Real0ne
Posts: 401
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
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Hello Mocha,
Being a "good" domme is not as important as being a good person.
If you are a good person and have a dominate nature you will be a good domme by default.
Like any other relationship it takes two people in cooperation withone another to make things work.
How you define yourselves in that relationship is really up to you and your partner, and your partner is the "only" one in the whole wide world that needs to feel you are a good domme. not us.
So no one on this board can really tell you what a good domme is or should be, that is, beyond what all people look for in vanilla relationship, such as trust honesty etc, pretty typical stuff. and the rest is pretty much up to chemistry and how well you get along with one another and how well you can work with one another and keep each other happy or at least content.
The best advice i can give to you is to be yourself, and find a partner who is at a minimum a good partner on the vanilla side and also is a submissive to you, someone who feels comfortable with you at the helm and who is willing to give you the basic things you need in both the nilla and the ds aspects to be satisfied.
D/s is exactly like any other mainstream relationship in that it requires that both partners work in a cooperative effort to create an agreed atomosphere to live in a manner both of you dream of.
Remember being dominant is fundamentally nothing more than possessing the personality trait of a leader, and submissive is that of the follower. Thats it nothing more! All else is by personal design and preferences.
It does not mean you are better, higher, or somehow a greater human than your submissive partner and it does not mean that your sub or slave is less of a human than you are, or any other dominant for that matter. It means you are two people sharing your lives together much in the same way a puzzle fits together to create a whole picture.
In the real world however, i have known several dommes who are criminals, alcoholics, and drug or people abusers, and they proudly list themselves as "female supremicist, or "female superiority" and they are only to happy to control someones life, and i certainly will not allow myself to be led by anyone like that and you will find many of the same problems with subs out here. People are people and you have all the same garbage here that you have in the nilla world in triplicate as this way of life is a magnet for those who have an agenda or are unaccepted for some reason in the nilla world.
So basically if you live a moderately issue free life by default you will exhibit the ability to lead another without destroying them along the way. and that is a noteworthy accomplishment in itself.
i think it is very important to remember that "real" power, fosters humility, thoughtfulness and a truly caring and giving soul, not arrogance, avarice, closed hard hearts and cold souls as those who are in this for business venture, or in the case of a sub seeking to mooch off of you with nothing to give you in return.
Its important to remember that your domme nature and your subs sub nature is an exchange with one another. You exchange the energy you put in the relationship with the energy that your partner puts into it. Sharing that in a satisfactory manner to both of you will offer you a lifetime of happiness i am sure.
i think another thing to be aware of is not to over step your abilities. Move slow and at a comfortable pace for both of you, know what you can effectively and correctly control in your slaves life.
an example of what i mean by this for instance, is that last week i was talking to a domme who i have been having conversations with over the last few months. She told me she would not be my domme unless i quit my work and (flip burgers so to speak), simply because she did not understand what i do therefore i should not be doing it. Well i have 6 years of my life invested in this, and it is working, and of course i had to decline.
The moral of the story is that she like the greater majority of potentials i have met, overstepped her capabilities in understanding and made demands on me that are way beyond what i am willing to do for her. Negotiations were not an option so i had no choice but to move on. Had she taken the time to at least understand i am sure things would have been different.
So this is really no different than finding a partner in a nilla relationship with a twist if you know what i mean. Like most things in life, you will get a partner according to the way you approach going about it.
i for one want somoene i can get to know and someone who shares intimacy with me as well as D/s. Few out here willing to take the time to get to know me, to bad so sad i move on. Its a well known fact that if they do not have the time for me now then they certainy will not later.
So if you are seeking a life partner or very long term relationship dont fall into the trap that so many do out here that there are a zillion potentials and get the "so what" attitude like so many dommes do, these people have revolving doors and find their perfect sub once a month or not at all. i have observed many as they come and go on a regular basis or have been here since 2003. unfortunately it feels like i am falling into the be here forever myself even tho my needs are quite simple.
So choose your method of searching wisely as well, and search in a manner to match what you ultimately are seeking.
Always keep in mind that that controlling another bears a huge responsibility and you have to be willing to accept that. Always remember that you are sharing with each other, not the "its all about me crowd". Its about both, it takes two to be domme and sub.
Bottom line is that there are no rules here, it is whatever works for you. If you find a very experienced sub let them show you. You are no less a domme because you will control this. right?
This site is great for reading and listening to people gripe. You can get a good idea of what the subs like and dislike about dommes and form your own opinion. i think there is an ask a sub section too so you can ask a sub what they like about their dommes and what they do not like. and all that is only academic because in the end its what you and your sub likes which may be entirely different than anyone else on this site! that is the beauty of this lifestyle, that you can be totally unique.
Oh and that is smart btw not to post a profile, do your own hunting ;)
Well time for a movie and some old fashioned hot buttered popcorn!
Anyway i bid you good luck in your search and hope this helps.
the real 1
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