Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (Full Version)

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LadyAngelika -> Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 9:00:19 AM)

Rarely will I post a question that asks others to attribute a label to me. But I'm genuinely curious about the responses I might get. I'm also looking for terms to relate to others with.

I don't know if I am considered "poly". I am definitely non-monogamous. But I don't live within a poly network. I do have more then one lover. I'm more indie in my slutness ;)

I do have a primary boy and I am his primary. We have lovers on the side and sometimes share them. But we don't live together, we don't have any obligations other then respect and honesty. He is one of my closest friends, my sweet lover and my good obedient boy.

I personally have tried having boys who were monogamous to me but it always ended up in jealousy. It doesn't mean because haven't had a positive experience with it yet that it can't work but I haven't had much success with it.

On the flip side, I don't want more then one primary lover. If I were to get more committed to this boy (or anyone else down the line), I wouldn't want us to necessarily block everyone out, but I wouldn't want a “steady” third, fourth, etc in our relationship.

So in your opinion, in the grand scheme of poly, where does this fit?

- LA



terah -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 9:24:07 AM)

Here are a few definitions

Intimate Friendships - Polyamory – intended long term Intimate Relationships with More Than Just One, with ALL Partners' knowledge and consent. – that is, in an "Open, Candid, Forthright” manner.

Polyfidelity – a specific organizational type of Intimate Friendship in which the participants have all mutually agreed that each participant will be mutually exclusive to the Others. Similar in concept to Monofidelity (not a word)… but only with ‘MORE Than Just Two’. Typically, new participants may be added only by mutual agreement of the existing participants.

Types of Living Arrangements for Intimate Friends

For a series of reasons (i.e., zoning ordinances, school systems etc), most participants in an Intimate Friendship do not ALL live under one roof; there are two (or more) residences – frequently in different cities. Referred to as a ‘Communitarian’ type of living arrangement.

‘Communal’ – where each of the participants in an Intimate Friendship live under ‘one roof’

Promiscuity - Transient - a short term Intimate Relationship, including 'Cheating' (covert sensual activities) in Coupled Relationships



LadyAngelika -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 9:53:43 AM)

Thanks terah. However, I don't see myself fitting in any of these definitions.

- LA



stormsfate -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 10:36:07 AM)

From my own perspective...if you do not have an emotional connection and relationship (defined as ongoing), then I would consider it swinging. If you have an emotional connection to your other lovers...and have an ongoing relationship, I would consider it poly. YMMV, though.

I've been told if one has limits (in regard to limiting your partner in what he/she can do with other partners) then one is a "wannabe" and not really poly..lol. Every definition I've ever seen of poly basically says that if you have multiple emotional/sexual relationships with more than one person (loving more than one) then if falls under poly.

I understand the wanting to understand where you fall within this realm...I've been through that myself. Poly comes as close as anything, so for me, I identify as poly. I don't care what others call wiitwd though (and I'm pretty sure from reading your posts that you don't either [;)] )




ProtagonistLily -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 11:00:40 AM)

quote:

So in your opinion, in the grand scheme of poly, where does this fit?

- LA


Well, from where I stand, it fits pretty damned nicely, poly or not ;)

Lily



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 1:25:33 PM)

My definition of poly is multiple simultaneous intimate relationships.

I specifically use the word "intimate" because it's self-definable and moldable to any situation.

So I would say if you're forming intimate relationships with these people, it's poly.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 3:22:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate
I've been told if one has limits (in regard to limiting your partner in what he/she can do with other partners) then one is a "wannabe" and not really poly..lol.


That is so funny. Don't you just love how quickly the word "wannabe" gets thrown around when someone doesn't fit within the strict guidelines of a tight knit group's beliefs?

You are right, I am not concerned with how I am perceived. I am however curious.

- LA



LadyAngelika -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 3:23:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

So in your opinion, in the grand scheme of poly, where does this fit?

- LA


Well, from where I stand, it fits pretty damned nicely, poly or not ;)

Lily


Oh you know it does cheeky woman! LOL

- LA



LadyAngelika -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 3:23:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

My definition of poly is multiple simultaneous intimate relationships.

I specifically use the word "intimate" because it's self-definable and moldable to any situation.

So I would say if you're forming intimate relationships with these people, it's poly.


Thank you for your definition EmeraldSlave2. But your definition returns my situation to the nebulous area because what I consider to be an intimate relationship probably doesn't jive with what everyone else defines as an intimate relationship.

My boy and I just simply tell people that we are open. He was an occasional third in a trio before he met me and I basically opened the door for him to have such a dynamic with his primary. But we have never tried to find a word to describe who we are, other then happy.

I actually do adore how complex this gets. I love to see how people develop schemas to understand this world.

- LA



MistressMiss -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/19/2005 3:39:31 PM)


quote:

But we have never tried to find a word to describe who we are, other then happy.



Very nicely put, I have to say you can't ask for better words than that. Some will say we are swingers, but I have emotional connections with our subs, male or female, and in whatever category I fall into does not matter to me. we are happy in our relationship of 14 years and will be for the next 50+ years. I consider us Poly regardless of what others think. There are so many definitions of Poly that one can only say, well, I am who I am in our relationship that makes me happy. So keep on the way you are sounds like you have an awesome relationship that makes you both happy and hopefully many years to come [:D]



LadyAngelika -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/20/2005 7:11:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMiss
Some will say we are swingers, but I have emotional connections with our subs, male or female, and in whatever category I fall into does not matter to me. we are happy in our relationship of 14 years and will be for the next 50+ years. I consider us Poly regardless of what others think.


I agree. And even in defining what is an emotional connection, it gets complicated. I am the kind of person who can live a very deep, emotional moment with a certain person and know that in the end, because we probably have very little chance of having anything more, decide to just let that amazing moment end there and keep only good memories. I don't see the need to turn everyone I kiss into the potential Mr or Ms Right.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMiss
So keep on the way you are sounds like you have an awesome relationship that makes you both happy and hopefully many years to come [:D]


Well many years would be interesting. Though we have only been together a short while, I think we do have much potential. I just don't have a good track record for long lasting relationship so we shall see!

- LA



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/20/2005 9:51:46 AM)

If you're looking for some external universal definition to help you- there isn't one. It's just like defining slave in bdsm terms. I like my definition BECAUSE it's totally up to the person whether that is intimate or not. I fuck a lot, that doesn't mean I'm intimate a lot.



CitizenCane -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (3/20/2005 2:49:54 PM)

Ummm... how about 'Core-weighted polyquasifidelous'? Or maybe we don't really need a word for everything.




asissyforher -> RE: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of poly... (6/15/2005 11:04:46 PM)

From my own perspective...if you do not have an emotional connection and relationship (defined as ongoing), then I would consider it swinging. If you have an emotional connection to your other lovers...and have an ongoing relationship, I would consider it poly. YMMV, though.

stormsfate
===========
then what is it if there is no emotional/ no sexual/no play/ just service but end up in a house of more than one?
i dont see it as swinging.

where do "I" fit in?

a slave



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