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relocation - 9/22/2004 11:37:06 AM

newflowers

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A question of theory and philosophy for the other submissves here.

Would you relocate, leave everything behind if you found security and permanance in a relationship? How long do you think you'd be involved before you would make such a decision?

I am curious. I have recently thought about this and, while, yes, I would move, I would not do so easily. Work is such that I can teach pretty much anywhere after a little hoop jumping to satisfy whatever requirements in the place I go. My girls would come with me (and my dog). Leaving my grandson, that would be hard - doable, but very difficult. Leaving the place I've lived and loved my entire life, would be an adventure, and a little scary.

So, what are your thoughts on relocation, the whens, whys, for whoms, under what circumstances, and wherfores?

newflowers

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 12:03:27 PM

imalilcuteone

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Ah! Moving.. its a big deal. I've gone and done that. Dropped everything and left for my last Master. It was scary as heck but was totally worth it!
I wouldnt do it for just anyone. he was special. even though due to extenuating circumstances we couldnt stay together, we're still good friends and i look to him often for advice and such.

Anyway, this is one of those things that depends on you and them, how you met them, etc.

I wouldnt do it again unless it was going back to Him or for someone else that would have to be REALLY special. Thats not a feeling i get about people often at all. My last master.. the second i started talking to him.. i just KNEW there was something special about him :) Someone would have to be a pretty darn good match for me to even consider moving.

When to move in with someone would really be dependent on the current situation. When it happened for me i had known Him for several months. Then he asked and i was there a week later!
If i were to move again i'd prefer a little more planning time to be able to wrap things up here before leaving.

just a thought... if you're thinkin of moving in with a Master/Mistress and you can do this.. leave your stuff at home.. take a nice vacation ..1-2 weeks and go stay with them as if you were moving in. make sure you will work out.. that way if stuff goes to crap you have your home, job, and everything to come back to.

im gonna stop rambling now

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 12:16:27 PM

theroebabe

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my former dom and i had discussed it but then the realization that hmm leave my lovely house in NY to live in a 10x65 trailer in a place that looked like sanford and sons, hmm no thanks.

So if i were to consider it, i would have to be sure this is the one. It would take a lot of time to come to that decision. So when doms who are not in the immediate area email i just tell them no thank you. i finally got my home the way i want it and i would like to stay long enough to enjoy it!

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 1:17:31 PM

sub4hire

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I really don't know if put in that position I would do it. Everyone wants to find their soul mate and such. Yet, at the same time. Giving up your entire life and family. Friends for someone.
If I really only knew them on the internet I don't believe I could.
However, perhaps one of us took a leave of absense from work for a certain period of time. Things worked out real time for however long. Then, perhaps I would consider it more seriously.
It is very easy to be smitten by someone online and in person they are totally different. We need to remember this. Online we hear what we want to hear. Whether it was said to us that way or not. It is our perception and our perception only. Even on the phone it is still our perception.
Some real life time, and not a week or two would be needed to convince me. Maybe 6 month's or so.

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 1:56:24 PM

feline

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I have, and would again. As far as missing family and friends. Sure I miss them. I talk with many of them a few times a week. My children have lives of their own. And although they would prefer to have me with them, they realize that that is a selfish way to look at things. I vist them and they vist me.

As far as my job goes. I work in the medical field, so I pretty much can find a job where ever I go.

The when would have to be after spending an extended amount of time together. Not just talking on the phone and online.

For whoms, someone I felt very connected to.

I have to agree with Gloria. An extended amount of time would have to be spent together. Not a weekend or a couple of weeks.

Oh, and my cat goes with me.

Take care,

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 5:02:37 PM

newflowers

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I'm not at all thinking of moving at this time, just a concept for discussion partially based on another thread I read elsewhere.

My kids are still young, well teenagers, so they go too. I have one who is now an adult and my perfect angel baby grandson is only four, leaving him would be huge.

As far as online, I rather think of that as the practice discussion (and please don't flame me) not really real until face to face and extended real time has occurred. In my experience, most of what you see/know online is very different in person. Even reading of successful online relationships, I would not consider it until months of r/t.

For those of you who have moved and the relationship did work out, what is the "secret"? And for those of you who did and it did not work, what were the problems?

newflowers

< Message edited by newflowers -- 9/22/2004 5:05:38 PM >

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 5:37:21 PM

INSIDEYOURMIND

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My sub and I are fortunate, we live close to each other.
But can anyone find us an apartment that will take 2 cats, a dog, 4 snakes, and even have some room for us?

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 5:39:55 PM

EStrict

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I left my husband of 14 years and moved 1000 miles to get away from him. First time I sent my kids to visit him, he kept them. Reasons were long and hard, but they stayed, and I moved even further. I lived in Phoenix for 2 years before I met Master online. We both knew what we were looking for, and though I didn't know him well enough (and told him such) to say things like I loved him, I *did* like, respect, trust and feel I could fully serve him, and moved to Vegas 2 weeks after our first RL meeting. (We had spoken online for 3 months, and during that time it was only the last month that we conisdered persuing a master/slave relationship rather than just a friendship).

That me though. I have always been the impulsive type. I married my first husband less than 6 weeks after meeting him. And though the marriage eneded after 14 years, it wasn't *all* bad, and gave me two wonderful sons that I love totally. The problem was we were young, and only one of us really grew. Ironically, he has grown since I left, but it took that to make him....

Master, on the other hand, is one of the biggest planners I have ever known. As I mentioned before, he looked for years for things he *wanted*, and never rushed into a relationship. But we clicked right, and after close to 5 years together, I know that our marriage is stronger than the relationship with my ex was at ANY point....

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RE: relocation - 9/22/2004 11:45:29 PM

sterlingsweet

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Hello newflowers,
I right now live in Minnneapolis, My Mistress in Chicago.
We were on'line for 2 months and have been traveling
back and forth for the last 3 months.
I fortunatly can do my work from anywhere, so it is usually
me coming down to Chicago, where I am right now for 2 or
3 weeks then going back for a week or so to take care of my
personal business.
It has been working out quite well and we get along wonderfully.
If it came down to relocating which I think it will, it would be me
who would relocate here.
I do have family back home, but it is not that many miles between
us and is actually kind of a nice drive, athough it might be a bit
different come Winter. If we are going to talk something a little more permanant it will probably happen then.
At first traveling and possible relocation were things I wasn't interested in doing, but if you find the "right" one, it really becomes quite natural.
Now if it were beyound driving distance or taking hours, I probably would not get involved, it could get very expensive.
It has worked for me, still I think it is a totally individual circumstance thing.

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RE: relocation - 9/23/2004 2:31:05 AM

jillwfsub4blkdom

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i personally have moved before for job purposes so i don't find relocating that scary. i think it all depends on the relationship and what risks you are willing to take. i wouldn't rule a relationship out just because of relocation. If that person is important enough for you and it feels right, i would do it. Then again, i am the romantic type lol.

jill

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