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finding a second sub for Master


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finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 2:51:50 PM   
lilredvixen2


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hi all!
Newbie to the site de-lurking with a question: My Master has asked me to find a second submissive for both of us to play with (okay-mostly for his use, but I get to play with her too if I'm really good! ;)~ ) and I am having a devil of a time finding one for us!! I don't want to disappoint my Master, so if anyone can offer me any tips for a more fruitful search, I would be most grateful!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 3:04:47 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Well you are looking for a rare gem indeed, a woman that wants to be second in a household. You are going to be competing for those few that are willing to do this. To make this more easy i sugest adding an informative profile, detailing what you want, do you want just play or 24/7, many may want play while fewer want 24/7, how would the dynamics be between you, would she simply be the toy, or would she be cherished and loved? A profile work wonder. Otherwise all the advice i can give is stay patient, chat whit pepole and bid your time unthil you meet the right person.

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 3:09:27 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		A big factor in submissives' reluctance to step forward to the circumstances you offer is that it seems there is a natural desire to be a primary partner. Being the Insignificant Other, just isn't that attractive to many people.

Another factor is that you say the submissive will be mostly for him but you are looking. Assuming you are doing this online, then the only person the potential submissive "sees" is you. Put that way, I think you can see that there would be a certain reluctance. This is made worse by some unethical people who create an online "sockpuppet" female identity in order to troll for secondary submissives who in effect would really be getting into a whip/fuck/run situation.

Libby and I have play partners, but we meet them at classes, lectures, booksignings and (more rarely) at parties rather than online. We also stick pretty close together so, when someone meets one of us, meets both. While it might be a situation where one or the other of us is the sole play partner of a given person, we are a package deal, and it seems that this makes the kind of person we like to play with more comfortable.

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 3:16:05 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		True i would be werry reluctant to play whit somone that i had only met the sub of, how would he understand who i am, what special things i needed, that i would not play whitout a condom in sexual play, how would somone i had not talked whit understand who nella is?

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 3:26:48 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just be yourself and be active. Is this the first poly for you guys? What you want is rare and hard to get, but possible. Expect the worst and one day you might be pleasantly surprised.

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 3:31:59 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Hehe nice way to put it EmerladSlave2

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 4:00:07 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		That's why they are called "the elusive hot bi babe" :) <JK> Seriously though, a lot of people seem to have trouble finding a third and its no wonder that people are reluctant in a situation where they will just be a sometimes play partner and not actually a part of the relationship. I'm not saying that is how it will be in your case, but a lot of people seem to be looking for a toy they can call when the urge hits and who will go away when the urge passes for that week. (Then again, there are those who *do* want that type of scenario.)

Couples seeking a third seem to be the armpit of the poly community, so realizing that, along with the reasons why that is the case is a huge step towards approaching someone in a manner they may find appealing. I do agree with John that the best place to meet someone is at r/l functions, although we did meet vision online. I think it just has to happen and like with many things, if you are looking too hard, you won't find it.

Good luck!

best regards,
fate



_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 4:21:27 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You're back!

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 4:38:19 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		It also depend on what you are looking for, i would not mind knowing a cuppel that i went to play whit now and then, and otherwise just was frinds whit, and i know many would like this, but to be a secondary 24/7 girl, that was expected to be faitful just to that cupple, now that is somone whit special intrest, or that is espesialy serving others at their own expense or harem oriented.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 5:18:45 PM   
lilredvixen2


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline 		The armpit of the poly community?? That sounds encouraging, lol!! :) Yeah-I agree this may be a hard thing to find. It is especially frustrating to me because this is my first actual D/s relationship (had been curious about it for awhile but this is the first time I did venture out to find a Dom) and I feel like the first real thing he wants me to do is going to be a very difficult one that is largely out of my control! :( Oh well...I guess if I can keep looking and keep a positive attitude, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised! Thanks all for the great advice!

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 5:42:37 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Well at least you two will get time to get to know one another while you wait. But you did not answer what you were looking for, for the two wary grately in availability, if you want a playpartner simply anounsing submissive female whit Master looking for female playparter for his ocasional use, might get you waht you want, a person you play whit now and then, but to get a full time submissive that is to be a your beck and call might be alot harder. Ok that said, on a more personal note, if i was considering becomming second submissive to somone and she told me that finding a second submissive was the first thing her Master had asked her to do, i would think, what a player he must be and run like hell, i am not saying this is the case, only that some might see it this way.

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 7:03:29 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredvixen2

It is especially frustrating to me because this is my first actual D/s relationship (had been curious about it for awhile but this is the first time I did venture out to find a Dom) and I feel like the first real thing he wants me to do is going to be a very difficult one that is largely out of my control! :(


EXTREMELY curious as to why when it appears above that you are a new sub to this person that they are asking you to go out & seek him a 3rd?? Seems to me that your development & training would be the priority not creating a stable of willing bodies.

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 8:37:42 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well you have to understand:

Most doms who want to add a third have no experience in how to do it

Most subs who want to add a third have no experience in how to do it AND only really want to do it to be able to put on a show for their dom

Once the situation begins, no one has any real clue how to go about it, everyone's thinking everyone else is not working hard enough/taking things away.

Ask yourself if YOU would be interested in that situation?

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/20/2005 9:22:00 PM   
lilredvixen2


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well.....some of you have definitely put into words some of the things I have been feeling. I guess I have been feeling some hesitation about the situation as well, but have put my doubts aside in order to prove that I'm an obedient little sub. I don't really understand what his rush is either, as I have only had three formal training sessions! And EmeraldSlave2, I am pretty sure he has *not* done this before, and I sure as heck know I have never conducted such a search either. I guess I can see it is kind of the blind leading the blind here!!


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 1:21:32 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		How do you know?

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Most doms who want to add a third have no experience in how to do it

Most subs who want to add a third have no experience in how to do it AND only really want to do it to be able to put on a show for their dom


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 5:06:05 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

How do you know?

Active in the poly/bdsm contingent for over 7 years, almost each relationship as the "other woman," reading and researching and discussing on lists like this, general life and community experience.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 5:38:15 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Ok OP if i was you, witch ofcourse i am not, but i if i were i would sit down that Dom of mine and have a long, good talk aboute your doubths and confusion, ask him qestions, comunication is inportant.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 3:01:38 PM   
muffin


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with lilredvixen (nice handle)...very frustrating to know that what we post IS REAL and reading other profiles that seem to be in sync with our own style/goal...

would like feedback as well: why do colors of responders names change from time to time in the "sent mail" or "recieved mail"?

(in reply to lilredvixen2)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 5:35:27 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, it hasn't been my experience, but maybe we've had different life and community experiences.

Edited to add: What I will say is that when you hear about stories like this, they tend to be stories about situations that didn't work out. That stands to reason. What you hear about much less often are the poly situations where everyone is happy and no one feels compelled to inform the Western world about their experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

How do you know?

Active in the poly/bdsm contingent for over 7 years, almost each relationship as the "other woman," reading and researching and discussing on lists like this, general life and community experience.



< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 9/21/2005 5:37:18 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 5:56:29 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 371
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


Another factor is that you say the submissive will be mostly for him but you are looking. Assuming you are doing this online, then the only person the potential submissive "sees" is you. Put that way, I think you can see that there would be a certain reluctance. This is made worse by some unethical people who create an online "sockpuppet" female identity in order to troll for secondary submissives who in effect would really be getting into a whip/fuck/run situation.



This is one of my pet peeves. My major concern is about the person that will have my life in their hands. The relationship with the other submissive is secondary. I need to know that the Dominant is on the same page that I am and that I can trust him. Too many submissives look at their Doms through rose colored glasses that I feel that I cannot trust their judgement.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredvixen2

I guess I have been feeling some hesitation about the situation as well, but have put my doubts aside in order to prove that I'm an obedient little sub.


I have to tell you that I absolutely think that is the wrong reason to do this. Poly only works when the relationship is absolutely secure. We're in the BDSM D/s lifestyle to make ourselves happy. Is this making you happy?







< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/21/2005 6:02:02 PM >

_____________________________

Bobbi


(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 20
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