RE: finding a second sub for Master

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 9:03:34 PM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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[

quote:

quote]ORIGINAL: lilredvixen2

Well.....some of you have definitely put into words some of the things I have been feeling. I guess I have been feeling some hesitation about the situation as well, but have put my doubts aside in order to prove that I'm an obedient little sub. I don't really understand what his rush is either, as I have only had three formal training sessions! And EmeraldSlave2, I am pretty sure he has *not* done this before, and I sure as heck know I have never conducted such a search either. I guess I can see it is kind of the blind leading the blind here!!

RUN don't stop for coffee or sorrys or anything RUN!!! If you've only been with this person on 3 occasions & have doubts there is something wrong. If you're this new & someone's asking you to find other girls for him...there is something wrong. Your seeing eye dog is already halfway out the door, just follow.

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 10:36:20 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredvixen2

Hi all!
Newbie to the site de-lurking with a question: My Master has asked me to find a second submissive for both of us to play with (okay-mostly for his use, but I get to play with her too if I'm really good! ;)~ ) and I am having a devil of a time finding one for us!! I don't want to disappoint my Master, so if anyone can offer me any tips for a more fruitful search, I would be most grateful!

PA T I E N C E

i dont know how long you have been looking but you will find nothing unless you hAve
P A T I E N C E.

Like Master has told me...one will read your profle and desire you as you desire them.

If you have been at it as long as you have been on this site....your frustration will destroy you.

Welcome to CM and sweet desires dear...... good luck

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 10:42:41 PM

Oedalis

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Joined: 9/7/2005
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Well, I am the third in a polyamorous 24/7 relationship and, from my own point of view, I have to say that a big part of it is making sure a potential third party feels that they *wouldn't* be treated like the "Insignificant Other" or the fifth wheel or like three is a crowd and that both of you really want and are ready for a third person!

Too often, it seems, some masters intimidate their submissives into finding them a second sub when the first one isn't really ready or without reassuring their faithful submissive that they won't be replaced in their heart. My master spends a lot of time and energy ensuring both I and my sister slave feel that we are of equal importance to him and are equally cherished. And that's something that we all have to be vigilant of---making sure that everyone feels loved and important to the relationship and that we all share in the relationship---it's not just two couples, it's three.

I do think it will be very hard to find someone who's willing to be just a toy all the time, yet will concede to restricting themselves sexually and relationship-wise to just you two IF that's what you're looking for.

And yeah, while there are benefits to you being the one doing most of the looking, such as being able to screen out people who might try to usurp your position rather than share the love (afterall, if you get along with each other and like each other, it's less likely that she'll be inclined to turn into a master-stealing bitch), it's also very important that your master's personality comes through in your profile. And no I don't necessarily think you can't find your special third online as I met my two special people on Bondage.com where my master had put up a very welcoming profile seeking a second "little girl".

And truthfully, when I first came to them both, I was not looking for anything remotely resembling a 24/7 arrangement---I just wanted some fairly steady play partners. So you might have to be flexible with who you find and be open to welcoming someone who's equally open to trying it out, even if they aren't down-to-the-last-detail perfect for you---just hope that it might grow into something more, that they'll be flexible in turn and grow to love both of you enough to want to become a family with you.

Doing the polyamory thing is really challenging. You have to stay super on top of communication and head off budding emotional issues or anything else that comes up, fast, before it gets too ugly. So you might want to stipulate in your profile that you're looking for someone who knows their mind and heart and is open enough to talk freely about both in a frank manner. It also helps if all of you sincerely want to make it work.

Okay, now, enough of my rambling post. Good luck and best wishes in your search and, if you have a moment, let me know how it goes.

I always love hearing about others' perspectives on the poly thing.

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 9/21/2005 10:48:19 PM

Oedalis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredvixen2

Well.....some of you have definitely put into words some of the things I have been feeling. I guess I have been feeling some hesitation about the situation as well, but have put my doubts aside in order to prove that I'm an obedient little sub. I don't really understand what his rush is either, as I have only had three formal training sessions! And EmeraldSlave2, I am pretty sure he has *not* done this before, and I sure as heck know I have never conducted such a search either. I guess I can see it is kind of the blind leading the blind here!!

YIKES! I didn't see this earlier. This is definitely a red flag. There is no way one should attempt a poly relationship in your situation without first establishing the EXISTING relationship! I'd definitely question this dom's demands of you when the two of you should still be working on establishing trust and devotion with each other, let alone a third person.

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 10/21/2005 4:48:49 AM

MarquisDeCain

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Joined: 5/16/2005
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If "Master" can't find his own second playmate then he don't deserve one..

M

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 10/28/2005 10:37:18 PM

phoenixMF

Posts: 23
Joined: 10/17/2005
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This is a very interesting thread! There are some slaves who desire to be a second, third or even 4th slave to a poly family... LOL. Some of us are out here!

I'm #2 and I love my position. When Master's time and attention is elsewhere, I use that time to do things I want or need to do. It's easy to find a positive with almost anything... a lot of it has to do in the way you view things.

But one thing is crucial, it takes a very good, solid and skilled Master to operate a poly family with 2 or more slaves, for everything to work out smoothly. *smile

< Message edited by phoenixMF -- 10/28/2005 10:38:24 PM >

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 10/31/2005 9:09:46 AM

JerryInTampa

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Joined: 2/19/2004
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quote:

Yeah-I agree this may be a hard thing to find. It is especially frustrating to me because this is my first actual D/s relationship (had been curious about it for awhile but this is the first time I did venture out to find a Dom) and I feel like the first real thing he wants me to do is going to be a very difficult one that is largely out of my control! :( Oh well...I guess if I can keep looking and keep a positive attitude, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised!

Gonna have to hop on the proverbial bandwagon.

He's new.
Your relationship is new.
He's assigned you to find him another girl 3 sessions in and without his help.

I suppose on the up side, once this all comes to fruition, you'll be an available poly-friendly sub for a couple that is established and actually poly (on first blush, he sounds more like "greedy"... but I admit that I am concluding on scant (if personally compelling) evidence)

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finding a second sub for Master - 10/31/2005 11:54:45 AM

Feminita

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Joined: 9/22/2005
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a fruitless frustrating ask

... you'd think these bitches would be able to follow up on the profile they post...maybe that are available 'cause they can't possible make any connection on any level in social arenas?

wadya think?

and HAPPY HALLOWEEN to all!!!

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 10/31/2005 12:11:51 PM

JerryInTampa

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quote:

This is a very interesting thread! There are some slaves who desire to be a second, third or even 4th slave to a poly family... LOL. Some of us are out here!

Yea, but not as many as there are guys looking for them. While I typically don't do "primary/secondary", I happily would given a girl that wanted it.

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 10/31/2005 8:51:12 PM

bigwetttnwild

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you should tell her to look up zexi.............

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 11/1/2005 3:29:06 PM

phoenixMF

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Items that make me happy to be a 2nd slave...

~ My Master is pleased that I am his 2nd slave... and this brings me great joy
~ I am confident and secure with who and what I am
~ I am mature (especially emotionally), practical and calm
~ I realize my value on the slave market, especially because I like being a 2nd slave
~ I am 100% secure with the bond I have with my Master
~ I love sharing
~ I do not get jealous under most circumstances
~ I respect seniority
~ I know that my Master has enough love, care, time, focus, etc. to handle more than one slave, but also... to do that correctly
~ The alpha slave & I have our own mutually beneficial relationship
~ I help the alpha slave when she needs/wants my help, this brings me great joy
~ The alpha slave helps me in many ways, but mostly with training on how to best please our Master
~ Chores & tasks are shared, which gives more free time for everyone
~ I have more free time to devote to my own personal interests
~ I expect nothing... so the things that are given to me or added to my life are all blessings and I am always grateful

(all these things would apply if I were a 3rd or 4th)

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 11/2/2005 8:55:52 PM

SirSix72

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Maybe you should look at the females side of things and the thoughts that run through their minds when approaching a poly Master or sub.....most of the time it is better to let the girls talk for a while and get to know one another so that there isnt any jealousy involved by either party.........

Master Six

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I wish you well

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RE: finding a second sub for Master - 11/3/2005 11:59:11 PM

asuwishsir

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Joined: 11/3/2005
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Hmm...that is a difficult thing to nail down. Not every submissive wants to be 2nd in line, no matter how good and willing you try.

Finding another willing participant requires both people to be engaged in the act and both people to be secure in doing this. Otherwise, it's a world of emotional hurt and pain.

Is this for a long term poly type 24/7 relationship or just a one time play thing? Find out the specifics and detail of this 2nd sub. I mean, if you want to be a good sub, you gotta know the details to carry out the deed, right?

I think, in my opinion, that a relationship based in BSDM is based on trust. Trust to give yourself whole to your Dom/me. Depending what your kinks are, being in this type of relationship adds a whole new twist (sorry for the pun) to the dynamics, so there has to be a basis of trust on both sides. If you are not being truthful about how you truly feel about anything to your Master/Mistress, how can he/she truly take care of you?

Hope that helps.

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