sub or "patsy"?

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sub or "patsy"? - 12/20/2005 10:45:42 PM

keptcaged

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/23/2005
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ok, there's a bit of back story to this but i'll try to be concise.

It occured to me today that there is an age old problem with submales that most of us have probably first encountered in high school. You're the"nice guy" you're "SWEET" ARRGGHHHH! NOT F%CKING SWEET!
Inside i want to say,"i'm not sweet, i'm trying to get you to slap me and make me carry your books!"

Present tense. There is a Woman. Former stripper. Very street wise! WE hit it off instantly. She left her hubby of 7 years for a young stud who turned out to be a stoner. She feels like she has to stay involved with him because she "paid for him" with her marriage. To waslk away now would me it was a huge loss. (she confirmed this opinion when i tried to help her out of a funk)
We meet in a professional setting. Hit it off INSTANTLY. Being a little jaded she knows EXACTLY the effect she has on guys, why and how and will tell you so. One day out of the blue she mentions she's bi and was a stripper. Soon i throw in my sub nature. a few weeks go by and we have great sex and relationship talks. Today we sat in a froofroo restaurant talking about gags and anal sex, etc. and i'm realizing that there isn't that gleem in her i like she wants to do all this with me. Jusst someday with somebody.
i took her to this great little restaurant for her b.day. i want to buy her gifts and wait on her and take care of her. As she expresses a desire to be"in control" and "get into bondage" i first u, great, act like a slave and you'll be seen as one.
Instead, i think she wants to do the stoner with a strap on and i'm not even in the picture.
Am i just a patsy, never a slave?
One time on the phone she was ranting and i just said, half joking, "Calm the fuck down." and she said someting like, Oooh I like it when you're forceful. That made me think she's talking all Femdom trying to "induce" a reaction from me...however, if true that would make me an ....aggressive sub? Is there such a thing?
my head hurts.......i am so drawn to her....we are like two deviant peas in a deviant pod. i'd let her shit on me but i don't want to get shit on. Comprende?
Any thoughts?
keptcaged

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/21/2005 7:30:18 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
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i'd let her shit on me but i don't want to get shit on.

Think you already answered your question---

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/21/2005 9:50:32 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

ok, there's a bit of back story to this but i'll try to be concise.

It occured to me today that there is an age old problem with submales that most of us have probably first encountered in high school. You're the"nice guy" you're "SWEET" ARRGGHHHH! NOT F%CKING SWEET!
Inside i want to say,"i'm not sweet, i'm trying to get you to slap me and make me carry your books!"

Present tense. There is a Woman. Former stripper. Very street wise! WE hit it off instantly. She left her hubby of 7 years for a young stud who turned out to be a stoner. She feels like she has to stay involved with him because she "paid for him" with her marriage. To waslk away now would me it was a huge loss. (she confirmed this opinion when i tried to help her out of a funk)
We meet in a professional setting. Hit it off INSTANTLY. Being a little jaded she knows EXACTLY the effect she has on guys, why and how and will tell you so. One day out of the blue she mentions she's bi and was a stripper. Soon i throw in my sub nature. a few weeks go by and we have great sex and relationship talks. Today we sat in a froofroo restaurant talking about gags and anal sex, etc. and i'm realizing that there isn't that gleem in her i like she wants to do all this with me. Jusst someday with somebody.
i took her to this great little restaurant for her b.day. i want to buy her gifts and wait on her and take care of her. As she expresses a desire to be"in control" and "get into bondage" i first u, great, act like a slave and you'll be seen as one.
Instead, i think she wants to do the stoner with a strap on and i'm not even in the picture.
Am i just a patsy, never a slave?
One time on the phone she was ranting and i just said, half joking, "Calm the fuck down." and she said someting like, Oooh I like it when you're forceful. That made me think she's talking all Femdom trying to "induce" a reaction from me...however, if true that would make me an ....aggressive sub? Is there such a thing?
my head hurts.......i am so drawn to her....we are like two deviant peas in a deviant pod. i'd let her shit on me but i don't want to get shit on. Comprende?
Any thoughts?
keptcaged

As a femdom I can say there are men I know and like but I would never want to dominate them. She just might not be into you in that way.

And yes -- for me, at least, a guy who appears to sort of "willingly" already submit, or kiss my ass, or if I knew I could get him to do anything at the snap of my fingers I'm far less interested in. I want there to be some sort of a spine/backbone. She sees the stoner boy as a challenge.

Or, it's just a lack of chemitry.

Akasha

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/21/2005 10:36:48 AM

keptcaged

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline

Thank You Akasha!
OMG..you are an icon in my book!
Ya know, that's what i thought too....i know how to "play it", it's just tough because it's "opposing head spaces" if you will.
I guess it would be for the Dom.....You want to go hunting (yuk, but let's pretend), so you've got an itch to kill Bambi. You just go to leave and somebody delivers a dead deer to your doorstep and says, so whadya think?
If i don't run she can't chase me and hogtie me.
Thanks! i needed that.

keptcaged

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/23/2005 11:02:03 PM

MasterBenedict

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/25/2005
From: AnTir
Status: offline

I personally think that if you DON'T want to make it work you can't blame anybody but yourself

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/24/2005 7:11:45 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 851
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I think you just haven't found the person you are compatible with.

But furthermore I'd say you are falling into a trap I see with some submissives -- settling.

Before he met me, Fox tells me that he "settled" routinely for someone who appeared to be dominant when they were really users, appeared to want his service when they just wanted his money, escort to a party, etc. In short, in his desire and need to submit he often found himself settling for people who frankly he wasn't compatible with and who weren't even in the "scene" in an consensual sense of how I define it.

I have another friend who is very careful to screen out abusers and users because she too feels this submissive drive but is older and has learned through being burned numerous times. She finds a good "fix" in volunteering for charities and organizations, helping out her friends, while she looks for a compatible relationship.

Just a suggestion.

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/24/2005 10:54:38 PM

addcted2it

Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

Am i just a patsy, never a slave?

One time on the phone she was ranting and i just said, half joking, "Calm the fuck down." and she said someting like, Oooh I like it when you're forceful. That made me think she's talking all Femdom trying to "induce" a reaction from me...however, if true that would make me an ....aggressive sub? Is there such a thing?
my head hurts.......i am so drawn to her....we are like two deviant peas in a deviant pod. i'd let her shit on me but i don't want to get shit on. Comprende? Any thoughts?

keptcaged

Yeah, and my thought is this: I wish I had a dollar for every time my heart was stomped on. How old are you? This woman is taking you on a roller coaster ride. You have free will to choose whether or not to go along. But will the track come loose, or will the scaffolding crumble underneath you? Probably so. Just because you think that you have some sort of chemestry going here doesn't mean that she feels the same way. She's obvioulsy hung up on this guy and you're not going to change that. Hang in there at your own risk, or get over it and move on.

- addicted2it

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/25/2005 10:26:13 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 1727
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

My bigest concernw ould be how untrust worthy she was for leaving her husband for another man, then not liking the man she left for and feeling stuck so she's aparently talking to other subs

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RE: sub or "patsy"? - 12/26/2005 11:15:28 PM

subfever

Posts: 160
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

ok, there's a bit of back story to this but i'll try to be concise.

It occured to me today that there is an age old problem with submales that most of us have probably first encountered in high school. You're the"nice guy" you're "SWEET" ARRGGHHHH! NOT F%CKING SWEET!
Inside i want to say,"i'm not sweet, i'm trying to get you to slap me and make me carry your books!"

Present tense. There is a Woman. Former stripper. Very street wise! WE hit it off instantly. She left her hubby of 7 years for a young stud who turned out to be a stoner. She feels like she has to stay involved with him because she "paid for him" with her marriage. To waslk away now would me it was a huge loss. (she confirmed this opinion when i tried to help her out of a funk)
We meet in a professional setting. Hit it off INSTANTLY. Being a little jaded she knows EXACTLY the effect she has on guys, why and how and will tell you so. One day out of the blue she mentions she's bi and was a stripper. Soon i throw in my sub nature. a few weeks go by and we have great sex and relationship talks. Today we sat in a froofroo restaurant talking about gags and anal sex, etc. and i'm realizing that there isn't that gleem in her i like she wants to do all this with me. Jusst someday with somebody.
i took her to this great little restaurant for her b.day. i want to buy her gifts and wait on her and take care of her. As she expresses a desire to be"in control" and "get into bondage" i first u, great, act like a slave and you'll be seen as one.
Instead, i think she wants to do the stoner with a strap on and i'm not even in the picture.
Am i just a patsy, never a slave?
One time on the phone she was ranting and i just said, half joking, "Calm the fuck down." and she said someting like, Oooh I like it when you're forceful. That made me think she's talking all Femdom trying to "induce" a reaction from me...however, if true that would make me an ....aggressive sub? Is there such a thing?
my head hurts.......i am so drawn to her....we are like two deviant peas in a deviant pod. i'd let her shit on me but i don't want to get shit on. Comprende?
Any thoughts?
keptcaged

My guess is you're trying to take this woman to a place that she's not really sure she wants to go. While she may have rationally contemplated dominating a man, she may not have emotionally connected to the idea yet.

Go back to the beginning. You said you hit it off instantly with her. Exactly what were the circumstances and interchanges during this meeting? This should give you plenty of insight as to what this woman really finds attractive. Did you behave like a wuss, or more like an alpha-male?

Also, consider the clue of her later remark "Oooh I like it when you're forceful." While it may have just been a test, my guess is that this woman will more likely prefer being dominated as opposed to doing the dominating! Think about this a moment. After all, she left her husband for a young stud... not a sub!

It's quite possible that what this woman needs more than anything is a man who provides a challenge to her, which may explain why she left hubby in the first place.

subfever

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