RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla?

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RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 8:44:36 PM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Are most of your friends (not online) kinky?

To my knowledge, none of my r/t friends are kinky; at least, not that they have shared with me. Until I'm told otherwise, I'll assume they are all vanilla.

quote:

If you have both, do they ever intermix? Do they know about each other?

I don't have any r/t friends in the D/s lifestyle so 'social paths' don't tend to cross.

quote:

What about people you consider your 'online' friends (those people you have never met, or met online and only interact with primarily online)? What is the breakdown?

54 - 'Vanilla'
29 - 'Kinky'

quote:

Does your BEST FRIEND know how kinky you are?

Yes, I took her out for dinner in January 2005 and shared my 'news' with her. My decision to do so was based on not having any r/t friends in the D/s lifestyle and realizing that it was in my best interest that I at least have one person I can count on 'in the flesh' if necessary. I actually just shared it with another vanilla friend a couple weeks ago. It's made for some interesting conversations.

quote:

Is your best friend kinky also?

No, she had a rather 'concerned' look on her face when I shared the 'news' with her! LMAO!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 21

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/3/2005 10:46:01 PM

SteelBondager

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline

I have many friends. Like M&Ms, they all have chocolate inside. Some just have more than others. Some might be offended if they knew I was a "slave owner" (actually, now make that ex-slave-owner), but most would understand taking a naked woman over my knee for a spanking if it ended in sex.

Roughly, about 33% of my friends have been to my home with at least one nude woman serving. 5% have been a nude man or woman in different roles. So, that would probably be more along the line of your actual question.

Don't be fooled by exteriors. Everyone likes a little kink; you just have to find a kink they understand, accept and like.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 22

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 2:33:11 AM

fp2012

Posts: 97
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

*Sigh* Almost all of them are vanilla.... however, when I started opening up to them about my kink at least 2 became quite interested in it. So hopefully something will develop out of it. I also instituted a "kinky sex toy" theme for birthday presents last year, and now all of them own either whips or handcuffs or collars and leashes or something to that extent (they were all too chicken to buy me anything kinky though and all I got was a book about great sex). They're all very accepting of it, and I think because I have been able to discuss sex with them quite a bit (being the first of the group to lose her virginity) they'll be more willing to experiment sexually... or at least I hope.

_____________________________

"When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm better" - Mae West

(in reply to SteelBondager)

Post #: 23

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 2:48:11 AM

Shayna

Posts: 175
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

All my close friends are either kinky or kink-friendly. I'm attracted to unconventional people as friends and lovers - for someone to want to be close to me they'd have to be a little off-center :)

(in reply to fp2012)

Post #: 24

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 6:22:16 AM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

Very interesting question AAkasha and one I had to address recently with My wedding and reception.

The majority of My friends are kinky but the majority of tony's friends are vanilla. We have mutual friends in both groups but mixing them at the same function would probably not work. There are a few that could mix. The wedding and small reception was strictly BDSM but we are having a second reception for the vanilla friends. Some of them would have major issues with kink.

The breakdown for My on-line friends is simple. They are solely within the Lifestyle in one way or another. Most of that reason though is because My vanilla friends are rarely on-line.

My best friend here is kinky and was at the wedding. My closest best friend other then Her is vanilla but now living in a different country. She does know about My Lifetsyle choices though and respects that My choices are right for Me.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 25

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 7:53:36 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 384
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Most of my close friends are vanilla and know a bit about my kinky side. (You can learn a lot about your friends when you are a Dominatrix for Halloween I got a lot of questions that night!). I participate in a local group for Dommes, but tend to keep that group separate from my close group of friends, mainly because I don't see my Domme friends as often and live an hour away from most of them. I don't think there would be any problems with mixing the two groups as long as it was clear that things would be "vanilla", at a party, for example.

Most of my online friends are kinky, and I think that is because I started my exploration online and have maintained contact with those friends over the years.

I recently thought about the situation where I was introducing my sub/significant other to my friends for the first time. Because my friends know about my kinky side, it could be assumed that my friend was into that as well, and therefore I'd be "outing" him to a certain extent. I discussed this with my sub, and he said he didn't feel weird about it. I'm grateful that he was not bothered, but it's something that I hadn't thought about- an unexpected side-effect of my friends knowing what I enjoy.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to GentleLady)

Post #: 26

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 12:41:32 PM

SophiaBelle

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I run in many different circle of friends. My work friends know I am bi, but almost no more than that (with the exception of one or two.) Of my three other groups of friends they know varying amounts. My friends through my boyfriend are tre vanilla, and have no idea even that I am bi. My "gamer" friends know I am bi AND I came out to them about my lifestyle (a recent thing) and they were almost all happy for me. My other misc. friends know I swing a little and that I'm not entirely vanilla, but not much more.

All and all almost 95% vanilla, if not more. I am hoping to gain some valuable friends like me through my local community.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 27

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 12:52:57 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 534
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

OMG, Doesn't it suck old saggy ass that we have to be this way with our friends!? i would love to just be open with all my friends without them passing judgement or even losing their friendship.

BUT, that's why i am here....to make some friends with others that are in the lifestyle.

Good luck to you SohiaBelle

-carolyn

(in reply to SophiaBelle)

Post #: 28

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 1:22:46 PM

spliffsmum

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/3/2005
Status: offline

I have three long term friends - now scattered around the world - who are vanilla but who I trust enough to divulge the generalities of my life too. Otherwise two distinct camps - friends and kinky friends and never the twain shall met! Oh - apart from my birth mother who I told (we were both heavily under the influence :) ) who was accepting but doesn't really want to know details.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 29

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 2:11:08 PM

brightspot

Posts: 1161
Joined: 3/22/2005
Status: offline

Yes, my Best Friend knows how kinky I am.

I have a lot of Kinky friends, and my "Vanilla" friends,
Hummmmmmm......
I guess I don't really get deep into their sex lives so
who really knows what they are doing behind closed
doors....

I have meet Kinky that you never would have believed to be.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

*Brightspot

"Cheer Up! The worst is yet to come" ~Philander Johnson

"Common sense is very uncommon" ~Horace Greeley

"Words are the most Powerful Drug of Mankind." ~Kiplin

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 30

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 2:17:58 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 1329
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: Southern California
Status: offline

All of the people I consider friends know that I am bisexual, poly and into D/s.

My parents and my younger sibling also know all of this about me.

And my best friend was the individual who gave me a name for what I feel. She introduced me to both bisexuality and the leather life in tenth grade. Before that I knew what I liked... but I wouldn't have been able to say, "Yup. BDSM... that's it."

The people who have no idea who or what I am think of me as terribly innocent. I work at a Ladies Gym and my boss told a friend/member of the gym not to say the word "Sex" in front of me because she thought I'd run away, blushing. The friend started laughing so hard she had to sit down.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 31

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 3:40:36 PM

dominmd

Posts: 434
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I usually get asked if I carry handcuffs by people that know I do security work. When I reply yes, and then name the type and brand and why, I get asked "ever use them?" I say, "What you think I have cuffs and have never used them? Of course I have, but I can still get out of them, but my girlfriends never can." That is as far as I really go with people. Especially since I can have an evil grin while answering the question. And usually a girlfriend turning bright red with embarrasment. I make it up to them later. Care to guess how?

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 32

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 4:07:28 PM

Domin81

Posts: 55
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

About 70% of my friends are kinky, I find as time goes on more and more of the people I'm close to are kinky. About 1/2 of my vanilla friends know that I'm kinky including my best vanilla friend.

_____________________________

El Gordo
http://www.bound2please.ca
Quality Toys & Restraints Made in Canada

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 33

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/4/2005 10:50:52 PM

Lepidoptera

Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

All of my friends are geeky, a couple of them are asexual, and a few more are bi. I think I'm the only super kinky one, but we our bound by our mutal geekiness, and I guess my sexuality doesn't bother them.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 34

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/5/2005 7:49:33 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

One thing I can assure you about my friends. If they aren't into kink when I first meet them, they end up getting envolved soon.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 35

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/10/2005 12:55:09 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 476
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shayna

All my close friends are either kinky or kink-friendly. I'm attracted to unconventional people as friends and lovers - for someone to want to be close to me they'd have to be a little off-center :)

I'm with you on this one, Shayna. It's always been my nature to be attracted to open-minded, dynamic individuals who don't follow the herd blindly.
Not all of them are kinky, though.
Only one of my friends had difficulty with the kink aspect, but I understood his position. He's like a big brother to me, and the news that I was going to be allowing men to tie me up and hit me with instruments usually reserved for horses...well, I can see his point...pure worry.
We spent a lot of time talking about power dynamics, and safety measures, and eventually he became more comfortable with it.
There is a great deal of trust and honesty between us, as there should be between friends, and he trusted me to make good decisions.
Now, having seen how happy this lifestyle has made me, how much I've grown, he is all in favour of the lifestyle.
As for my best friend...well, my best female friend is a sub, and my best male friend is vanilla but goes with me to all the fetish events because he loves the fun and enjoys supporting me. He's my biggest fan.
Sometimes it takes time and a lot of discussion for a vanilla person to accept this stuff, but as far as I'm concerned the friendship is only worth keeping if the person believes in me, and in my ability to make smart choices for myself. Those are the only friends I want to have.
For those of you out there who haven't told your good friends, all I can say is that I love being able to be completely free and open with the people I love. It may not be as impossible as you think it is.

Cin

_____________________________

quote:

Merriam-Webster defines KINK as a clever, unusual way of doing something...and I'm okay with that!
~ Me ~

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 36

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/10/2005 3:18:48 PM

wildangel1012003

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

i would have to say it is a 50/40 split.
i do not talk about my private life in general. i am very shy and a very private person.

from conversations my friends have had and comments made i woudl say that it is a good split.

i find it very funny when ones who i knwo have a kinky streak make a comment around the ones who do not and their reactons are very funny to watch.

but then i do have a weird sence of hummor, i think thee is nothing funnier then humans having sex, the faces we make , the noises, the contortions we put our bodies through.

if you cant laugh at your self even in bed , then what fun is life?

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 37

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/10/2005 5:48:09 PM

dayandnight

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline

Mostly vanilla...and very few of those have any idea about my inclinations.

_____________________________

Brook (by night anyway...)

(in reply to wildangel1012003)

Post #: 38

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/10/2005 6:22:00 PM

ItzKat

Posts: 45
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

well, I have a good balance of each kinky and vanilla. Some of my vanilla friends know, but most don't.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 39

RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? - 7/10/2005 6:38:37 PM

punnishme

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

I live in a very small town, I call it hickville but that's not the real name obviously. My friends are all conservative christians, and of course I have to pretend to be the same. I am a christian when I was younger very active in my religion and well in the last couple of years I spent a little more time than I should have caring about my S/O rather than myself. I dont regret it just wish I'd spent more time with the people I've known forever.

So yeah all of my friends are conservative vanilla christian freaks (that's not a bad thing)
But from time to time I have to admit things slip out of certain friends mouth that really make me wonder what exactly their preferences are.

I'll never ask though.

I have one kinky friend who lives down south. That's about it

Cool thread

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 40

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