quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I actually don't think the majority of "new girls" really ARE trying to edge into the "primary position." I think it's simply the implied threat which scares the heck out of the first/alpha female (who often isn't really poly herself but is just trying to please the dom) and I think it's lack of experience of doms who think that they can just tack on a new girl to a relationship like you add on an order of fries to your Value Meal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre
Because my house runs on Estate protocols those terms are most useful here when discussing places or "roles" in my house. Essentially the "first girl" positon is what I call a "queen" and the position is a desirable one for most of those who woudl be considered as good fits in my house. They should aspire to this, they should strive to earn it and they shoul work to be the best person for that task. It isn't a bad goal :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre

Further, I don't really see it as a problem. But thats more a function of how I run my house.

Because my house runs on Estate protocols those terms are most useful here when discussing places or "roles" in my house. Essentially the "first girl" positon is what I call a "queen" and the position is a desirable one for most of those who woudl be considered as good fits in my house. They should aspire to this, they should strive to earn it and they shoul work to be the best person for that task. It isn't a bad goal :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357
Emerald,

I would have to assume from this post that you have never been in a Poly relationship where a new girl came in with only one slave a head of her in The Master's chain. The majority of the time (majority not every) the new girl coming in The Family does attempt to take the 1st girl's place. I have to agree with Hawk.

This happens so much, it really annoys me.

Actually every single poly relationship I've entered into as a slave, I was the "other woman."

In the first one, my dom eventually married the other slave, and we all remain somewhat friends.

In the second, they were already married and we remain good friends.

In the third, they broke up with me saying they didn't have time for me and then later apologized for bad mouthing me to others.

In this one, the owner lives with his primary and they are quite happy.

I actually don't think the majority of "new girls" really ARE trying to edge into the "primary position." I think it's simply the implied threat which scares the heck out of the first/alpha female (who often isn't really poly herself but is just trying to please the dom) and I think it's lack of experience of doms who think that they can just tack on a new girl to a relationship like you add on an order of fries to your Value Meal.

I won't say it ever happen, it does, but I don't think it's the majority. I think us "new girls" take on a lot of social and personal baggage and get very little credit for just how hard it is to be the "new girl" in an established primary relationship.

And what I said still stands- bad mouthing ex's is never an attractive quality in a prospective mate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
But in this case,it looks like he got roped in by a "cowgirl"

(The kind who always works to seperate the cowboy from his herd)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Yeah but imagine the uproar a dominant would face who did NOT choose their wife or partner of X years to be the queen/alpha/in charge due to seniority alone.

*shudder* I've seen it, it's not pretty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
Poly is supposed to be about family,not a rotating smorgasbord.

quote:

He says he not poly anymore. This because he thinks he has found the one. Well, likely you are going to see that the next right one will be along in a bit. He is searching, but cannot stand the thought of being alone while doing that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JerryInTampa

quote:

Does this happen often? I've come to the conclusion that it must. Even in my past "vanilla" relationships, it's been the same. I don't believe in monogamy; I cannot see how anyone can be satisfied with just one love.

I do believe in monogomy. Though to be honest, I've been very successful in the past at setting bounds on my own feelings, and staying within them. I tend to suspect that people who do not have practiced a lack of self-honesty, but I may just be speaking from the limits of my experience.

In the best light, he's persued poly with a sincere, if wrong, belief that it would work, and with teh best of intentions; and he's found that he's lost interest in most of the other partner. While a loss of interest can occur in any relationship, it seems likely that either he made a poor choice originally (going for partners that did not interest him), or he's failed to practice due dillagence in regards to making sure that he gives all of the people he is in a relationship with the attention and effor that he committed to.

By first instinct is to dislike him rather strongly... but I digress.

Yes it happens. Most often, it happens with people who are not suited to a poly lifestyle, or who don't put due dilligence into relationships. I'm sorry for those it happens to, and you have my sympathy.

Jerry

quote:

I've been thinking about your situation since you posted it. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but based on the scenario you outline, it just doesn't make much sense to me that he would release you...unless she was trying to push you out. Obviously, he cared for you....if he is poly, caring for someone else would not lessen the caring. I'm not saying this is what happened, but either a) he isn't poly or b) she wanted to be the only one or c) I can't think of a c.