreement with an additional servant would be exclusive to that girl.
A happy, healthy relationship of any type is founded upon the characters of the parties involved and written agreements are ultimately no more binding than oral agreements. The only usefulness derived from text documents, for myself, is the ability to refresh one's memory without the distortion of emotionality. Good discussion is the key to understanding but, in the end, people will sometimes still be disappointing. My best advice is to arm yourself with knowledge of those with whom you're interacting. Many times your best bet is to slow down and take your time getting to know your potential partner(s). You can never know someone completely until you've spent plenty of time together (and sometimes not even then) but it tends to clue you in to subtle behavioral trends that can be indicative of likely future behaviors.
Good luck and be well,
Timothy

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 6/29/2005 8:14:09 AM

imtempting

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I thought one of the biggest things in Bdsm, Ds. Ms, lifestyle and whatever others names its called is TRUST... You trust someone to tie you up... so say in the contract Clause 10. You wont tie my hands up... How will the contract help when they tie my hands up? The come back. I was testing one of your limits.

If you cant remember how to act or behave being either the dom or sub then you should not be in the lifestyle.

I know that line would of annoyed people but thats the way i feel.

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 6/30/2005 1:08:38 AM

Darkspirit

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Questions(s)
what is a contract?
is it binding?
is it a check list outlining the subs limits and desires?
is it the Domminants agreement to honor those limits and desires?
there are many questions to what is a contract within the lifestyles,I however feel it is important to have one it is a benchmark for the relationship no two contracts are or can be the same. I personaly have a review date for the contract normally 3 months but again that review date is agreed apon by the parties involved.

Is it down to trust? good question? do those who have a Vanilla wedding not trust each other? no it is a puplic declearation of thier love; I have found a lifestyle relationship far more intence .

Both parties do need to have or be signauries to a contract if it serves no more than an aide to memory.

(I would have a contract if I could spell lol!)

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/1/2005 2:39:46 AM

MsCara

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I will never understand this "new age" version of D/s ... contracts <shaking head> ... what next?

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/1/2005 4:05:46 AM

plantlady64

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Joined: 5/19/2005
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Hello,
I'm a relativly new sub so the advice I'm giving comes from a Master with 20 years experience that lead a Black Rose presentation on poly families.
He said there should always be a contract. It sould clearly lay out all you expect in the relationship and things you're willing to do, and things that you have as hard no's. There should be the same information from the Master. They also reccomend the contract have a start and end date. He uses a period of 3 months to start, then if they choose to renew he makes the next one for one year. He advised one year was the longest one should be in force, and you can renew it annually or make changes and renew under new terms. He feels this way both of you can win even if it isn't what you thought as a three month period can be dealt with even if you felt you'd made a mistake.
Both of you have to be willing to accept if the other chooses not to renew without getting bent out of shape over it.
I think even on just playdates it's important to at least have minimally a verbal contract of expectations and limits. I think it protects you both from doing something that rubs the other party the wrong way.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/8/2005 1:20:13 AM

lonewolf05

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disregard

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 7/17/2005 2:18:37 AM >

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/8/2005 11:35:26 PM

jocelyn

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Joined: 6/28/2005
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shay -

I've read this thread with some interest, since I'm deciding how to craft my next "nest." A part of my background is in education, and in that realm, I've used contracts with kids and parents more as a way of expressing goals and expectations than as a lock on behavior. Each contract is unique to the people who agree to it, but as a part of the history of a relationship, we could trace growth from that first set of thoughts.

You've started me thinking. If a new dream of mine comes to fruition, I think I'll offer a caligraphic contract, in the form a scroll, as an exchange for my collar. Symbols are important, whether verbal or written, and benchmarks in relationships are a good thing, I think.

Be well...

jocelyn

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/17/2005 2:13:06 AM

lonewolf05

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disregard

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 7/17/2005 2:18:12 AM >

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/17/2005 2:15:35 AM

lonewolf05

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yes'M..........this will be my first time...in a few days.. Her idea not mine.

the wolf

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/23/2005 11:58:25 AM

poldurna

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From: TX, USA
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Belseph and i negotiated our marriage contract 3 times, followed by 3 weddings. the last contract made allowances to have a 2nd wife contract added to it. that was 9 yrs. ago, and 11 yrs of marriage. w/We have had 4 canadates for sister wife, and 3 play-mates during this time.
each relationship took many months of courtship and investment. while ernestments and contracts were brought into negotiation. W/we based these ernestments and contracts for marriage on acient irish clan traditions. W/we have found that the ernestments(a type of marital reseme) when exchanged have brought up some rather heated debates and positive supprizes; hammering out into a solid contract which W/we have built O/our family on.
each of the canadates or playmates have left with O/our blessings to continue on with their lives as they had grown to realize themselves durning this process.
And yet W/we still look for a sister wife. Many seem to be as scared off by the size of O/our family and commitment as by the "poly".
good luck

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RE: The Question of Written Contracts - 7/24/2005 5:58:31 PM

belseph

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As my sub wife has put it in the past we have used contracts to define expectations. I feel it is a nessary thing to have in a relationship like this. So that all parties know whats going on along with good communication.
Thanks for listening
Belseph

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