RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions"

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RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 3/23/2005 3:29:16 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 3240
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From: Montréal - Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
One of the quickest ways to know someone in a chatroom might be faking gender is if "she" has a really blatant, sexual nickname. Women don't usually do that because they get enough harrassment/wannas just from having a generic female nick.

Actually I disagree. I think your nickname is a reflection of what you want, not your gender.

At one point in my life, I was looking for relationships that were based primarily on sex. My handle on this (non-bdsm) network was Fuck^Doll. Doesn't get much more blatant huh? It worked beautifully. I got more IMs then I could handle. I also had a lot of fun.

In my earlier post, I write that when a boy with a very sexual nickname approaches me, I get the feeling that he is seeking out sex only. There is nothing wrong with seeking out sex only or sex first and foremost. It's just that at this point in my life, I just don't want relationships that are primarily based on sex.

What gets me is when a boy has that kind of a handle and then tries to write me a serious letter of devotion. Who is he trying to kid?

- LA

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Post #: 21

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 3/23/2005 3:46:27 PM

vonzott

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/26/2005
From: San Diego, CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

It seems like male subs are the most often to use nicknames online and in chatrooms as their virtual slave dream job description, rather than a simple name. It gets a little old receiving emails from "buttlicker" or "atURfeet", "cumdrnkr," ...

...Do you consider that maybe a woman might find you interesting first, and then find your fetish interesting after she gets to know you? Is your fetish what defines you, and therefore it must be your name?

Akasha

Good point, Akasha. However, speaking as someone who tried (and tried and tried and ... ) the technique of letting "a woman find me interesting" before I started discussing my kink, I'd have to say that the strategy works less often than would be ideal. For me, it worked not at all. Now, I personaly don't use "WorthlessSlaveToBUsedByADomme" as my nickname - "vonzott" works well for me (because the other names are usually just plain stoopid).

What finally worked for me in finding a kink-mate was to hang out where like-minded Dominant Women also hung out and then finding one who was interesting and treating Her like a lady (and not, coincidentally like a mere "kink-mate"). I've been so incredibly luck in finding an absolute soul-mate, but I think the real reason we're together is that I mentioned NOTHING about my kink for the first few contacts we made with each other. I approached Her without expectations from Her and didn't project any of my wants/desires/fetishes/etc at Her until *SHE* expressed interest. Hmmm... I guess that's called not topping from the bottom, eh?

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

... The other thing you have to consider when you pick a name is that you sound like the other 500 sub guys when you sign up with a name "asslicker,". The femdom you contacted probably received an email from "asslickerAZ" and "asslicker4U" and "mrAsslicker" -- so you are going to get confused with the other asslickers.

Here is a novel idea: Pick a nice, simple, novel nick name that has to do with an interest other than what makes you hard. It will make your name more memorable and you might stick out a little.

Akasha

More good points. It seems to me that the dirty little secret of the whole D/s schtick is that subs are in VERY short supply. At least subs who aren't 13 years old and wanking away in the corner just thinking about "the whole thing." Without touching on the "real submissive" discussion, I think it can be safely said that a sub who is polite and not demanding and not "in your face" has a significantly greater chance of finding Ms. Right. Which, of course, presumes that's what he's looking for.

And, it seems to me, an important part of the whole thing of not being "in your face" is not putting what gets you hard in someones face. It's almost non-consentual, you know?

/rant

- vonzott

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Post #: 22

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 3/24/2005 12:06:40 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
One of the quickest ways to know someone in a chatroom might be faking gender is if "she" has a really blatant, sexual nickname. Women don't usually do that because they get enough harrassment/wannas just from having a generic female nick.

I recently wrote a paper about this--the way gender presentation is percieved and innacted on the net. I did a TON of survays. This was the dominant attitude on the side of people watching someone else present "themself" online. However, on the other side--when I asked people what kind of nicknames they had, or if they ever created a "character" of a gender other than themselves, they said that yes, they had and that they often used the stereotypes of naming to make themselves believable.

So...you could be talking to a guy posing as a woman. Or a woman being a woman. Or a woman posing as a guy posing as a woman. Or an interesexed person activly presenting no gender at all.

Gendered assumptions on the net are -fascinating- but from what I found out, they're totally without basis, because so often a person you think is one thing is in fact something else trying to convince you otherwise. Or some other form of genderbending.

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Post #: 23

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 3/24/2005 12:31:12 PM

FLButtSlut

Posts: 342
Joined: 3/17/2005
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I get email from men both with the "here's what I want to do to you" and the ones that politely introduce themselves, give some details on who they are personally with information as to whether or not we share those sexual interests. I think every woman here can confirm that I would get the "here's what I want to do" regardless of the name I had, just as the people who are looking for intelligent discussion and friendships get those kinds of emails. I can tell who has actually read my profile and who hasn't based on the email they write. I find the idiotic ones to provide comic relief, so I guess I can be easily amused!

My nick is kind of "in your face" about what I want, but I intended it that way. After years of dating and such, I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to meet someone and really begin to care for them only to find out that we are not sexually compatible. Sex isn't everything, but experience has shown me that not having sexual compatibility will make the relationship ultimately break down from the lack of satisfaction. Of course, this is just me and how I think, but wanting someone like minded is never a bad thing. Believe it or not, I have actually talked to some guys who do not want anal sex at all, so I certainly wouldn't be happy involved with them!

Sadly, women on this site are going to get the crap email no matter what we choose as a screen name or put in a profile.

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Post #: 24

RE: Nicknames - 4/7/2005 9:43:54 AM

unbrokenhouseboy

Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2005
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i persoanlly have had far too many names. and each time i pick one, there is always someone out there will complain. mine have never been sexually suggestive, but it seems to me personally those that are, get a lot more attention than those like mine that are plain...
i imagine, there is someone out there right now will complain about what i am using today...
it has no imagination or not enough secret to it for the imagination....i don't know.

but it's all i could come up with at the moment..

i always wanted a domme of my own that wanted to change my name,...even my email name,..but no one has done that either..
ahhh......expectations in life.

everyone have a wonderful day.
houseboy

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Post #: 25

RE: Nicknames - 4/7/2005 10:28:16 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 960
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: unbrokenhouseboy

i persoanlly have had far too many names. and each time i pick one, there is always someone out there will complain. mine have never been sexually suggestive, but it seems to me personally those that are, get a lot more attention than those like mine that are plain...
i imagine, there is someone out there right now will complain about what i am using today...
it has no imagination or not enough secret to it for the imagination....i don't know.

but it's all i could come up with at the moment..

i always wanted a domme of my own that wanted to change my name,...even my email name,..but no one has done that either..
ahhh......expectations in life.

everyone have a wonderful day.
houseboy

Is it so difficult to pick a name that does not have to do with sex, submission or your fetish? You make it sound like it's rocket science and you have tried other names, and people complained. Why not open a dictionary and pick a word that you like the sound of? Something related to a hobby of yours? An alteration of a favorite historical figure's name?

Your name is not sexually suggestive but it IS a job description.

Akasha

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Post #: 26

RE: Nicknames - 4/7/2005 12:02:16 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 1216
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbrokenhouseboy

mine have never been sexually suggestive, but it seems to me personally those that are, get a lot more attention than those like mine that are plain...
i imagine, there is someone out there right now will complain about what i am using today...

Well, I have now listed a bunch of words I find unimprssive in My updated profile. I don't find your name offensive, houseboy. Yes, it is a bit like a job description, but at least it is not overtly sexual in nature. So I don't have a problem with it. And I do consider that the boys who are applying to Me, are, in a sense, applying for a position or job, so that can be okay.
I do not pay more attention to the names that are sexually suggestive. And the name generally goes along with the brief profile about what they want and what they will let Me do to them. So no, having a simple name does not make you less appealing. But most Dominas get enough mail, and many of Us, including Me, do not write to the boys first. We wait for you to contact Us. Hang in there, sweetie!

Now, how are you today CitizenCane!

quote:

Rather than criticize them, you ought to be grateful for the time they are saving you. Admittedly, they could save you even more time by omitting to write you entirely, but it's not a perfect world.

No, it's not a perfect world. As stated above, I listed offensive words to Me in My profile in order to stop the constant flow of inane and disrespectful email I receive. Did it work? To a certain extent. But I still get them. I have to agree with AAkasha on this one. I don't browse the profiles anyway, but I do hate to see those panting and eager fantasy names in My mailbox. 98% of the time, what they want is "no strings" kinky sex. It has held true for years, so I see no reason to think that, for some strange reason, it's going to mean something different now!
Are they saving Me time, or did I have to update a profile in order to try to save Myself some time in the long run? The latter! I don't write to the boys anyway. They have to write to Me first. But I admit I will still open an email from an idiotic screen name, just in case he might be part of that 2% who just didn't know any better. But now I feel no obligation to reply. So I save 1/2 the time!

AAkasha, Taggard and Vancouver_cinful...thanks so much for the laughs. I needed that today!

*Edited for typos and font...just once I would like to get it right on the first try!*

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/7/2005 12:15:20 PM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Nicknames - 4/7/2005 12:51:39 PM

Constructor

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First of all a hello to all of you here :)

Choosing a nickname is indeed a tedious task. My nick is a mix of a job description, as i create as side business BDSM stuff, and a general charackter treat as i like to build up and see something grow. I personaly think that the core issue, as Akasha has already pointed out, is, that we face a BDSm community in which many people value function more than personality. We all tend to choose something as nick that refers to what is important to us. A nick often is a small window into someones personality. Many people are yet very driven by their desires, after all a fetish is a major and often anankastic, motivation for kinksters.

So i think the nicknames are just an indicator for a much more basic problem. The same problem that leads to all the one line emails, the horny net geeks on IRC. In my opinion it is that people are so caught by their own needs, the predominance of their sexual desires, that they have lost all sense for the social situation they are in. We get anoyed when we see how these people simply use our communities and thus us, without contributing, how they disrespect the personality of other chatters or users, their wants and needs. And of course how they show no remorse. I have opped many years on IRC and the level of sociopathy was incredible, there is seldomly any remorse, and often if you try to help to socialize you get attacks, insults and even threats.

To me there is no issue if someone uses a nick that is kind of a job description. I am sure there are many nice people who only do that because they love a certain utopia in a positive sense. Because many people who only want to use others for their desires use such nicks, i think we all grow a bit intolerant and throw the nice and less nice ones in one big box.

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Post #: 28

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 4/7/2005 1:02:55 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 253
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It used to irritate me when I saw MASTER-OF-DEEP-DARK-SOULS-INC and I-BE-DOMINATE-FOR-U-N-U or SIR*insert ferocious animal*. Then I met some decent people that insisted on having names like this. It wasn't that they were stupid or trolling, they just had no idea that it made them look sincerely lame to have a name like that.

I didn't even realize the perverted jokes that could be derived from my screenname. lol

You live and you learn. Some will always insist on making an ass of themselves.

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Post #: 29

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 4/8/2005 2:39:59 AM

MasterLexitus

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

Why can't you have a normal name, not a job description?

Interesting point. I imagine sometimes that I go to a business meeting and everyone there uses an explicit name like you discuss. At the meeting we have
. bossasskisser
. sleptmywayhere
. hiddenagenda
. lookingforanotherjob
. tryingtostayawake
. onlyheretoprotectmyturf
. lateasalways
. onlyheretocheckoutbabes

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Post #: 30

RE: Nicknames as "job descriptions" - 4/8/2005 4:01:15 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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quote:

One of the quickest ways to know someone in a chatroom might be faking gender is if

Or if they claim to be female but give off male troll scumb vibes, and ask how many times a day r u fucked and insist on talking about pussies. Most women w/ill not behave in such a clearly whank off manner. notice I said most not all lol.

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