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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Replaced and Released.

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Replaced and Released. - 6/20/2005 10:42:28 PM

evilvix

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Langley
Status: offline

Last summer I discovered D/s. I started talking to the man who would become my Master. At the time He'd had a submissive, a lovely girl with whom I got along fairly well. When He and I met however, she was disgusted because of the age difference. She left Him devastated. After some time, I became His (though I'd already felt it was that way all along). This was approximately November. In January, another girl came into the picture. I'd seen her around, she was cute, but didn't interest me much. Master had been interested however. We talked awhile bout it. My stance had been that if He wanted her, He'd have her, regardless of whether I "approved" or not. He said yes, true, but He did not want to hurt me. She became His and all was well, for a time.

As of late I'd been feeling "left out." I'd see them together and be barely acknowledged myself. I confronted this issue with Master, and well... the outcome was as I'd feared. To quote Him precisely:

quote:

I am no longer a "Poly Master". There is no other sub in My life. In fact, there is no other love in My life ... not that kind of love ... the full soul, can't live without, must be a part of forever type of love. I have one love of that kind now, and even My wife is excluded. That love includes only one ...

Three guesses to which one of us He was referring.

Does this happen often? I've come to the conclusion that it must. Even in my past "vanilla" relationships, it's been the same. I don't believe in monogamy; I cannot see how anyone can be satisfied with just one love. I myself have many! My roommate, my neighbours, my girlfriend, my coworkers. I love them all. I love my former Master, despite all this pain. I don't believe there is any "fix" for this though. It's quite sad indeed.

-vix-

Post #: 1

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 12:03:04 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 1727
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Well it's not so much as he is now mangomouse, it's a line of bullshit he is trying to stuff down your throat and make you eat, but while apearing "gracefull"

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 2

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 12:31:12 AM

evilvix

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Langley
Status: offline

I don't think it is BS at all. We have always been honest with each other; I see no reason for lies. The truth is so much more fun! But, the "upset beyond all reasoning" part of me did present the idea that our entire relationship had been a sham. I know of course that is untrue. It had been real.

I know also that this change did not come as a result of anything I had done wrong, yet I wonder if perhaps I could have done *better* and thus seen a different outcome. As I cannot change what has been said and done, I can only do better now, right? It's just the question of how to go about it.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 3

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 4:21:08 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 634
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Does this happen often? I've come to the conclusion that it must. Even in my past "vanilla" relationships, it's been the same. I don't believe in monogamy; I cannot see how anyone can be satisfied with just one love.

Unfortunately it does happen often. I don't believe it happens because people are totally uncaring of others feelings, I believe it happens because people believe that poly is easy to achieve, they can only fool themselves for so long before reality creeps back in. I don't disbelieve in monogamy, I just know it isn't for me and mine. But, having said that, my husband and I can be and are just fine with just each other as well. Our love and support of each other isn't dependent on having a third or forth person involved, we choose poly because it suits us not because we require it.

There are people out there that are more then able to deal with it, in fact, they are most at home with it, my only advice would be live and learn. We do exist, we are not fiction.

Jewel

_____________________________

ShiftedJewel of PhoenixRisen

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 4

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 5:44:58 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Anyone else get the sense that this guy is the "grass is always greener" type?

The Owner loves novelty, he loves a new chick to play with and have fun around. When there's a new one around, it's like getting a shiny new toy from the store and spends tons of time playing with that while the other toys don't get that attention anymore.

BUT that's the short term. Long term, he loves us, he forms strong relationships with us, the ones who stay and actually fit in well with the relationship, and we are not forgotten.

Your choice now is to see whether you can fully serve someone you know who does not consider you "the love of his life" or whether it would be best to choose your path separately and leave him to his own loves?

How common is this? Troubles in poly relationships are as common as spam.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 5

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 9:42:59 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 684
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello Dear evilvix,
My Master and Mentor an I have discussed a Dom's responsibility in the Old Guard capacity of accepting a sub in your family. He said if your Dom renounces you, but you don't release Him He's still under an obligation to be your Dom technically. It should not be something one side can choose to extinguish unless you both consent to it.
I also personally would have wanted to leave on my own, so I'm not saying I thought you should stay. Just that I feel the Dom you had may have been wonderful for you for a time, but that I feel since He's not concerned about His obligation to you that you're probably better off without Him. I know how much it hurts to be rejected, and I wish you much success and joy in your new endevours.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 6

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 9:55:08 AM

Tempestspet

Posts: 340
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

He just sounds like he has trouble being without a girl. You are all "in between" girls. This shouldn't be a reflection on you, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

He says he not poly anymore. This because he thinks he has found the one. Well, likely you are going to see that the next right one will be along in a bit. He is searching, but cannot stand the thought of being alone while doing that.

Or at least that's what he sound like to me.

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 7

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 6:16:42 PM

leatherhalo

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2004
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline

The man lacks honour.

(in reply to Tempestspet)

Post #: 8

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 9:35:28 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 2294
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Well, I agree that his story sounds like bullshit, and I don't know anything about this except what I've read on this thread, so I'm hardly going to defend him. But I can sympathize with someone who makes up a story in order to smooth over a break-up. When I've broken up with people, the reason has generally been that I got tired of their shit. A few times I've said as much, and it hasn't exactly gone over well. So although I don't take the route of making up some bullshit story, I can understand why some people feel compelled to do so.

(in reply to leatherhalo)

Post #: 9

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/21/2005 10:38:48 PM

terah

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline

Although thi is a painful time for you, you will come to realize you did the best out of the relationship The we sub/slave will have to deal with his bemoaning his losses and new subs that come into hs life. because he will eventually blame her for not having what he truly wants.Poly. It really is a no win situation with this man.

Terah

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 10

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 5:06:59 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 1447
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

I have never been in a poly relationship, but have have had the chance to observe some. I have seen this happen. Seen it quite recently, in fact. A seemingly nice girl is being displaced by an aggressive 'number two.' It's sad, because it's the greed of the Domme coming into play, mostly, and allowing the manipulation of the #2 to occur. Having said that, I have also seen (and see) completely honorable and successful poly relationships. And of course, using and deception like this happens in monogamous relationships, too.

Bob

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 11

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 5:29:26 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat
It's sad, because it's the greed of the Domme coming into play, mostly, and allowing the manipulation of the #2 to occur. Having said that, I have also seen (and see) completely honorable and successful poly relationships. And of course, using and deception like this happens in monogamous relationships, too.

Bob

Sigh and of course the "new chicks" get the stigma of the stereotype of always somehow trying to force their way into being number one.

One has to ask how often that's really true and how often that's a convenient excuse of the primary.

I haven't seen anything in this thread to indicate that the new girl has done anything but accept the situation. It's the dom who has apparently changed his feelings.

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 12

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 11:55:30 AM

evilvix

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Langley
Status: offline

I don't think it was her intention to be rid of me. The two of us had never really spoken much beyond, "Hi how are you today?" and while I had tried to get to know her for our Master's sake, it simply did not happen. So I cannot say where she stands at all.

The two of them of course did have certain common bonds that I lacked. They are close in age, whereas I'm much younger. In fact they both have kids my age. They live on the east coast, I am on the west. I'm openly gay and shamelessly express my love for women, and they, well, they're straight! (So why does a gay girl bother with a Master? Exception to the rule, and He was quite exceptional.) And there we have three strikes against me. On top of that, when I would see them together, I would not intrude but wait in the background for my turn.

I do hope that He is happy with her. I only cannot see why it is that it's not possible for me to be a part of that as well.

I guess that's life. C'est la vie.

-vix-

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 12:31:51 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

I've been thinking about your situation since you posted it. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but based on the scenario you outline, it just doesn't make much sense to me that he would release you...unless she was trying to push you out. Obviously, he cared for you....if he is poly, caring for someone else would not lessen the caring. I'm not saying this is what happened, but either a) he isn't poly or b) she wanted to be the only one or c) I can't think of a c.

So sorry for what you have gone through.

f

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 14

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 5:19:05 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 636
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline

I think what seperates those of us who are polyamorous from those who like a little extra on the side from time to time is our capacity to maintain multiple long-term relationships. I don't think it is uncommon to find out that one isn't capable of as much as previously envisioned. I found out relatively late in life that I just can't be happy AND monogamous. I always thought I just needed to find the "one" and I would be able to remain happily faithful to her. Eventually I realized I needed to be free to have multiple partners.
It's my opinion that many go through such periods of self-discovery. It's not difficult for me to envision someone discovering that he lacks the emotional capacity to maintain relationships with multiple submissives/slaves, regardless of his desire to do so. It is, however, very unfortunate when those epiphanies come at the expense of others with emotional stakes in a relationship.
I wish you well in your endeavors and I will mirror others' responses in assuring you that, for some, multiple long-term relationships are very much the norm. If a poly situation is what you seek, you'll most likely find numerous opportunities.
Timothy

< Message edited by domtimothy46176 -- 6/22/2005 5:20:39 PM >

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(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 15

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/22/2005 5:35:46 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 846
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Nice to see you, DomTimothy. Haven't seen you posting in a while. Hope all is well with you and yours.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Storm1206 - Author of my dark desires...Owner of my soul.

stormsvision - chainsister and partner in crime.

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

Post #: 16

RE: Replaced and Released. - 6/26/2005 3:26:28 PM

HisAngel

Posts: 29
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

undefined

Maybe he needs a break and to come out and say it he back away a bit which doesn't mean he doesn't love you or care for you any more but Masters /Mistress lie all people need their space too.. try to cheer up I know its hard.

_____________________________

A Kind man Benefits himself,But A Cruel man brings trouble on himself.
~His Angel~

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 17

Yes, it happens often... - 6/28/2005 2:36:58 PM

SavageGoddess

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

And just as I feel sorry for those it happens to, I feel sorry for your prior master, because it's almost invariably for the same reason.

quote:

that kind of love ... the full soul, can't live without, must be a part of forever type of love.

That doesn't last forever... he's not seeking love, he's feeling infatuation - that feeling you get when you're in love with the concept and idea of love, and it's not going to last.

I'm in a poly relationship - there's currently three of us (soon to be 4, hopefully, since I'm actively seeking a slave-girl), and it's a very odd thing, since he moved here for me, and she's moving here for him... and she and I are very close. Passion doesn't last automatically - you have to work for it... It doesn't sound to me (from those lines you quoted, at least) like he knows it yet, and that's a very painful lesson to learn - especially later on in life.

*hug*
Goddess Thain

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 18

RE: Replaced and Released. - 7/7/2005 11:50:32 AM

SirTIM

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/9/2004
Status: offline

Evilvix: The LEAST your former Master could have been with you.. is... truthful from the beginning. He led you on.. and on.. and on... and then.... dumped you. This is NOT the honorable way of a Dom... in fact, it is actions like these that give all doms/dommes a very, very bad name. Trust me, evil. we doms are NOT all like that.

_____________________________

Sir TIM

(in reply to evilvix)

Post #: 19

RE: Replaced and Released. - 7/12/2005 8:42:35 AM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 71
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Does this happen often? I've come to the conclusion that it must. Even in my past "vanilla" relationships, it's been the same. I don't believe in monogamy; I cannot see how anyone can be satisfied with just one love.

I do believe in monogomy. Though to be honest, I've been very successful in the past at setting bounds on my own feelings, and staying within them. I tend to suspect that people who do not have practiced a lack of self-honesty, but I may just be speaking from the limits of my experience.

In the best light, he's persued poly with a sincere, if wrong, belief that it would work, and with teh best of intentions; and he's found that he's lost interest in most of the other partner. While a loss of interest can occur in any relationship, it seems likely that either he made a poor choice originally (going for partners that did not interest him), or he's failed to practice due dillagence in regards to making sure that he gives all of the people he is in a relationship with the attention and effor that he committed to.

By first instinct is to dislike him rather strongly... but I digress.

Yes it happens. Most often, it happens with people who are not suited to a poly lifestyle, or who don't put due dilligence into relationships. I'm sorry for those it happens to, and you have my sympathy.

Jerry

(in reply to SirTIM)

Post #: 20

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