what makes a switch a switch?

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what makes a switch a switch?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> what makes a switch a switch?

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what makes a switch a switch? - 7/19/2005 12:08:41 PM

Valhalla69

Posts: 34
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

Hi A/all, i am hoping someone can help em with something that is puzzling me.

As a Dom i take control in all aspects,but sometimes there are a couple of things i would like to do sexually that would require me to take a submissive role,for example to be pushed onto a bed and had there and then.

Would this make me a switch or just a Dom who likes to relinguish control occasionally,i dont wish to be submissive in other areas,for example being tied up or punished or told what to do.

I do not like pain either,so this is purely a sexual thing,but friends tell me i shouldnt say things like this as i am a Dom,i dont know what to do,am i a Dom or a Switch,i would appreciate any advice.

thanks for listening all.

Post #: 1

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 7/19/2005 1:52:19 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valhalla69

Hi A/all, i am hoping someone can help em with something that is puzzling me.

As a Dom i take control in all aspects,but sometimes there are a couple of things i would like to do sexually that would require me to take a submissive role,for example to be pushed onto a bed and had there and then.

Would this make me a switch or just a Dom who likes to relinguish control occasionally,i dont wish to be submissive in other areas,for example being tied up or punished or told what to do.

I do not like pain either,so this is purely a sexual thing,but friends tell me i shouldnt say things like this as i am a Dom,i dont know what to do,am i a Dom or a Switch,i would appreciate any advice.

thanks for listening all.

You need to stop listening to your friends. Who cares what label they think you need?

Akasha

_____________________________

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(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 2

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 7/20/2005 8:54:00 AM

Synchronicity

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I did the same thing--was worried what other people think. Then I realized I am 'an entity unto myself'. If I truly believe I'm a Goddess, then I deserve extra helpings of both sides of the flogger, with no appologies needed.

I find the narrow-minded negativity I have heard about switches is the same sort of thing people say about bisexuals: "fence sitters' unable to make up their own minds, etc.
Even the toughest Dom/Domme, under the right circumstances with the right person, might switch to gain a wonderful experience or valuable insight. Unless they have a problem that prevents them from ever letting their guard down. I believe we are all percentages of our desires. Switching to have an experience does not make you a switch if you choose to call yourself a Dom (just as Domming does not make a Dom if the sub perfers to call himself a sub)!

Life is short. Live it! A spanking, well-given or well-received, is an artform.
I am a devotee. And, personally, I don't see how a guy can give himself a strap-on experience.

Go for it.

SIDE NOTE: You might want to choose when and where you want to switch. If the Dom personna is really important to you (it depends on how secure you are with it) maybe you want to save your 'switch' times for private play with special people.

< Message edited by Synchronicity -- 7/20/2005 4:34:06 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 3

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 7/21/2005 4:27:17 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

When it comes to the relationship I'm in controll. Just because I have a few massochistic tendencies dosne't mean that I like being controlled nor feel the need to be serving nor submissive.

Yet again you can find many threads here on CM about how Domination is also a service to a submissive or massochist in which give the sub few controlling factors when it comes to limits. But then again you run into the whole idea of the Topping from the Bottom.
I myself don't have a problem with a Sub who wants to be aggressive and a little rough or begins to get assertive with the fact that they or horney and want to play.

The bottom line is that you like to be kinky. It's very true that you shouldn't worry about being labeled as much as beliveing in yourself who you are and what you want as being someone who likes to be kinky. You are what you feel and know you are and there's no point in aurgueing with people over it. From your post you sound like a Dom to me but I'll let you decide that for yourself.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 4

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 7/22/2005 3:44:27 PM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
Status: offline

a switch is a switch cause it turns the bulb on

who's in control....the switch or the hand that turns the switch on?

what's it to ya

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(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 5

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/8/2005 6:15:35 PM

TheLioness

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Applause, applause .. stands on chair and whistles... Bravo to all who answered.. so NICE to read reasonable, articulate, well rounded types. I've just discovered this forum and having a gas "meeting" all you bright switchy people ..

Katrina

(in reply to cumslutcockwhore)

Post #: 6

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/11/2005 10:13:00 AM

cmatrix4761

Posts: 35
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I think that the control preference of an individual who is engaged in the BDSM lifestyle is a reflection of their 'other life', so to speak. I've discovered, through interaction with the BDSM communities, that it is often an inversion of the role played in their normal lives. CEOs seem to prefer to be tied up, often because of their constant control at their careers, while women often like to dominate who consider themselves surrounded by a chauvinism elsewhere. I believe it's a retreat to something purer but opposite, perhaps a mechanism of balance to one's psyche.
A switch would [logically, under the said pretense] be an individual who fosters multiple roles in his/her (though most switches seem to be male) daily life. I switch, myself, and I have to play aggressive and placid in my roles in life (being both a business man and a programmer); I feel it is a reflection of the life I live -- when I have to be horribly aggressive (for instance, when I have to make it a point to have clients and administration fix issues they don't want to fix) then I tend to feel more submissive at home; whereas, when I'm more submissive (for instance, when I have to be the scapegoat for problems and get asschewings), I feel more dominant at home.
I submit, then, that the control preference at home (in this case, during engagement of BDSM) is a psychological balancing mechanism (or, perhaps, a defense mechanism-- proving to oneself that one's role is not explicitly defined by one's work).

Just a thought,
-- CM

(in reply to TheLioness)

Post #: 7

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/11/2005 4:24:57 PM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I would say you're a switch with Dominant ambitions, meaning you are a Dom almost all of time, but like to take the bottom with the right person. Fucking confusing isn't it?

The bright side to all of this is.......You can have it both ways and if you enjoy it...go for it!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to cmatrix4761)

Post #: 8

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/12/2005 4:45:03 PM

richbtch24

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

I feel most men are like this...every now and then it is nice to have a change of pace but not for the fact that we want to be completely submissive to a woman. When looking at it from a sexual standpoint...a girl giving a guy a blowjob is her being fairly submissive...do you not agree? and most men like to go down on a woman and that is a submissive role also. I am like you though, as I do not have a pain tolerance and do not want to take on a submissive role any more than just a slight stray away from the norm. I love to be the dominant one, physically and mentally and but being pushed onto a bed here and there doesn't make you a submissive. As long as you take back control once you're on the bed

That is what feeds some dominant males is having a woman try to take control. Personally a woman completely submitting to me and not getting "out of line" every now and then can be quite boring and tedious.

Just my opinion...

Rob

(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 9

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/12/2005 10:04:41 PM

cmatrix4761

Posts: 35
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

Heh; you like em with a bit of spunk? Me too. What's the fun in BDSM if they never show their other side?

-- CM

(in reply to richbtch24)

Post #: 10

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/12/2005 11:41:50 PM

richbtch24

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

exactly, and like I said, I don't see myself as being submissive in the least, it is just fun to be "tested" sometimes. Not sure if that is the right word but I do hope you understand what I'm saying.

Rob

(in reply to cmatrix4761)

Post #: 11

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/13/2005 3:44:24 PM

Shayna

Posts: 175
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

a girl giving a guy a blowjob is her being fairly submissive...do you not agree?

It's not true for me. Seriously: who's in control when a woman has her mouth wrapped around your cock and your knees are buckling? How do you feel when you're about to cum and she pulls away?

*evil grin*

(in reply to richbtch24)

Post #: 12

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/14/2005 9:33:30 AM

PatchesJ

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/5/2005
Status: offline

Personally I don't like labels. I'm mostly a D, but with the right guy I can take on the submissive role. I must stress after stating that at age 33 I've only been submissive with one person. We're both D most of the time and we've been friends for years before becoming friends with benefits, but we do switch with each other. This has been a first for both of us. It has been and is an interesting experience.

PJ

(in reply to Shayna)

Post #: 13

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/15/2005 8:17:53 AM

peppermint379

Posts: 109
Joined: 8/18/2004
Status: offline

I was fortunate recently to be at a lecture by Midori. During it she described the various roles that one could take in this lifestyle. Each role just needs to be with the complementary role to make the scene a good event for both. So...the Dominant Sadist pairs with the submissive masochist.....AND the Dominant masochist pairs with the submissive sadist. With each pairing, the important dynamic works. Not only that, but "Topping from the bottom" can and does work with that second pairing, and so is good for that dynamic. Kinda hard to explain it all here. Wish i'd been able to take notes during the lecture, but unfortunately, i didn't have hands available to write with since i was all tied up.

(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 14

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/15/2005 3:40:43 PM

toran29

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/3/2005
Status: offline

I agree that we tend to try to put labels on everything - we even do it with vanilla and kinky. It's in our nature to look around us and see where we are relative to everyone else and put a word to it. My opinion on this issue is that you are feeling dominant, or feeling submissive as opposed to being a dominant or being a submissive. I feel happy one minute (hockey is coming back!) and sad the next (the 'Hawks are still looking bad). D/s is such an emotional, mental thing that I actually think it is more rare to encounter someone who _never_ feels a little like playing the other side. Maybe those of us who consider ourselves more switchable are just that. More ... switchable.

(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 15

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/15/2005 7:22:30 PM

littlespike

Posts: 43
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

Hi Valhalla

Taking on a submissive role might be what you are secretly yearning for. But you said you only wanted to be submissive in the bedroom. Maybe some research into the topic would make the submissive role easier to understand. Elise Sutton's Web site has lots of articles on the subject. Maybe one of these articles would be of some use. Then again maybe not..

Little Spike

_____________________________

"You mean you are now my slave without illusions, and for that reason you shall feel the weight of my foot without mercy."....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
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(in reply to Valhalla69)

Post #: 16

RE: what makes a switch a switch? - 8/25/2005 6:02:40 AM

fundominct

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

Hi,
As a switch I feel the same way, I do enjoy switching for the sexual part but the punishment part and losing control are somewhat questionable. When switching the punishment I receive is severe and the floggings are extensive and painful.
I have had learn to deal with the pain, the marks for days ext. But the advantages of knowing both roles and what the other is experencing is only growth and broadening of knowledge to mabe settling on one role... with great knowledge of the other side.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

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