Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 As the Collar Turns:
 Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home  Login  Event Calendars  Search 
Espanol  Deutsch  Francais  Italiano  Portugues 

RE: Weenie Dominants?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Weenie Dominants? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/26/2004 11:28:10 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 730
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Though not the same thing, I kinda understand this kind of thing. I was once banned from a group because I posted asking *how to you handle a person you don't know commanded what you do in a room?* Though I said in the post that I have seen that happen in many rooms and boards online and it was a general question, the man I had the problem with the day before took offense.

He ran off to complain to the leader of the group, who called Master saying I needed to apologize. The leader said he read the log, saw nothing I did wrong in the room, nor did I ever say a name or imply anything bad about the dominant that was whining about my making him look bad (we won't get into the fact it was his own actions that made him look bad, not mine). Master read the log and the post, and agreed with the leader of the group that I did not do anything wrong. *However*, he did not agree with the leader that I should apologize anyway for the simple reason I am a slave and he was a dominant.

Trust me, Master comes down harder than anyone when he does see me overstep. But he won't make me apoligize for someone elses perceptions of insult that are all in their head. This is of course MUCH milder than being touched, but the fact is that we were banned (Master too as he didn't *make* me apologize) from the group. The really ironic one was that the dominant that got so upset was later banned because it came out that he made it a habit of causing problems then whining until they were cleaned up.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/27/2004 2:32:24 AM   
rain


Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		Lord knows i've had my run-in's with weenie Doms!

The good thing is this: b/c i've been a regular at the weekly munches, when i've gone to parties, i ALWAYS have someone to look out for me. The folks in my group, both Dom/mes and subs look out for one another, but, in general they have better communication skills than the folks you're talking about.

Sounds like a good time to either review & update new guidelines for your group; or start "suspending" the weenies from joining the group for a period of time. Probably not a bad idea to get a group concensus as to the best way to handle the situation.

~rain~

_____________________________

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/27/2004 9:51:55 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The good thing is this: b/c i've been a regular at the weekly munches, when i've gone to parties, i ALWAYS have someone to look out for me.


I have offered friends protection collars for events and the like, and when submissive friends of mine are harassed by people I am the first to step up to their defense and/or offer to deal with the situation. The joy of years in user support is I can talk somebodies arm off to find a consensus all can be happy with.

If it requires plan B, I remember that it is nothing personal; I am not letting those under my watch come to harm.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to rain)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/28/2004 11:22:37 PM   
Checkers


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
Hi Gloria - I would echo Rain's, and other's, thoughts; It would be nice to communicate with the whole group to reiterate that the group adheres to the Safe, Sane and Consensual philosophy. Especially since you mention that the problem may not be limited to just one Dom.
Perhaps by group e-mail, or some other way?
If it were me, I would try to do it without naming and shaming the offending Dom, but still try to make it very clear that grabbing someone from behind (and similar things) as in your example, is not a consensual act.
Possibly the offending person is ignorant of that, or it may be that they will have to be asked to leave your group if they cannot agree with that interpretation of the group's philosophy.
Good Luck!
Checkers

(in reply to rain)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/29/2004 10:48:51 AM   
TrustLoveAlways


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/9/2004
Status: offline 		sub4hire,

I do not know much about how your group is set up. However, in the group that I belong to there are basic rules that all members are to follow. Perhaps the group needs to establish some basic rules that might address this problem. SSC is the key here. Any Dominant that feels as if all submissives should do as he/she commands is completely ignorant in my book. If someone if not able to respect a submissives right to choose whom he or she obeys then perhaps they have no right being in the group in the first place. In our group there are those that monitor the behaviors of those that are members and when something is done that is not appropriate action is taken immediately. Everyone that joins our group is informed about what constitutes proper behavior within the group.

Mz. Patti

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/29/2004 11:33:49 AM   
January


Posts: 360
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		I can't get this topic out of my mind! After thinking about the issue of pushy/rude doms for days now, I think I'd like to revise my 2 cents.

My initial suggestion, to discuss the concept of SSC with the offending doms, puts way too much pressure on Gloria. In fact, it unfairly makes her totally responsible for fixing something she had nothing to do with.

So. I present for your approval a more proactive rather than reactive solution. IMHO, of course.

What about letting the subs in the group know up front that they should and must defend SSC too? If somebody orders a sub to kneel, the sub needs to say, "I don't consent to that." An inappropriate touch? The sub says, "I don't consent to that."

The subs must be aware of their rights and responsibilities also. And then they must educate the less... um... knowledgable.

Sheesh, if a sub won't refuse an inappropriate order from an idiot, how will she/he ever negotiate play? Not have limits?

January

_____________________________

Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm but the harm does not interest them. -- T. S. Eliot

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/29/2004 3:34:39 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January
Sheesh, if a sub won't refuse an inappropriate order from an idiot, how will she/he ever negotiate play? Not have limits?


I agree with that 100%.

It's the main reason I dislike *protection* anything - from protectors to protective collars, I think they encourage and feed the helpless victim mindset and sets them up for disaster.

I think ALL submissives are 100% accountable for keeping themseves as safe as possible under their OWN steam - sure shit happens - but that's a part and parcel of learning how to live and cope in this world - to protect them from their mistakes, protects them from learning the lessons they NEED to learn in how to trust their judgement and filter out the wackos or folks they don't wish or need in their lives. IMO, it's hurting them and their growth as a human to "protect" them.

They ought to be able to feel that UNTIL THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP - they have the full ability AND RESPONSIBILITY to themselves and their future owner - to take CARE of themselves and their future owner's property. That means telling some domlet moron to take a fucking hike when they nonconsensually impose themselves upon the submissive or slave.

I don't buy into the whole thing of a slave is incapable of saying no speel - I think that's a fabrication that people use to bolster their ideal fantasy, I know quite a few hardcore TPE slaves - and at NO time would they be not being a slave by telling some doofus to get their hands off them and that they don't blindly follow orders just because some dork slapped a lord or master or mistress or goddess (or whatever) in front of their handle.

Slaves and submissives - in MY book - are JUST as accountable for keeping themselves safe - actually MORE so than anyone else on this planet - unless they have an owner they have given that control to.

I won't help feed a helpless vicitim mentality, I just won't.

If they can't tell some moron to back off to something they haven't consented to - how can they have the ability or skills to tell someone they DO consent?

Hmmm gonna haveta think about that above statement since I just fired it off from the heart - but it feels true to me at this time.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/29/2004 6:25:57 PM   
Estring


Posts: 1266
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You are right on Shade. I took a little flak in another thread because I said that many times slaves and subs are treated like children instead of adults. They must be protected. Sorry, we are all adults. Hopefully we all learn from our mistakes. The ones who don't... probably never will.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/29/2004 8:51:08 PM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 688
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I don't buy into the whole thing of a slave is incapable of saying no speel - I think that's a fabrication that people use to bolster their ideal fantasy, I know quite a few hardcore TPE slaves - and at NO time would they be not being a slave by telling some doofus to get their hands off them and that they don't blindly follow orders just because some dork slapped a lord or master or mistress or goddess (or whatever) in front of their handle.


Shade - I think your beginning presumption is a little off - the thing with a slave being incapable of saying no ( as opposed to a sub ) ONLY applies to that slaves master - not some domlet doofus at a munch or play party - at least the way I implement it ( and every dom I have ever met has the same implementation ) - of course she is allowed to tell some schmuck of a dweeb who comes up to her and inappropriately does/says whatever to take a flying leap - or she can refer him to me, something along the lines of " I belong to SirBlackhart - you need to take this to him " - the not being allowed to say no only , repeat only applies to orders/actions originating from me, her master - as for the rest, you are absolutely correct, they are not not being slaves when they tell the microcephalic imbicile to shove off

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/30/2004 11:55:23 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Since the beginning of time when you mix to much what they perceive as power with ego some men become boys.ITS the big fish in a little pond deal..be well.BOUNTY HUNTER

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/31/2004 8:37:16 PM   
Temji


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		greetings...

I don't order anyone's ko lar around... that's the Owner's right and responsibility. If I am the recipient of behavior/tone/attitude I don't approve of, yup... I take it to the Dominant who claims that ko lared submissive/slave/what have you. I demand the same of Others as regards Mine. As regards 'single' submissives... no point in trying to control them... they either want to behave, or they don't... and they're not Mine. Dominants failing to follow protocol... get to do that one time with Mine... after that one time, either there is an apology, or there is no further contact... that's MY protocol, not anyone else's... I'll have no disrespectful behavior from or toward My girl... I don't claim to be any kind of guard... I just am... and we call folks who trade partners here swingers, and they're welcome to it...
As regards grabbing My girl, from behind or otherwise... that was tried once... I sincerely doubt it will happen again ... at least with anyone who knows the outcome.***grin***... as regards other folks' judgement about whether someone is truly submissive or not... does their opinion REALLY matter, compared to how you feel inside.

be well,

Temji KnightStorm ... [email protected]

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/31/2004 9:40:40 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thanatosian
Shade - I think your beginning presumption is a little off - the thing with a slave being incapable of saying no ( as opposed to a sub ) ONLY applies to that slaves master

Actually, no, that *is* a common speel I hear ALL the time from both slaves themselves and the "protectors" - "They/I are/am slave, and as such they/I are/am incapable of saying "no" to any dominant (read: someone that slapped on the dominant title), thus they/I REQUIRE and NEED to be protected." So that *presumption* is indeed an actual scenerio, sad to say, and way too common of one, IMO.

In any case to that little lintany of slavies need protection online I say: Hogwash.

If they are incapable of saying no to someone that is unconsensually imposing themselves upon them - and they are not owned, they NEED to learn that life's lesson, IMO. It doesn't make them LESS submissive at all, it makes them SMART - and also protecting their future owner's property so they are healthy and unharmed when they find that owner, as I see it.

I *despise* enabling a victim mindset, so yanno I'm kinda biased and shit. LOL.

Especially this online protector crap - there is only ONE thing anyone needs as a protector from online garbage, and that little thing is called the "Power button". Hit it. You are now cyber-protected. Wah la, it's like freaking magic. LOL.

JMO, FWIIW.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/31/2004 9:42:55 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Temji
as regards other folks' judgement about whether someone is truly submissive or not... does their opinion REALLY matter, compared to how you feel inside.

I completely concur, 100%.

Well said.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Temji)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 5/31/2004 9:49:49 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well, to be specific, the move taught is

1) slap the groin as hard as possible. Testicular matter tends to get stuck in the muscle tissue above and this is usually enough.

2) grab any dangly stuff one finds and squeeze

3) pull as hard as possible.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 6/1/2004 12:27:02 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 3834
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not necessarily replying to a single poster here. Just replying in general.

I believe that any group has it's problem people. Just like here on collarme. Everyone knows who they are. They have a certain MO about them.
We learn to deal with them.
Nope, in my group I am not having any type of problem at this time. Several of you brought that up. I run my group. I handle any problems that come our way. People within my group see me as Dominant because of the way I run the group. Only those who hang out with myself and my Dominant see me in another light.

I asked the question because new people to my group have asked me. A few asked for references of people I did not know. Education is the key to living life in my book.

Various groups in California do have these same problems as all groups do from time to time. For profit organizations like the Lair do not. They are for profit they could not have people doing things that are not kosher. I do not frequent the Los Angeles area groups. Although I have hosted munches from time to time for various people. I'm more in the Orange County, San B county areas.

I know all too well what type of problems people out here face.

_____________________________

"The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 6/1/2004 6:51:15 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 1290
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If I am the recipient of behavior/tone/attitude I don't approve of, yup... I take it to the Dominant who claims that ko lared submissive/slave/what have you.


I once had occaision at a play party where some neanderthal twit was trying to order my submissive around, then came to me indicating that she was not fulfilling her duties kowtowing to his Blue Name Tag Magnificence, and basically ordered me to teach her the meaning of the word respect.

He was introduced to my Shirin Kao, which is a Sumo wrestler move where the face which has no expression and no response to anything said to the person. Then he went to the Dungeon Master at the party and ordered him to get me to make my submissive fulfill her duties.

Then he was escorted off the premises and the Dungeon Master and play area owners tried to apologize to me. I responded "no harm, no foul" with a smile and went back to enjoying the party.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 6/1/2004 10:06:39 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 999
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I responded "no harm, no foul" with a smile and went back to enjoying the party.

Pure class.

*smile*

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Weenie Dominants? - 6/7/2004 11:51:22 AM   
Temji


Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		quote:

ORIGINAL: Temji
as regards other folks' judgement about whether someone is truly submissive or not... does their opinion REALLY matter, compared to how you feel inside.

I completely concur, 100%.

Well said.

~ShadeDiva

My My... ~looks to Endless Sky...~ someone actually agrees with Me...

***grins***

thanks!!

Temji

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 38
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Weenie Dominants? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.113