Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 9:14:39 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
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It's interesting to compare what circle of friends kinky people have, and how sometimes even though a person may have very similiar "kinky" lifestyles (regarding how often, what kind of play, etc) they have different social groups.

Are most of your friends (not online) kinky? Or are most of your friends (not online) vanilla? If you have both, do they ever intermix? Do they know about each other? Ie, if you were going to have a birthday party and invite all your friends, would you have to pick one group over the other?

What about people you consider your 'online' friends (those people you have never met, or met online and only interact with primarily online)? What is the breakdown?

Here's the big one: Does your BEST FRIEND know how kinky you are? Is your best friend kinky also? (to clarify best friend -- this is not including your play partner or relationship partner --- of course my best friend is my husband, but he doesn't count).

I have a couple of best friends -- one is vanilla, but she's very aware of my kinky side. My other best friend, who has known me less time but we are still very close, is kinky. All my friends together in one room or party wouldn't be a problem, even though some of my more casual friends don't know that I'm kinky. I'd imagine if they found out they wouldn't be surprised, but none of them would have an issue with it.

Akasha

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Post #: 1

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 9:41:32 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Most of my friends are kinky, but some are vanilla.

ALL of them know who I am, bi, kinky, poly. I couldn't consider myself a friend to someone if I felt I had to hide even my basic relationship dynamics from them...why else have friends if you can't share your lives with them?

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 2

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 10:24:53 AM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 456
Joined: 4/1/2005
From: Edmonton AB
Status: offline

I have a few kinky friends, not many.

I really dont know about my Best friend, he knows about me, but I dont really know how he stands in the mix.

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Post #: 3

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 10:26:49 AM

quietkitten

Posts: 690
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline

My friends are all utterly vanilla... it makes it very difficult for me to be myself around them.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 4

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 10:33:42 AM

Faramir

Posts: 624
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

90% vanilla.

Most of my friendships are from the military or civilian community service - the matrix for these friendships wasn't a shared framework for intimacy, but rather a shared ethos.

(in reply to quietkitten)

Post #: 5

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 11:07:10 AM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

i choose to only have 2 friends.... one is a sub married to a Dom but they are private and don't really discuss anything personal.... my second friend is shy..... im talked to him about playing with us... but i think he's too shy to do that..... a cute quality but not all that helpful for some fun on a friday night... *sighhhh

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Post #: 6

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 11:38:36 AM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

I don't have much of a circle of friends right now; I left all of my old friends behind when I moved to Canada to be with my husband, we've moved a lot already since I've been here and I tend to be shy anyway. But those friends that I do have are all vanilla, with the exception of my best friend. I know he's likely to be disqualified for the purpose of this question, our only real contact right now is online and through the phone, but I count him as the real thing. He's a new dom who is going through much the same process with his wife as I am with my husband.

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 7

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 12:03:14 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

I would say it is a 50/50 split. HOWEVER all of my friends know where I stand on the role of woman and the role of men. They do not however all know some of the more titalating details, and not all of them I feel the need to share the sadomasochistic side of my veiwpoints. Even my most vanilla friends know I am a feminist, and a strong independent take charge woman, who endorses sexual freedom.

Ms.Eden

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(in reply to Isolde)

Post #: 8

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 12:30:45 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 1447
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

None of my close friends are kinky at all, except for one. Of my other, more distant friends, there are a few I am kind of wondering about. I live outside of a fairly small town in a very conservative area, and have only been into this for a few years, so maybe things will eventually change as I meet more people.

Bob

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 9

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 12:47:32 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 534
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

Here's the big one: Does your BEST FRIEND know how kinky you are? Is your best friend kinky also?

She has absolutely no clue!! However since coming out to her as a lesbian our relationship has diminished quite a bit. i think if i told her of the lifestyle that i live she'd have only negative comments to say. She really is a great person, but just as vanilla as they come.

Most of my friends are vanilla (i believe) unless they just havent opened up to me. However, i just found out that a friend is into the lifestyle and had been in a 24/7 for 3 years. i thought WOW, how great to find out someone you know has the same interests as you do.

Last night i got an instant message from someone that i used to work with and halfway into the conversation he says: "wait a minute, is that a leather pride flag you have for your buddy icon? " well, needless to say, i had a ton of questions to answer. i had never laughed so hard at some of the things he said and asked. When i said that i had to go because i had to do some things around the house real quick his comment was : " OR ELSE!!!! "

LMFAO!!

-carolyn

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 10

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 1:24:31 PM

esclava

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline

My friends are varied, which poses a problems at time during gatherings and get togethers because I worry how the "how do you know her" question will arise but i've learned to just relax and trust people to be discreet.

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Post #: 11

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 1:49:33 PM

liltxsubby

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline

Almost all my friends are vanilla. Hopefully that will change once I start going to munches and things.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 3:37:23 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 524
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

I would have to say that a very high percentage of my friends are kinky... even the vanilla folk have sprinkles :-)

I have been involved in this as a way of life for going on 20 years. Even when I meet people & form friendships outside of fetish activities & such, it doesn't take long before I am asked questions in general or asked about attending a munch or a play party & there we go... another one crosses over to pursuing this as more than a passing fancy.

I prefer kink-minded friends as opposed to straight-laced conservative people. I am who I am. It would be extremely uncomfortable for me to conform myself to standards that are in accordance to their lifestyle, opinions or actions & ignore who I am & how I prefer to live my life. I am out & I do not closet myself.

MstrssPassion

(in reply to liltxsubby)

Post #: 13

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 4:00:05 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I don't know how much they are into BDSM but I do know that all of them are atleast kinky enough to try blind folds, light spanking, whip cream, toe sucking and such to keep things fun.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 14

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 4:31:32 PM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 769
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: rural NE Florida
Status: offline

My best friend is the one who got me into kink and some of her interests make me blink from time to time. Most of my friends at least have an idea of what I'm into because I like making silly remarks about spanking and handcuffs. The few that are utterly vanilla at least tolerate what I like.

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Post #: 15

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 4:46:24 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Montréal - Canada
Status: offline

quote:

Does your BEST FRIEND know how kinky you are? Is your best friend kinky also?

My best friend in the world is indeed kinky. In fact, our sexual profiles are quite similar.

My closest friends are aware that my sexuality is not vanilla. They know I am bisexual, they know I am poly, they know I am sexually liberal and creative. They know to varying degrees. They are also somewhat kinky to varying degrees.

The other day, my boy was retelling a conversation he had with a friend in which he referred to his best friend. When I asked who this best friend was, he said it was me. Isn't that totally adorable?

- LA

*edited for typo

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 7/3/2005 4:50:00 PM >

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Post #: 16

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 5:20:45 PM

darkangel

Posts: 2339
Status: offline

Mixed by 50-50 I would say, although I am inclined to think that a few are at least kinky, even if they haven't 'come out the closet' as it were.

Peace and Love

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 6:04:48 PM

dominmd

Posts: 434
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I would say most of my friends are vanilla. But I am in the same thought area as dark~angel, I believe a few are kinky even though they may hide it. I have a very close friend who got married. They did a grand tour of their home about a month ago. On their bed were the 2 pairs of handcuffs and 2 pairs of leg irons attached to the bedposts. My friend's wife blushed when she saw them and that I had noticed. I smiled and just said welcome to the fun world of sex. For the most part I think that even mostly vanilla couples are at kinky even at a very basic level. Personally I will never be vanilla again, it is way to boring. My motto: Kinky is FUN.

(in reply to darkangel)

Post #: 18

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 6:17:35 PM

wolfspirits

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

The Largest Group Of Friends We Have Are Kinky,Pagans Who Are Poly. We Belong To A Local Private Swing Club And Most Everyone Has Some Kink. We Dont Hide Who We Are And Most Know We Do BDSM. We Have Also Found Some Have Dabbled A Bit In The Lifestyle And Are Very Curious. So They Are Somewhat Vanilla. My Co-Workers Are Vanilla. Our Neighbors Are Vanilla And Most Of Our family ,Except 2.
Lady Silver.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 19

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 6:19:47 PM

imtempting

Posts: 874
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Well most of my friends are vanilla and have no idea about my other side.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 20

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