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new to the lifestyle - 12/9/2005 1:20:38 PM

blackdomuk

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

i reckon i am capable of being a master or being collared to a mistress but until i gain some experience and knowledge i cant be 100% sure.

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/9/2005 6:11:02 PM

fastlane

Posts: 1386
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Blackdomuk, you are already 100% sure. You are a switch, or you would not to be a Master and with a Mistress.....there's nothing wrong with it either. Just don't try to do two things at once...that could really hurt you physically and emotionally.
At least that's what my psychoanalyst told me.....and he makes big bucks!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to blackdomuk)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/10/2005 10:43:45 PM

buffiyum

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

Blackdomuk,
Sometimes, when Wwe ask a question, any question, ....inside somewhere Wwe already have an idea as to what the answer is..... it is that either the answer is not clear to Uus, or else sometimes Wwe donot like the answer Wwe see.
When it comes to the question of 'Dominance' vs 'submission' this one has not ever understood the idea of 'switches' except in play when sometimes one see that Ssome can 'Top' or 'bottom' when otherwise Tthey usualely act in the other way, but that is something folks 'do' rather than what they 'are', at least so it appear within buffy's mind (and god knows she been wrong on Tons of things before).
This journey through the Life is not just about what Wwe do in 'play' of course, it is about delving deep within our own inner 'psyches' to the innermost things hidden there. It is about finding the courage within, to face Oour own demons and find and accept those truths about Oourselves, that are the very foundation of Oour beings. Whatever is there, this Journey Wwe have all embarked upon within the Life, will bring those things out and our entier lives are forever changed. Because Wwe, are changed.
Some might say that life itself is a 'journey' and buffy wouldnot argue that. How could she? They would be right. And yet.... this bdsm Journey is to her, one where a person cannot avoid finding the deepest truths out about themselves, much more so than simply walking down life's path.
It is more intense. For buffy, it is as different from just the average 'life journey' as when one chooses walking along a rocky, dangerous path beset with obstacles, versus jogging with the crowd down a paved highway.
Blackdomuk, it could mean that this 'journey of discovery' will bring out the inner 'Dominant' within You or maybe the 'submissive' within you.... or perhaps it is that mysterious thing called 'switch' which is not something this one understand, which will appear and 'ground itself' within the very centre of Your being, giving You an inner peace which only knowing and accepting what Oone is, can bring.
Whatever this Journey brings, one understands that it is an exciting, albeit sometimes frightening journey undertaken alone, even when one share it at times, with Aanother or Oothers.
Having said this, one can also say, that places like this site, where so much understanding and experience abound, will help provide You with the tools, namely information and knowledge and yes caring, which will help You along Your Path.
one wish You well,
respectfully
buffy

(in reply to fastlane)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/15/2005 1:07:38 PM

sallysally

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

Sorry, but i don't understand how anyone can be a switch, i know this is my problem not anyone else's but i am a slave to my Husband Master and i cannot conceive of switching roles either with Him or anyone else, the thought of Him being submissive even in the slightest way is something i just cannot get my mind round, likewise i can not think of how i could be dominant in a relationship, still less one thing one day and another the next.

i know i'm not making much sense but this is so unusual for me.

(in reply to buffiyum)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/15/2005 6:23:31 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 361
Joined: 10/20/2005
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sallysally

I suppose it just is that someone can be a switch, just like it is that you are a sub. No harm no foul. Outside of play in the bedroom/living room/office *snicker* or anywhere else, it is just a matter, for me at least, to recognize whose skills are better suited to a particular area of life. As in anything else, communication is the key.

Although somedays I think the cat believes us all to be his minons and servents.

I wouldn't let this worry you too much if you are in a happy fulfilling relationship. But if you are thinking about trying out Doming, once again, communicate

Hope that this helps.

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/15/2005 6:59:58 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 604
Joined: 10/8/2005
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And to me it is odd NOT to understand how people can switch, at the very least at some times and in some circumstances. For myself, I can not conceive of NOT switching.

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/16/2005 5:35:33 AM

sallysally

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
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Well, i fully respect what you say but for me it is frightening to think of a world without Master in charge. It's not that i'm scared of authority, at work i have several people work for me, but EVERYTHING i do is for His pleasure and my whole life is orientated around serving Him and making Him happy. i just connot conceive of a situation in which i would tell Him what to do or not defer to Him totally. i can't think how it would work if we woke up and i said to Him "ok, i'll be Dom today, this is what You will do...."

sally

(in reply to Sensualips)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/16/2005 7:16:06 AM

Sensualips

Posts: 604
Joined: 10/8/2005
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People are just different, is all. What is weird to one is normal to another.

It sounds like you and your Master are very happy and content with your dynamic. That is excellent. You both are fortunate to have found a relationship that fulfills you both so well.

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/16/2005 7:43:40 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 798
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sallysally

Well, i fully respect what you say but for me it is frightening to think of a world without Master in charge. It's not that i'm scared of authority, at work i have several people work for me, but EVERYTHING i do is for His pleasure and my whole life is orientated around serving Him and making Him happy. i just connot conceive of a situation in which i would tell Him what to do or not defer to Him totally. i can't think how it would work if we woke up and i said to Him "ok, i'll be Dom today, this is what You will do...."

sally

That's because you are submissive and not a switch or dominant. It's how you are wired. Others are different. There is no one right or wrong way to do things. It all depends on the individual and what works for them.

_____________________________

You're just as cool as a bug.

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: new to the lifestyle - 12/16/2005 4:33:55 PM

AbstractSavant

Posts: 123
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

There are many people who are Switches, but rarely switch with the same partner. They'll have one dominant partner, and another submissive partner. Then there are some people who are happy healthy switch couples who love topping each other. It's all truly individual.

I'm hopelessly devoted to my boyfriend/Master. I can play bottom to other men or women, but never feel that true submissive pull with them. However, I have no problem topping other women (occasionally men) and getting really into it.

My own personal hangup is the concept of my Master being topped. I can't do it without spending half of the time crying and the idea of him submitting to someone else makes me panic inside. But I know that it is just a personal tick of mine, and not universal. When I'm not freaking out about it, I just laugh it off as "not my reality."

(in reply to Aileen68)

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