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ORIGINAL: 1RottenJohnny
She wasn't going to respond because she felt it was my responsibility? Her reasoning was two fold: 1) Because two months earlier I had swapped a few e-mails with the Dom of this couple they were MY friends and therefore I was responsible for all communications with them,

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and; 2) She felt that because I was the Dom it was simply my place to respond to the invitation.

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She was so upset that I asked her to respond to the invitation that she decided to ask other Doms what they thought about it. A couple of days later she called me to tell me that everyone she talked to agreed with her and that I was wrong.

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Anyway, this little issue snowballed and I was eventually accused of wanting a "doormat".

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Does wanting obedience from your sub mean you're treating them as a 'doormat'? I realize everyone lives this lifestyle differently but I've always thought obedience comes with the choice of being a sub or slave.

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Can someone define just what 'doormat' means anyway? I'm sure there's a legitimate reason for the existence of the term but I'm beginning to get the impression that many subs use it as an escape hatch to prevent from having to perform up to the expectations of their Dom.

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This wasn't the only reason I ended our relationship. It really came down to the fact that our outlooks on the lifestyle were very different. But now I'm wondering how much more of this I'm going to have to deal with simply because I want an obedient woman.

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One day my sub was online, chatting with a couple, and they invited us to join them on a trip they had planned to Las Vegas. As much as we wanted to go, we simply didn't have the money or time to spend. I asked her to send a reply thanking them for the offer but declining. Her response to me was, "That's your responsibility."

Now, maybe I'm just too simple minded but considering she was already sitting at the computer and chatting with them I just didn't see her logic.

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She was so upset that I asked her to respond to the invitation that she decided to ask other Doms what they thought about it. A couple of days later she called me to tell me that everyone she talked to agreed with her and that I was wrong.

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Does wanting obedience from your sub mean you're treating them as a 'doormat'? I realize everyone lives this lifestyle differently but I've always thought obedience comes with the choice of being a sub or slave.

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Behaving consistently as you define yourself is not being a doormat, it's something to be proud.

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Um, wow.

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A sure sign that she KNOWS somethings not quite right- rounding up the cavalry.

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Well my guess is this involves more than this little incident and perhaps other things.

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this little issue snowballed and I was eventually accused of wanting a "doormat".

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This wasn't the only reason I ended our relationship.

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Does obedience = "doormat"?

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Um, wow.

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ORIGINAL: 1RottenJohnny
She wasn't going to respond because she felt it was my responsibility? Her reasoning was two fold: 1) Because two months earlier I had swapped a few e-mails with the Dom of this couple they were MY friends and therefore I was responsible for all communications with them,

A reasonable enough thing actually. However, the invitation was extended towards you both so either of you could have responded just fine.

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and; 2) She felt that because I was the Dom it was simply my place to respond to the invitation.

Which essentially means she's telling you how you have to behave and what the rules are.

Fun.

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She was so upset that I asked her to respond to the invitation that she decided to ask other Doms what they thought about it. A couple of days later she called me to tell me that everyone she talked to agreed with her and that I was wrong.

A sure sign that she KNOWS somethings not quite right- rounding up the cavalry. If she cares what they think so much, why doesn't she submit to them? I support subs asking for advice, but this is pretty obvious that she wanted to prove herself right more than actually consider the issue.

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Anyway, this little issue snowballed and I was eventually accused of wanting a "doormat".

Well my guess is this involves more than this little incident and perhaps other things. Based on this alone however, it sounds pretty typical of a sub not obeying, on something that obviously didn't violate any limits, but not liking the whole "submitting when I don't feel like" bit.

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Does wanting obedience from your sub mean you're treating them as a 'doormat'? I realize everyone lives this lifestyle differently but I've always thought obedience comes with the choice of being a sub or slave.

If you're ordered to be a doormat, then absolutely. But expecting submission within the consented parameters of the relationship is perfectly fine. Even if she DID have a problem with the order, the real issue here is not her flawed logic, it's her continued fighting against you by going to others to prove you wrong. That's not how you deal with problems, that's how you try and run.

That's a serious relationship issue, submissive or otherwise.

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Can someone define just what 'doormat' means anyway? I'm sure there's a legitimate reason for the existence of the term but I'm beginning to get the impression that many subs use it as an escape hatch to prevent from having to perform up to the expectations of their Dom.

More often it's used to make subs feel more secure because they "aren't a doormat." There's no universal term, but generally it's someone who obeys without respect and understanding of the order.

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This wasn't the only reason I ended our relationship. It really came down to the fact that our outlooks on the lifestyle were very different. But now I'm wondering how much more of this I'm going to have to deal with simply because I want an obedient woman.

None if you get with a woman who understands and actually obeys. :) Again the issue wasn't so much her disobedience, but her inability to understand what submission meant to her, and her need to get some cavalry on her side rather than deal with the relationship issue directly.

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Submissive = choosing to obey another's will and proactively meet their expectations. Doormat = passively accepting dominance.

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She was so upset that I asked her to respond to the invitation that she decided to ask other Doms what they thought about it. A couple of days later she called me to tell me that everyone she talked to agreed with her and that I was wrong.

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Can someone define just what 'doormat' means anyway? I'm sure there's a legitimate reason for the existence of the term but I'm beginning to get the impression that many subs use it as an escape hatch to prevent from having to perform up to the expectations of their Dom. It made me feel like I was being accused of being a rapist or pedophile.

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But now I'm wondering how much more of this I'm going to have to deal with simply because I want an obedient woman.

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Drama...

It would seem your girl is too focused on her cyber community. Ever hear the phrase.. Airing your dirty laundry... tacky.

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I'd like to say that it's usually rude to go behind someone's back and repeat things they'd obviously not want others to know. We've all done it at some point, but it doesn't make it any nicer.

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Her going to other Doms for this was manipulative. She wasnt' asking them if what "she" did was right or wrong, she asked them if what YOU did was right or wrong. ie gathering up the cyber troops to her side to tell you, you were wrong.