RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique

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RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 10:41:51 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000
superciliousness and churlishness are not endearing traits.....

Oh sometimes they can be.

Anyway, I think the point of ACTING that way is specifically to show how NOT endearing you are or want to be with that person.

So, mission accomplished.

The problem with holding up a mirror is that some people are unable to understand the relationship between one gazing into the mirror and the image reflected.

I fear you are attempting a Sisyphean task. While CollarMe's "ignore" isn't as effective as I'd like, I'll suggest you might like to try it. It's improved my enjoyment of the site somewhat.

_____________________________

----
www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 21

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/18/2005 10:48:14 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

well, that would seem a little counter-intuitive if not anti-thetical given you have no ability to influence my thoughts on any subject, much less your own subjectivity, and your opinion of me is of no importance to me.

Wildfleurs, I think one of the reasons for the 'epidemic' you speak of is that polyamorousness has become the new lesbian chic, and the faux bisexualitié. My point is that there has been a tremendous upsurge into popular culture, particularly in major metropolitan cities. Of course, the French and their menagé a trois and menage de chateau have been doing this for centuries. Interestingly enough, it is now a normalised cultural trope and is not subject to the level of prurient tittery that comes, in say, the US.

They are a number of reasons for this, but I think postmodernity and the proposition of a multiplicity of selves (rather than a differentiated unified whole) is idea that has a certain
amount of caché. One would only need Brad, Angelina and another to get entwined and it
would carry even more gravitas. I know some of my anthro friends are very interested in it, as most of them have been studying Polynesian and Melanesian peoples where polyamorousness and "alternative lifestyle arrangements" have been the norm. (The Tahitian Mahu for example, and the Samoan Fa'afa'fine).

I also think that the jaded middle classes want a bit of pep in their relationship and a lot mistakenly think this is the answer.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 22

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/19/2005 6:40:57 AM

MasterGraywolfe

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/20/2004
Status: offline

Good replies all but to the ones saying that they do not want to bes below another submissive that is not in all cases. We are wanting an equal relationship. As some have said you just have to keep on loking.

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 23

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/20/2005 4:04:08 AM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

Jacques1000, I see you and I were both captured by the cultural anthropology of our undergraduate days. I did not have enough and went on to graduate school. I am sure you find it amusing, as I do, that a lot of the "deviance" we talk about here is actually the "norm" in certain societies or past societies. I appreciate you bringing that to the attention of the discussions.

I would also like to give you some insight into LuckyAlbatross. First off, I have met her at Black Rose and I have met several in her "family". She is brilliant, she is beautiful (inner and outer) and she does not tolerate fools.

I think in real life the two of you could sit and argue for hours; and I would love to be one of the lucky ones listening to the discourse. A lot gets lost on these boards; hopefully neither of you will lose sight of the fact that opinionated bright people are what we need more of. In short, don't take each other out...lol.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 24

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/20/2005 11:02:04 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

We spent 5 years looking for our new girl. In the process, we met or reconnected with some wonderful friends, and grew some other relationships that weren't like the one we are shaping with Sunshine, but are -good- relationships in their own way.

We've met people whom we have come to cherish, and people we'd just as soon not ever have to see again.

I think what kept us going was that through it all was that we we genuinely -enjoyed- our life as it was. Finding Sunshine was like adding decorations to a perfect pastry. The foundation was good... this was the extra touch that added something special and beautiful.

Love the life you have, and keep your fingers in the pie towards the life you want. Everything will come together when the timing is right.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 25

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/20/2005 11:03:43 AM

MistressAmy

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Well, I've been Poly most of my life and yes finding someone can be hard. Not every poly relationship has the third (or more) person in a subserviant role. In my relationships we have been pretty much equal and I think that works best unless a person is coming in wanting to play the role of basic domestic house slave. I wish I had the answer of how to find that elusive perfect person to join an existing relationship, but I don't. We lost our partner to a car accident and replacing her has been a very long and trying ordeal, which has not yet ended, but I hope that someday soon it will.

I have to keep telling myself to be patient and keep trying, but sometimes that's hard to do. It's my goal anyway. So, this was my first post here. Hope I'm able to contribute many more.

Amy

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/21/2005 12:17:48 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

yo-kay
as to poly here...
"I" am unattached and uninvolved.......so poly don't mean diddly to me.
"I" am not into being #1 nor do i care.
MY Mistress is looking for other boys to add to the house here.....and i am not going to be alpha or omega or any other greek thing.
i am just here to do domestics service...period.
i don't get into or get off on s/m.
don't do sex.
don't care about romance.
i am pretty much carefree and don't give a hoot.

just SO difficult to find males that are NOT out looking for kicks and understand that outside the door is a real world. most of the guys live in a fantasy world......

ya'all take care
thanks

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 27

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/21/2005 10:22:29 PM

Dracironsgirl

Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGraywolfe

Hello all. I am writing this as a question due to my wife/sub and I have been poly before and loved it. We are having the hardest time finding another submissive. Our last was released due to reason of basically, she was a thieving liar. I have looked here and on other sites. We have even tryed local events at a risk to my military career. ( they are kind of closed minded and do not like the lifestyle lol). Any ideas into this as it is most confusing to us.

Be well

i am also now looking to find a play mate for Master now and it's the hardest thing to do, and i thought it was just me with this problem. thank you for your post, very good to read.

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 28

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/22/2005 5:51:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 2651
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dracironsgirl
i am also now looking to find a play mate for Master now and it's the hardest thing to do, and i thought it was just me with this problem. thank you for your post, very good to read.

It really depends. A lot of women ARE open to casually playing with others- but only if they are good friends already. And this is play, not sex.

If you're lucky, you can find someone like me who enjoys casual play and sex AND have good chemistry with her. Even I don't enjoy feeling like the side of fries to an entree, or a new sex toy for the couple to ooh and aah over (unless it's an objectification scene).

But it's hard. You've got to make friends, you've got to show stability, true sincerity and find compatilibity amongst EVERYONE.

(in reply to Dracironsgirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/22/2005 11:33:12 AM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

I don't think it *is* hard to find. I do think, as has been mentioned, that it may be more difficult to find a bi-fem to add as a third as that is what everyone seems to be looking for. If you are just looking for poly in general, however, and don't care if the third is male or female, there are lots of male submissives out there seeking a poly relationship :)

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 30

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/25/2005 1:05:34 PM

Kane

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/21/2004
From: Riverside, California
Status: offline

Here's my take on it if anybody cares. It's hard to find simply because many people have thoughts that by taking in another that you aren't satisfied with what you have. Unfortunately a lot of submissives that I have talked to feel that way. They don't understand that some people have the ability to love, care for, and take care of more than one person. I would much rather have a third in our lives then go outside of our relationship for it (which I won't do). I have been asked by others if that would be okay because they aren't into that and as tempting as it is, the answer is no. We are a package deal. My submissive and I share the same values. That is one of the biggest reasons she and I together in the first place. We both have that ability and strength in our love for one another to manifest the same in others. It's not always about the act of being with 2 others. It's simply the joy that can come from it and the added strength in our relationship.

It may seem one sided but that is how I see it on a basic level without going into details and psychological explanations. It would be nice to see a site come about that covers this angle rather then it just being a sexual thing. I should send a suggestion to match.com to see if they would be willing to explore "PolyMatch.com".

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/25/2005 3:48:40 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

I don't think it *is* hard to find. I do think, as has been mentioned, that it may be more difficult to find a bi-fem to add as a third as that is what everyone seems to be looking for. If you are just looking for poly in general, however, and don't care if the third is male or female, there are lots of male submissives out there seeking a poly relationship :)

True enough. I certainly would not mind a poly relationship with a Domme and one or two other slaves. It would be nice to live in a house with other slaves and Domme.

I enjoy my own company, and although would obviously be at beck and call of my Mistress, sharing the workload would be a positive thing.

I wouldn't have jealousy issues if it were clear I was being enslaved in a poly house, and I was comfortable with position at top, middle, or bottom.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 32

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 11/25/2005 4:53:28 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 361
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

The problem with holding up a mirror is that some people are unable to understand the relationship between one gazing into the mirror and the image reflected.

I fear you are attempting a Sisyphean task. ...

Off-topic, but oooh! A reference to Narcissus and Sisyphus in one response! I need to keep up better. I do enjoy quoting from "posts on a list I'm on" to my class to show real people do use Mythological allusions.

Thanks, John.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths." - Joseph Campbell

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 33

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/26/2005 10:37:32 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 823
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGraywolfe

Hello all. I am writing this as a question due to my wife/sub and I have been poly before and loved it. We are having the hardest time finding another submissive. Our last was released due to reason of basically, she was a thieving liar. I have looked here and on other sites. We have even tryed local events at a risk to my military career. ( they are kind of closed minded and do not like the lifestyle lol). Any ideas into this as it is most confusing to us.

Be well

There could be a hundred and one reasons plus.... Personally... the place to look is within yourself and your submissive. What is it your doing. Both wrong and right! What is it that you are seeking in such a relationship... what is it you have to give. We all have positive things to bring to a relationship.. and we also have the negatives too. This mixture has the impact of limited our choices of establishing a poly relationship or any relationship for that matter.

At the risk of sounding rather sterile. You have to know the product you have to offer... and how to market that product in a honest and effective manner. Remember that you not just seeking a product, but are offering one as well. No one on these boards can tell you what your doing wrong or right... but we sure can tell you what we did that worked or didnt' work.

So... specific questions towards understanding and establishing a poly relationship will likely get you the greatest value. But, the first place to look is at yourselves.

.... Self-Awareness - Self-Acceptance - Self-Actualization.... this is the cyclical growh path that I adhere too.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 34

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/28/2005 3:31:00 PM

realophelia

Posts: 166
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Eastern PA
Status: offline

quote:

We are having the hardest time finding another submissive.

We have been looking for another D/s couple or fem sub and haven't had much luck either. As a couple we are looking mostly for socializing and scening. As an individual I'm looking for another female with an interest in a one on one friendship outside of play. I am not holding my breath, however. Most of the girls I have spoken to are either looking for an exclusive female relationship or swingers who would have a hard time understanding the dynamic between my Master and myself.

Ophelia (I don't consider this a poly thing btw, though it might be nice if something like that developed.)

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

http://realophelia.com/

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 35

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 11/30/2005 9:12:36 PM

SirBuff

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

Hello Master Greywolfe:
I have had the pleasure of being a Poly Dom for many years. There are easy times and hard times just like in Mono D/s or Vanilla. The main thing I discovered is to love them all the same, yet treat them according to their "likes" and needs, yes their needs. You also need to ensure that each one knows, understands and willingly follows your rules equally! Written Rules!! Each submissive/slave has areas where they excel and thus can be the alpha in that area. You and they must also be compatable with each other. Open and Honest Family Discussions are also highly recommended on a regular basis, with One on one discussions as well. All the above is in the everyday Family contact. Scenes are conducted with the subs limits in mind while meeting each subs (and Your) needs.

That said, You will be lucky to do all that.

It takes dedication and WORK on everyones part. The Open and Honest Discussions are the hardest on the subs as they may fear that you will hold true comments against them. When they know they can trust You things go smoother.

Kanes comments can be turned into good advice as well. The trick is to find submissives that share the values that You hold and live by. It also helps if true friendship can develope between A/all in the Family. This friendship should be started "in the vanilla", before any scenes or commitment has been asked for or given. In short don't accept the first sexy thing that answeres your ad.

But be smart forget time and let all come to know each other well.

Now that I have said all that,, forget it and find what works for you!! The above is what works for ME.

_____________________________

Have a Great SSC Day, and be Happy!

(in reply to realophelia)

Post #: 36

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 12/1/2005 6:28:06 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kane

It may seem one sided but that is how I see it on a basic level without going into details and psychological explanations. It would be nice to see a site come about that covers this angle rather then it just being a sexual thing. I should send a suggestion to match.com to see if they would be willing to explore "PolyMatch.com".

You might want to check out polymatchmaker.com *s*

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to Kane)

Post #: 37

RE: Polyamorous lifestyles critique - 12/3/2005 7:06:27 AM

LadyElizabeth

Posts: 53
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline

First of all, let me start by saying I feel for you MasterGreywolfe. I am in a situation very much like yours. Although, I'm not sure if it is totally alike. I seek both a Domme to submit to, so that I may learn from beneath and a fem slave to practice on. I'm married to my male slave, but he has no say in what goes on in my dungeon, nor my bedroom. I am a firm believer in female supremacy so he would never be alpha over my fem slave. If I were to find one. She would always be dominant over him.

This deffinetly complicates the issue of seeking a "third". Not many seem to understand our wish to join such a dynamic.

I truely hate to highjack some ones thread but, I feel I must say something. This lifestyle, in its purest form is as open and accepting as one could possibly dream. In it I have found myself and accepted the two spirits within me, that make up who I am. The free flow of ideas and thoughts from a varied and intellegent group of people have helped me gain this perspective. So it is with a pounding heart and fear in my throat that I say this, but only in deffense of others(as if the needed my help, but say this I must).

Jacques1000, if you removed the big words and fancy speach from your posts, the content would be no more enlightening then that submitted by a blithering idiot. Your pen spews venom as if no other may have a free thought that may not coincide with yours. Not everyone can put forth the exact thought that traverses the distance between there vast mind and the tip of their fingers. Sometimes there is something lost in the passion one might put forth in r/l, when translated to an online forum.

This is not ment as a flame but an observation. I mean no offence, but your tone rubs my fur the wrong way. Not to mention as educated as you seem to be, your grammer and spelling come across a little lacking. Before you cast stones, look hard at yourself. If you are free of fault, move forward in your disclosure of other persons faults. If not. Keep that in mind as you take tone with those you dissagree with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jacques1000

well, that would seem a little counter-intuitive if not anti-thetical given you have no ability to influence my thoughts on any subject, much less your own subjectivity, and your opinion of me is of no importance to me.

Wildfleurs, I think one of the reasons for the 'epidemic' you speak of is that polyamorousness has become the new lesbian chic, and the faux bisexualitié. My point is that there has been a tremendous upsurge into popular culture, particularly in major metropolitan cities. Of course, the French and their menagé a trois and menage de chateau have been doing this for centuries. Interestingly enough, it is now a normalised cultural trope and is not subject to the level of prurient tittery that comes, in say, the US.

They are a number of reasons for this, but I think postmodernity and the proposition of a multiplicity of selves (rather than a differentiated unified whole) is idea that has a certain
amount of caché. One would only need Brad, Angelina and another to get entwined and it
would carry even more gravitas. I know some of my anthro friends are very interested in it, as most of them have been studying Polynesian and Melanesian peoples where polyamorousness and "alternative lifestyle arrangements" have been the norm. (The Tahitian Mahu for example, and the Samoan Fa'afa'fine).

I also think that the jaded middle classes want a bit of pep in their relationship and a lot mistakenly think this is the answer.

_____________________________

Judge not lest ye be judged.

I do have a profile, for some reason you have to actually search my name from cm's main page. I have no idea why, that's just the way it is. lol.

(in reply to Jacques1000)

Post #: 38

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 12/4/2005 7:51:07 PM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The main thing I discovered is to love them all the same, yet treat them according to their "likes" and needs, yes their needs.

I agree. I have had no problems in finding others to be a part of our family. There is no first/second/third place. Everyone has "a" place and understands what it is. We also are not "clingy"; which means we have a lot of "formers" in our circle of friends; we view that as a great bonus to our poly lifestyle.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to SirBuff)

Post #: 39

RE: Why is it so hard to find poly? - 12/5/2005 1:22:51 AM

MasterPetruchio

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

It seems to me............

Women will always seek monogamous relationships. This instinct is inherited from the hunter gatherers five million years ago when survival could be an edgy business and a woman had to ensure that she commanded 100% of the resourses her protector and provider could produce. A woman who was ruthlessly aquisitive and hysterically jealous had the edge in evolutionary terms over another who was merely mildly possesive. That is to say, in a bad year the offspring of the first would survive breed and inherit her mothers temprament, the offspring of the second would starve.

Over hundreds of thousands of generations women evolved a very simple stategy for the allocation of resources - whatever is going, she wants all of it. This strategy is inappropriate on Gor where a man is Master in his own house and a slave has no possessions - even the collar on her neck belongs to her Master. A slave who is pleasing to her master is more likely to be cherished provided for and protected.

As for jealousy, it is written that a man may have four women but he must treat them equally or he will lose them all. A slave who belongs to such a Master will have no cause for jealousy.

As for love, when a woman bears her second child does she love the first one any less? A woman can love many children and a man can love many women.

I wish you well

Petruchio

< Message edited by MasterPetruchio -- 12/5/2005 1:27:17 AM >

(in reply to MasterGraywolfe)

Post #: 40

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