Are you having a hard time finding the right one

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Are you having a hard time finding the right one

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Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/2/2005 6:22:48 AM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
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This is more an open ended question than anything else...but it's mainly for all that live a poly life as I do...if you are actively seeking to add another to your situation...you spend months communicating...your first gets so relaxed and comfortable with the prospective one...everything seems to be moving in the right direction...all appeares to be working...you blend as a family unit...then...BAM...you find it's all been a game played to amuse the prospect (seems upon listening to the reasons)...this is all a part of the lifestyle...I'm left wondering...(not about the lifestyle BS)...are you finding it hard to see..let alone find...the right one?

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/2/2005 7:40:53 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
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How much of this was offline versus online?

And yes many doms have a hard time SEEING the second as the real person versus seeing them as who they WANT them to be- a hot new perfect chick to be "the second." This is part of why you see so many chicks come down on it and get very confused when their normally sane dom starts drooling and going bonkers just because a new chick is around. Nothing like that for good self esteem building.

I'm not saying that's how YOU acted here, but the DESIRE to "be poly" can very often bias doms (and subs) against finding and being with the RIGHT one and the entire process of BECOMING poly.

And just remember, this sort of thing happens in monogamous relationships all the time too.

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/2/2005 8:37:20 AM

Delvin

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

yes and no. Yes, the games are still there as always, so weeding out people who are looking for quick information to get personal gradification is always there. Finding more to add to the harem is always hard as you are dealing with the girl(s) you have, their emotions, the girl(s) you are considering and all of their concerns. It is very distracting to reach a point where you think all will work fine, all have sat down and talked through the months and are ready to begin only to find out it was either a sham or actual "truths" come out, ie (Well, actually, I am married, does that pose a problem ?)....well duh !
Always difficult to add to the family and more so when the girl(s) your adding have a hidden agenda which either comes out during the initial discussions or worse, later as life begins. Always impossible it seems to find the girl(s) to add at times.

No, being always truthful and honest, I have found a good majority of the women will politely decline any offers and even some will remain friends of the family, though that life is not for them. We know there are different views of this lifestyle, and Poly isn't immune to that. So many different ways to conduct the family life, again as long as everyone understands from the begining what is required, more often then not having everyone together isn't that rough. It's the desire, need sometimes that is overlooked.

*passes out the asprin....your going to need it*

D

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/3/2005 6:13:43 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/1/2005
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I am so sorry things turned out badly for you - but I have faith you will find the right one.

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/3/2005 7:12:23 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
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thank you for your comments...maybe a little background is in order here...I've lived a very very happy poly life for many years...but not long ago my second became ill...finding it was terminal...her wish was to travel the world...see things she'd only read in books or seen in pictures...that became my desire as well...to see the world through her eyes...against my better judgement..but with a clear vision of what she wanted...I granted her...her only request she ever made of me...her release...she couldn't enjoy whatever was ahead if she knew I was on the other end of a tether to her...she's passed now...and although I don't need to remain poly...I've found it the way I wish to remain...my first is also wanting to have another sister as well...this appeares to be the problem...living this way for so long...opens you up to believing almost everyone is as honest and pure of heart as what you're used to...therefore it's the root of my question...

Fury

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/3/2005 7:22:18 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 518
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

Enjoying the search rather than dwelling on the outcome has been helpful for us. We are still a dyad with hopes to once again be more, but for the moment, we're meeting some fascinating people. Who knows what tomorrow's journeys will bring, so we are ever hopeful.

Lady Zephyr

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/4/2005 2:32:29 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 636
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline

We would love to find the right one to add to our family and we remain cautiously optimistic that she may aapear at some point. We are aware, however, that the odds appear to be stacked against us. On this site we've seen a few profiles that appeared promising but the submissives declined to respond to our e-mails. We've occasionally encountered poly-minded ladies on the boards but, unfortunately for us, the ones who seem most compatible are already taken.
Even given what apppear to be long odds, however, we believe it's infinitely better to remain a twosome than to allow the wrong lady to join us.
Timothy

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/4/2005 3:14:06 PM

1CHRONDOM

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

Fury,
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I believe you did the right and honorable thing in releasing her. I bet it was very hard since you had been in the poly fam a while. I believe you and everyone that stays honorable and true to themselves will happen upon the ones they so deserve.

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/4/2005 6:54:25 PM

anopheles

Posts: 240
Joined: 6/23/2005
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Fury,

I too am very sorry to hear of your loss. Probably the most difficult decision a Master has to make is to set his slave/sub free, almost as difficult as dealing with the reality of her situation that caused you to release her in the first place. My best wishes in your search for another.

--Anopheles

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You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/5/2005 5:56:53 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
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thank you all for your warmth and good thoughts...but I've never felt that release ...as a ending...far from it...it was a new beginning...I'll never experience the way the world is or can be...as well as I saw..heard..felt..in each and every word I read...that part of my journey through this life...I'll cherish...and for anyone who ever meets me in person...and you talk about someplace you've been...if you see me smile with a far off look...just know she's already taken me there...

Fury

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RE: Are you having a hard time finding the right one - 10/9/2005 8:17:49 PM

amazonlea

Posts: 28
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Fury,

It sounds like you have been on one heck of a journey. I understand your frustration. However I have found that more often than not, when you stop looking so hard, the perfect partner comes along. That is true for monogamous folks as much as it is true for poly folks.

I think when I am trying too hard I often miss the red lights that I would normally see right away. And when I am too eager I move too fast and end up frustrated and hurt.

You know how this works, take it slow, stop looking so hard, live your life, and the love will come to you.
B

< Message edited by amazonlea -- 10/9/2005 8:18:43 PM >

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