Padriag
Posts: 700
Joined: 3/30/2005 From: NC, USA Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1RottenJohnny I'm not a demanding person but I put a great deal of value on simple obedience from my submissive. One day my sub was online, chatting with a couple, and they invited us to join them on a trip they had planned to Las Vegas. As much as we wanted to go, we simply didn't have the money or time to spend. I asked her to send a reply thanking them for the offer but declining. Her response to me was, "That's your responsibility.". She wasn't going to respond because she felt it was my responsibility? Her reasoning was two fold: 1) Because two months earlier I had swapped a few e-mails with the Dom of this couple they were MY friends and therefore I was responsible for all communications with them, and; 2) She felt that because I was the Dom it was simply my place to respond to the invitation. Based on this it seems you attempted to explore why she felt it was your responsibility, I'll give you marks for that. Based on what you've said I would hazard a guess that perhaps she was uncomfortable writing the note to decline the invitation. Perhaps because it seemed to her like a confrontation, disappointing someone, etc. and those things made her uncomfortable, so she sought to avoid it. Part of that avoidance was to shift the responsibility to you. quote:
Now, maybe I'm just too simple minded but considering she was already sitting at the computer and chatting with them I just didn't see her logic. After a little prodding she finally responded as I asked but that wasn't the end of it. It seems simple to you because for you its a trivial thing, either there was something else that this was merely a symptom of, or else writing the note was a big deal to her. quote:
She was so upset that I asked her to respond to the invitation that she decided to ask other Doms what they thought about it. A couple of days later she called me to tell me that everyone she talked to agreed with her and that I was wrong. She felt resentment towards you for making her do something she was uncomfortable doing, so she looked for a way to justify her feeling of resentment. quote:
Does wanting obedience from your sub mean you're treating them as a 'doormat'? I realize everyone lives this lifestyle differently but I've always thought obedience comes with the choice of being a sub or slave. Wanting obedience from someone within the boundaries of the relationship is certainly not treating them as a doormat. Based on what you've said it sounds as though she was using that as a means of justifying her own behavior... unfortunately at your expense. From what has been said I am left wondering if there is a pattern of behavior with her of avoiding responsibility. She seems like someone who is emotionally immature and irresponsible and perhaps see's a D/s type relationship as a way of avoiding that responsibility by shifting it onto someone else. Something not altogether uncommon in this lifestyle actually. quote:
And while we're on the subject... Can someone define just what 'doormat' means anyway? A "doormat" is someone who is weak willed, lacks a will to resist the will of others, someone who offers no resistance to the will of others, someone without opinions or direction of their own, someone who accepts the direction of others without question. It does get thrown around in this lifestyle a lot, at times inappropriately. A submissive is not a doormat, neither is a submissive who is obedient, someone who obeys the legitimate authority of another. A submissive does not obey just anyone, they choose who they submit too. Further, they choose to what degree they submit, whether that be just sexually in the bedroom, generally at home (but not career for example), or completely and totally. Its that choice made at the beginning of the relationship that defines the boundaries of the relationship, and what areas the dominant has legitimate authority over. Defiance of that legitimate authority is disobedience.
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Padriag A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer http://www.bardicheart.com
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