Why is it so hard to find poly?

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Why is it so hard to find poly?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Why is it so hard to find poly?

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Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 12:44:46 AM

MasterGraywolfe

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/20/2004
Status: offline

Hello all. I am writing this as a question due to my wife/sub and I have been poly before and loved it. We are having the hardest time finding another submissive. Our last was released due to reason of basically, she was a thieving liar. I have looked here and on other sites. We have even tryed local events at a risk to my military career. ( they are kind of closed minded and do not like the lifestyle lol). Any ideas into this as it is most confusing to us.

Be well

Post #: 1

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 2:17:54 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 192
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ny ideas into this as it is most confusing to us.

Master Graywolfe,

It is most confusing to me also. Before i started looking for a poly relationship....it was all i could find. Now that i am looking for a poly situation...no such luck. I have decided to quit looking....and then i am sure it will show up on my doorstep.

Good luck in your search.

cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 2

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 3:19:35 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 654
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Funny thing is i will not do poly and 80% of the emails are for people looking for poly...i guess it goes both ways...

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 3

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 4:04:34 AM

imtempting

Posts: 874
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps asking in the polyamorous thread would be a bette idea....

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 4

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 4:15:42 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 311
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGraywolfe

Hello all. I am writing this as a question due to my wife/sub and I have been poly before and loved it. We are having the hardest time finding another submissive. Our last was released due to reason of basically, she was a thieving liar. I have looked here and on other sites. We have even tryed local events at a risk to my military career. ( they are kind of closed minded and do not like the lifestyle lol). Any ideas into this as it is most confusing to us.

Be well

Quite frankly the number of couples looking for a third is just so rediculously common that it will be hard to find one, let alone one that meshes with you. I mean there are going to be a limited number of female submissives that are at a point in their life where they want to be the second submissive and go into a pre-established couple. And given that there seem to be way more couples looking for a second submissive than submissives looking to be a second, it'd just going to be hard.

C~

_____________________________

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style"

- Despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 5

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 5:00:22 AM

nephandi

Posts: 872
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline

And many are looking for a second sub, a woman or a man to play second fiddle to the alpha sub, and the number of pepole willing to be in that situation is not a werry big number. But if pepoel dont give up and continue searching i am sure they will find what they are looking for.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 6

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 5:32:47 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

i often get emails from couples asking me if i want to be used, or be a house servant...naw doesn't really appeal to me. Granted i know there are submissives out there that don't really want a "relationship" and some that enjoy just being a servant, but the majority want to be the number one is someones life. I have done it, tried it, and i have to say it wasn't for me.

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 7

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 5:59:54 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Main reason number one- competition. The search for the "third" is VERY HIGH. The good ones get taken very quickly.

Main reason number two- lack of experience/understanding. Tons of people WANT poly, very few know how to BE poly, or are any good at it.

Main reason number three- baggage/bad press on poly. We don't get a lot of celebratory statements, mostly just horror stories of young new toys stealing men away and harem building and the like.

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 8

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 8:48:43 AM

littleone35

Posts: 403
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think it is hard because many people don't want to be second place to anyone. Now before i get jumped on i want to say this is just ME i don't like to share i want to be the only one. Now some people like poly i say great that is for you its just not my cup of tea. Don't give up the searrch i am sure you will find her.

littleone

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 9

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/16/2005 9:48:53 AM

gentlesurrender

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

i have been in several poly relationships, each has been different

my first - the Master met with us separately to 'play' sorry i know some dont like that word, but its just a way of saying we scened for a period of time. i met his other slave socially and we became good friends, and still are although the Master is now out of the equation. I would say we were on the same level.

my 2nd dom, and who i married, said he was monogamous, but met others behind my back, if he had just been honest about being poly things may have been different.

since then i have had two mentor Masters, with their own slave/sub, one we were all really great friends and it was really a protective/mentoring/control relationship. The other more recent again was an established relationship and i joined them, mentoring come surrogate Master. Again all good friends, but this time at the beginning it would only be play if we were all together, though i met the Master once on my own. His partner sees him regularly during the week. Though he hates it when i use the term 'im an also ran', i think you might get the point.

for a time its okay, just being a tag on to partners, but you do reach a point where you want something more substantial for yourself and i think most girls would like to have the relationship and then maybe have a girl join them.

the other side if you know you are joining as a sister, where its a fairly equal level, then its a different scenario again, far more acceptable than joining a married couple

just like everyone looking, its very frustrating at times, i keep being told there are far more Dominants out there looking for subs/slaves, than us hoping to find a Dominant, but i would question those statistics. Just a case of hang on in there, if you arent looking you will never find her, at least you still have a chance whilst you are keeping your eyes open.

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 10

polyamorous others ? Or, I still haven't found what I a... - 11/17/2005 7:43:19 PM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

seek and ye shall find

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 11

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/17/2005 7:44:12 PM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

reason two and three sound a little weak as explanations to me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/17/2005 8:33:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
reason two and three sound a little weak as explanations to me.

OK and?

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 13

Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 8:38:40 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

and....end of my post. There is no requirement that I should be either instructive, corrective or anything else. In this case, my disagreement would be largely self-evident if you negated the assertions you made....

< Message edited by Jacques1000 -- 11/18/2005 8:39:09 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 8:42:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
There is no requirement that I should be either instructive, corrective or anything else.

There certainly isn't.

quote:

In this case, my disagreement would be largely self-evident if you negated the assertions you made....

Of course. Silly me.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 11/18/2005 9:09:24 AM >

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 15

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 8:50:54 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

was that an admission that you are just as flawed, fragile and misguided as most of us ?
I was going to ask for your yearbook as i've never seen anyone so faultless and forgiving of others foibles...

back to the topic. Firstly, I hardly bad press would dissuade anyone genuinely interested in the poly lifestyle. You're hardly gonna pick up a copy of the LA Times, read something adverse, then decided, hmm, maybe that isn't for me. From my experience, most intending poly people are far less equivocal.

secondly, while many do indeed lack experience, there is no 'How do built a Good Poly Rel.
in 30 days' textbook out there. Indeed, one could argue, especially the US the high divorce and separations in the general community point to the instability of these relationships which are mirrored in the high dissolution rate among some Polys. Moreover, one could argue that as poly is not a dominant cultural trope, it enjoys a degree of appeal with those dissatisfies with traditional approaches to human relationships in the West.

So in my view only the first point you made holds water.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 9:15:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
was that an admission that you are just as flawed, fragile and misguided as most of us ?

In some ways I'm probably a lot better than most and in some ways I'm not quite so good.

And no, it wasn't an admission, it was a lightly veiled passive comment of dismissal. If we were having this discussion in real life, I would have said "Ah I see" smiled, then "Excuse me for a moment please, I need to go check on something in the social room." and removed myself.

quote:

I was going to ask for your yearbook as i've never seen anyone so faultless and forgiving of others foibles...

Well I WAS nominated for most likely to succeed, most intelligent and most school spirit, but if you haven't seen all the posts I admit to my own mistakes and issues then my guess is that you are the one who is reading selectively and not my own lack of self-awareness.

quote:

back to the topic. Firstly, I hardly bad press would dissuade anyone genuinely interested in the poly lifestyle.

No, it doesn't. But it certainly does a lot of damage to its perception, and makes things far harder to get off the ground with new people.

quote:

secondly, while many do indeed lack experience, there is no 'How do built a Good Poly Rel.
in 30 days' textbook out there.

Are you aware of "The Ethical Slut"?

quote:

Moreover, one could argue that as poly is not a dominant cultural trope, it enjoys a degree of appeal with those dissatisfies with traditional approaches to human relationships in the West.

That assumes that those in wiitwd are dissatisifed with traditional approaches. If you read the boards you will actually find a large majority of people in wiitwd actually prefer traditional relationships and values, and thats a large part of why they are attracted to wiitwd.

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 17

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 9:24:42 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

Three points

1. despite their protestations, and yours those in wiitwd are clearly in social unconventional or heterodox relationships. This is undeniable, and in my view it would be facile to argue against.
The question of values is an entirely different question.

2. Yes, I am aware of 'the ethical slut'. I am also aware of Men are from Mars....you won't find
a handbook to understanding human psychology without huge gaps of understanding.
Granted, it might be of some limited usefulness

3. You are right. I do not have the time or the interest to read every quotidian word you've uttered but you did seem rather sanctimonious and dismissive of genuine people who fell victim to a bastard. ..and on that point...you never did say what YOU would do. My jibe was to say we are all fallible and make more mistakes than not usually....such is the learning curve for sentient, sapient human beings. I object when someone tries to trivialise another's trauma.
I think it was grossly insensitive and silly.

< Message edited by Jacques1000 -- 11/18/2005 9:26:06 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 9:53:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
3. You are right. I do not have the time or the interest to read every quotidian word you've uttered but you did seem rather sanctimonious and dismissive of genuine people who fell victim to a bastard. ..and on that point...you never did say what YOU would do.

Yeah I'm sorry I was away from collarme for an hour...how cowardly of me.

quote:

My jibe was to say we are all fallible and make more mistakes than not usually....such is the learning curve for sentient, sapient human beings. I object when someone tries to trivialise another's trauma.
I think it was grossly insensitive and silly.

Yes I know.

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 19

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 10:30:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
superciliousness and churlishness are not endearing traits.....

Oh sometimes they can be.

Anyway, I think the point of ACTING that way is specifically to show how NOT endearing you are or want to be with that person.

So, mission accomplished.

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 20

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